I am still looking for Beta readers and would love if someone could volunteer. If not, any helpful hints or notices of glaring errors are appreciated.
"Duncan, you have to save her."
Duncan looked at the brown-haired mage before him, her hands clasped in front of her and her dark eyes pleading. He drew a hand across his eyes and sighed, "Save her from what? She has a future here."
"She's a slave here, Duncan. She doesn't have the temperament to just sit in here forever."
"But you think she has the temperament to be a Grey Warden? Impatience is not one of the virtues I look for, Vivian."
Vivian frowned, "Impatience! You don't know what you're talking about. Neria has been trapped here for fifteen years waiting for the day she became a full mage only to discover it came with a nicer bed, a later curfew, and no real freedom. She's not like most of these mages, she doesn't want to spend her life studying and teaching. She wants to explore the world and do things. She's restless." Vivian stepped closer and lay her hand on Duncan's arm, "She has her father to thank for that quality."
Duncan looked down at Vivian and shook his head. He found it hard to believe there were many mages in the tower who were satisfied just staying there, but Vivian didn't want to hear that and if Vivian didn't want to hear then she wouldn't. "We had an afternoon, Vivian, more like an hour really. I feel for the girl but I cannot risk my mission for the king. If I anger Greagoir by recruiting her, I may not get the mages Cailan's asked for."
"She needs this, Duncan," Vivian pleaded.
"She doesn't need this right now," he said, removing her hand. "She'll just have to wait a little longer."
"But you'll consider it?" she asked hopefully.
"I make no promises, but I will consider it."
"You won't regret it. Her Harrowing was one of the quickest we've seen. She's smart and talented and ..."
"Restless. She'll need to get over that."
"She's also angry, Duncan," Vivian said quietly. "She feels betrayed that she is still so limited."
"Surely she must have known what was ahead of her," Duncan noted. "It's not like she hasn't had mages to talk to."
"She was certain they had scheduled her Harrowing now because of the war at Ostagar."
"And where would she have gotten that idea?" Duncan chided. Ever since Vivian had recognized her own face and coloring in the girl apprentice she had filled Neria's head with nonsense. The girl should have been sent to the Circle in Orlais or Kirkwall but the distrust between the Circles was still too strong at the time she was first brought to the tower. Irving had done his best to keep the two apart, but Vivian was nothing if not stubborn and, truth be told, she had little else to focus on other than her daughter.
"It only made sense," Vivian defended. "She is so smart and strong and brave. She would have done so well there. She was crushed when they told her she wasn't going."
"Disappointment is a part of life, Neria will have to learn that."
"Disappointment is all she's ever known," Vivian whined. "I just didn't think you'd disappoint her too."
Duncan looked up in alarm, "Surely you didn't tell her I'd be taking her with me!"
"No, of course not. She knows nothing about you. I told Neria her father is an escaped apostate, which was probably not the best idea. I'm afraid if you don't take her that she's going to try and escape herself. I'd hate to see her hunted down by templars, she wouldn't let them take her quietly."
"You are not helping her case," Duncan observed.
"Why not? She needs purpose, Duncan, and she doesn't have it here. Here she exists but she doesn't have direction. No goal here will suit her. A Grey Warden though? She'd throw her heart and soul into it. She's a driven, talented, focused, capable mage who just needs a chance to show what she can do. Even if she weren't our daughter I'd be recommending her to you, she's that good. Ask Irving if you don't believe me."
"I do believe you, I'm just not sure what I can do about it right now."
Vivian threw up her hands, "I know, I know. The King, the Blight, your duty - all of them more important to you!"
Duncan raised an eyebrow, "You know better than to try and shame me, Vivian. The Blight is more important and my duty to the king is part of it. All of Ferelden will suffer if the Blight takes hold, including Neria."
Vivian frowned, but nodded, "I guess you're going to see Irving now?"
"Yes, I'm due there soon." He stepped to the door and pulled it open, waiting. Vivian shuffled past into the hall without looking at him. "Vivian," he said, "I'll speak to him. I make no promises, but I'll speak to him."
Vivian gave him a grateful smile, "Thank you, Duncan. I think you'll find her deserving." She turned and walked down the hall.
Duncan watched her go, once again regretting the burden he'd placed on her by getting her with child over an afternoon's fling. He hardly knew the young man he had once been, barely knew Vivian, and didn't know the girl at all. With a sigh he filed it away amongst the other regrets in his life and went to meet First Enchanter Irving.
Neria stood in the solar looking up at the sky that was denied her. Small white clouds drifted across an expanse of blue and a flock of tiny birds danced on a breeze she would never feel. She was a prisoner who had never committed a crime and was sentenced to life.
