Welcome again and thanks for all the positive reviews! This is what drives me to continue, just like most fanfic writers I guess.

Today's gratuitious Japanese I decided to use is dojikko. It means a girl who is clumsy and scatter-brained, and therefore considered cute. It's hard to find an English equivalent, so I didn't want to try too hard.

As always, thanks go to Dioxine for extensive help with the plot, and to my wonderful beta Shadowfox026. This time I would also like to say thanks to Zokusho, whose thoroughly entertaining fics helped me start writing Lucky Star stuff. (Also, from Zokusho's works I stole the idea of Tsukasa becoming a nurse and Konata a manga dealer; it was just perfect selection for both, so I couldn't resist.)

4th July 2020, Tokyo

Kagami's apartment was filled with light of yet another late afternoon. The sun was setting above the Arakawa river and the walkways were crowded with cheerful, noisy pedestrians. It was a perfect day for a stroll: not too hot, but reasonably sunny. The air was carrying scents of the river, swept by gentle winds that blew over the northern Tokyo.

Kagami herself was standing in her favourite window, gazing at the serene scenery while gripping her t-shirt with both hands. It was a bad habit she had picked up long ago, which seemed to overcome her in times of extreme stress, like before important exams or when she felt her professional reputation threatened. She normally fought it by chain smoking, but today she'd had enough of that; she felt like an old chimney. What had happened earlier made her feel a little better, if more frightened.

Tsukasa had left in a rush pretty early in the morning, not uttering a word about what had happened the previous night, but not exactly denying it. It had left Kagami completely dumbfounded yet relieved. She couldn't have known how to deal with this situation; honestly, who could? So she'd simply gotten up, made herself some breakfast and decided not to think about it before finishing her five-hour shift.

However, it had turned out to be much harder than she had thought. She tried to go on with her business as normal, processing requests and interacting with subordinate workers, but once in a while she had a flashback so strong that she'd forgotten where and who she was, only to find herself gazing into nothing or being asked if she had been listening. After that she would react with irritation, which didn't made her feel any better. Nearing the end of the shift she felt she would have exploded and so needed help.

Using the phone number Tsukasa had given her at some point, she called Konata.

Thinking back, she couldn't fathom why she had called a person she hadn't seen in years, wasn't on the best terms with and didn't even consider appropriate for anything… anything serious. She had somehow called Konata anyway, managed to throw a few pleasantries at her and asked if she could meet her that afternoon in a café for a reunion. Konata had been surprisingly positive — not that surprisingly, considering her sanguinic personality — and immediately agreed, saying it would be great to "relive the old days", as she put it. Since everything had been set, Kagami had rushed to the place where she would meet Konata, wondering what in the world she was getting herself into this time.

Just like in the old days, she had to wait a few minutes for Konata to arrive. She had been really nervous, both because of what happened with Tsukasa and the fact she had been going to make up with Konata. She almost gave a squeak once she heard the familiar "Yo!" behind her.

Konata still had proven to be her usual self, just much more... classy. She had been exactly the same height as Kagami had remembered and she hadn't seemed to worry about her hairstyle too much, just like in "the old days". However, she had been wearing quite expensive (and trendy) beige combats over a pair of black sneakers, as well as a brown corduroy jacket that had been showing her shamelessly white t-shirt. The most noticeable part of her attire had been her unshakeable aura of confidence.

Obviously.

After her usual greeting, Konata casually settled on the opposite chair, started sipping her coffee and asked a few questions about Kagami's life. Having had received a few awkward responses, she gladly assumed the role of a storyteller and started throwing Kagami various facts about her family, marriage and online manga shop business.

She had gone on. And on. And on. Perhaps she was feeling like she had to make up for the lost time, or perhaps she had simply felt the need to fill the conversational space or whatever, but she just wouldn't shut up. Kagami had been listening to this, at the same time trying to keep her inner turmoil in check, but she had finally snapped when Konata had been telling some semi-embarrassing story about dealing with a recent customer...

"And I've just had sex with Tsukasa", she had said irritably, shutting Konata up for good, which had been a feat in itself.

She then got out of the café, leaving dumbstruck Konata behind.

Now she was sitting by her window, watching the day slowly fade away. She wasn't exactly angry or sad, she was... feeling terribly down. Though for some strange reason she felt still considerably better than before she had revealed the truth to Konata. It felt like some huge weight had been taken off her back. What she felt was more stoic resignation than that sheer terror. It wasn't that Konata was particularly good at cheering people up or being empathetic, she was just… weird enough to accept this fact easier than most people. Also, despite her mischievous attitude, Konata had always been able to keep important secrets. At least for a while.

