"So when Yujiro makes his first appearance on Baki's journey, this man is jumping out of a whole-ass helicopter and just blasts himself into a room, not giving a fuck about property damages at all!" The narrator explained as Yujiro stepped out of a helicopter and swung into a large nightclub, where Baki and a muscular man covered in scars must have just finished fighting. "So he comes in when Baki was fighting Hanayama. And look at him with a whole smile on his face, he's like 'What's good, bitch?' Homie deadass said 'Good. I made it in time. Looks like you just got started. You both only got scratches right now.' And the fight is already over, but this man Yujiro is like 'Bitch, if I don't see blood, the shit didn't even start'. And he just straight up tells Baki 'Bitch, you soft'. And he's just laughing his ass off." CJ declared as Yujiro admonished his son, before laughing like a mad man.
"A professional martial arts match should never continue until the combatants are bloody! Neither fighter should ever reach a critical condition at any point, ideally." Midnight said.
"Yeah. Even as crazy as the Sports Festival was, no one ever started bleeding." Present Mic agreed.
"And besides, they both look like they can barely stand. That means they gave it their all and didn't back down like real men! You should respect them for that!" Kirishima snapped.
"I think we've already seen that 'respect' doesn't belong in this guy's vocabulary." Kaminari told him.
Tired of feeling insulted, Hamayama decided to step up. "And so Hanayama was like 'Alright, I'll fight you!' But, my dude, you said that." CJ said in concern as a blue squid was shown with a worried look on his face. "Boy, that ass was getting WHOOPED! Man literally picked up this big-ass dude with ONE HAND and just threw him across the floor! And then just punts him into the wall!" The narrator gave a play-by-play as Yujiro kicked Hanayama's legs out from under him, holding him off the ground with one hand, throwing him across the floor and kicking him into a wall, all while Baki watched in horror. "But Baki is like 'Alright, enough is enough, motherfucker!' So he comes running in, just to get that signature backhand and literally spazzed his whole body out." CJ added as Baki collapsed in shock, a short-circuiting sound effect being heard.
"I can't believe he beat that man so bad. Even after he was clearly too weak to fight back." Yaoyorozu said distastefully.
"And he really hit his son hard enough to knock him out. That's way too cruel." Uraraka said, horrified.
"Yeah. He short-circuited like Jamming-yay's brain." Jiro declared, earning complaints from Kaminari.
"Even Endeavor never hit me that hard." Todoroki said, stunned as well.
"I would be shocked he picked up that big guy like that, but after we saw him bend assault rifles like rubber, slap a women dozens of yards away and tank an explosion, that's not too surprising now." Hagakure noted.
"Striking strength is quite a bit different than lifting strength, young Hagakure. So even after sending Diane flying with a smack, being able to lift a large and muscular man like that is still rather difficult, so doing so with one hand is quite amazing." All Might explained.
"Well, if we gain nothing else from these viewings, at least there are a few teaching moments here and there. I'm just amazed one of them came from YOU." Aizawa said, to which All Might grumbled.
"So before he leaves, he picks up Hanayama again and he's like 'Let me get in one last lick.' Then he just punches his whole face in to finish the job that he already finished." CJ added as Yujiro picked up Hanayama again, punching him in the face and sending him flying back into a wall, cracking it. "Then he's like 'This was a waste of time. Y'all bitches are sorry, I'm leaving'." The host recounted the events as Yujiro walked off once again. "My god, this man is actually built different." CJ chuckled as the boy from before was shown facepalming again.
"Oh, come on! You already won! Leave him alone already!" Sero cried out.
"This man's bloodlust is unquenchable." Tokoyami said in shock.
"Built different is right. Now I see why the guy was compared to bigfoot." Mineta said nervously.
"No. Bigfoot is just misunderstood because we don't know what he is. This guy is just a monster." Koda declared, surprising his class with how resolute he was.
But many were confused when he simply left after beating his son and his former opponent. "Wait, what? Why did he even show up then? What was the point?" Midoriya asked in confusion.
"To beat up two people who were already tired from kicking each other's asses. Is he really that petty and desperate to beat someone?" Bakugo questioned, not realizing the irony/hypocrisy in his question.