She grimaced - enough of that. Her five minutes of self pity were up and she needed to decide what to do with her day. The tranquil had already carried her few belongings to her new cell and she should go organize them. The new niche was nice and came with it's own bed rather than a bunk, but it didn't come with a door. They have to give us something to look forward to, she reflected. Only senior enchanters get their own room.
She strolled out of the solar, smiling at the various congratulations offered by both mages and apprentices, knowing they meant well. Even a few of the templar jailors tried to congratulate her, though she ignored them as best she could. She was heading up the stairs to her new cell when Jowan caught up to her.
"Neria, there you are! I've been looking all over for you," he exclaimed as he ran up.
She smiled patiently. She really wasn't in a mood to listen to Jowan's whining today, but he had so few friends to talk to that she felt obliged. Jowan had been her mentor when she first arrived and had been friendly and helpful. Unfortunately he was also hapless, clumsy and a poor student. He should have been made a full mage some time ago and refused to believe his long apprenticeship was his own fault. Now even Neria had passed him and he was bound to feel abused.
"Hello Jowan. Sorry I missed you but Vivian was showing me around."
"I wish I had a senior enchanter take such an interest in the me," Jowan complained. Of course Jowan did have a tutor, but the man was constantly frustrated by Jowan's lack of focus. "I didn't even know you had gone to your Harrowing until they carried you back last night," he continued "I've heard of apprentices who never came back from their Harrowing. What was it like?"
"We're friends but don't ask me this. You know I can't tell you."
"Hmph. so much for friendship. Now you get to move to the nice mages quarters upstairs and I'm stuck here. I don't know when they'll call me for my Harrowing."
"I'm sure it won't be long," Neria lied.
"I've been here longer than you have... Sometimes I think they just don't want to test me."
This again. "They are going to test you, Jowan, once they think you'll pass. And, no, I am not going to give you more specifics. You've been told what is expected of you already."
Jowan winced and Neria immediately felt bad for snapping at him. She smiled at him, "Do you want to see my new niche? It's not much, but at least it's mine."
"Thanks, I will, but I have a message first. Irving sent someone looking for you. He wants to see you in his chamber, probably to congratulate you. I told him I'd let you know if I saw you."
"I should go straight there then. Thank you."
"Would you mind if I wait for you in your room? I'd like to talk to you about something," he said, his eyes darting around nervously.
"Alright. I'll come back right after I've talked to Enchanter Irving."
"Thanks Neria. I'll be waiting." He peeled off and headed towards the mages' chambers.
Neria watched him go with a sense of unease. She couldn't imagine what Jowan wanted from her. Did he want her to sponsor him to a Harrowing? Did he want her to speak to his mentor? She was a newly minted mage so couldn't imagine she had much clout to help him. She contemplated the question as she made her way up the tower to the First Enchanter's office.
Irving's door was open when she reached it and he was arguing with Knight Commander Greagoir, head of the jailors. Neria stepped in and waited quietly for them to finish.
Duncan knew her the moment she stepped into the room. She had her mother's face, obscured as it was behind an expression of cold detachment and a dark tattoo that stretched around her right eye and over her eyebrow - Vivian must have fainted when she saw that. She stood quietly watching Greagoir and Irving argue, but not placidly. She was proud and straight and strong, her eyes and ears drinking in their words and postures. Her eyes moved to him at one point, taking in his armor and his uniform. He nodded at her and she returned the gesture without hesitation or embarrassment.
"Gentleman please," Duncan said to the angry men before him. "Irving, someone is here to see you."
She stepped forward and nodded, "First Enchanter?"
"Ah, if it isn't our new sister in the circle. Come child," Irving said warmly.
"You're obviously busy," said Greagoir. "We will discuss this later."
"Of course. Well, then... where was I? Oh, yes. This is Duncan, of the Grey Wardens," Irving introduced.
"is this why you had me summoned?" she asked, unable to keep the hopeful lilt out of her voice.
"There is something else," said Irving, "but I wanted you to meet Duncan first. You've heard about the war brewing to the south, I expect? Duncan is recruiting mages to join the king's army at Ostagar."
"I would like to defend Ferelden," she said without hesitation.
"With the darkspawn invading, we need all the help we can get, especially from the circle," Duncan told her, "The power you mages wield is an asset to any army. Your spells are very effective against large groups of mindless darkspawn. I fear if we don't drive them back we will suffer another Blight." He watched for her reaction and saw concern, but not fear. Perhaps Vivian was not exaggerating about the girl's temperament.