What do I do now?, she asked herself. Her precious grey envelope still hadn't been delivered. Those kind of movies, while pretty normal in the West, were still hard to come by in Japan and she doubted she could have gotten it without her privileges. Being a regular customer of porn industry was of course very embarassing, but she had gotten used to that, since nobody knew about it. She had always been a visualizer and she had been living alone for a long, long time. Not that she was that fond of masturbation this day...

A sudden doorbell startled her. Is it Tsukasa?, she thought immediately; the very thought was frightening. After she hurried to the door and opened it, she saw Konata standing there, looking at her with apprehension. Her short friend was wearing exactly the same clothes as before and it was evident that she hadn't been home since their short meeting.

"Kagamin", she said straight away, "did I hear what I think I heard?"

Kagami hesitated for a split second, but gave in. "Yes", she answered gravely, "I slept with Tsukasa." She stared at Konata dejectedly.

"Holy... I mean, that was unexpected", said Konata. "But thanks for telling me. I mean, it's really something, right Kagamin?"

"Yes!", Kagami felt she was losing her grip, "I slept with my own sister! It's not exactly nothing, you know!"

Konata stopped gazing at her stoically and took a look around. "Um, Kagamin, it's none of my business and it's your house after all, but I think you shouldn't be yelling so much."

"Gah...! Right, come in."

Once inside, Konata quickly removed the shoes off her tiny feet. "Wow. I mean, wow. I would never, ever thought that you'd do something like that... That's, like, epic!"

"Excuse me? What... do you mean?"

"I mean it's completely off the scale! Not something you see everyday, or even on TV! Kagamin, I'm really, really impressed."

To Kagami, it was such an outlandish claim that she didn't know how to react. So she let Konata continue, staring at her blankly.

"I mean, I've always thought this kind of thing only happens in manga and stuff. And now, my Kagamin comes up and saying she did something like that. This is... like a religious experience." She was smiling in that special way that only appeared when she acquired some rare collection item.

Kagami examined the small-framed but already thirty years old woman before her and sighed. "You'll never change. Well, come and sit down."

For some reason they moved from the small anteroom to the kitchen, not the salon. Dishes from yesterday's supper were still piled up on the counter, since Kagami hadn't been in the mood for washing up, but otherwise it was pretty clean. Konata took it in approvingly.

"Not bad, Kagamin. It seems you know how to look after a house after all", she said and plopped down on the same chair that Kagami had sat on yesterday.

"Why thank you for your observation", Kagami responded with a not-so-slight hint of sarcasm. She moved over to the counter to boil some water. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yeah, why not. I mostly drink coffee now, but I've had enough for the day... Hmm, I guess you should open the window, it's hard to breathe in here."

"What? Oh." I guess you're still not a smoker, thought Kagami. Of course, Konata is above such mundane things. With a slight pang of embarrassment she opened the window, letting in some warm, fresh, slightly damp air.

Kagami sat at the table, meeting the gaze of emerald eyes. She suddenly felt uncomfortable; not about the whole Tsukasa issue, but the fact that she was facing Konata after so much time passed. In spite of what she had said a moment ago, was this woman the same person she used to know? Or even similar?

"So how's your business?", she asked casually to avert this feeling. She almost hoped that Konata would complain about something just like before and then Kagami would be able to lecture her properly. Wow, I'm slipping back into our usual routine rather quickly, she thought. It was... a bit embarrassing.

As expected, Konata gave an overly melancholic sigh. "Well, the market is not what it used to be. I miss the old days, the Comiket, the independent doujin circles... Now everything is getting too commercial. I mean some of it is really good, but I feel that the diversity of content suffers... But we can only blame the young public, who's straying from the true otaku path far too much." Konata saw Kagami's expression and added, "But I must say I'm doing quite fine, money-wise. The sales have gone up since last year and I'm even thinking of getting some staff to answer emails and the like."

"Oh, that's good. And... how is it at home?"

"It's okay. We both work a lot, I mean my husband and me, so we don't see each other that much. We can't get tired of each other", Konata smiled.

"I see. Uh, what does he do, actually? You were saying he was some kind of linguist?"

"A phonologist, it's a special kind. He basically studies sounds that humans can make and how they are used to create speech. This sounds easy, but it's rather complicated if you ask me. Even I don't understand much of it, it mostly deals with foreign languages and strange symbols, and stuff. But he's really into it, he's gotten a PhD already."

"It's almost as if he was another otaku", said Kagami half-jokingly.

"No, it's totally different! But I guess I understand where you're coming from. Takeo has the passion for what he does. He's a great guy really."

