by Zebeckras
Just to prove that I am working on this one in my spare time... :) Thanks again to the awesome DarkwingPsycho who beta'd this for me! Oh also, LaDinde is a turkey: "Dinde" is French for turkey, get it? :P It's pronounced similar to "Dand" like in "Dandy" hence the running gag. And, some of the times when he speaks in italics it's French. Not always but mostly.
Act I, chapter 2
The mechanic at the St. Canard air show did not like to stay in one place, and so he traveled between various shows across the coast, doing repair work of a hundred different types. He was drawn to planes, it was true, but that wasn't the limit of his understanding.
A pig of indeterminate age, guesses of how many years old he was generally varied between 50 and 65 years, a broad spectrum which he did little to narrow down. Rosso, a taciturn porcine fellow, did enjoy company but did not particularly take to conversation. He preferred to spend most of his time with his head deep in the workings of machinery as someone else chatted to entertain him, and most of the people who knew him were aware of that quirk, as well as the more immediately obvious one of his ever-present sunglasses.
Rosso was not, in fact, Italian, but few people realized that until he spoke.
He was quite popular at the air show, as he was most other places that he found work, both for his skills as a mechanic and for his ability to get along with almost anyone. Of course, that skill was probably easier to come by when you essentially let anyone say anything they wanted without any apparent judgment, but most people didn't feel the need to point that out.
In general, Rosso liked pilots. They came from a wide variety of backgrounds, they had some crazy stories to tell, and although a lot of them had healthy egos, they respected his work ethic and his skills. For the most part he got on with everyone at the air show.
When he heard footsteps coming towards the far end of the hangar, however, he looked up to find one of the few exceptions to the rule.
"Bonjour, M'sieu Rosso! 'Ave you a minute?" Maurice LaDinde was always unfailingly polite at the start of each conversation. This could turn on a dime.
Rosso gave him a stare in response, and after a moment in which his smile faltered just slightly, LaDinde went on. "Very well, I shall assume zat you do. M'sieu Rosso, my plane is in need of your tender loving care. Could you take some time to come and see to him?"
With a grunt, Rosso stood up fully from the hatch of the plane he was working on, and said slowly, "You alvays are asking for me to look at plane. Alvays, ees noting wrong. Vy you need I look now?"
LaDinde gave him a winning grin. "Ah, oui, oui, you always keep ze planes in such fine condition, M'sieu Rosso... maintenant, I just wish to know zat he is going to fly perfectly in ze show zis afternoon." The grin shifted into something less pleasant, as LaDinde leaned in close. "Of course, if you are busy, I can make sure zat ze committee in charge of your employment knows you cannot 'andle your workload..."
Rosso, unthreatened by this remark, went back to his work under the hatch of the jet. When LaDinde began to complain, he held up a grease-covered hand and kept silence for nearly a minute before finishing his work, wiping his hands as best he could on a filthy cheesecloth, and setting off towards LaDinde's private hangar to do some work servicing the pilot's already perfectly-maintained plane.
One of the things about LaDinde that bothered Rosso was that he always seemed to be looking around, as if searching for an adoring public to show off to. He was as smooth about it as he was about everything else, but it stuck in Rosso's throat for reasons he couldn't pin down. LaDinde did this little search-about in silence for the first minute or so that Rosso was working on his plane, and then he softly stepped closer to the mechanic. "So, M'sieu Rosso. He is quite le beau avion, n'est-ce pas?" Rosso grunted in reply. LaDinde puffed up a bit with pride, and took a step closer. "Your 'andiwork... it is to be admired, Rosso. It could be seen anywhere, and recognized, I think."
Rosso did not answer, but LaDinde jumped when a young, female voice rang out in his private hangar.
"Oh, Mr. Rosso, here you are! I've totally been looking, like, sideways and stuff fer you! Hey, Mr. Dandy, what's up?"
LaDinde flinched, and turned to the young blonde woman who was beaming at him cheerfully from beneath an unkempt poof of blonde hair. With a smile that was initially clearly forced, but which quickly smoothed into something more suave, he said, "It is LaDinde, Mam'selle McQuack... per'aps you should just call me 'Maurice', non?"
