This is all my fault. I can't believe how stupid I was!
It's my fault Anya's hurting now…
I have to find her. I have to find her and apologize. She doesn't deserve this.
And I swear I'll never let anything that horrendous happen to her again.
Never.
I half-stomped, half-ran all the way to my room. Throwing my trunk onto my bed, I angrily began tossing my clothes and other belongings in it. My cheek was still on fire and throbbing….
Screw this! SCREW THIS! I'm so sick of this place and those terrible, immoral, classist sickos. I don't need any of this grief. That witch is right about one thing; Mr. Henderson will be more than happy to take me back. God forbid what would ever happen to her should he learn that she laid her hands on me…
I'll go back to Eden Academy tonight. I'll find a new job; I don't need much more money now anyways. Mr. Henderson will help secure me another position; I'll never have to deal Mr. Desmond or Stasi Grey or any of those monsters again. True, I'm still under Mr. Desmond's legal command by contract, but I'm sure he'd be more than willing to tear up my contract once he hears that his precious future daughter-in-law was "displeased" with me. Let her be displeased- I don't give a damn. I don't care about any of these people! They think I'm sooooooo beneath them all. Sure, I may not have been born in the same political class as the Desmonds, but at the very least I'll be free someday soon. You hear that, you jerks? I'm going to a country where I'll be free! Free and reunited with my father.
Pausing my frantic packing for a second, my head turned in the direction of Father's portrait by the window. My arms began to lower as I stared at his expression, his lovely soft smiling face. His eyes were so tender and loving….. His arms looked so slender yet so strong…. and I didn't even remember what it felt like to be held by them. I may not have remembered that, but I do remember that he loves me; he loves me more than I'll ever know, I'm sure. He brought me to Mr. Henderson before he left because he wanted another man who'd love me to guide and protect me…..
A single tear dripped down my cheek as my lips started to quiver. I suddenly found my brain at war with itself. I remember… and yet, there's so much I don't remember about him. I have to find him, to reach him as soon as I can. I've been running for so long, and I can't afford to stop now. Not when I'm so close….
Sighing in defeat, I let the shirt I was currenting holding fall onto the bed in front of me. My gaze wandered blankly out into nowhere tragically. I felt broken- utterly and entirely broken. This place had managed to wear me down, which probably wasn't hard to do considering how distraught I was coming in. Father left Ostania, and he took a large part of me with him. I didn't care about my freedom, I didn't care about continuing my education or gaining an inheritance; all I cared about was seeing him once again in my life. Other children might be able to forget their father's kindness and move on with their lives, but not me. Not when my father loved me so much…..
My eyes closed and I drew in a long, stilling breath. This…. This right here was the definition of pain, of loss. It felt like the universe was testing me, and I was losing right now. Despite that, I already knew that I'd made the decision to stay. I'd remain here in the Desmonds' employment until I saved enough money for the train ticket. It wouldn't be long now…. It was nearly within my grasp. I'd just have to grin and bear it for a bit longer- just a bit longer. I'll be on that train before I know it, and I'll be in the arms of the man who loves me again. Who I love….
My whole body flinched in alarm as my room's doorknob suddenly turned. I had just enough time to blink, spinning my head to the side to see Damian's head meekly pop in. Damian! My eyes grew massive and my heart skipped a very tight beat. It was like he'd rapidly re-appeared back into existence; I'd completely forgotten about him until literally right now. I took one look at his face and a whole new reason for staying unexpectedly dawned onto me. All I could do was ogle him wordlessly, breathlessly…. And that's when I asked myself 'have I truly been unhappy here this whole time?' Wasn't there another reason to stay here? To finish my time here? Yes….. Yes, that's also true, isn't it? Wasn't it Damian who said that we're happy together? So happy together…..?
I stood there like a flabbergasted moron while Damian glanced around before quietly coming inside. He made sure to shut the door behind him, staying beside it once it was closed. It was all over his expression; he was deeply embarrassed and ashamed of well, everything that transpired tonight. Unable to look me straight in the eye, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor in front of his feet. One of his hands still clasped the door handle; the other was carrying this round metal tin with flowers on it. I guess he brought me something in it…
Neither of us spoke immediately; I doubt either of us really knew what to say. Poor Damian…. He looked like he was about to cry himself. His hands trembled slightly. His lips parted a sliver, hanging in the air for a moment.