"He sounds like a reasonable person. Someone you can talk to about various things. Unlike your first husband..."

Kagami remembered that Seiga guy since before she had lost contact with her friend; Konata had picked him up during some anime convention. He was admittedly much more handsome than a stereotypical otaku, but didn't make a very good impression on Kagami: a nice guy, but not very bright and rather crude, and most of all seemed a little too... soft. When she had heard from Tsukasa that Konata had gotten divorced, she had actually been glad.

"I remember you didn't like him much", noted Konata, just as if she could read Kagami's thoughts.

"Not exactly", Kagami replied, "I just thought he didn't suit you. He was rather dumb and had no spine. I guess he was just immature… Your father loved him though, if I remember correctly."

Konata cackled. "He just loved lecturing him and acting cool. I guess he wanted a son after all."

Kagami smiled as well. She felt like those years apart had never happened, like it was just another afternoon with Konata. She had always been prone to easily forgetting why she was hanging around with the bluenette, despite her unusual hobbies and occasional annoying behaviour. She still couldn't comprehend why Konata's presence was so soothing, but she was sure she had been right to call her.

"So, are you planning any kids yet?", she asked.

"Uh... not really", Konata aswered flatly. Then she glanced towards the counter. "So what about the tea, Kagamin?"

"Oh no", Kgami groaned, "I've completely forgotten. What is wrong with me lately?"

Konata snickered. "You're turning into a real dojikko, Kagamin."

"Am not!", Kagami responded instinctively and stood up. "I'll take care of that tea."

"No! Wait, don't bother. How about we go out instead? I feel like doing something together."

"Well... We could, I guess. Where do you want to go, see a movie?"

"Why not. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Uh, no. Not really."

"Well then..."

From her pocket Konata produced a rather impressive-looking cell phone, which looked rather big in her tiny palm. For a moment, she was clicking on it like crazy; finally she announced, "I think there's something I'd like to see."

It was already dark when they left the cinema; the pavement was mostly deserted save for a few party goers, but the traffic was still rather intense for a Saturday evening. Kagami didn't pay much attention anyway, still under the influence of the slasher movie they'd just finished, just like it had been years ago. She felt relaxed and happy as they engaged in vigorous conversation about the film, recounting the most memorable scenes and laughing at each other's silly remarks. She was still in high spirits when they reached the nearby subway station and she didn't want to part with her rediscovered friend.

"Whew, that was fun. I don't feel like going home yet", stated Konata, speaking her thoughts again.

"Well, what else would you like to do then?" asked Kagami, pleasantly surprised.

"Hmm..." Konata looked around, then skipped to a fake western rampart separating the street from the valley. „Let's go swim in the river!"

"What! Konata, you... can't be serious, can you?"

"What, are you too embarrassed?", Konata smiled her usual smile. „I'd certainly like to see that." She turned her back towards the low wall and stretched her tiny body, yawning and ignoring Kagami's irritated look. Then she looked at her and smiled more genuinely. „Just kidding, and it's probably cold like hell anyway. So, do you have another idea?"

"Well... How about you stay in my place for a while? I'll make you that tea I owe you."

„All right! But we're not just drinking tea. Let's get some refreshment."

Kagami's apartment was only about half a mile away, so they walked together in the flashing lights of late evening traffic. They bought a six-pack in a convenience store and a moment later they were at Kagami's door.

They were sitting in the kitchen again, occupying the same seats as before. Konata skillfully tossed her empty beer can into the already full bin and casually opened another one. She also tossed one to Kagami who was sitting in the same chair as before, cradling her empty container. They both opened their new cans — Kagami's was slightly shaken, so some of the foamy liquid ended on her fingers — and took a sip, not breaking the silence that had lasted for a long while.

Kagami swallowed and gave a long sigh. "I think I really needed that. I mean, to unwind. Sometimes it's just good for you."

"Mmm, mmm!", Konata nodded enthusiastically. "Nothing like chilling out with your good friend, discussing your love life in saucy details!"

"Hey! I won't discuss it in details!", Kagami protested violently.

Konata smiled mischievously. "I see you're not shy about your affair at all, only about your privacy. I think we've got some progress here."

Instead of lashing out as her instincts were telling her, Kagami took a moment to think about it. "Well, maybe you're right. I kinda forgot what happened for a while…" Staring at her drink, she gave another sigh, this one much less blissful than the one before. "But it's not okay. It's really… bad."

"I think it's kinda awesome, especially if it's you and Tsukasa. No, that's… beyond awesome. But I guess it might cause problems."