The young woman giggled. "'Kaaaay, but if you start speaking of the pompatus of love, I am totally gonna jet." She turned to Rosso. "Mr. Rosso, I totally don't wanna bogart you or anything, but like, my engine's making that weirdo knocking noise again. Next time you have a minute could you come an' take a look?"
Rosso stood up from the plane and answered her directly. "Ees time now. Thees plane, ees perfect. I come look at plane that need me to see it, Mees Loopy."
"Oh, thanks, you totally rock!" Loopy clapped her hands together and bounced on her heels a bit as Rosso gathered his tools and joined her in heading for the adjacent hangar where most of the show planes were being kept. LaDinde protested loudly, but Rosso ignored him, and Loopy gave an apologetic shrug and a wave before disappearing through the door.
She made a few idle attempts at chatter as they walked across from LaDinde's hangar into the one her family was using, and then she opened the hood to the engine and pointed out a few things she thought might be contributing to the problem, described the noise, and let him get to work. With that done, she started talking about the afternoon's airshow and what routines she was planning, followed by her excitement at her brother coming to see her and her parents. This was punctuated throughout by her questions about her plane and what he was doing to it.
Unlike with LaDinde, Rosso thought nothing of the interruptions, because Loopy wasn't questioning him as LaDinde had a habit of doing; she was studying him. She had a good head for mechanical work and was in the habit of fixing her own plane, but lately the old engine had started to develop problems and Loopy felt out of her league enough to come repeatedly to Rosso for help.
He was about halfway finished when she checked her watch. "Oh, I gotta, like, cut and run... My big bro is due in any millisecond now and I majorly need to meet him. We'll come by to say hi, 'kay?"
"Ees good, I haf plane done by then," Rosso said gruffly as she patted his shoulder and skipped off. The air in the spot she had vacated still smelled like bubble gum for some time after she was gone.
Loopy was about thirty feet from the entrance and she could see her brother, standing leisurely with a small group of strangers. "WOOO! HEY, BIG BRO!" she yelled, and broke into a jog. Launchpad looked up, caught her eye, and waved enthusiastically. About five feet from him she took a flying leap and he caught her, barely avoiding being knocked over.
"Oooof! Man, that's not as easy as it used ta be!" he said with a grunt, catching his balance. He gave her a squeeze around the shoulders before putting her down.
"Gettin' old," she said cheerfully, snapping her gum at him.
He made a face at her, then shifted his attention to just over her shoulder. "Oh, hey, there's Mom and Dad."
"Cool! 'Pad, they have been soooo stoked, you have NO idea." She grinned. "How was the flight here? Where'd ya leave the plane?"
"No plane. We drove here. Not too long a trip, either."
"No plane? Awww! I wanted to see the Thunder-"
"Loopy!" he said quickly in a low voice, glancing around, "no one's supposed to know about that!"
"OH," she said sheepishly. "Oops!"
"WE all already know," said one of the people with him, a little red-haired girl. "So you didn't spoil any surprises."
The other adult, a brunette with glasses, leaned down to the girl. "Um, Gosalyn, this may be a 'less said the better' situation."
The conversation turned when Loopy and Launchpad's parents joined them. "Sweetheart!" said their mother, grabbing his cheeks and pulling him down until they were at eye level. She gazed at him for a moment, beaming, then gave him a very loud kiss.
"Ma," Launchpad said, clearly embarrassed, "c'mon, my friends are here."
"If they think less of you because you love your mother, then they're not very good friends," she answered patiently, patting both his cheeks again. "You look wonderful!" She turned her attention to the two kids, as Launchpad straightened up and greeted his father. Birdy knelt just slightly and beamed at the boy and girl. "Now don't tell me... you're Gosalyn Mallard, right?"
"You bet!" chirped the girl. "And this is Honker Muddlefoot!"
Birdy put an arm around each of them and gave them a rather sudden hug. Releasing them both, she said warmly, "It's nice to meet you both! Launchpad writes about you so much, I feel like I've known you for years!"
Honker sniffed. "Um, nice to meet you too, Mrs. McQuack."
"Are you excited to be here?"
