Dear Diary,

It turns out I am not so smart as I think.

Remember the potpourri plan?

It didn't really work out the way I'd planned.

So here's what happened. Scabior found all the potpourri I'd put in his room. I heard a really weird girly scream, and he came out a second later.

Smelling.

Like.

ALFALFA.

I was all like, OMG! Why do you smell like alfalfa?

My eyes even got wetted a little bit. That's how bad he smelled. He also smelled like evil lemons underneath.

I had nightmares for weeks afterward.

There is a lot of drama going on in my Death Eater place. First of all, Snape is not being very nice to me. Yesterday, when we were eating Burger King, he ordered me one burger instead of two.

And it smelled like lemons.

Yesterday, we went to the Muggle airport because I like going Muggle places. Guess what? Snape couldn't go. They said that one of the laws of air travel was "No nose flowers." Or something like that.

Snape looked kind of sad, and I wanted to rush over and hug him, but then I remembered that he was not my BFFFL anymore.

I am not too happy.

Also, Bella is mad at me. She said it's because I killed her hamster.

I told her hamsters are for a few years but friends are forever.

She started crying.

I tried comforting her. "He was annoying anyway," I reassured her, patting her back sadly.

That made her cry harder, which was good because I was kind of thirsty. So I stuck my tongue out. It was very salty!

"Wait here!" I told her, and went to my room to pull out my special container of Strawberry Drink Flavoring and went back to Bellatrix. "Stand still!"

She tried to run away, but I made her stand still with magic. I poured the Strawberry Drink Flavoring into her eyes. She started screaming. Maybe it didn't taste so good to her eyes. Snape snorted, and a few flowers fell out of his nose.

Speaking of nose flowers, spring allergies are here. Snape sneezed when we were at McDonald's and his nose flowers exploded. Some of them flew off and into my milkshake. They were kind of chewy. They smelled bad. I tried to torture him, but his breath was all nose-flowery. Why does that always happen? I always try to catch his flowers off guard so they don't remember to smell bad but it never works.

There are only a few flowers left in Snape's nose now. It is quite sad. He keeps sneezing them out. I put a charm on them to make them grow extra much. Guess what? IT WORKED!

Now his eyebrows and ears are starting to sprout flowers! YIPEEEE!
The problem is, they smell evil. I told Snape not to breathe anywhere near me, but it didn't work that much because he kept turning all purple and I told him to stop because purple is a girl color but he just fell asleep and fell on the ground.

I don't know what's wrong with him these days.

So! Back to the story of how I want to kill Harry Potty!

Okay, so, like, I got stabbed with the fang and stuff and it hurted. After that, I escaped from my Horcrux (it died—duh) and I kind of just went home. I was kind of lazy. So the next few entries will be about nothing but fun! YAHOOOOOO!

Fun fun fun fun fun!

HEHEHEHE.

OKAY. Bye!

Evilly,

Lord Voldemort

Author's Note: Sorry for the long absence! I have rehearsals for a musical every day, so I don't have much free time! BYE!