"Now Duncan, you worry the child with talk of Blights and darkspawn. This is a happy day for her."
"We live in troubled times, my friend," Duncan reminded him.
"We should seek moments of levity, especially in troubled times." Irving turned to Neria, "The Harrowing is behind you. Your phylactery was sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi."
For the first time the girl flinched, "My leash, you mean."
"Now child, it's not that bad."
"My phylactery only exists so they can hunt me if I turn apostate," she said bitterly.
Irving gave a side-long glance at Duncan before scolding her gently, "You know we have few choices. The gift of magic is looked upon with suspicion and fear. We must prove that we can handle our power responsibly. You have done this. I present you with your robes, your staff, and a ring bearing the Circle's insignia. Wear them proudly, for you have earned them." He waved to small table nearby where the named items rested.
Neria nodded then gathered up the items in her arms, "What happens now?" she asked.
"Patience child, you have been through an ordeal. Let us not rush things. It goes without saying that you shall not discuss the Harrowing with those who have not undergone the right," he warned.
"You mean Jowan?" she asked.
"I mean anybody. Now, then... take your time to rest, or study in the library. The day is yours."
"Can I leave the tower?" she asked, hopefully.
"Not yet. Remember the tower's walls protect us as much as they protect others from us."
She nodded again, but obviously found no comfort in Irving's words.
"I shall return to my quarters, I believe you still have things to discuss with Greagoir," said Duncan.
"Of course. Would you be so kind as to escort Duncan back to his room, child? You may leave those things here and I will have someone carry them back to your chamber."
"It would be my pleasure," she replied eagerly, placing the robe and staff down, but slipping the ring onto her finger. She may not be pleased at being a prisoner, but she was obviously proud of her accomplishment at becoming a mage. "Warden?" she nodded and turned towards the door.
They had only gone a short distance before she began asking about the war. She was studiously trying to sound only slightly interested, which he found extremely amusing. Several times she gave him openings to recruit her and each time he sidestepped to see how she would react. She seemed to realize what he was doing but did not allow herself to be discouraged or angered. She was both smart and diplomatic, necessary qualities for any Warden mage. He wondered if she was as powerful as Vivian claimed.
When they finally reached his chamber she seemed to gather her courage and asked directly, "Do you think I could join the army?"
He smiled and said evasively, "I don't know, do you?"
She looked surprised by the turnabout, but only briefly. "Yes, I think I could help," she declared.
"Then perhaps I shall speak to Irving about this later," he replied. "Darkspawn are a greater threat than blood mages, even abominations. It takes decades for the world to recover from a Blight. I wish the Chantry could see that. We must stop at nothing to defeat the darkspawn." He realized his ire was rising, "Ah, listen to me. An old man's rantings can't be very interesting."
She smiled, "As an apprentice, old men talking have defined my life."
He chuckled, "Yes, I'm sure they did." So she was not too jaded to laugh at herself, that was good.
"Ho, Duncan. Where do you want me to dump this ... well, Helloooo there." Daveth dropped a pair of large packs on the ground by the door and stepped forward. "And who is this lovely creature?"
"I am no creature," she snapped, "I'm a human, just like you."
"Uh, oh, I wasn't ...Huh?" Daveth froze midstride, taken aback by the sudden retort.
"Mages are often reviled as less than human," Duncan explained calmly. "I'm sure Daveth meant no harm, Neria. He was trying to pay you a complement."
Neria looked tempted to strike out again, but bit her tongue. "My apologies, Warden Duncan. You are right, most people who call me a creature don't mean it fondly." She dismissed Daveth with a flick of her eyelashes and turned back to Duncan, "I hope... Well, I hope your discussion with Irving goes well. If you don't mind, I have someone waiting for me."
"Don't let me keep you," he said with a nod.
She strolled out of the room without a glance at Daveth. Only when she was well gone did the young thief stir from his spot. He slid up to Duncan and whispered, "I just offended a mage, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Am I going to die?"
"Most assuredly, but likely not tonight."
"Oh, Ha! Very funny. Should I unpack or will we be fleeing shortly?"
"I will be staying and sleeping in that large, comfortable bed. You will be spreading a pallet out before the fire. If you don't mind, I have some letters to write while you get to work unpacking."
Jowan stood in Neria's new sleeping chamber and envied her, as he had so many times before. Everything seemed to come so easy for her; her magic, her friends, her mentors. Now she had a nice bed of her own, not a bunk, in a niche with a desk and a shelf and just a touch of privacy. He gingerly sat on the bed to test it out, finding it was softer than what the apprentices got. He sighed and lay back. He knew he would never have one of these. The tranquil shared dorms like the apprentices did, regardless of how long they had been in the tower, and he was going to be made tranquil. Lily had told him so.