"OH yeah! Where do they keep the artillery?" Gosalyn asked excitedly. Birdy laughed, and tousled the girl's hair. "Maybe we'll show you all around in a minute or two." She stood up and turned her unending smile onto the woman, who seemed to try to return it but to have some trouble with keeping it going. "And you must be Beth," said Birdy, her voice filled with a knowing air.
The young woman faltered a little. "Well, if I must I must, but I'd rather be Princess Grace," she said, apparently attempting a joke, and gave a tight chuckle. She held out her hand in a request to shake, but Birdy bypassed it and a moment later was hugging the stuffing out of her. "Oh, um, okay," Beth said.
"Any friend of Launchpad's is a friend of the family!" Birdy said cheerfully when she stepped back. She looked Beth who was at least a full head taller than her up and down, and nodded. "You are just lovely!"
"Oh gosh," Beth stammered. She looked awkwardly towards Launchpad, who was in conversation with his father, and then back towards Launchpad's mother. "That that's really nice of you to say, Mrs. McQuack..."
"Dear, call me Birdy." She patted Beth on the shoulder pleasantly, then turned towards the rest of her family. "Ripcord! Leave your son alone and come meet his friends!"
When Launchpad's father was actually standing in front of her, Beth had to fight the urge to cringe, just in case he was as much of a hugger as his wife; he was both taller and wider than Launchpad was. "Nice ta meetcha, little lady!" he drawled, and Beth nodded speechlessly as he reached for her, took her hand, and shook it hard. It only took about two seconds, but she felt breathless when he let her go.
He turned towards the kids, and Honker took a quick step backwards as he swung around to face them. "Well hey little partners... you kids come a long way?"
"Nahhh, we live just on the edge of the city," Gosalyn said airily, evidently the only person not intimidated. Honker nodded meekly. "What about you? Did you fly here from another country?"
"Nope," said Ripcord, grinning.
"Another state?"
"Yep."
"Did you go a thousand miles in like, five minutes?"
"Nope."
"Did you have to refuel?"
"Yep, once."
"Cool! Have you ever flown an X-wing 57?"
While Gosalyn dominated the conversation, Beth breathed a sigh of relief at making it through the introductions so far, and Launchpad nudged Loopy with his elbow. "I thought you said you could keep a secret," he said in a low voice.
"Sheesh, like, I figured they must've known! I mean, like, isn't the girl his daughter and junk?"
"Yeah, she is, but Honker's no relation, an' Beth..."
"Pffft," Loopy snorted softly. "You can tell that little boy knows everything about everything. An' as for her, I just figured, you've never been able to keep secrets from the girls you've been sweet on."
"Loopy!" This time he punched her on her shoulder, just hard enough to make her scoff loudly and rub at the spot.
"Omigod, OW! Big jerk!" She laughed and smacked him back, and this escalated until their mother shot them a chiding glance and a quick "Kids, stop that!"
When their mother had turned her attention away again, Launchpad asked quietly, "You didn't tell Mom and Dad, though, didja?"
"Duh! Because I am just that big a blabbermouth, huh?"
"Just checkin'. I mean, I know you guys are close, it's just... I dunno, the whole secret identity thing..."
"No problemo," Loopy said, and patted his arm. "They are totally out to lunch on that one. Hi!" she finished, sounding eager and perky, and Launchpad blinked in confusion until from behind him, Beth gave an almost equally lively "Hi!" in response.
He turned and grinned at her. "So, yeah, this's my family. You met Mom an' Dad, and this's Loopy, my kid sister."
"Nice to meet you," said Beth, and Launchpad was pretty sure he was the only one who could pick up on how hard she was pushing herself to appear confident. She stuck her hand out and Loopy took it and shook it. "Your parents are really sweet."
"Aw, thanks!" said Loopy, and snapped her gum. "They're totally about running my business, though. I mean, whatever, like I'm NOT already over 20?"
"Well, I guess all parents are like that," said Beth. "You should hear some of the stories about my mom."
"Omigod, we should totally dish about that! Are you the youngest in your fam too?"
"Oh no, I'm the middle one. Um, but I was the youngest for years - I was fifteen when my younger brother was born, so I guess it still counts..."
