Surprise! I'm putting this chapter up earlier than I had planned, thanks to all my devoted readers and reviewers. I don't know how often I can update, but I'll try my hardest to put up any chapters as soon as possible :)

This story has turned out better than I imagined, so thank you for all your support! I appreciate you taking out time to read this story, and for all the reviews. Remember, I love to know what you have to say about this story! Please, please review! (I'm not trying to be pushy…well, maybe a little :))

Mature content; don't read if you don't like it. Have fun reading! Sorry ahead of time for any mistakes.

I own nothing.

Chapter 8

I felt like I was floating. It felt as though I was just sitting on top of waves, slowly being pushed under, not strong enough to stay above the darkness of the water. It wasn't too rough, but not quiet calm enough for me to overcome it. But, then again, these weren't real waves…right? I was just…here. Wherever here was. I can't remember. In fact, I feel lost. I don't know where I am, what time it is, or what I was doing before…before something. What happened?

I thought back, as much as I could. Something's not right. Something happened, I just don't know what. I'm confused, extremely tired, and come to think of it, I'm in so much pain. Why? I don't know, and really, I don't care. I want to go back to the blackness, where I didn't have to think or feel.

So I went back.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Too bright. It hurts, so much. I'm sore and tired. There is this amazing light in front of me, yet I can't seem to turn it off. I can't even open my eyes. Where is that horrible light coming from? Am I dead? Make it go away.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

I groaned and rolled over, and I was hit with a stinging sensation up my arm. Letting out another groan, I used all my strength to open my eyes. It was harder than it sounds. Never have I had such difficulty completing the simple act of opening my eyes. But when they finally did, it seemed as if I was violently shoved into an alternate reality. Which, in a way, I kind of was. Looking at my surroundings, I finally understood why I felt like shit. Of course. It was too good to be true, I knew it. Yet, I wasn't as disappointed as one might have thought. Don't get me wrong, I was upset. But it wasn't that horrible disappointment one feels when they realize any chance, any hope, they had left in life was gone.

Just…disappeared.

There was nothing. Every last option I had was gone, I was one hundred percent sure now. So, why didn't I feel that bad? Was it because deep down I already knew? Did I know that my plan wouldn't work? Or was it just because I was so desperately crazy before that I already knew that I never had a chance anyways?

I guess I had already lost everything and wasn't ready to admit it to myself.

Either way, I don't care. Actually, I'm grateful, extremely grateful, that it didn't work. I honestly can't believe I did that. What was I thinking? Was it really that bad here? Yes, I was taken. Against my will, I might add. And yes, he took my virginity. Again, it was against my will. But other than that, things weren't so bad. Sure, he hit me a few times, but it was nothing that wouldn't heal over time, and I would be looking normal again soon enough.

I was never really one to obsess over my looks. Vanity was a horrible quality to possess.

Aside from those few bad things I managed to list, Edward was pretty kind to me. He fed me, provided me with a nice place to stay when he could have just dumped me in some freezing, dirty basement somewhere.

So waking up here, after nearly ending my own life, and going over all of this, I managed to view things in a different perspective.

Maybe I could change him. I knew, not personally, but from others, that deep down Edward was a good guy. Just a little misunderstood. I think. And if I had showed my true feelings from him earlier, like Alice so often suggested, then I wouldn't be here. We could have had a happy relationship, but now there is all this...hate, tension, and distrust. Could I get past that and try to appeal to the man I knew was hiding inside Edward?

I was so lost in my thoughts that when I heard a throat clear beside me, I screamed and jumped from the bed, running to the other side of the room.

There, leaning against the giant mirrored wall, was Edward. He was watching me with a small smirk on his face. It was one of amusement. But his eyes told a different story. They were angry. He slowly stood up, showing his full height. "Feeling better?" He asked, sounding slightly upset.

He was intimidating. I think that was what he wanted, but still. He could at least try to be nice. Sheesh, was it too much to ask that he doesn't act all bossy? Now I was starting to remember why I wanted out. And I got all this from just his posture…

"Umm…yup. Just peachy." I answered back, my voice slightly shaking. I hated feeling so insecure and scared whenever he was around. That really needed to change. "But..um, how long was I out?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, since you feel so good, why don't you tell me why you pulled that little stunt of yours? Oh, and just under 3 days. I learned a thing or two from my father. I even have a mini medical room here, made especially for you. Only you could and would get into so much trouble." His smirk had long since fallen off his face and was replaced with a scowl.