Emi was then seen looking out a window before Yujiro entered her room. "So then he goes to see Emi's crazy ass. And yo, then she just starts trying to beat him, but he ain't even moving bruh!" CJ laughed as Emi hit Yujiro in the head with a round kick, as well as throwing countless punches to his face, all with squeaky toy sound effects, but none of these attacks had any affect on him at all. He then shoved her to the floor. "Then he just pushes her down and he's like 'Bitch, I told you to raise my son to be strong as hell, that boy is weak as shit!' So then she tried to shank him, but he's just like 'Cut that shit out'. My god, this man has completely ruined her mind! He must have blasted her brains out or something!" The host said in bewilderment at the events as Emi grabbed a knife and tried to cut him, only for him to catch it with his fingers and grab the back of her hair.
"Jeez! Like, I know she doesn't seem to be a fighter, but you would've thought those hits would do SOMETHING!" Sato said.
"I mean, he survived an explosion. What can even hurt him after that?" Ojiro asked.
"They might have been at the very edge of the explosion and only got hit by the wind pressure from it. He's DEFINITELY taking the full force of those kicks and punches." Shoji said.
But then, many of them were angered when he shoved her down like that. "Come on, dude! Stop beating up on the ladies!" Mina complained.
And they were shocked when she came at him with a knife, even if he effortlessly stopped it. "My word! The mademoiselle clearly has a fire within her!" Aoyama declared.
"Still, it's quite disturbing how willing they are to harm each other. It's clear that this marriage also requires some counseling." Iida said.
"I think what she REALLY needs is to get away from him." Asui said, bluntly as ever.
"So, after all that goes down, Baki is like 'Alright, bro, I gotta fight my dad at this point'." The narrator explained Baki's thoughts as the boy was looking troubled. Then, a giant "Later..." card was shown, before Emi was fluffing her hair. "So, the night before the fight, Emi is like 'Shit, let me see what my man Yujiro is doing real quick'." The host explained as Emi sat on the bed watching Yujiro throw an insanely high kick.
"So she's watching this man train in the hotel room, right? And she's like 'Mmm, let me touch up on that handsome bastard.' Then he just GRABS her whole face and just pushes her back! Look at this motherfucker, he's like 'Bitch, the fuck? Don't approach me until I tell you to approach me! You better hope to God Baki can fight me tomorrow,or else your ass is grass to me!'" CJ recounted the events as Yujiro grabbed her face, pushed her down and admonished her. "And she's like 'I'll stay the night', but he's like 'Naw, bitch! Get the fuck out'!" The host explained as Yujiro turned away from her, leaving her to wonder around the hotel, completely distraught. "Bro, look at her! This motherfucker Yujiro has completely broken her mind at this point!" CJ said in pity as Emi appeared to be on the verge of a mental breakdown.
"Why does she takes this? Why doesn't she just leave?" Hagakure asked.
"Because clearly, she's nuts." Kaminari said.
"Well, that may be A part of it, but sadly it's not that easy, young listeners. She's clearly obsessed with Yujiro and she believes that if she appeases him enough, that he may one day return her love and to that end, she is willing to overlook the abuse and focus on the positives. There's a number of problems with toxic relationships that makes people either ignore the problem and not want to leave, or they believe themselves to be unable to leave them for whatever reason." Present Mic informed them.
"Wow, sir! That's really amazing." Midoriya said, shocked by the knowledge from their loud and usually not super knowledgeable teacher.
"Well, you know, when you run a radio show, you get a lot of callers asking for all different kinds of advice, so you've got to look into these things so you know what kinds of things are best to tell them." Mic explained.
Emi then ran into Baki and started punching him in the face. "Then she just starts beating up on Baki like 'Why won't he love me'? Oh, my god. I told y'all this bitch was weird! She's out here beating up her own son because her husband won't love her. Shit, my boy Baki got the most fucked up family I've ever seen." CJ chastised the woman for her actions as Baki looked down sadly. The armored soldier holding his helmet's brim was shown again. "Shit, I don't know who's more dysfunctional at this point: the Hanma's, the Mishima's or the Skywalker's." The host wondered as Baki was shown hugging Emi, before showing a family of martial artists, then another family with a variety of different clothes with a background of space behind them.
"I think this entire family needs counseling, not just the marriage." Iida said.
"It's such a shame. Especially for Baki. He's suffering through no fault of his own, merely because of his mother's obsession." Yaoyorozu said sadly.
"Yujiro ruins the lives of everyone he comes into contact with!" Kirishima growled.
"I don't know about EVERYONE, but definitely his own family." Sandra said.