Loopy laughed. "I seriously think they let the older ones go do their own stuff and it's, like, just us little squirts they pick on."
"'Little squirts'?" Beth asked, sounding amused.
"Y'know, relatively speaking."
The various conversations were all interrupted at once when a sharp, accented voice cut through the chatter. "'Allo! Mam'selle Loopee, I need information!"
Loopy rolled her eyes briefly and then turned to face LaDinde, a big grin on her face. "Oh hey! Like, what's up, Chuck?"
The French turkey forced a smile. "Aha... I have told you, you should call me... Maurice..." He slowed to a stop when he saw the people she was standing beside, and a moment later his eyebrows drew together. Loopy looked back at both her brother and his friend to see if either one knew what was bringing in this reaction, but they both looked merely confused.
"Oh, hello, Mr. LaDandy!" Birdy chirped, and LaDinde gave a start and then turned to her, looking puzzled. "Excited for the show this afternoon?"
Recovering, LaDinde gave a quick laugh. "LaDinde, Madame McQuack. But, I apologize... I should have instructed you all by now to simply call me, Maurice."
Ripcord gave a friendly laugh. "Well, does that mean you speak the pompatus of love?"
LaDinde made a confused noise and Birdy groaned, while Loopy muttered, "Beat ya to that one, Dad." Launchpad chuckled. Gosalyn and Honker looked at him, then at Beth, who shrugged her shoulders and looked mystified along with them.
"Heck, where're my manners?" Ripcord indicated the visitors with one large hand. "Maurice, this here's my son Launchpad an' his friends; they all live in St. Canard an' came by to watch us fly today. Launchpad, Maurice LaDinde here is a pro stunt pilot from overseas."
"Nice to meetcha!" Launchpad said, stepping forward with his hand outstretched.
LaDinde hesitated for the tiniest moment, his eyes searching Launchpad's face, before accepting the handshake. "Pleasure is mine," he said quietly, and then unexpectedly renewed the energy behind the handshake. "Indeed you must forgive me, M'sieu. I am c'est quoi, le mot I am occupe, my mind is elsewhere, you see I am looking for ze mechanic but, pas de quoi. I am being rude. A true pleasure to meet you, M'sieu McQuack."
"Aw, call me Launchpad," was the reply.
"Mais oui," LaDinde agreed. He shifted his attention to just behind Launchpad, where Beth stood. "But who is zis lovely vision?"
Beth, caught completely off-guard, actually went as far as to look behind her before meeting his eyes. "Um m-me? I... I'm Beth..." She offered her hand as well, but with a slight pause midway through the movement, as if she wasn't sure she was doing it the right way.
"Enchante," said LaDinde, pushing past Launchpad to take her hand in his own. Once he held it, he turned it and gave the back a lingering kiss. Beth giggled lightly.
Loopy caught sight of the look on her brother's face, and tugged him backwards to say quietly, "Chill out, big bro. That's, like, just how they are in France."
"Yeah?" answered Launchpad, his voice so low it was almost a growl. The surprise on his face had given way to a decidedly less friendly expression than he'd worn a moment ago, and now he narrowed his eyes, never taking them off of LaDinde. "Well, he's got about five seconds to stop bein' so French."
LaDinde didn't take five seconds to stop kissing Beth's hand, but he didn't release it from his grasp right away either, and Loopy could tell that was the only thing Launchpad was paying attention to. "And what is such a lovely young lady doing here, among all of us ruffians?"
"Oh um, gee... I-I'm here with, well-" She gestured at Launchpad, her face more than slightly flushed, and said, "I'm just here with my friend to see his family fly in the show... These are Gosalyn Mallard and Honker Muddlefoot." She finished by indicating the kids, who both waved politely.
Launchpad was at her side in two steps, and put his arm around her shoulders as he smiled tightly at LaDinde. "Yep, so we're here together."
"Oh, I apologize," LaDinde said, letting go of Beth's hand at last and taking a step backwards, "I did not realize you two were..."
The moment became even more awkward when Beth chimed in, "Oh no, we're not! We're just friends." She smiled at LaDinde, then her smile turned slightly apologetic as she looked up at Launchpad.