"Humph. Great. Just perfect. Another way to ruin my plans. What else could you possibly have in this freakin' monster house of yours?" The question was rhetorical and he knew it. And judging by his growing scowl, he didn't like my tone very much. "Well, since you must know," I started off, feeling myself getting more worked up. I just knew this wasn't going to end well. "I was sick and tired of being here. It is horrible. I have no freedom at all and you control every little part of my life. I have nothing left here! Nothing in this place for me to live for! Everything and everyone I loved thinks I'm missing or dead. And I can't change that! I can't tell them that I love them, that I miss them! I didn't get to say goodbye, I don't even know if I'll ever see them again. knowing that they are so close to me, and yet so far away…I just didn't want to live like that. Having everything I was living for ripped away in a matter of minutes is the worst feeling in the world, and I hate it." By the end of my speech I had tears slowly and silently falling from me eyes.

Edward walked over to me then and grabbed my face between his hands. He pushed my head back and looked me in the eyes. He didn't say one word to me. He didn't have to. His eyes said it all. They showed sorrow and guilt, compassion and love. It was almost nice. It would have been if it was from anyone but him. I was too upset from everything right now to even consider his feelings for a second more. Instead, I pushed his hands away and walked over to the bed.

"There are other ways to go about things than trying to off yourself, Isabella."

"Really? Like what? What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just sit here and wait? See if maybe you would just let me leave? Would you ever let me walk out those doors? No, you wouldn't. You love having control over me. I know it, you know it, so don't try to act like what I did was insane. We both know it was stupid, but we both also know that there wasn't another way out."

My tears of self pity were quickly turning to tears of anger. The nerve of him! How dare he act like I was out of line doing what I did. So what? It was my choice, my life. I can do with it what I want. Yes, it was one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but that doesn't mean he had a right to reprimand me like a child caught stealing from the cookie jar right before their dinner.

He just stood there. His mouth was slightly open, and he was staring at me like I truly did belong in a mental hospital. Stupid jerk. I am, or was anyways, completely sane. Before this whole incident, actually, which just is another reason not to like him.

"No, Isabella, you're right. I wasn't about to let you walk out and leave me forever. But what you did was so unbelievable. Did you think of anyone but yourself? Did you think that if you ever did leave, that you would be able to see your friends and family again? No, you didn't. You're too selfish."

Oh hell no! He did not just say that. Who the fuck did he think he was? "You asshole! I'm selfish? I'm selfish? No! No, no, no! You have absolutely no right to say that to me! I am being held here because you want me here! You are taking everything you want, leaving nothing for me! All my actions, all my choices, they are all controlled by you! And you have the nerve to call me selfish?" I was beyond pissed, my voice was so high pitched by the end of my rant that I don't think he could even understand. I don't think dogs could have understood me. I was appalled.

Red faced, yelling, and throwing my arms around, I told him everything I was feeling. I just hoped that I didn't say anything too stupid because my filter was officially gone. My inner bitch was working her way out.

"I do those things for you! You weren't safe out there! You don't know what others have said about you! The things they wanted to do to you! I was keeping you safe. I love you."

Oh, that was it. He had finally pushed my last button. "Helping me! You think you were keeping me safe? From other men? You bastard! They did nothing wrong! They didn't kidnap me! They didn't hit me or take away my freedom! They didn't rape me!"

Pure, raw, unadulterated rage, that's what I saw.

Oh-ho shit. Holy shitmotherfuckdamnshit. I'm screwed. So, so screwed. Back away slowly Bella. Back away, nice and easy. I was like a tiny lamb, and I just pissed of the lion. Lions were stronger, faster, and a hell of a lot more graceful than little, clumsy lambs like me.

So, I crawled backwards on the bed until I fell of the other side, and quickly tried to run to a door I saw across from me. Run Bella, run! my inner voice yelled at me. Yea, I'm working on it. I should really stop talking to myself. It's only reinforcing that whole insanity thing I just figured out.