Yujiro was then shown approaching Baki. "So then Yujiro and Baki finally fight, but... Dear god, bro, this was the worst ass-whooping I've probably ever seen." The host said uncomfortably as the facepalming boy was shown again. "This man was literally eating every single punch he threw at him, not even moving a muscle!" CJ exclaimed as Yujiro remained unaffected by any of Baki's attacks, even repeated knees to the face. "And while he's just standing there, he's literally complimenting everybody there like 'Thank you for raising him like this, guys. You actually made him kind of strong'." The host recounted Yujiro's words, before the man gained a vicious grin on his face.
"I gotta say, I can see how he's Kirishima's father. He's just as indestructible as he is." Midnight admitted.
"Indeed. While Emi may not be a fighter, Baki clearly is, yet his attacks are no more effective than his mother's were." All Might agreed.
"And even if he wasn't a fighter, no one should be able to just shrug off a knee to the face." Uraraka said, learning just how powerful knee strikes were from her time training with Gunhead.
"He's even having a conversation as this his happening! How is he this insane!?" Mineta cried out.
"So then this motherfucker's like 'Alright, bro! It's time to eat!' So then, he just starts wailing on him. He knocked him out and started BEATING HIS FACE INTO THE GROUND. Over and over and over. Just constantly just beating the hell out of him. And everyone's just sitting there watching like 'Goddamn! That's that motherfucker's own son'!" The host explained as Yujiro smashed Baki's head into the ground and knocked him out, yet still continued to slam his fist into his face hard enough to make the ground shake, much to the horror and disgust of everyone watching.
Many of the group quickly became uneasy at this. "My god. How can he do this to his own kid!?" Ashido demanded.
"He's shaking the goddamn ground! He's gonna cave his skull in!" Bakugo exclaimed in disbelief.
"Somebody has to stop him!" Asui cried out.
"That damn bastard... He's doing this to his son with a smile on his face. This is just sick kicks for him!" Aizawa snapped.
"Why aren't there any heroes around to do something!?" Sero asked frantically.
"This is an officially sanctioned match by a martial arts community... thing. Baki is a willing participant. And unless someone surrenders, only the winner gets to decide when it's over. So Yujiro isn't breaking any rules... Yet." The Empress explained.
"So then the moms like 'Alright. I've been being weird as fuck the whole time. This motherfucker's beating the the fuck out of my son.' So she starts trying to swing on Yujiro, but... Dear god, baby girl." CJ said as Emi finally looked remorseful for her actions, rushing to her son's defense and attacking Yujiro, no matter how futile, even going as far as to bite him. "So she started biting him and shit, so then Yujiro gives her a whole bear hug and he's like 'Remember when I told you I might break your back so goddamn hard it might even kill you? Today's the day, bitch'." The host gave the play-by-play as Yujiro wrapped his arms around his wife, recalling what he told her when he first made love to her, before crushing her with a devastating bear hug, dropping her on top of Baki's unconscious body, the word "GAME!" appearing on screen like a certain video game to call the end of a match.
"Oh, no! Emi!" Hagakure cried out as Yujiro grabbed her.
Then, they were horrified as he snapped her back and killed her. "She was crazy, but she wasn't a bad person. She didn't deserve that..." Jiro said sadly.
"She gave her life defending her child. She did what any mother would do for her son. She was a hero at the very end." Todoroki declared in respect for her.
"And he even left her body on top of him. Simply shameful!" Aoyama cursed the man.
"And, even after he crushed her spine, she managed to crawl off her son, get to a kneeling position and hold his head on her knees and sing him a lullaby one last time." Sandra said sadly.
Many looked down sadly at this. "And... How old was Baki when this happened?" Ojiro asked.
"Thirteen." Their host informed them, much to everyone's shock.
"No one should have to lose a parent that young." Koda said, shedding some tears.
But even after destroying his family, Yujiro wasn't finished yet. "This man just killed his wife and beat the hell out of his son in one night. And after that, he's like 'Y'all motherfuckers wanna have fun, too?' Then starts beating the hell out of everybody that was watching it!" CJ exclaimed in shock as Yujiro decimated the audience of the fight.
"Oh, come on! This is just getting ridiculous!" Sato snapped.
"This man is a rabid animal. Someone's gotta put him down." Shoji said.
"I would normally say that's too far. But after seeing everything he's capable of... that might be the only option." All Might admitted.
