Kay so if you're all thinking what the reviews are saying then you think I've doomed their relationship and that Castle was too cruel. But I do know where I'm going with this and you might think it's kinda OOC but it's just my take on what could happen. Love makes people crazy. Also this chap will explain things on Castle's side. Yeah I'm just gonna shut up now, read it if you want, I'm not making you, I said this was gonna be angsty. I personally enjoy writing angst, hopefully some of you will enjoy reading it :)
Disclaimer: Nope
Had he written that? Really? He couldn't really remember exactly. He knew that he'd killed off Nikki, but he'd killed off Derek too so that didn't seem like such a big deal. He knew he'd been drunk when he wrote it, he remembered that Gina had tried repeatedly to talk him out of it, he even remembered that he'd threatened to take his business elsewhere unless they just published the damn thing and stopped bothering him about it. He did not remember making it that bad.
He'd been angry at the time, hell, a part of him was still angry, and he'd wanted to hurt her that much was certain. But this? This was too much, how could he expect her to forgive him for this? He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone, angrily dialling his publisher
'Gina?' he asked when she picked up
'You read it, huh?'
'Yes, I read it. Would you mind explaining to me exactly what possessed you to publish that?' he fumed at her
'You,' she replied
'Me?'
'You wrote it, Rick. We just published it,'
'But how could you publish that? Why didn't you run it by me?' He was sure he was in some kind of nightmare; Gina always went through his books with him piece by piece, over and over, making sure everything was perfect. This was her fault.
'I did. Rick, I tried to talk you out of it but you were fuming,'
'I was drunk!' he shouted
'Not the next day you weren't,' she replied tiredly.
What? 'What?'
'Look when you sent me that final manuscript I tried to talk you out of publishing it, but you were adamant. I told you you'd regret it, I told you that by the time the book came out you'd feel differently but you wouldn't give in. You told me to publish that and not to say one more word about it until the book was released, and that if I did, not only would you sue the company but you would sue me, personally, for every penny I was worth,'
'I said that?'
'Yes, Rick,' she sighed 'Why did you think we hadn't been going over it together? You said that that was the final version and that you refused to write another one so if we didn't publish it then that would be that,' she was right. He remembered now, the morning after he'd gone down to the office and told them that he wasn't joking. That he wanted nothing more to do with those goddamn books and that whatever it was he had sent them they could damn well publish it or simply go to hell. He couldn't even blame that on alcohol since he had been relatively sober then, granted he hadn't remembered what he wrote, just that he'd killed off Nikki, but that felt like the closure he needed. He'd needed to move on, and knowing that those books were done with had helped. He knew he could have asked to see it again, but if he was honest with himself he just hadn't wanted to, and since no one said anything about the book again it had been easy to just let it go and move on.
Only he hadn't moved on the way he'd planned. Maybe this would be easier if he had, if he'd just killed of Nikki and never set foot in the Twelfth again, but he'd had to say goodbye at least, and goodbye had been just too hard. Saying goodbye to fictional Beckett was fine, it was the real live woman that he knew and still couldn't stop loving that made his farewell stick in his throat. He'd already said goodbye to the boys so that as soon as he told her he could go and never look back, but when he found her in the break room, make up slightly smudged around red-rimmed eyes, he knew that he just couldn't do it. He still didn't know why she'd been crying that day, she never admitted to the fact that she even had been, but seeing her vulnerable cut at him in its own special way, and the anger he felt at her managed to subside for a little while.
After that it had started getting better. Yes, he'd still been angry at her, but she never pushed him in any way after that, and he found that he could almost deal with just being her friend. He'd even started bringing her coffee again, and the smile that met each one made him think that maybe, just maybe, he could wear her down. So she didn't love him too, maybe he could change that-he knew that his feelings weren't changing.
'Rick?' Gina prompted him from down the phone
'I-' he didn't know what to say. What he'd done was inexcusable, because he knew, he knew he should have checked that manuscript. But he'd been selfish, he'd poured all his anger out into his work and now, when things were finally working again, he hadn't wanted to revisit the way he'd felt that night, hadn't wanted to stir up the memory. So instead he just went by what he'd said, making that the final, finished piece and not looking at it again until it was published. Published. For anyone, everyone to read. What was he going to do? He was sure that Kate must have read it by now, in fact he almost expected her to call and scream at him any minute, and he didn't know what he could possibly do to make it better. She wouldn't want anything to do with him again, that was for sure, no matter how much he thought he might have worn her down.
'I...I have to go, Gina,' he hung up before she could say anything else
He decided that the only thing for it was to go and see her himself, he owed her that at the very least, even though he knew that it was going to break his heart all over again.
There so that's what happened with him, I know it's not necessarily completely realistic, but call it poetic license :) Thoughts?