I managed to get to the door, open it, and run in before quickly slamming it. Unfortunately, it bounced back. And right behind it was a big leather shoe. Hmm…those are really nice shoes. I wonder how much they cost.

But, uh, yea, close the door. So, I run up to the door and try to push it shut. Maybe I'll push hard enough to hurt his foot and he'll move it away. I noticed an island in the room, not too far from me, and realized I was in the closet- the unnecessary freaking huge closet, very similar to every other closet I have found. Maybe he has a closet fetish. I've heard of worse.

Anyways, I lifted my foot up and put it against the dresser, island thingy. Once I knew I could reach it ok, I put my shoulder against the door, and pushed with all my might. I was starting to think it was working. He grunted, like he was in pain, and was moving his foot. I felt the door slacken a little, and pushed harder against the door.

Me being me, however, something had to go wrong. The island that I was using as leverage to help me push against the door was beginning to move. "No, no don't move! Fuck, don't move! Why can't you be good and stay? Please?" Yes, I was talking to it. And yes, I was begging it. Hey, you do what you have to do in a situation like this.

My arms were killing me, my back was starting to hurt, and I could feel the door opening up more. Why, oh why, was I even in this situation? Was I really that bad of a person? So I speed from time to time, and I downloaded a little illegal music once, but come on! Who hasn't?

The island had moved a few more inches, and I could barely reach both it and the door. Suddenly the door went slack, and I fell backwards. I scrambled to get up when the door flew open again, hitting me right in the head and on my shoulder.

"Son of a bitch! What the hell?" That hurt, damn it! It knocked me back down to the ground. Even better, Edward was standing right above me, a leg on either side of mine.

"Now, now Isabella. Did you really think you could run from me? Did you think you could hide? You should really have learned by now that I will always catch you."

Uh…yeah, I kind of figured that out.

He kneeled down, still staying over me. Bending forward, he moved so his face was inches from mine. I was breathing heavily and my face was flushed. From anger and the exertion of trying to keep the door closed. Sometimes I begin to wonder why I even bother. I've never been known for my strength, or my physical health. I didn't work out.

You know why.

"Oh really? Hmm…I never would have thought. See, here I was under the delusion that I actually had a chance of getting away! Thank you, captain obvious, for pointing out what I already knew." Oh sarcasm, how I missed you.

"Then why run? You only make it harder on yourself."

"Why not? I'm not going to sit there and let you do whatever you want whenever you want. I have to at least try."

Dumbass. Did he really think I wouldn't run? I knew I said something that was sure to set off that crazy temper of his and I wasn't about to sit there awaiting his wrath. I may be crazy, and slightly stupid sometimes, but there is a small amount of self preservation somewhere in me. Even if it doesn't always prevent bad situations, like this one, it does tell me when I need to get the hell out.

"Oh, sweet Bella, when will you ever learn? Are you that stubborn? Is it really worth it?"

"Yes." I spit out the word with as much venom as I could.

"Well, that's too bad. Because no matter how much you try, you won't get away."

Sigh. So, so true.

"Well, can you at least get off me? I don't particularly like being on the floor."

"Actually, I rather enjoy you here, beneath me, where you can't get away."

Stupid smirk, so sexy and so infuriating. He was right. I couldn't get away, he had every advantage from this position. Not fair.

He leaned down even closer to me, and I put my hands up to push him away. "No, no Isabella, none of that." He grabbed my arms and pinned them on either side of my head. I struggled some more, trying, unsuccessfully, to break free.

Edward continued leaning down until his lips were just a mere fraction of an inch away from mine. I could feel them brush against me as he whispered. "I love you, Isabella, can't you see? We could be amazing together."

Then he was kissing me. Slow and compassionate. I refused to move my lips with his, holding as still as I could. "Isabella, we've talked about this. I know you can do better. Let's not resort to threats again, shall we?" I sighed and gave in.

He always wins, at every little thing. So I started to move my lips against his, but still keeping them as closed as I could. That is, until he pushed his tongue in.

I admit, he was an excellent kisser. He moved his tongue against mine, coaxing it to play. So I tentatively moved it, because I remember what happens if I don't. He tasted good, like mint. I'm assuming he brushed his teeth not too long ago, considering he tasted like toothpaste. Then there was him. That's the only way to describe it. His taste was unique.