"The depths of his bloodlust are too great. They threaten to devour anyone." Tokoyami said in horror.
However, Yujiro was then shown looking out of a helicopter, actually looking almost saddened by the events that transpired. "So, after he killed his wife and deadass just beat the fuck out of his son..." CJ began, before a montage showed Yujiro absolutely humiliating any fighters he came across. "Yujiro just goes around, just doing his daily life, doing his daily activities, just disrespecting people. Homie went up into a boxing gym, started throwing shit around, literally SLAPPING this man's punches away, throws his ass down and just beats up everybody at the gym, busted up into the PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE and literally beat the brakes off his entire security force. And while he was doing this, he took a break and smoked a cigarette!" The host recounted as Yujiro absolutely humiliated both a gym full of professional boxers and a highly trained security team, even taking a smoke break to further cement the disrespect.
They were stunned at the level of cockiness and arrogance Yujiro displayed in these scenes. "This guy is just... Words cannot convey how disrespectful he is." Ashido said in disbelief.
"Stop being such an asshole, dammit! A real man should show respect to anyone who's willing to stand up and challenge them!" Kirishima snapped.
"At the very least, that's a weakness of his. He's arrogant and lets his guard down a lot. That could be a good way to beat him. If he believes the fight is going his way, it may allow someone to get the better of him." Midnight informed the students.
"Like, look at them, bro! They surrounded him with riot shields and everything and couldn't do shit! Motherfucker just hit the dash, broke both of their arms, busted up in his office and was like 'Hey, bitch. Your security is ass. Also, FUCK YOUR DESK!'" The host reiterated Yujiro's words as The Strongest Creature leapt over the squad full of Riot Shield-wielding soldiers, blitzed to other security agents and reached the Prime Minister, apparently making some sort of deal with the politician, but still broke his desk with an axe kick for good measure.
"This guy is a menace!" Jiro shrieked.
"They had him surrounded. Why didn't they act on it and move in?" Midoriya asked.
"Probably because they were smart and didn't want to mess with him after he took down dozens of their guys!" Kaminari pointed out.
"Because in a situation with someone as dangerous as Yujiro, one wrong move can lose you the advantage and ruin their entire defense. Not that it mattered in the end." Aizawa said.
A time card then read "The Next Day..." as Baki gained a look of furious determination. "So then my guy Baki is like 'Alright, bro, I gotta get revenge for this dude killing my mom'. So when Yujiro is confronting Jack and he's like 'Hey, motherfucker, you kinda strong. Now fight me, bitch!' But then Baki intervenes and Yujiro's 'Bitch, if you don't get the FUCK up on out of here, boy! I ain't got time for your soft-ass connections'!" The host explained the next leg of Baki's journey as he attempted to prevent his father and half-brother from fighting, only to get smacked in the face by his father and sent flying and spinning through the air and into a wall. "And also, in the same tournament, he fights Doppo, reveals his 1% body fat demon back, beats the living piss out of him, also taking the motherfucker's eye! Then knocks him out standing up." CJ recounted the events once again as Yujiro ripped his shirt off and revealed his monstrous back to his opponent, before beating him down with a relentless flurry of attacks, gouging his right eye out and finally knocking him out. [1]
Everyone winced at the mutilation Yujiro put his opponent through. "What's wrong with this tournament that they allow such savagery?" Tokoyami asked.
"Seriously, this is stuff you'd expect from Shigaraki!" Dark Shadow agreed.
"It's a tournament to determine the strongest martial art in the world. Everyone here is willing to put their lives on the line to fight for that title." Sandra explained.
"So barbaric." Yaoyorozu said.
"So epic!" The boys of the Bakusquad and Sato all cried out, with even Uraraka and Mina joining in.
"And so, eventually, Yujiro would come across the world boxing champion, Mohammad Alai and just weaves every single attack like it's nothing." The host explained as Yujiro easily dodged every punch the boxer threw at him. "And then Alai invited him to meet his son, but he FLICKED HIM across the planet! Like, bro, he sent that little motherfucker FLYING." CJ laughed as Yujiro flicked the boy hard enough to send him tumbling to the other side of the room.
"Hey! Leave the kid alone!" Hagakure yelled.
"Gotta give the kid credit, though. I'm surprised he survived that." Bakugo said.
"Well... Yujiro couldn't have been trying to kill him, right?" Asui asked.
"With how far he sent the kid back? Most ADULTS wouldn't survive that." Shoji noted.