"Anya…?" "Master Desmond?" "Anya, I'm so….." He couldn't finish his sentence, he was quivering so hard. Sensing his intense distress, this gentle, organic smile began to form across my face; my first real smile….. since I last saw him earlier. "It's ok. It's….. ok." He didn't seem at all satisfied with this, letting his eyes drift out a bit. He finally summoned up the courage to peer in my direction, looking more pensive than I've ever seen anyone before. His face entirely altered though, once he noticed the open, half-filled trunk laying on my bed. His eyes flashed wide with horror and he instantly made his way over to me. I simply stayed there, watching him; I didn't even flinch.
"W-What are you doing?! Why is your trunk out?! You're not going anywhere, are you?!" His voice was all of a sudden loud and panicky. For my part, I calmly gazed from him to the trunk; I already knew I wasn't going anywhere. But I suppose I didn't answer fast enough for my master, as he felt the need to press the issue further, if only for his own peace of mind.
"Y-You're not leaving! There's no reason for you to leave! M-My brother won't have you dismissed; of course not! I won't let him!" My grin came back as I tried to set him as ease. My eyes softened onto his. "Don't worry, sir. I'm not going anywhere. I just….. Uh," glancing back to my trunk, I couldn't formulate a good way to end that sentence. I was rightly mad at the madame, but I knew what Damian would do if I told him what happened. I hated that woman, but I didn't want to see her get fired either. It was getting harder and harder to find a job nowadays for those without connections like me, which I doubt she had.
Still, I could tell that Damian waiting for some sort of explanation, to which I could think of none; none that he would be buy anyway. And I didn't want to lie to him….. Instead, I sadly, softly smiled his way, letting him read my tired expression. I sighed, letting my head fall a little.
"I'm not mad at you, and I don't blame you for what happened tonight. It's just…" I hesitated for a second before continuing. "It's just that I was reminded….. reminded that we come from different worlds. You and I are not of the same social class, Master Desmond; not politically anyway. Your family will never see me as one of their equals; that's just the reality we live in. And you said so yourself: your family has expectations of you….. Ones I could never meet," my fingers rolled inward at this part.
Damian beheld me with huge eyes for a minute, as if he hadn't wanted to hear anything I just said. But soon enough, he drew in a deflated breath, relaxing his shoulders slightly and turning his head off to the side. "I wish…. I wish I could say that you're wrong," he muttered and I grinned. "But you can't." He sighed upset, keeping his eyes off me again. "Nugh, this isn't fair….. Why can't things stay the way they are? Whenever I'm with you, I feel so light and happy. I've never been as calm…. as when I'm around you," his arms shook ever so lightly. My eyes enlarged as my cheeks blushed a tad. "Master Desmond…." A pregnant pause fell over us here as he took another much-needed breath.
"If I had my way, it'd just remain the two of us forever. But…. you're right, unfortunately," he couldn't go on, but I could. Watching him with the upmost tenderness and sorrow, my hands clasped out in front of me as I turned to face him fully. "You'll marry Stasi Grey… and go on to have a lucrative career in the National Unity Party." Damian's face demented with irritation. His free hand balled into a clenched fist, shaking at his side. His teeth grit together. "I hate Stasi," he growled under his breath, not looking in my direction as he said it. I in turn didn't reply, merely staring at him despondently. We both knew that was his future, and there was nothing either of us could do about it...
A very long, dismal minute dragged on. When Damian failed to say anything more, I let out another sigh, effectively breaking the tense silence. "I hope you understand now….. You make me happy too, Master Desmond….. Too happy. But….. But we're not the same. This relationship is not one of equals- it never can be. YOU are the master, and I am your maid; nothing more….. Nothing more," I felt the need to repeat myself with those last two words. I was well aware that Damian had already fallen in love with me, and he sounded to be falling more deeply by the day. But alas, it could never be. This was the definition of a "forbidden romance", and not the kind you read in novels. There would be real consequences for me should anyone ever discover…. And besides I'm going to Westalis soon; no point in getting even more attached than we already seemed to be….. I could only hope that he finally got the message. He may love me, but it can never amount to anything- not with Stasi Grey and his family watching him like a hawk from the side. I glanced downward, depressed by the very idea. It was a miserable, heart-breaking situation all around.
But when I eventually looked back up his way, Damian was staring at me with such intensity. His face had completely changed once again; it was his turn to be the calm, serene one in the room. This shocked me as I figured what I'd just said to him would have crushed him, but no. He looked content and blissful, if you can imagine that. He wasn't smiling per se, but I could tell he was pleased, if for the first time since the tea party.
