Apparently, the atheists didn't care for Tidus (can you blame them?) and Tidus awoke finding himself on a tropical island. Suddenly he was hit by a familiar sphere, a Blitzball.

"Hurray! Blitzball exists here too!" exclaimed Tidus as a tan guy with noticeably styled hair ran at him. Tidus kicked the ball in an impossibly showy fashion and the dude was impressed.

"Sweet virgin Mi'ihen! You sure can kick a Blitzball ya!" he shouted. "I don't know who you are amigo, but do you want to join our team ya?"
"Yeah!" said Tidus. "I'm Tidus, the star player of the Zanarkand Abes."

"Yo, that's kinda loco ya! My name is Wakka."

"Well I'm offended, lets burn him!" said another guy on the team."

"Nah, Its a funny joke ya!" said the first guy. "He says he's from Zanarkand, but its funny because that's crazy ya! Its like one of those ironic things ya!"

"Ooh!"

"Ya, so welcome to the Besaid Aurochs Ya!"

"What's a Bee Shave or Rocks?"

"This guy is loco ya! Ya! Ya! Ya? Let's go play blitzball ya!"

"So, Sin. That's pretty crazy huh?" said Tidus and they walked into the nearby village of Besaid. There were birds singing songs all around and palm trees. It looked like Hawaii except Hawaii does not exist because this is Spira.

"Ya! Sin is here because we need to atone for our sins ya! We have to drink the blood of Lady Gaga and eat crackers ya!"

"That sounds insane."

"Don't say things like that about Straw Catholicism ya!" Said Wakka, referring to what is basically a straw man argument against religion. "Straw Catholicism is the one true religion ya!"

"Oh I see. I was joking again. You know me, I'm loco!"

"Ya! You remember how to pray ya?"

"Nope, your beliefs are stupi... I mean show me please."

"Ya, here it is ya! You make your hand like this ya." He made a 'V' for victory or a hippie peace sign. Either the Japanese or the hippies took over Spira a long time ago, I don't know which.

"Thanks for joining our team ya. We Aurochs never won a game ya. Our motto is 'try a little if you want or something!' ya. Maybe that's why we lose all the time ya?"

"Yup, you should really change that to something like 'lets win!'"

"That sounds good ya! I never would have thought of it if you weren't here ya!" he said. "There's a tournament for this game soon ya. We should enter ya! Ya?"

"Yeah lets do it! You know Wakka, I was sad when I time traveled somehow, but now that I have Blitzball everything is awesome!"

"Ya, that's cool ya! I lost the last tournament because I was distracted by something ya!"

"Lol WTF ffftff!" said Tidus being a dumbass.

The two of them walked up to a temple.

"Hey Tidus." said Wakka. "Don't offend anyone here. Its not cool dude... YA!"

"I know."

"How's the summoner doing in the Cloister of Trial and Error, ya?" Wakka asked a priest.

"What the hell is a summoner?"

"Tidus, you dumbass ya!" said Wakka "What did I tell you?"

"Um... I'm loco ya?" said Tidus.

"Ditz," said the priest backhanding Tidus. Tidus cried.

"I'm sorry ya! It wont happen again ya!"

"It better not. I'm hankering for an infidel burnin'."

Wakka took Tidus aside and said, "Maybe you're not from around here ya. Or from around now ya. A summoner is a person that summons pokemon to kill Sin. They are very important ya!"

"Oh... okay."

"Come one, lets go play Blitzball, use a save sphere, whatever those do, and rest until tomorrow ya!" (Sphere Count: 3 ya!)

That night dark dreams stirred in Tidus' mind. Memories of the day his dad went missing. Tidus had one fear: that he would never get to tell his dad that he hates him. I'm serious.

The next day Tidus and Wakka went back to the temple.

"No more bullshit ya!"

"I know, I know." They entered the building.

"The summoner is still in the Cloister of Trial and Error." said the priest.

"Hey Wakka," Tidus whispered to wakka. "What a cluster of tiles?"

"Cloister of Trial and Error. The summoner, and no one else, that means you Tidus, goes in there and solves some non-puzzles and gets a pokemon ya! You will never go in one, because ONLY a summoner does it ya."

"Well I got to save him!" Being the dumbass that he is Tidus ran into the door and past the guards.

"I smell cooking infidel!" said the priest running after him.

"God dammit Tidus! Ya! I'm a guadian, ya! I am so going to get excommun..."

"SHUT UP DUDE!" said the priest.

"Oh yeah ya."

Tidus was in the Cloister of Trial and Error. He had no idea what to do and no walk-through either, so he just ran around for a few hours, putting his balls into every hole he could find. (Sphere Count: 4) Eventually he got the right combination of holes and balls and "won", I guess. The summoner, a cute girl wearing a kimono, emerged from a room in the back crying. Two people, a woman and a wookie greeted her.

"What starter did you choose?" said the woman.

"Piplup."

"Kimahri likes Piplups. Kimahri can't wait till it evolve." said the wookie.

"What a nice choice." said the woman. "Who the hell are you?" she just noticed Tidus being an asshole.

"I'm Tidus!"

"I'm Lulu. What are you doing here?" she was dressed like a goth and sounded like Jane from Daria.

"Forgive me, Yuna, ya!" said Wakka showing up. "I should have killed him ya?"

"Kimahri don't want to kill infidel."

"Yeah, I agree." said the girl. Let's see my first pokemon shall we?

Because Yuna said it was okay for Tidus to live, the priests did nothing to him. Yuna waved a big stick around and spoke softly. A penguin appeared.

"Wow! Awesome!" said Tidus, staring at Lulu's cleavage.