"And then he busted up in Baki's house while he's with his girl and he's like 'Hey, motherfucker, I see you about to do it with your girl and shit. Okay'!" The narrator exclaimed as Yujiro stood over Baki and his girlfriend as they were naked, much to Baki's bewilderment. The cartoon starfish was shown again, with his eyes flashing red. "And the first time you see this, you're like 'Oh, my god! This is the ultimate C-block!' This man is LITERALLY standing over them while him and his girl are about to get it on! And he is deadass encouraging them to do this shit! He's like 'Yes, Baki! Blow her back out! Blow her back out like I did your mother! It'll make you stronger than ever'!" Yujiro encouraged them to continue their moment of passion as they covered themselves from him. A man watching TV with a look of disbelief was then shown "And I'm just watching this shit like 'Did this man really just encourage his son to beat the fuck out of her cheeks? Because it'll make him stronger? What the hell?'" CJ questioned in shock as the bald man from the beginning parts looked on, disturbed.
"But Baki is like 'Bro, why are you in here, motherfucker?' And this man DEADASS says this." The host began, before letting Yujiro speak for himself.
"You're pretty funny, you know that, kid? A girl sneaks into your room, comes onto you and you tremble with fear? If that's your idea of sealing the deal, I'll never be a granddad." Yujiro taunted his son.
CJ snorted at this. "Yo, this man just took a shot at EVERY SINGLE harem protagonist!" The narrator couldn't help but chuckle.
Everyone was at a loss for words from this. "I don't... I can't even... What the heck...?" Sero asked.
"That was... very uncomfortable. I'm not the only one, right?" Aoyama asked.
"Nope. Definitely not." Asui confirmed.
"What. The hell. Is wrong with this guy?" Present Mic asked.
"I don't think anyone knows." Aizawa said.
But, a few of the more perverse among the crowd couldn't help but laugh at the end, poking fun at harem anime protagonists. "I know, right? They spend so much time chasing after the girls, but when the girls finally come to them, they act like scared little kittens! What is that about!?" Mineta asked.
"It's like any video of dogs barking at each other on different sides of a gate, but when the gate opens, they just stop and walk away like nothing happened." Kaminari agreed.
"All talk and no action." Midnight agreed, leaving the boys shocked that she watched harem anime as well.
"So this man's like 'I give you my blessing', then just leaves." The host explained as Yujiro exited the building, before showing the scene of an elderly swordsman defeating another martial artist. "So then, we cut to this fight between Motobe and Yanagi. Now, Motobe has won the fight, he cut off old poison dude's hand and he's like 'Hey, motherfucker, that's a rap. Concede! You lost!' So then, just out of the blue, Yujiro just comes out of nowhere and he's like 'Hey, bitches! What's cracking!?" CJ recounted the events as Yujiro appeared behind the swordsman, who turned to face him, sword at the ready.
"Yanagi... Poison...?" The teachers all said, before gasping as they realized who that was.
"Is he a well-known villain or something?" Uraraka asked.
"Yes. And a very dangerous one. He once killed a dozen men in prison. His right hand is poisonous and deadly." Aizawa said in shock.
"He escaped prison at some point. So he was here, then." All Might said with a glare.
"So, this man pulls his sword on him like he's gonna do something, but then this man Yujiro does THE MOST demoralizing thing I have ever seen." The host said in shock with a man looking on in contemplation, before Yujiro laughed and grabbed the blade. "He started laughing, GRABBED HIS SWORD and started breaking it into pieces, one by one, SLOWLY." CJ said in horror as Yujiro began breaking the sword down about two inches at a time, much to Motobe's total disbelief. "Look at this man's face! This is the face of, uh... 'Welp, I'm fucked!' That just drains all of your confidence! That is like the biggest 'you ain't shit' thing that you could ever do to somebody." The host declared as the swordsman could only look at his broken blade as Yujiro moved past him.
"No! Not the sword!" Kaminari cried out.
"He is trying to break the man's spirit, before he proceeds to break his will." Tokoyami said in concern.
"I can't believe he's not cutting his hand on the blade." Ojiro exclaimed.
"I'm not sure any blade COULD cut him." Hagakure said.
"If only he ran into Stain. One villain would've been wiped off the world." Iida grumbled.