Tranquil. What a pretty, pleasant word for such a horrible thing. To have the ability to feel emotion completely severed from him, to be unable to love, or hate, or yearn. Do the tranquil not remember how it felt to have emotions, he wondered, or do they remember but just don't care? Either way it was a cold fate. It was death but with your body left behind to serve the mages who killed you.
A throat being cleared caused Jowan to sit up. One of the newer apprentices was standing there holding a robe and a staff in his arms. "Pardon, but I was told to deliver this here for mage Neria. This is her bed, right?"
"Yes, yes. I was just waiting for her," said Jowan, standing.
"Warming it up for her, eh?" the apprentice grinned.
"Something like that," Jowan muttered. Jowan had seen this apprentice around, he had been there less than a year but was already considered one of the most talented. "Jon, is it?"
"Yep. And you're Jowan, right? The eternal apprentice?" Jon replied saucily.
Jowan scowled, "You're what, thirteen? You'll learn soon enough there is no such thing. You either take the Harrowing, get tranquiled or you die. if you really feel like mocking me before the gallows, go ahead."
Jon sobered immediately. "Um, I'm just going to lay this stuff on the bed and go, alright?" Jowan nodded and Jon quickly did his task and started to leave.
"Wait," said Jowan. "Where is Neria? She went to see Enchanter Irving, doesn't he normally give these things himself?"
"Yes, but she was sent to show the Grey Warden to his chambers so I was told to carry this stuff down."
"Grey Warden? Here? Is he recruiting?" Jowan asked in alarm.
"I don't know," Jon shrugged, still walking. "I'm just Irving's gopher for the day. I don't know any more than what I've told you."
Jowan felt The Fear creeping up his arms. Neria being recruited into the Wardens would ruin everything. He needed her to help him escape the tower and the Right of Tranquility. He needed her to get his phylactery so he couldn't be traced. He needed her more than the Wardens did. Damnation, why did the Maker hate him so? Neria had been mage for less than half a day and was already being taken from him. All he needed was one moment from her, just one. All she had to do was help him open the door to the phylactery chamber and he would take care of the rest, but she never would do it if it would risk her own ability to get free.
His hands were clenching with The Fear so he picked up the staff and began to walk and twirl it around, trying to distract his limbs and allow him to think. He'd have to do something. He just couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what.
"If you break that, you'll have to explain it to Irving," Neria laughed, peeking around the edge of the niche's opening.
He tossed the staff on the bed like it had burned him and stuck his hands behind his back, "Er, hi. Have you finished talking to, um, everyone?"
"I think so, yes. Why? Are you having another personal crisis?" she teased.
"Very funny." He stepped closer and asked, in a soft voice, "Do you remember what we discussed this morning?"
She stepped back, "Why are you whispering? It looks very suspicious."
"Shhh, I just want to make sure we are not overheard. We should go somewhere else. I don't feel safe talking here."
"You're starting to worry me, Jowan."
"I've been troubled. I'll explain. Come with me, please." He started to move towards the hallway and waved for her to follow. They walked in silence until Jowan ducked into the Circle chapel and pulled her in. He led her to a far corner where Lily was quietly dusting. Beautiful Lily. Lily who didn't care about his limp hair, or his crooked mouth, or weak shoulders. Lily who smiled at him every time she saw him. Lily who had welcomed him in a way no-one else ever had. "We should be safe here," he whispered.
"In the chapel? The templars' favorite haunt? You do realize there is a sister right there," Neria nodded towards the corner.
Jowan turned and smiled as his love walked forward. "A few months ago, I told you that I... met a girl. This is Lily."
Neria stepped back in shock, "Oh, Jowan!" She then took on that scolding face that he was all too familiar with, "You know this is forbidden."
"I know, which is why I need help," he pleaded. "Will you listen?"
Neria frowned, but nodded and Jowan carefully explained what he wanted her to do. Someone had noticed him sneaking out of the dorm to meet Lily and assumed he was practicing forbidden magic, he told her. They were going to make him tranquil because of it so he needed to escape and he stood no chance of succeeding without Neria's help. Neria looked increasingly alarmed as he spoke, but not convinced of the urgency. Jowan's voice began to creep up in panic and his words got wilder until Lily reached over and touched his arm, immediately making him feel calm again. The Fear never owned him when she was there.
