Marks

JJ's POV

I kept my chin up. The walk to work from Drake's apartment was slightly longer than I was used to, and the only thing that kept it from making me uneasy was the occasional brush of Drake's knuckles against mine. It soothed me more than a hug would have. I drew stares, which I tried to ignore. That was made harder when I realized that Drake was also drawing stares, only because he was walking with me. Everyone's thoughts seemed to have been projected into my mind, I could almost hear them screaming their assumptions that Drake had done this to me. It was unbearable.

The entrance to the office was the worst. The women behind the entry desk stared, whispered. I didn't want to go into the Detective's Office. I didn't want the whole room to turn and stare like I knew they would.

I didn't want the extra attention, or their questions. I stopped outside the door, staring at the milky glass that no one could see through. Drake gave my shoulder a tender squeeze and whispered encouraging words I couldn't recall the instant after I nodded. I put my hand on the nob and breathed a few more lungfuls of relaxed air before the swarm I knew would come with the opening of the door. The hinges didn't make a sound and the air left me the instant the first set of eyes hit me. They were Ryo's, and he stood, mouth open. Dee twisted in his seat, slightly doe-eyed. His eyes were only on mine for a second before he lowered them to my shoes, not lowering his head a bit so Ryo thought he was still taking in my state.

Ryo was the first to get to me, his hurried movements caught Ted's attention, James'. They looked, they followed. Drake set a hand on my lower back, and my throat burned. This is it, relax, I can handle a few questions, no problem.

"My God, JJ, what happened?" Ryo asked, and I couldn't answer for a moment. Dee had followed him to listen to my made up story about a bar fight, he glowered at me with his attentiveness. I grimaced, lied through my teeth, tried not to see his analytical looks. I tried to ignore the realization that he was making sure I didn't slip in my story.

"You should see the other guy." I heard myself say from someplace far away. I met Dee's eyes hesitantly. The other guy was right here, unscathed, staring me down. Ryo covered his mouth and cocked his body in disbelief. He took in my lip, bit by his lover, the bruises made by his boyfriend's fist, unaware of these facts. For a moment, I hated Ryo. I hated him so much I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell that it should be him coming to work looking like this. It should be him feeling all this shame, all this embarrassment, all this hurt.

"It must have been some fight!" Ted was saying, James was silent because he doesn't know me well enough yet to comment.

"We were lucky to have been outside already, the last thing I needed was to have the late shift called on me!" I grinned uneasily. I felt sick lying so blatantly. Ryo shook his head, brows furrowed, and I knew I hadn't quite convinced him. What's worse was that Dee could tell too. He tightened his lips and I felt my heart pound, worry flooding me. He was dissatisfied with my performance. What would he do to me for this?

Ted seemed satisfied with my story, he laughed it off, James followed him back to their desks. They spoke quietly to each other, glancing in my direction, expressions sour. They must not believe me either. Why was this so hard? Drake waved the others away from me and I thanked him with a short smile. Dee slunk back to his desk behind Ryo. Drake led me to our desks, I tried to work. I couldn't stop myself from looking over at Dee every now and again. He hadn't said a word to me. He hadn't shown me an ounce of guilt or regret. This was my place, and his avoidance was just another painful reminder that I am the other man again. I don't get the good side of Dee, the side I want. I get the leftover filth he doesn't want Ryo to see.

But Dee seemed distracted as well. Ryo talked at him for a long time after my arrival, Dee just frowned and listened. I wondered what he was saying to get such a low expression from Dee, or if the look had anything to do with Ryo at all. I felt like Dee was mulling over our situation, like he was trying to decide what to do with me. As terrible as I looked and felt because of him, I felt worse imagining that he was thinking of how to break it off with me.

I couldn't focus on work. I couldn't breathe. I hated not being able to hear what everyone was saying about me, I assumed the worst. "What's JJ gotten himself into now? He's bringing this on himself." Ryo must be saying, and he didn't even know that this was supposed to be him. If Dee had lost control on him rather than me, he'd be the one trying to explain away the bruises. He'd be the one trying to blot out the images of Dee's enraged face between the blurs of his fist landing over and over again-

The panic attack caught me unsuspecting. I was sweating, my breath grew more and more difficult, Drake was asking if I was okay but I couldn't answer because I felt like Dee was strangling me again, and that thought made it even worse. Death was riding my shoulders, I was going to suffocate in the middle of work. I was shaking when I looked at my hands, and Drake escorted me to the men's room, where he wet a paper towel and pressed it to my face, dabbing and speaking gently to me until the dizziness and sweats went away.