Yujiro then bent down to look Yanagi in the face. "So then this man Yujiro pulls up on Yanagi and he's like 'Hey, motherfucker. You lost'." The host said as Baki's father rubbed the loss in Yanagi's face, before another elderly man appeared. "but then Shibukawa pulls up and he's like 'Hey, bro, what the fuck are you all doing out here? It's late as hell.' Then Yujiro's like 'Shit, man, you right. I'm tired, I'm going home. But not after I beat the FUCK out your stupid ass'! Yo, he just blasted his face! Homie knocked the fuck out and just tooted up!" CJ gave a play-by-play as Yujiro seemed to agree with the new arrival, rubbing his eyes tiredly and starting to leave, but then turned around and hit Yanagi with a backfist hard enough to rip his mouth open and break several teeth out, causing him to collapse with his face to the ground and ass up in the air. "Motherfucker just deadass said 'You didn't lose, so that meant you were up for my challenge!' Man literally had to get in one lick before he left." The narrator reiterated The Strongest Creature's words before he finally walked away.
"That may just be the only justified beatdown he's ever given." Midnight said.
"It's important to note that Yanigi used his poison hand on Baki, so this could be some strange way of Yujiro showing concern for his son and getting revenge for him." Sandra added.
"Still, Yujiro is way too obsessed with getting in at least one hit any time he sees or hears of a fight happening. I'm surprised he never came after All Might." Midoriya said.
Bakugo smirked. "What? Are you afraid he might come after you?" He asked.
"I hope he doesn't target ANY of us." Midoriya explained.
"So then we get to the Raitai tournament-" CJ began as Yujiro was seen in some kind of arena, before the host suddenly groaned. "Whew. Lord, have mercy. I'mma have to censor this part so hard!" He complained showing a cartoon train with a horrified expression on its face.
"I don't like the sound of that." Asui said.
"None of us do." Mineta agreed.
"If it requires censorship, then I disapprove of us watching it!" Iida declared, chopping away with his arms.
""You're gonna see crap like this and probably worse as heroes. Might as well get it out of the way now." Sandra said quickly in a tone that left no room for argument.
Yujiro slammed a man to the ground, face-first. But it was so much more than that... "This man ripped off this motherfucker's face." CJ declared as it was revealed Yujiro's fingers were dug in underneath the skin of the man's face. "He literally dug his fingers into his fucking face and FLUNG THAT SHIT and straight up BUSTED his face! Then he THREW HIS FACE into the crowd! Oh, my god! That's fucking disgusting!" The host groaned in disgust as Yujiro threw the man head-first into the floor, while tearing the skin from his face in the process and tossing it at someone in the crowd, who looked on in horror at what he just caught.
Puke buckets soon appeared in front of every member of the viewing audience as they all emptied the contents of their stomach. Even the heroes were not able to keep their food down with what they just witnessed. "That's too cruel. How could he be so sadistic to mutilate another person that severely?" Yaoyorozu asked in horror.
I mean, we knew he tore off that general's face back in Vietnam, too, but at least he was already dead!" Sato exclaimed.
"That shit shouldn't even be possible! His skin should've ripped before his whole face could just peel off like that!" Bakugo said, trying to put science to what he just saw and rationalize what he witnessed. [2]
"I think we've already seen quite a few times this man defies the impossible REGULARLY." Jiro said, aghast and struggling not to lose any more of her lunch.
"Do you think it's possible to reattach it?" Uraraka asked.
"Highly doubtful. Assuming he doesn't first die of blood loss, since the tissues of the face and forehead and quite vascular and will therefor bleed profusely, the nerves have been disconnected from the skin, so even if his face can be reattached, the nerves will likely never function the same, so he'll lose much facial movement." Iida said in concern.
But yet, despite having LOST HIS FACE, Yujiro's opponent got up, holding a rag over what used to be his face, staggering forward. "But after that, homie comes for round two, but- motherfucker, why would you come for round two against this man? And then Yujiro just BLASTS a kick into his face! Finally to, I guess, finish the job- I mean, the job was already finished, but- shit, he had to finish it again." CJ said as Yujiro kicked the man in the face and finally put him out of his misery.
"You fool. Why would you get back up?" Midnight asked.
"It's like Lady Sandra informed us: they are determined to fight for the title of strongest martial artists and are willing to risk their lives. It's barbaric, but in a way, incredibly brave." All Might said, somewhat admiring the tenacity of these fighters.
"Never giving up until the very end! That's the manly way to do it!" Kirishima said, equally admiring the men, if not more so.