Launchpad, whose own smile didn't quite disappear, nodded. "Yep. Here together as friends," he echoed.
Loopy felt obliged to rescue everyone as well as she could, so she stepped forward and grabbed Beth's arm, pulling her away from both men. "Which is just so totally awesome, too! Y'know Beth we should totally go shopping, like, to get to know each other?"
"Oh? R-really?" Beth looked surprised, and behind her, Launchpad stared daggers at LaDinde as the turkey smiled back, apparently not noticing. "Isn't this... um... kind of far away from any stores?"
"They have a souvenir shop, girl," Loopy laughed.
Birdie stooped slightly to reach eye-level with Gosalyn and Honker, and said, "Would you two like a tour of the air field before the show? We'd sure love to let you look at everything up close, without a crowd."
"Keen gear! Honker and I would LOVE that!" Gosalyn yelped.
Ripcord, meanwhile, thumped LaDinde on the back. "Well, glad ya came by just now, Maurice we gotta get goin' so we've got some time to spend with the kids before the show, but I'm sure we'll meet up again later!"
"But of course," LaDinde said, his tone aloof. "It is more zan likely zat we will run into one another again... perhaps several times. Au revoir, M'sieur McQuack." He saluted, the gesture apparently aimed vaguely someplace in between Ripcord and Launchpad, and then departed.
Ripcord now patted his son on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, son," he said.
Launchpad, his eyes on Beth as she was led away by his younger sister, laughed uneasily. "Don't worry about what? Say, I guess that guy's gonna fly later?"
"Yep, he'll go on a little before we do. Usually pretty popular with the crowd."
"I bet," muttered Launchpad. He let his father lead him away, following Birdie as she walked with Gosalyn and Honker, and a short distance away Maurice LaDinde watched them go.
When they were out of sight he tucked himself into an alcove, his back against the wall, and kept his eyes up and on the alert as he pulled out a tiny communicator from his pocket.
After pressing several keys, he spoke into it. "'Allo? 'Allo! Agent LaDinde calling for F.O.W.L., 'oo is responding?"
There was some fuzz on the other end, and then a bored female voice answered, "F.O.W.L. here... we have no records of an Agent LaDan, please try again."
"LaDinde," the pilot corrected her with a snarl; after a pause she spoke again.
"Sorry, there is no record of such an Agent. This call will be reported to-"
"'Oo is thees? Which division?" he interrupted impatiently. "I am calling for ze Foreign Organization for World Larceny, not ze Fiendish Organization."
"Okay. Please hold, I'll transfer you," said the woman, sounding even more bored than before. There was a click.
Annoyed, LaDinde muttered, "Zese stupid corporate mergers. C'est incroyable, quelle stupide..."
With another click, a new voice answered. "Yez, theez eez an ordeenary laundromat, vhat you vant?"
"The milkmaid 'as left two buckets today," he answered, relieved at finally being in a situation that made sense.
"Agent LaDinde," said the voice, "hold pleez, I connect you." One more click, a brief pause, and then he was on the line with the head of his division.
"Yes, Agent, report."
"Ze mission is progressing well," he said sharply, "ze object is within range and my plan is so far undetected. In a few more hours, we will 'ave our property back in our 'ands."
"Excellent. Anything more?"
"Er... well..." He hesitated, then answered. "Zere eez a DIA agent 'ere. I recognized 'im from 'is file: Agent Double-O Duck."
"Double-O Duck," the other voice said musingly. "He hasn't been active in the field in years. We'd lost track of him. Are you sure it's him?"
"Oui, mon capitan. 'E looks just as 'e did in 'is file photo: identical to Agent Von Beak, only... stupider." LaDinde rolled his eyes.
"Well, well. Did he recognize you?"
"Ah, non. I do not think 'e 'as, er, kept up with our activities."
"Very good. Agent LaDinde, your mission is now expanded to include this unexpected opportunity. You will still pick up our missing goods, but you are hereby also assigned to terminate Double-O Duck. Failure will mean your own termination. Acknowledge."
"I " LaDinde stifled a curse they weren't even going to send any backup? - then recovered. "Yes, sir. I acknowledge. By ze end of ze day, Double-O Duck will be... 'ow do you say... annihilated."