"Maybe you shouldn't have come in today." Drake murmured when I had my wits about me again. "This was too much pressure to put on you so soon."

"I'm okay." I lied. I didn't want to go out there again. I didn't want to see Dee, who didn't have a scratch on him, despite how I had tried to fight. I didn't want to see Ryo's oblivious face.

"I'll pick up the slack, you should take it easy today. Just spend some time to yourself." He was trying to help, and I appreciated it, but the last thing I wanted was to be alone anywhere in the Precinct. I had to suck it up, keep up appearances. No one could know about my fear of being caught alone with Dee when he was freshly upset with me for not pulling off the lies he had demanded.

"Okay." I answered softly, and I felt he could see right through me, the way he peered at me so sharply.

"Is it?" He asked, to be sure. "You have to let me know, JJ. If you don't want to be alone, just tell me."

"I'll be fine." I replied, more easily.

Drake looked me over again before nodding slowly and putting a hand on my arm, his hand was so warm, so gentle. He didn't need to give me any more words, I felt his patience, his... love? I met his eyes, seeking what I thought I had felt. His eyes avoided mine and I was sure I had been mistaken. Drake was straight. Straight. If I needed love so bad I had to continue reaching for it from the familiar, from men who wanted men. From Dee. Not someone who could never feel the same. Maybe Dee couldn't ever love me back, as he claimed, but Drake couldn't even consider it. I was sure he couldn't even consider sleeping with me. Because he was straight. And I couldn't change that.

I repulsed myself, imagining if I ever tried to make things into more with Drake. He would pull away, he would frown, tell me I had misread him. He would be disgusted with me. It would be awkward, he would abandon me. This last thought hurt the most. I couldn't feel for him like that, it would scare him away. Even if he was willing to share his bed with me, to comfort me, make me breakfast, we couldn't go any further. Despite the warmth I had gotten in my chest when I had woken up in the middle of the night with his arm slung over me, despite how I couldn't help tracing his wrist bone and keeping perfectly still so he wouldn't wake and move away from me. He couldn't be any more than this for me, a comforting presence, a caring friend.

His eyes bore into mine, he couldn't know what I was thinking, I didn't know what I was thinking, this whole train of thought was stupid. So I turned it off, redirected, and tried to figure out how I could make it up to Dee for my failed stories.

"JJ, do you really plan on seeing him again?" Drake's question snapped me back to where we were. I see Dee every day, how do I have a choice? The door's slam, Dee's words about how he likes his coffee echoed back to me. I had plans with Dee tonight. And I had made plans with Drake to go to the bar.

Shit.

I shut my eyes. Could I even ask Dee to wait a couple hours before coming over? Was I allowed that much? Especially after ruining the lies? I nodded in answer to Drake's question.

"Why?" He implored of me, eyebrows knotted up with worry.

"I have to." I answered honestly. "I don't have a choice." Drake must have understood that on some level, because he didn't push me anymore. He looked away from me, bit his lips like he would cry and I felt horrible. He worried for me so much, he must feel so helpless and I was putting him in that place. "I'm sorry." I whispered, and pushed past him to get out the door.

I hurried up to the roof and stood there in the sun until my shirt was nearly soaked through with sweat. Only after I could feel it sticking to my back, feel the salt stinging my eyes, did I even loosen my tie. I would have to remember to tighten my collar again before anyone saw me, there was no way they'd believe I was in a bar fight if they saw the strangulation marks around my neck. The door slammed open and I didn't have to turn to know it was Dee.

He had found me. I shut my eyes and listened to his approaching footsteps.

Dee's POV

It was easy enough to find JJ. He stood near the edge of the building, just his fingertips touching the corner of the low, wide wall, as if he might blow away.

He didn't turn when I came closer, he knew it was me.

"Not the best bullshit I've ever heard." I said without coming level with him. I stopped about six feet behind him and pulled off my tie, unbuttoning a few buttons to keep from suffering too much in the heat.