"Well, at least he doesn't have to suffer anymore." Ojiro said, relieved that the man was no longer in that surely excruciating pain.
"So then, he sees Baki backstage and he's like 'Dad, I think I can take you now!' And this man Yujiro was looking at him like 'Really, bitch?' And then just throws him through the wall! Man was like 'You ain't shit and you STILL ain't shit'!" The host recounted the events as Yujiro spoke with his son, before grabbing him by the face, slamming him into a wall and breaking him THROUGH that wall.
"Distasteful as ever, I see." Aoyama said with a glare.
"Was it really necessary to put him through the entire wall! That's just needless property destruction!" Mineta exclaimed.
"Everything about this is needless and unnecessary." Asui said.
Then, Yujiro was seen wheeling an ancient-looking old man in a wheelchair into the arena. "So then he fights the old OG for the last fight and I ain't gonna lie, old OG was landing some punches." The narrator admitted as the elderly man was actually hitting Yujiro with some solid hits. "But this man Yujiro DID NOT care that he was beating the fuck out of a senior citizen. 'Cuz, goddamn, he was whooping that ass!" CJ exclaimed as Yujiro hit the man with a round kick that sent him flying into a wall. "I mean, even though that the senior citizen dropped him. Homie pulled out that demon back and dear god, it was a wrap. Made him kick the bucket in the middle of the fight." The host gave a play-by-play as the old man delivered a kick that brought Yujiro to the floor, but then The Strongest Creature revealed his demon back, boxed the old man's ears, causing them to bleed and threw a punch, only to realize the old man was dead on his feet.
"No way. He's really gonna fight that old guy? He looks ancient! Like, Pre-Quirk ancient!" Jiro exclaimed.
"I don't know. I would guess by how Yujiro is wheeling him in that he must respect the man. And anyone to earn Yujiro's respect must be insanely capable." Todoroki pointed out.
And, true to the Half-And-Half User's word, the old man proved to be quite capable. "Holy crap! Look at him! He's even knocking Yujiro around!" Midoriya said in amazement.
"Dang! That old guy must be like All Might levels of strong!" Ojiro said.
"Or, he must know the right type of techniques." Midnight theorized.
"Nail on the head, Midnight. He specializes in a martial art that uses the opponent's own strength against them, so it's like Yujiro is taking hits from himself. And you've all seen how powerful those can be." The Empress explained.
"Whoa... Maybe I should look into that." Uraraka voiced her thoughts out loud.
"Most of our physical fighters would likely benefit from learning that." Yaoyorozu said.
But amazingly, after being carried out of the ring on a stretcher, the old man was still alive! "Somehow, that man came back to life. I don't know if they got the Dragon Balls or some shit, but... That's one lucky-ass OG, I'll tell you that." The host said as the elderly man got back up.
"The Dragon's WHAT?!" Sero exclaimed, greatly weirded out, along with many others.
"No, no. The Dragon Balls. They're orange crystal balls in a set of seven, labeled by star markings from one to seven, created by a member of the sagely Dragon Clan from the alien race known as Namekians." Their hostess explained, showing an image of an incredibly elder green-skinned humanoid alien with pointy ears and antennas, wearing sagely robes. "If you gather the seven Dragon Balls and say the command, you will summon the mighty dragon spirit intertwined with the Namekian and the Dragon Balls, who will then grant you one to three wishes, assuming the wish is within their power. Such wishes include creating objects from mid-air, such as a billion dollars or a pair of panties-" Sandra began.
However, the cast was bewildered at that oddly specific mention. "Panties? Why were you so specific about that?" Hagakure asked.
"Did someone actually wish for that?" Mina asked next.
"Yes. A perverted, talking, shape-shifting pig." Sandra confirmed.
"WHAT?!" Everyone asked at once.
Their host would ignore this question however, continuing to list the Dragon Ball's capabilities. "-Restoring someone to the prime of their life, granting immortality, restoring destroyed planets or bringing people back to life, either a single person or the entire human population, assuming they didn't die of natural causes." She finished, leaving them all shocked.
"How have we never heard of these!? And can we get them to make a wish?! Maybe we could get All Might's powers back!" Midoriya exclaimed.
"They're from another universe." Sandra told them, deflating all their hopes. This caused the celestial to reconsider, however. "But, maybe I can look into getting them for you guys before we get done here." She told them.
"Still, that old man is amazing to come back after all that." Shoji said.
