Chapter 3

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I soon became bored even with my stupid prefect duties, for getting on everyone's nerves was starting to lose its appeal. But my mind was not in control over me, especially not over some stupid woman. Never. I knew this had to be dealt with once and for all so that I could move on with my existence.

No mistakes could ever be made like that one again, and my secret could not be discovered by anyone else, since I moved my practice sessions to a secret room, that appears only when I tell it to. That problem was solved, sure, but still Chang was a nagging issue that needed to be addressed. I began to spend many hours in the library (a thing uncommon), studying and searching for a silencing, or a secrecy spell. I was even tempted in a low point in my quest to ask Granger for help, since she, after all, was the one who put the 'sneak' on the forehead of Marietta.

The thought of asking Granger, though, was dismissed as quickly as it came. I get foolish in my desperation, I think.

But still my obsession ground on my chest. My thoughts always drifted to that night in the tower, and what she had said. My stakes then, my parents, seemed like nothing if meant Dumbledore would die instead of them. At least to her. My father was a great man too, not deserving to die any more than the stupid headmaster. I had already made my choice; I had already sworn to do this thing, of great honor in the Dark Lord's eyes. It was my decision. I had chosen my parents. There was no turning back on a promise made to the Dark Lord himself.

It was a thought that made me feel imprisoned. Though I bragged of this mission to my friends and cronies alike, inside I swelled with mental stress and pain. It no longer seemed like a choice, but a burden that was now was too much to bear.

Alone in the Slytherin dungeons that night, I lifted my left sleeve to remind myself what the mark looked like. The black scar stood boldly on my forearm. When I had first gotten it I thought it was the most brilliant thing I had ever seen. I felt ten feet taller, proud that I hid a bad secret to hide from all the other little children. I was important for once in my life, I had a purpose, people expected me, and were relieved when I finally came through.

But it got old quickly when it finally dawned on me what became at stake. My own flesh and blood: my family. So now, I could only feel trapped.

I put my head in my hands, tired from the stress of the day. I knew better than to let this get the best of me. I ordered myself to get it together. I was doing this, and nothing could stop me. What did I care about the old fool of a headmaster? At least now everyone would see that Draco Malfoy is a force to be reckoned with. If I couldn't be loved, I'd be feared, that's what I always told myself. This was just the final step of the path I have been treading down for years. Now I have the nerve to act alarmed?

"You should be off to bed, you," said a picture on the wall of a wrinkled old woman in a green scaly hat. "Deal with your pathetic problems some other time. And don't forgot to turn out the light."

She was right. That was exactly what I was going to do, except for the turning out the light part. I'd leave it on just to piss off the old painting for being rash with me.

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The next morning, I picked at my breakfast without much interest in actually eating it. Hunger was ignored lately, for how deep in thought I was all the time. I didn't realize people actually paid attention to me enough to notice the difference, but yesterday Pansy commented as we snogged on the Slytherin couch:

"My, Draco, you feel a bit thinner."

"I hadn't noticed," I replied, and that was the end of that conversation. It wasn't worth it to her to care that much to pursue it, I supposed. But she surprised me, by noticing again today.

"What's wrong with you, Malfoy?" Pansy said before gurgling some pumpkin juice. "You're awful quiet lately."

"Got a lot on my mind."

Crabbe perked up.

"Like your mission?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Like that."

Crabbe looked to Goyle and they grinned proudly at one another. The idiots. They felt proud to even know me.

"Aww, my poor Drakie," Pansy said, hugging my left arm. "You need me for anything, anything at all, just ask."

That girl doted on me a little too much, and I was beginning to bore of the lack of challenge when it came to her. I could cheat on her and still she wouldn't care, just as long as I came back to her afterward. Pathetic, really.

I looked at her again. It brought me back to that idea I had last night, of making Cho dote on me like Pansy did. I had extreme confidence that Pansy would never do me in. Why did I shake that idea away? It was flawless!

Oh yes, I remembered. She was too smart for that. In fact, almost every other girl in this school was too smart for that, and here I was dating the one girl who would fall for it. Why hadn't she been the one to walk in on me that day? Why Cho? What did fate have in mind with this one?

"You going to tell us what the mission is yet?" Goyle said hopefully.

"Shut up and eat," I commanded with extreme annoyance. Why couldn't these stupid people just leave me alone? I wasn't allowed to keep to myself for a day or two?

"Eat until you burst for all it matters to me," I went on. "Just leave me the hell alone."

After this sudden outrage I got up and simply left them. I didn't know where I was going, just that I wanted to get away from them. To be alone again. It was what I was good at.

But fate would not leave me alone. I ran into the last person I wanted to see. No, not Cho…

Snape.

He spoke with piercing words. His dark eyes glared into me like I had bloody transparent skin.

"Wandering the corridors by yourself in these dangerous times is not prudent, Mr. Malfoy."

I only glared back, not knowing what to say to this man. No doubt he was following me. I think I knew why, and his next words confirmed those very suspicions.

"And at these dark times," Snape went on. "We would not want anything to happen to you, now would we?"

"My mother would hope not, I assume."

"You assume correctly, Mr. Malfoy. Now if you would, please…"

Snape stepped aside, putting his hand out to guide me back into the Great Hall.

"I was just going to the--" I began, but he cut me off with a sharp tone.

"—Draco… I insist…"

So, though I scowled with great dismay, I obeyed him. It aroused that old feeling in me, that one that wanted to do this unforgivable act just to spite everyone. I could prove everyone wrong, even my stupid mother and her lack of faith in me. Everyone thought I was an incompetent fool. I'd show them.

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Signed,

--RedRogue