"You're right, Anya. You are MY maid, and as such, it is my job to take care of you." He said this and I actually giggled, it shocked me so much. "Don't you have the roles reversed?" "Absolutely not. You're under my employment which means that you're under my protection. Don't worry; tonight was an… eye-opening experience for me, one which I've greatly learned from. But rest assured, NOTHING like that will ever happen again- not while I'm here." Damian, my grin widened in the corners. "I'm sure you cannot make such a promise." "And I'm sure that I can. You're safely and wellbeing are my responsibility, Anya; one I need to start taking more seriously. You're most correct; the lines between us have blurred too much. I am your master, and I'll start acting like it more from now on."
I giggled again. I couldn't help it! He sounded so "serious", but I doubt he even knew how to behave like a real master. A real master doesn't care about their employee's health or wellbeing, and yet that's all he seems to be concerned with…. Awe, Damian. Smiling, our eyes met again, instantly locking onto each other.
"Then I suppose I ought to start acting more like your maid. What would you have me do, sir?" "You'll do whatever I tell you," he immediately replied with a smile, making my grin grow in turn. Uh huh, yeah, sure. We simply, effortlessly beheld one another for a minute, letting our smiles take over our faces. The beautiful scene was only interrupted when he held the metal tin out for me to take. I blinked down to it puzzled.
"Have you eaten?" He inquired, and I shook my head. Food was actually the last thing on my mind presently….. Damian motioned for me to take the tin, which I did. "Open it," he then instructed. Inside was this delicious-looking fruit tart; I could smell the vanilla custard the moment I removed the lid. Peering back up to Damian's face with a confused expression, he was already looking away. The skin under both his eyes coloured a slight pink…..
"I-I saved this for you," was his quick explanation. I blinked at him, flabbergasted. "Master Desmond?" "Eat," he next ordered with softness. I didn't move, continuing to stare at his face dumbfounded. Wait, was this a gift? For me? He's giving this to me? Nobody's ever given me a present before besides Father, Mr. Henderson, and Becky. On top of which, he's the first boy to ever…
Blushing now myself, I didn't know what to do. On the one hand I was flattered and really, REALLY happy. On the other, didn't we just clarify that I'm his maid- just his maid? His head shot back around at me when I set the tin down on my bed, lowering my eyes on it tenderly. My fingers released it, caressing the blanket next to in.
"Thank you, but I can't accept it. You've been so kind to me already…. And like we've established, we have to keep the line between us clear…. and solid." Well, my master was NOT pleased with this, frowning upset. His posture straightened into one of dominance and he glued his firm stare onto me. "I said eat," his tone was stern and sincere now. I looked to him, a bit startled. But just like before, his expression said it all. I saw him, and I knew he was sorry for everything tonight….. absolutely everything. He knew he had messed up, and it was starting to dawn on him all what I and everyone else already understood. It was just more proof that he never once saw me as "beneath" him. I was beside him…. Always beside him. He couldn't give me a gift, he now realized, but that didn't mean he couldn't just so happen leave a tart around and tell his maid to "eat" it. He was already starting to play a different set of rules, which he knew I'd be able to tell. Yes, the look he gave me told me everything, and my heart was beginning to melt.
Glancing back down at the gorgeous pastry, Damian watched as I slowly, carefully broke off a bit of the crust. Man, did it taste good! I wasn't used to eating food like this, as I'm sure Damian was aware. He continued to observe as I ate away at the treat, savouring every bite. As I did so, this strange sensation began to overtake me. I felt…. safe. Safe and wanted. It wasn't a feeling I was used to outside of Mr. Henderson's presence, and one I wasn't expecting to experience tonight.
The effect was immediate. Everything started to hit me like a ton of bricks. I was vulnerable, truly vulnerable, in front of another person for the first time since my adoptive father. Everything overwhelmed me; the insults, the slap, the constant longing for my father, the waiting to go to Westalis, the painful reminder of how this country's party saw me… Utterly and wholly everything.
A tear rolled down my cheek, followed by another, and another. I was standing there, crying while eating this tart. All the while I didn't even peak over at Damian once; I instead shut my eyes, silently letting the tears flow. Damian also didn't say anything, but he never looked away from me- not for a single moment. His hand reached up and over to my shoulder, resting on it gently. He just let his hand stay there, where I think we both needed it to be. Only once he was touching me, caressing my skin did he allow himself to close his eyes. Both our eyes remained shut for a minute, as we inhaled and exhaled together in complete unison. We stayed like this until I had finished the tart and lifted the back of my hand up to wipe my eyes and cheeks. Then Damian's eyes opened a sliver, as did his lips.
"You were….. the only one I wanted to talk to in that room this evening."