"I really don't see them replacing Irving and wiping out the Circle over one rumor," Neria was chiding him, "Still, you two would likely bear the brunt of it. Really Jowan? An initiate? Never mind. I need to think this over," She put her hands to her temples in frustration.
"I suppose that's fair," said Lily, silencing Jowan's retort with a touch. "But please give us your answer soon. Time is running out."
Neria nodded grimly then left the chapel. Jowan watched her go and shook his head, "She's going to say 'No'".
"You can't be sure of that," Lily whispered.
"Yes, I can. If she was going to say 'Yes' she would have done so already."
Neria left them there, holding hands, then walked down the hall to her chamber. Her new mage's robe was folded neatly and lying on the bed and the staff was akimbo where Jowan had tossed it. She put them both in the wardrobe then stretched out face-down on the bed, pulling the pillow over her head like she did in the dormitory when she didn't want to hear the other apprentices. Unfortunately there was no drowning out the voices in her own head. The situation was impossible. Helping Jowan escape would get her in real trouble and likely would get him killed. And how was she supposed to destroy his phylactery? She wasn't given any phylactery cabinet key when she became a mage. Was there even such a thing? Asking after it would probably not be the safest idea.
And what about the Grey Warden? He had seemed so willing to recruit her, would he change his mind if she were caught up in this thing? No question, of course he would. She had a chance of getting out, could she threaten it to help Jowan? Would he have done the same for her? That answer was easy as well - yes he would. He would have bollixed it all up, but he would have helped her.
"Sweetie? Is something the matter sweetie?" A sugary voice coaxed her and a hand was laid on her calf.
"Just the usual," Neria muttered. She pulled the pillow away and rolled over, "What do you need Vivian?"
"I was wondering how things went. I heard you talked to Irving and to Duncan. Did they say anything?"
"Irving made a point of introducing me to Warden Duncan and Duncan made a point of saying he would speak to Irving about recruiting me."
"Into the Wardens?" Vivian said in excitement.
"Um, no. At least I don't think so. I asked if he could recruit me into the king's army and he said he would talk to Irving about it. You don't think he would recruit me into the Wardens, do you? I'm barely a mage."
"You are a young mage of extraordinary talent. I'm sure he would be glad to recruit you if you said you wanted to go," promised Vivian.
Neria had learned that her mother was often sure of things that turned out to be completely false. "We'll see. Even if it is just the army, I'll be happy to go. Anything to get out from under the thumb of the templars."
The thought of the templars made her close her eyes. If she told Irving about Jowan and Lily he would be watched doubly closely by their templar jailors. He might still be denied his Harrowing even if he wasn't a blood mage just for sneaking around with an initiate. Damn him for putting her in this position.
"Oh, sweetie, is it Jowan? I know he must be jealous of your Harrowing, but if he loves you he will forgive you."
Her eyes flew open. That's it! She could talk to Irving without mentioning Lily. Jowan had come to her worried about his Harrowing, she could go to Irving and ask about it. Perhaps she could convince him that it was she he was sneaking around with. Many assumed they were a couple anyway, it just might work.
She sat up and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek, "Thanks, Vivian. I have to run."
Her heart was light when she entered Irving's office for the second time that day. He was kind and genial until she asked him when Jowan was going to go through his Harrowing, then he was evasive and asked why she was so concerned.
"Jowan came to me worried that he hasn't gone through the ceremony yet. He told me he fears he might be tranquiled," she explained.
"And how did he find out? Was it from the young initiate he dallies around with?"
Neria's heart dropped into her stomach. She was expecting Irving to laugh off the whole idea of Jowan being made tranquil, not ask how he learned about it. Something wasn't right.
Irving easily read her expression. "You think I didn't know? I did not become First Enchanter by keeping my eyes and ears shut," he lectured.
"Please, I beg you, don't do this to Jowan," Neria's throat tightened. "He hasn't done anything wrong, just fallen for the wrong girl."
"Greagoir says he has proof - an eyewitness testimony that Jowan has been practicing blood magic. If it were up to me... but the Chantry. I'm sorry child. This Right of Tranquility will happen."
It was real, not another of Jowan's fantasies. It was real and he was going to be destroyed like an unwanted dog. "Greagoir must be making it up," she choked, "He hates all mages."
"Let us not speak ill of my colleague... our colleague. You know little of this, and I ask you to hold your tongue."
"No!", she exclaimed. She had always thought of Irving as a protector, not a collaborator. Jowan was right, he was being sacrificed to keep peace with the Chantry. "No! This is wrong! You know this is wrong."
"Perhaps one day you will see it from my side."
"Only once my heart has died." She spun and ran from the room. She went to Jowan.