Kagami stared at the overfilling kitchen sink, pondering her response. "Problems you say? I can't even fathom what will happen from now on, but it's going to be terrible on everyone. It's all my fault, too." She took another sip, just to give herself a few seconds to think. "Of course I would never do this if I was sane. But I think… I think I love her." So I'm not sane, she added to herself.

Konata was just looking at her with her unflinching green eyes, playing with her beer can.

"What? Have you ever loved anyone, Konata?", Kagami asked impatiently, turning back to her friend.

Konata blinked. "You know, I'm a married woman. Do you think I would have married if I hadn't been in love?"

Kagami hung her head. "Yeah… Sorry, Konata. I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't worry about it, Kagamin. Yeah, I think I've been in love."

"You think? How can you not be sure of it?"

"Oh well… As I said, Takeo is a great guy, very nice and bright, and he really cares about… stuff. I would never want to be separated from him."

"I see", muttered Kagami, realizing that the kind of love that Konata was talking about wasn't what she had in mind. I must be really sick, she thought matter-of-factly, nobody else is as emotional and foolish as me. "That's good for you both, I guess. Why aren't you thinking of having kids?"

Konata froze for a second; Kagami only noticed because she had known her so well. "Oh, I haven't told you yet? I can't have children."

Kagami gasped. "What? Why? You mean…"

"Yeah… I knew since I was eighteen or so, but I got used to it. Takeo wasn't happy, but I guess he's come to terms with that too." Konata took another casual gulp. "If we want kids, we'll figure something out, but not yet."

"Oh. I had no idea… Sorry I asked…" Kagami was looking at Konata with genuine shock, her own problem completely forgotten for a moment.

Konata simply laughed and waved her tiny hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that either. It's not like it's a secret or something."

"I see… Thanks for telling me anyway." Kagami dropped her stare and took another small sip before looking at Konata again. "I heard Yutaka had some problems too?"

"Yeah. She barely survived giving birth to her girl... And the doctors say she can't have any more. But she says she's fine with just one, and I'm glad our genes will be preserved for the generations to come!"

"I hope she doesn't inherit too much from your father's side."

"You would have a point here Kagamin, if it was a boy. A girl otaku is totally okay."

"No. It's not!"

Konata left just after midnight, staggering visibly on her way towards the lift. Her small-framed body was obviously unaccustomed to binge drinking, but she didn't seem to mind at the moment, giving hearty goodbyes to her old friend. Kagami herself was not only heavier, but also much more used to alcohol, so she was only mildly intoxicated from the three beers she had drunk during the evening. She gazed out of the open window to make sure that Konata got into the taxi safely, but she also wanted to clear her head.

Konata's unexpected visit made her feel much better, but didn't exactly solve the problem. Now she was alone in her apartment again and she needed to think clearly. She needed to use Konata's support to get through this, even if she had no idea how at the moment. She needed to be decisive and energetic, so she needed to sober first.

She decided to start with washing those damn dishes. Her dishwasher had been broken for two months and since she had never gotten around to get it fixed. She filled one part of the sink with warm, soapy water and started wiping the plates and pots with a sponge until they sparkled visibly. This activity immediately evoked an image of Tsukasa, happily going around her business around the kitchen in their family house; it was a painful reminiscence.

Kagami finished her task as fast as she could and told herself yet again that she needed to get a hold of herself. She knew that she needed some rest and that morning would be wiser than evening. She wiped the table surface with the same sponge, then brushed her teeth in the bathroom and left for her bedroom, unbuttoning her shirt along the way.

The dark room brought another sudden wave of anxiety, this time darker and warmer, but she decided to simply ignore this feeling; she was too tired to care. The weariness combined with the alcohol did their job: as soon as she undressed and got into bed, she felt her consciousness drifting away before she could even put her pajamas on. She was asleep within a few minutes.

Kagami awoke with a gasp. It was still dark, she was trembling and covered in hot sweat. Again, her mind was filled with Tsukasa: her presence, her caresses, her smell and her heart-tearing moans of pleasure. The dream was so incredibly real that Kagami could still feel its grip on her mind, and for a moment she had trouble with discerning those vivid images from the reality. She wasn't sure, but she suspected she had climaxed recently; she also noticed that her hand was nestled deep between her thighs, just below her womanhood.

Kagami fumbled for a cigarette and lit it, waiting for her heart to calm down. The alarm clock was showing 03:42; the darkest moment of night, before even the earliest birds woke up. Again, the air seemed strangely hot and oppressive, just like that evening when she had called Tsukasa. No sound could be heard except for occasional cars on the distant motorway.