"I know." He answered quietly, and bowed his head slightly, exposing dark red marks on the back of his neck from my fingers. I wanted to bite them, but he was too sweaty to even touch. "This is really hard, Dee." I moved closer, I knew he was listening to my movements, I could tell in the tense way he held his shoulders. He was frightened of me. That was the way I wanted it. That would keep him quiet, keep him obedient and available. "Drake knows that it wasn't a bar fight." Fear tickled the back of my neck, and I almost grabbed him and spun him to tell me to my face that he had betrayed my trust. That he had spilled to his partner about us. "I told him it was my imaginary boyfriend." I let out a slow breath, only slightly relieved. "I didn't know what else to tell him, he cares so much."

"You could have gone for something less obvious." I muttered. "The whole precinct will know by tomorrow." I gave him an irritated tone, because I couldn't hold it in. He was supposed to smile like nothing, pass it off. He was not supposed to let on in the slightest. Now Drake is going to be watching him closely, trying to pull him away from this 'boyfriend.'

"He wont tell anyone." JJ answered with complete confidence. "I've asked him not to, and he'll respect that." It was silent a moment and I pocketed my tie. "How did my story go with Ryo?"

"He doesn't believe it was a bar fight." I informed him. "I know Ryo's pretty perceptive, but even I could have seen through you. God knows what Ted and James think." This came out more casually than I'd expected, JJ seemed taken aback by my tone and he finally turned just enough to look back at me. There were tears in his eyes, they almost masked the fear, but not quite.

"I don't want Drake to find out. He can't find out." His lips were trembling and he crossed his arms and turned so I could see all I had done to him. "I don't want him to know it's you. He wanted me to file a report-"

"Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut about it being your 'boyfriend' then."

"I couldn't help it, Dee. I needed him after you- I would have done whatever you wanted, you didn't have to be so mean-" I lunged at him and he backed up, fell back to sit on the wall and I pushed him down onto the concrete hard. He gripped my empty shoulder holster and wrapped his legs around my hips in a panic. I held him down by the shirt collar so his head would hang over the edge.

"This is not my fault! If you had kept your fucking mouth shut and left Ryo out of it, I wouldn't have had to get so mean, would I?" I demanded.

"Please, please, let me up-" He panted, eyes wide.

"Would I!" I roared, slamming him down again, to drive it home.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please-" He begged, tears streaming. I let him up and he slid to the floor of the roof, shaking and sobbing. His discolored features, smeared with tears, were threatening to excite me again, so I looked away and sat next to him. The last thing I needed to do was fuck him here and have someone catch us. I put my head in my hands and saw images of Ryo's eyes widening, his mask going up again and him turning to leave me without a word. JJ's sobs were getting to me. What I wouldn't give to feel his tight throat around me-

"Stop crying." I commanded, lifting my head to look at him. He sniffled and tried to stop. The frantic way in which he was clutching his chest and shirt was almost more arousing than the pink rimming his eyes and staining his cheeks.

"Can I go?" He asked me in a raw voice. "Can I go, please, I just want to go back inside." He wanted to get away from me, that's what he wanted. I could be okay with that, remove the temptation. But tonight he wont be able to get away, and I would make him just as beautiful as he was right now.

"I'll allow it." I said easily, lighting a cigarette. "Tonight you'll have to earn it, though. I don't usually reward in advance."

JJ's face went tight with fear, I just grinned my grin at him.

"Dee, I completely forgot I had promised Drake I would have a beer with him after work tonight. You can come with us, if you want. I mean, if that's okay with you." I frowned hard at him. This was not how I had planned the evening to happen. I was supposed to spend some time alone to plan, and when I got to JJ's he would have my coffee for me, and he would do as I told him.

I did not want Drake looking too closely at me. Not when I would be able to feast my eyes on JJ, not with all this so close to the surface. The anger made my stomach hot and I took a slow drag, watching JJ's pleading eyes.

"Alright. But, you will be punished for changing the plan on me without my permission." I gripped his wrist and pulled it to me, he didn't fight at first.

"I just asked you're permission-" He didn't fight until I pressed the cherry of my lit cigarette into the tender flesh on the underside of his arm. JJ gasped and tried to pull away, I squeezed his wrist harder and watched him squirm. His agonized face was more glorious than I had ever seen it. JJ's eyes were glazed over with pain, his mouth wide open in shock. He was gasping to keep from screaming, legs twisting, fists clenched. I tossed his arm back at him when I was done.