Kissing him, it actually felt good. Not like before. Maybe I'm just getting used to it.

I could fell Edward growing harder against my thigh. Soon, he was grinding in to me, and it felt so good. So different from the last time. I hated the way I was reacting, but I couldn't help the way my body felt. In my mind I knew it was wrong, and that I should try harder to stop him. But my body was enjoying the sensations, making me grow weaker with every passing minute.

Edward was grinding more forcefully, determined to feel some form of release, and managed to find just the right spot. It felt great. So good, and I let out a small, breathy moan. Immediately after, I froze. He hit that spot again, and it took everything in me not to let out another moan, but I couldn't help a gasp. Last time didn't feel like this. Last time it was fear and pain. There wasn't an pain here, and while I was a little worried he wouldn't stop, I couldn't control the way my body felt.

Edward let out a groan. "God, I love those sounds, Isabella. So sexy, baby." I couldn't help it. I blushed. Don't ask how I wasn't blushing earlier, because God only knows, but now it was here full force.

"Please stop." I whispered.

"Why? I know you feel it. You want it. Just let go."

"But…I'm not ready, not yet. Please, not yet." I was ready to do almost anything, starting with begging. It was too soon after last time. These feelings were so foreign, and I couldn't handle it so soon again.

"Isabella, you'll be the death of me." I didn't care right now. All I cared about was getting away from this situation. Slowly, he got up and off of me, and I backed away quickly. "Can I be alone? Please? Just for a while?" I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I was embarrassed and a little scared he would change his mind.

He sighed, but stood up. "Fine. But don't think this is over. I know you want this. I love you, my Bella, and I want you to feel this too. I know it's there, somewhere inside you. You know it, too." Then he left, leaving me on the floor in the closet.

I knew he was right. I hated that he was, but I couldn't help it. I did feel something from him. It was just buried when he had kidnapped me. All my feelings for him were pushed away because of all the fear and anger I was feeling. But now that most of the fear was gone, I could feel my old feelings resurfacing. Nothing was nearly as strong as it used to be, but I was still attracted to him. That doesn't go away overnight. It can be hidden and pushed down, trust me on that much, but it takes a lot more than lying to myself to get rid of the emotions.

And I was scared. Just a little bit, though. Mostly about how I would react now. If I didn't have the fear helping me, keeping me in check, then who was to say I would make him stop next time. What if I'm too overcome by lust to think clearly, and I don't stop. I don't want to regret it. I already regret the first time, and I regret my current situation. Hell, I kind of regret getting that stupid job in the first place. Not completely though.

So I sat in the closet, for hours possibly, thinking about everything. How I got here, how I felt about Edward, and most importantly, how I would react next time I saw him. Things were changing now. I knew it, and I'm sure he did too. I didn't forgive him for what he did, not yet anyways, and I was still a far cry away from liking him as a person again. But he didn't care, or at least he didn't show it. All he needed was my body to react, and I wouldn't be too much of a problem. I would just have to remember what he did to me. That's what stopped me this time, and it will stop me next time. The real question was whether or not it would stop him next time.

So what now? How did I really feel? And what would happen next? If something did happen between us, would I end up losing my mind again? Would I try to kill myself again? Could I be stronger next time, if there even was a next time? I just don't know. I may never know.

So many questions, not enough answers. For now, I'll just have to sleep on it. Get away from reality and hope for better dreams that I can escape to. I was, surprisingly, still exhausted, and needed some sleep. I could kill for some food right now, too.

Walking out of the closet I noticed a tray on one of the tables. I went over and looked at its contents. There was a big bowl of chicken and dumpling soup sitting there, slightly cooled. It looked delicious, and tasted that way too.

After eating I lied down and thought. I reminisced over my childhood, the good and the bad, about when I met Alice, when I started my job, and when I saw Edward for the first time. Eventually all these thoughts led back to today and all my questions.

The only thing I could really do now was sleep. Everything else will just have to wait until tomorrow.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Thanks for reading! Please review!

P.S. In case anyone who wanted this but didn't already know, I started EPOV of this story, it's on my profile. Hope you like it!