SIXTEEN

With her fingers practically trembling from nervousness, Shelagh knocked on the door to the Turners' flat when she arrived on Sunday afternoon. Save the first time she met Timothy, she had never felt nervous to spent time with the two of them. That morning, she anticipated their afternoon and evening together to be a very exciting affair, but then, when they'd said a brief hello to each other before the church services began, things had taken a sour turn.

That morning, Shelagh had gone to the local church without her habit for the first time ever. She wore the new dress and hat she'd purchased the previous afternoon, an outfit that Trixie had promised her looked perfect on her. She'd actually felt quite excited to be no longer tethered to the restrictions of her vows for the first time since she was practically a teenager. She was not naïve enough to think her dramatic change in wardrobe would go unnoticed by the community and had anticipated some shock or questions—and she had received both.

As she dressed that morning, she was most looking forward to Patrick's and Timothy's reaction to seeing her. While Patrick had seen her wearing a standard woman's dress during their time at the Italian officer's hospital, that had been many years earlier—and he'd technically been a prisoner at the time. This she knew would be a much better experience for him—and it was. She caught his eye as she was speaking to a young woman whose baby she had delivered earlier that year and almost blushed at his joyful expression.

She tried to make her way over to him, but it took several minutes as she was continually intercepted by the curious citizens of Poplar. When she finally did reach him, they had but a few minutes before the service was to begin. Patrick had barely explained to Timothy that the woman he knew as Sister Bernadette was now to be called Shelagh, when the wide-eyed boy hid himself behind his father's thigh. Naturally, her first instinct was to ask him what sort of game he was playing, but it only took a few moments for her to realize he wasn't playing but seemed genuinely afraid of her. She'd been too stunned to process it in the moment, but as she sat in the pew beside Trixie, she felt her heart begin to break. She had never even considered the idea that Timothy might be disappointed for her to no longer be a nun. She could not think of one single reason why he would be, as he had never sought any sort of religious guidance from her; he was far too young for that.

After the service, she'd tried to find them, but it seemed they must have left quite swiftly. She hoped it wasn't because Timothy was too upset but feared that may have been the case. She even thought about calling Patrick and asking if he felt they should postpone telling him about their engagement, but then decided to keep their plans as originally set. The idea of her presence being upsetting to Timothy made it feel as though a blade had pierced her gut. At the same time, she could not comfort him without knowing why he was so unsettled, which meant she had to face him and find out.

When Patrick opened the door, his expression was solemn, which did nothing to aid the tightness of her chest. He ushed her inside and brushed his lips quickly against her cheek.

"How is Timothy?" she asked immediately.

"Not well, I'm afraid." Patrick sighed and rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "He's refusing to come out of his room or talk about why he's upset. He was fine this morning before we left for church. He was excited because I told him you were coming for dinner and then…" His voice drifted off with a shrug.

Shelagh wrung her hands together. "Do you think seeing me like this was what upset him?"

"I can't imagine why that would be the case, but the timing makes it seem possible. Maybe…maybe he'll speak to you about it."

She nodded and silently asked God for guidance as she walked back towards Timothy's room. The door was open, and she found him lying face down on the bed still in his church clothes. There was a small stool near the head of the bed, so she sat on it and asked softly, "Timothy, dear, do you want to tell me why you're so upset? I want to help you if I can."

"You can't." He mumbled into his pillow.

She glanced towards Patrick, who was hovering in the doorway, and then turned back to the boy. "Why not?"

"Because!" He pushed himself up suddenly and she could see the tracks of tears on his face. "You're leaving! My mum left, and now you're going, too!"

Shelagh was so stunned by this statement that she stammered out her first few words in response. "Wha—I—no. No, I'm no leaving."

"I heard you! You said it!"

Shelagh thought back to their conversation that day, but she had said so few words before Timothy's demeanor changed, it simply wasn't possible for him to have interpreted that from what she said to him. She then thought back a bit further to the conversation she had just before speaking with Patrick and Timothy and an explanation began to form in her mind. "Did you hear me tell someone that I was leaving the order?"

He sniffed and rubbed the back of his hand against his nose before nodding.

"Well, that is true. I have left the order, which is why I'm no longer wearing a habit, but I am not leaving Poplar. I'm not leaving you," she assured him.

"In fact," Patrick chimed in, "it's quite the opposite." He sat down beside his son, pulled out his handkerchief, and mopped up some of the boy's tears.

"What does that mean?" Timothy asked.

"It means that…well, you know that Shelagh and I have known each other for many years and over the past few months we've become such good friends again that we realized we love each other quite a bit. We've decided…" Patrick hesitated, and Shelagh could hear the hint of emotion in his voice, so she reached out and placed her hand over his. He smiled over at her and grasped onto her hand tightly. "We've decided we want to be married."

Timothy's despair began to melt away as he asked, "Married?"

"Yes. She's going to be your stepmother. Is that all right with—oh!" Patrick gasped when Tim launched himself forward into his father's arms.