"Permission granted." I mumbled. He held his arm and stared at me, bewilderment at the heart of his trembles, right alongside the pain. I tossed the bent cigarette away and lay my head back against the stones to light another. His voice was a high-pitched squeak when he finally spoke.

"Oh my God, Dee-" The door snapped open and Ryo came toward us, and I was not allowed to enjoy the crack in his voice on my name. JJ quickly pulled his sleeve down to hide what I had just done and wiped his eyes.

"Dee." Ryo smiled, the sun highlighted his hair so perfectly and I smiled back, stood to greet him with a kiss. "I knew you'd be up here."

"Here we are." I answered, taking a quick drag. Ryo looked down at JJ, who had not stood when he came out. I touched his shoulder and that was all the encouragement he seemed to need. He stood and I realized my mistake. Ryo's eyes connected with the marks around JJ's neck and he gave JJ a surprised look. If JJ had stayed down there, Ryo might not have even noticed.

"JJ." Ryo hesitated and glanced at me, licking his lips. "Dee told me you have a new boyfriend." JJ glanced at me too and nodded shortly. "I was wondering if you two would like to come over to dinner sometime."

"Oh." JJ breathed, and was careful not to look at me again, like a good boy. "I don't think that will work out." JJ shrugged, "He's really busy most of the time." Ryo glanced at me with that pained look he gets when he knows he's being lied to but can't outright say anything because he's too damned polite.

"Okay, I just thought, you know. It's an open invitation, so, anytime." JJ nodded and lowered his eyes, shoulders slumping. Ryo turned to me pointedly. "Dee, there's a breakthrough in our case, we got an anonymous tip, I'd like to talk to you about it."

I tried not to roll my eyes at him and his fucking case. I put out my cigarette and he led me into the stairwell, leaving JJ on the roof.

"Someone called in saying they witnessed two gunmen fleeing the scene, so it might not be the cousin from D.C. after all, unless there's a connection there." Ryo was saying on the way down the stairs. Then he stopped and turned to look at me. "Dee, I'm really worried about JJ."

"What's to be worried about?" I shrugged, playing as unconcerned as I could. "He got into a bar fight, what's a guy to do?"

"I think it's pretty clear what's going on with him." Ryo said dubiously, almost glaring at me and I nearly vomited all the nerves I was feeling just then. "He's being abused by this new boyfriend he has. And it looks pretty bad. Can you not see it?"

"Well, now that you mention it." I left it open because I knew Ryo would continue.

"As bad as it is now, you saw it, and we weren't seeing anything like this with him before. These things escalate fast, and if the guys this bad already..." His voice drifted off while he was consumed by his concern. "How much worse will it get before we're called in to investigate when they find his body or something?"

I would never kill JJ, I almost blurted out. He's the savior of our relationship. Before I could reply, Ryo's phone rang. I saw Berkeley's number flash on the screen as Ryo checked it. He hesitated and glanced at me before answering.

Nothing's going on. I told myself. Ryo's not cheating on me. But he turned away from me to take the call so I couldn't hear Rose.

"Hey, Berkeley." He answered. He paused, listening. "That thing we talked about?" He glanced back at me and away quickly and I could feel the rage building in my shoulders. "Yeah. Okay. I'll meet you there then. At 8:00, perfect." He hung up and glanced at me before continuing down the stairs, expecting me to follow, and I did. Meeting, where? At 8:00? Why? I tried not to show that the call had disturbed me. This was the fourth "meeting" Ryo was to have with Rose, and what could it possibly be that would make Ryo so secretive? I wanted to grab him, I wanted to demand he tell me, shake him until he did. But I didn't. I didn't dare to touch him, because if I did and I found out something I didn't want to know, I would lose complete control. And there was no guarantee I would be able to redeem myself after that.

We sat at our desks, not speaking, Ryo hardly glancing up at me. He made an effort not to, as if he felt guilty or something.

The clock ticked down until the end of the shift. Closer and closer by the minute to me getting my hands on JJ, alone in his apartment.

A/N: Here is the new version of this chapter, I promise not to make it a habit of re-opsting like this, I just really needed to fix this one.

Also- WTF is Ryo doing, now?