Kagami felt like she was the only person in the world right now, but at the same time she had an impression that she was being watched. She knew that feeling; it had always been with her whenever she felt that she had done something wrong, her inner policewoman acting as the society's representative inside her mind. Kagami promptly ignored it; she knew perfectly well that she was due a punishment and it wouldn't be just scolding.

All in all, Kagami knew that she was all alone — and the feeling seemed stronger than ever before. She knew her family genuinely loved her, and the re-established friendship with Konata was something she was thankful for, but she was still alone with her thoughts and feelings. There was nobody in the whole world who could help her with that, nobody who would take the burden off her shoulders. It was a deadly trap she fell into, a place of despair and solitude, and what awaited her and those she loved was only misery, no matter where she would go.

Kagami threw her sheet aside and sat on the edge of her bed, her naked body surrounded by the smoke from her cigarette. She felt like she was about to implode, collapse on herself from the terrible weight she felt on her back. She suddenly knew she could never be happy; her happiness was Tsukasa and Tsukasa alone. It was like staring in the eye of death itself : she was walking, breathing and talking, but her real life had already ended forever.

Kagami felt a tear running down her cheek. "Tsukasa... If I could only be with you. It's the only thing I want, to be with you forever. To hold you and love you... forever", she whispered in the darkness.

"Is it really what you want?"

Kagami's eyes darted around in alarm. She instinctively grabbed a pillow to cover herself, but there was nobody in the room; it was dark and empty like before. Still, the air was actually quite hot, and it seemed to push against her skin from all sides.

"What is your wish? Tell me and I shall grant it", she heard again.

Kagami gave a little gasp. This voice... It was somehow distant, but she could hear it well. It sounded a bit like... Tsukasa? No, not exactly... But close...

Kagami's eyes shifted to the tall mirror. She was getting really frightened, but her body was numb from the despair. Some invisible force made her put the pillow back, stand up and approach the reflecting glass.

What she saw was herself — naked and complete with lit cigarette — but at the same time it looked like someone marginally different. The eyes that were looking her were unusually calm and seemed bottomless; the gaze itself could make one shiver.

"Do not be afraid, Hiiragi Kagami", said the reflection; her voice, eerie and powerful, seemed to come from everywhere in the room. "Tell me your deepest desire and I shall help you."

Kagami blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes to get the tears out of them. She had no idea what was going on, but somehow she felt it was right. This reflection had asked her a simple question, and Kagami felt the need to respond. "I... I..." She took a deep breath. "I just want to be together with Tsukasa..."

The Kagami-like being in the mirror only smiled, the orange light from her cigarette making her features appear wild and almost demonic. And then the world disintegrated.

Suddenly, Kagami felt her body being stretched and turned inside out. She screamed and collapsed, but there was no floor to stop her fall. She was falling through some black, bottomless abyss, unable to see or hear anything, even her own scream. She was flailing and kicking, but there was nothing around her, not even air. Do I still exist?, she briefly thought to herself. I feel nothing... What was I...?

Kagami woke up with a scream. She felt reality hit her like a bullet train, forcing upon her input from the billions of cells in her body. She was panting heavily, waiting for her heart to calm enough to start moving. God, what a nightmare, she thought. I need a smoke, quickly... And maybe a drink too.

Kagami sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her cigarettes, but her hand only found empty space where her bedside table should be. She looked around in confusion and her eyes widened in surprise.

She was sitting at the edge of a single bed, facing a small desk and an old office chair. It was dark, but she could clearly see pencils and other small accessories that were neatly arranged on its working surface. To the right was a large wardrobe and a chest of drawers, while on the left she could see a window and a bookshelf containing a small collection of CDs and light novels. An old-fashioned electronic alarm clock was showing 01:34. This mundane environment was incredibly familiar, imprinted in her memories even stronger than her own flat. Still, it was impossible: this room, or at least this incarnation of it, did not exist anymore.

Confused, Kagami stood up to have a closer look on the all-too-familiar wallpaper and felt a delicate brush on her shoulders and back. Thinking of spider webs, she panicked and grabbed the tickling mass trying to tear it off, but this has resulted in a sharp pain in her scalp.

Kagami stopped in place and looked at herself. Yes, that really was her hair, falling down almost to her waist just like in her school days. But there was more: her body looked and felt slightly different than normal, not as strong but at the same time healthier and more energetic. Her skin was almost flawless and her hips had a little more flesh on them than she liked... But all this didn't seem totally unfamiliar: she somehow remembered looking exactly like that.

The final realisation came to her when she looked to the side and saw what was hanging on the door of the wardrobe: a school uniform, exactly the same as she remembered from her times in the Ryōō High School.

"Oh no", she whispered aloud, "you gotta be fucking kidding me."