"That's what I wanted! It's what I wanted!" Timothy cheered. He then used the mattress as a trampoline to launch himself into Shelagh's arms. She was nearly knocked off the stool from surprise, but she managed to right herself as he kneeled in her lap with his arms locked around her neck. Tears pricked her vision from the intensity of his hug, and she could see Patrick was looking a bit misty-eyed himself.

Shelagh slid her hand up to cradle the back of Tim's head, love for him swelling inside of her chest as she promised, "I'm not going anywhere; you don't have to worry one bit." In response, he hugged her tighter, so she cradled him close and let him hold on as long as he needed.

Patrick delicately shut the door to his son's bedroom and then walked back to the kitchen where Shelagh was finishing up their dishes from their evening meal. When he entered the room, she reached for a towel to dry off her hands and asked how Timothy was.

Suppressing a laugh he said, "Well, I managed to get him to close his eyes, but I very much doubt he'll stay asleep." In fact, Patrick was certain he would not, for even getting Tim to close his eyes took ten minutes of coaxing. He wasn't upset about it, though. Timothy was generally very good with bedtimes, and he certainly understood how the events of the day had stirred him up much more than was typical.

"He is very excited."

Patrick chuckled as that was quite an understatement. Tim had chattered on for hours about all the things they were going to do as a family, how much he couldn't want for them all to spend every evening together, and, interestingly, how pretty he found Shelagh's hair to be. Considering there had been several hours that day when Patrick feared the boy was upset about their future union, he was more than happy to tolerate a bit of overzealous chatter—at least, for one evening.

Shelagh smiled and said, "That makes two of us."

"Three of us," Patrick corrected before stepping forward and reaching out his arms towards her. She stepped forward and sunk into his embrace, holding him close for the first time since their emotional confessions in the supply room. He let his fingers lazily roam up and down her spine, thrilled he was able to feel the curves of her body now that she was no longer swathed in the many layers of her habit.

When she slid out of their embrace, he brushed his thumb against her cheek and said, "You know, I must apologize to you."

Her brow wrinkled. "Apologize? Whatever for?"

"For waiting this long to tell you how beautiful you look." He watched as the blush slowly crept into her cheeks, but it only made him smile wider.

"That's very kind, but there's no need to apologize; I understand you were focused on Timothy."

"Yes. And, we weren't alone, so I could not also do this," he said before lowering his lips to hers.

After they kissed, he walked her over to the sofa where they sat side by side and he asked how she was feeling about all the changes that had taken place in her life over the prior day and a half.

She reached over and picked up his hand, pulling it into her lap so she could sandwich it between hers before she said, "I feel…quite wonderful, actually. I see now how much my mind had already shifted to the expectation of building a life with you. The biggest change is the wardrobe." She laughed slightly. "And, the absence of guilt for wanting to kiss you."

Unable to stop himself, he leaned down and kissed her again. He scooted a little bit closer to her so that their legs were pressed together, and they sat that way for a few minutes before one of the many questions he'd been thinking of in the wake of their heartfelt confessions popped into the front of his mind.

"May I ask you something about yesterday?"

"Of course."

"You said that you realized you loved me just before God sent you away. That would have been the night we fell asleep together on the balcony."

She nodded. "That's right. I'd felt it for longer than I realized, but when I woke up beside you in the middle of the night, I finally acknowledged it to myself. I wasn't sure what the future would bring for us, but I just wanted to be happy for that moment, which is why I was laying on you when we woke up."

He hummed as he thought about that moment, still so precious to him all those years later. "I remember that so well…I remember almost kissing you. Would you have let me?" She nodded and he grinned with triumph. "I knew it."

She laughed as he pulled her in for another kiss and, fueled by the affirmation by just how deep their feelings ran for one another, found himself feeling as bold as ever. He slid his arms around her waist and soon felt her hands gently resting on the sides of his neck. When he heard her make a contended sighing sound, he tested the waters by brushing his tongue across her bottom lip. He was worried she might feel overwhelmed by the intimate act, but she parted her lips for him almost immediately.

He was so lost in their kissing that a very soft, "How do you breathe like that?" nearly launched him out of his skin.

"Timothy." He groaned when he saw the curious boy gazing at them over the back of the couch. While Shelagh's cheeks turned crimson, he tried to regulate his heartbeat with a few deep breaths. "I thought I put you to bed."

"But now I'm up!" he chirped happily.

"Excuse me, young man, but it is far too late to be cheeky. You need to go back to bed."

He groaned and stomped around to the front of the couch. He hopped up on first cushion, landing on his knees and said, "But I don't want to!"

"Timothy," Patrick's tone grew impatient. "If you talk back again, you will not have any sweets for a week. Now, go to bed."

Timothy looked to Shelagh and said, "Will you read to me?"

"Tomorrow, dear," she said.

Timothy inched forward and reached out for her hand. "How about one book now and one book tomorrow."

"No sweets, Timothy," his father said, his tone calm.

The boy gasped. "No!"

"I'm serious."

"NO!"