"I guess it just goes to show you should never underestimate someone." Aizawa said.
After a test pattern, CJ was back in his robe. "Welp, uh... I guess all the evidence just goes ahead and proves that, uh... My man Yujiro has finally entered the Round Table of Black Air Force Activity." The host declared as Yujiro slid to the right of Truck-Kun. "Like, I think it might be safe to say that this man might be the most disrespectful man in any recent history. I mean, he don't care if you man or woman, child or senior citizen, he beatin' the shit out of your ass. His hands are DEADASS rated E for Everyone." CJ explained, showing several clips of Yujiro's greatest LITERAL hits. "So, yes, he is FINALLY in the Round Table of Black Air Force Activity." The host finished, showing Yujiro stood at the table with all the other esteemed members one last time.
"Yeah, he definitely deserves to be at that table, if only for his level of disrespect alone." Kirishima said distastefully.
"I'm just glad this is a made up thing. I don't want that asshole anywhere near my sister." Bakugo growled.
"Still, we know what Revy's capable of and we just saw how messed up he is. I'm not sure I even want to know what all those others are capable of." Mineta said worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm not sure you could handle what some of those guys did." Sandra warned them.
"But I have a feeling this isn't the last time we'll be seeing someone from this table, correct?" Present Mic asked.
"Yep. We'll be visiting it AT LEAST one more time." Their hostess confirmed.
"So, what did you think? That got pretty crazy, right?" Sandra asked.
"I can't believe he is actually Kirishima's father. How does someone as great as Kiri come from someone as messed up as him?!" Mina cried out.
"Seriously, that guy is a monster! And not in the 'epic brute strength' kind of way, as in the 'he's a menace that threatens anyone he sees' way." Jiro agreed.
"For real. The only thing making him anything like Shitty Hair IS the hair." Bakugo said, referencing the father and son's red hair.
"Actually, I dye my hair." Kirishima corrected.
"His strength is incredible, but the way he uses it is completely despicable." All Might said.
"He should be locked up in Tartarus like All For One." Aizawa agreed.
"So, for obvious reasons, I'm not bringing Yujiro here. However, the UA Sports Festival is aired all over Japan. So there's a pretty good chance that Yujiro saw it. Which means he saw Kirishima. And he probably knows Kirishima is his son. And he tends to seek out his children that show promise as strong fighters. So it is entirely possible he may come for Kirishima, seeking a fight." Sandra told them.
Kirishima hardened his fists and slammed them together at this. "Then I'll give him a fight! All the stuff I've seen him do, it goes against everything being a man stands for!" He declared.
"I mean, he LITERALLY produces more testosterone than anything on the planet, but okay..." Sandra interrupted.
"So I'll show him what it means to be a man and stand up for your beliefs and do what's right!" Kirishima declared.
"Alright, Kirishima! We're with you all the way!" Mina cheered.
"Hell yeah! And if you can figure out that demon back thing and mix that with your Quirk, you'd be unstoppable! Maybe even on All Might's level!" Kaminari exclaimed.
"But there's still no way you're beating me, Shitty Hair! I'll blow you and your asswipe Dad away with a Howitzer Impact!" Bakugo declared.
"Well, if I ever do figure it out, you know we're having a rematch! And it won't end like the Sports Festival!" Kirishima challenged.
"Uh, can we move onto the next person before they start trying to kill each other?" Aizawa requested.
"Very well, then. Next up, I think will be... Momo. And while you know she has a sister, I think before you hear about her, you should learn about her cousins." The Empress said.
"Cousins? Oh! Do you mean Edward and Alphonse?" Yaoyorozu asked.
"Huh. Those are interesting names." Jiro said.
"Oh. They were born in a European country where their father is from. I haven't seen them in a while now. I wonder how they've been." The Creation Quirk User explained, looking forward eagerly.
"Well... just to prepare you, they've gone through some... rather extreme changes." Sandra warned the rich girl as she prepared the next viewing.
A/N: Oh, man! That took forever! Still, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks to triscythe59 for the suggestion on Yaoyorozu's family.
[1] So, for those that haven't seen the video in a while, I guess the scene CJ showed at this point got copyrighted or something, because there's no sound in the next little bit. So obviously, I can't transcribe what I can't hear.
[2] Sometimes it's pretty easy to forget Bakugo is one of the smartest people in his class... which just makes it ridiculous that he calls Deku a nerd in the first place.