"Timothy, please go to bed." Patrick said, but the boy continued to fuss so Patrick grabbed him around the waist and carried him back to his room. He let him cry for a few more minutes before saying softly, "I know you're excited, but I also know you can behave better than this. Please go to sleep."

Upon returning to the living room, he flopped back on the sofa and sighed to Shelagh, "I do apologize."

"There's no need for that. He's only four and he's had a very unusual day. It's perfectly understandable. Though I am…I don't want to say impressed, but, well, impressed at how quickly he tried to pit us against each other."

Patrick nodded, as he was having similar thoughts. "Yes, well, that is a problem for tomorrow, because I still want this evening to be about us."

She smiled and slid into his embrace once more and they sat quietly for several moments before he asked, "Do you think it's too soon to talk about when we might get married?"

"No."

"When would you like to get married, Shelagh?"

"Tomorrow," she sighed wistfully. His initial reaction was to laugh, but then he wondered how serious she might be, so he asked. "Well, I don't mean that literally. Obviously, that's not even possible, but I don't want to wait too long."

"Are you sure?"

She lifted her head to eye him curiously. "Do you want to wait?"

"I didn't say that I did. I was simply asking because you're the one who is facing the greater life change."

She gave her head a gentle shake. "It doesn't feel like a change to suddenly be in the place you've been meant to be your whole life."

His heart swelling with emotion, he brushed his thumb against her jaw and sighed, "I love you."

"I love you, too." After giving him one more soft kiss, she slid away from him saying, "I really must be getting back."

Reluctantly, he stood and walked her to the door asking, "Will you come for dinner again tomorrow?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I'm the midwife on call tomorrow night, but I'll be here on Tuesday."

Grinning he said, "Tuesday. I can't wait." Then, as he always did, he watched her pedal away on her bicycle until she turned out of sight. He shut the door and leaned back against it feeling utterly blissful and very anxious for the future they would soon begin together.

As the crisp sea breeze of the early evening brushed against her face, Shelagh could not help but smile. She felt her husband's hand at the small of her back as they made their way across the street towards the pier and stone-covered shoreline below. When they successfully crossed the street, he grasped onto her hand, smiled over his shoulder at her, and then continued to lead them towards the end of the pier.

Though she would never have thought of the idea on her own, Shelagh was glad she had agreed to their honeymoon trip to the seaside community of Brighton. Patrick had been the one to suggest it after it was recommended to him by a patient when news of their upcoming nuptials had spread through the community. She had been hesitant to agree to any sort of honeymoon trip as it seemed too frivolous but as it was only two nights away he had talked her into it by reminding her that she was allowed some frivolity now that she no longer needed to live her life under such strict regulations—a fact that she knew, but continued to struggle against as it had been her "normal" for nearly a decade.

Despite their engagement and onset of their romantic relationship happening in the same moment, Shelagh had never wanted to wait long to marry Patrick. In her mind, they had been acting like a couple for longer than either of them realized or acknowledged. When combined with the fact that they had known each other for many years meant that, in her mind, getting married was simply the official religious and legal step they needed to take to join themselves together. She didn't see the need for a big party or anything outlandish, but, to no one's surprise, Trixie saw it differently. Though it took several rounds of conversation, the young midwife managed to convince them that a love as unique and wonderful as theirs deserved to be celebrated not rushed through. In the end, they compromised with a small ceremony not quite two months after their engagement—and it had been utterly perfect.

Shelagh had never felt as happy as she had during those two months with Patrick and Timothy. Spending so much additional time with them both had brought her so much joy that she was thrilled at the prospect of living with them full time when they returned to Poplar. She wasn't even the slightest bit worried about navigating sharing a home and, more specifically, a bedroom with Patrick; their lives had become so entwined it seemed stranger not to.

During those two months Shelagh lived at Nonnatus, continuing her work as a midwife and sharing a room with Trixie. Such close proximity allowed Trixie to provide ample help in planning the wedding details, which she found a bit overwhelming, particularly since unlike many young women she had never once pictured herself as a bride. Trixie helped her see the fun in it, though, and in the end, she could not have imagined marrying Patrick in any other way.

When they reached the edge of the pier, Shelagh leaned on the handrail to watch the waves breaking against the shore. Patrick stepped up behind her and slipped both arms around her waist, holding her tightly. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck, always happy to take any moment to cuddle against him, and they stood there for several minutes, enjoying the moment together.

"It's not a hospital balcony," he said softly into her ear, "but it's close."

"It's perfect."

Though the day had been long and quite emotional, with them both tearing up during their wedding ceremony, she didn't feel tired as they watched the sun slip lower into the sky. She was excited for them to spend their first night together as husband and wife—and all that entailed. She loved him so deeply that experiencing those intimate moments with him were nothing but the next natural step—one she was more than ready for.

After watching the light almost disappear from the sky entirely, Shelagh turned, pressed her lips against Patrick's jaw, and then took him by the hand to lead him back to their hotel to have the first night of the rest of their lives together.

NOte: This is the last official chapter of this story. There is also an Epilogue and an Alt Ending i will post next week.