I haven't written for a while. Ok, nearly two months. Sorry about that. Life got more complicated.
In lieu of a tune.
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hi Tosh,
I found some old files of yours at the bottom of the stack on my desk. Sorry I never found them earlier – they're a bit out of date now. I've filed them, so no need to worry. Just thought I'd better tell you.
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hiya Tosh,
Me again. Yup, I've found more stuff I'd forgotten about. That DVD set you lent me. You know, the one we both started watching together at your house once. Anyway, I haven't finished watching it yet, so I'll get out the popcorn tonight and see if the ending's really as good as you say.
Gwen
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hi Tosh,
Just got back late from an all-nighter with Ianto, ghost-hunting in that old town house just off the city centre. Reminded me of that time Jack chased us round Caernarvon Castle. Anyway, about halfway through the night a ghost bit Ianto (yep, first time I'd ever heard of ghosts biting people too…) so now Jack's sorting that out and I'm here wondering where the hot chocolate is and talking to you. Should probably get some sleep really, but I don't feel like it.
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hi Tosh,
I had a fight with Rhys today. About kids. Again. He's seen my job now, what we all do – why does he still want a family? I don't think I could cope with kids and torchwood – we'd either have to get a nanny or have Rhys on permanent home duty. Don't think he'd like that much. Or I could cart a baby around with me when we're weevil chasing. That'd be fun.
Love,
Gwen
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hiya Tosh,
I fixed my own computer at last. Well, not just my computer, some part of the Hub network instead. I'd give you the error codes and service numbers and everything, but I'm not as good with all that stuff as you. Anyway, I fixed it for you while I was the only one in the Hub, and nothing's exploded. Yet.
x
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hi again Tosh,
Re. our discussion on CCTV I found some, more, er, 'footage'. Was that what we agreed to call it? Anyway, it's been deleted, apart from the copy attached to this email, just in case you wanted to see what the boys get up to when everyone else is out. Then you can send me a précis, because I'm not sure I can face any more than what I caught. Do you think they forget to turn the cameras off deliberately?
love,
Gwen
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hi Tosh,
Shit day today. I made a mess of everything. Not sure why I'm telling you this, since you probably know half of it anyway if you were watching, which I'm sure you were. Anyway, half of Cardiff nearly got killed because of me, Ianto included, Ianto is not happy, Jack is really not happy, and I am really reallynot happy. So yeah, shit day.
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
Hiya Tosh,
Not even sure why I'm sending this one. Just one of those days. Up late at night, Rhys isn't home, and nothing else to do. Could probably try find some tv to watch if I tried. Can't really be bothered though. Just feel all used up and empty and hollow. Lonely, yeah? Sure you'll understand. We were all too busy to talk yesterday, but now it's all flat and empty again. I hate the times when everything stops and you just get left alone with yourself. Fifty seven days now. Spring flowers are out, it's warming up, and everything looks greener and sunnier except me.
Love you,
Gwen
To: J. Harkness
From: I. Jones
I found these on the email system. Not sure what to do. I thought we'd deleted Tosh's account?
To: I. Jones
From: J. Harkness
Best leave them. I think Tosh knew us better than we thought.
Jack
To: T. Sato
From: G. Cooper
I'd like to say this is the last time, but I know it won't be. I'll keep pestering you through the beyond. But I thought it was time I wrote it down at last, because I haven't been able to properly yet. Don't read if you don't want to, I just need to write, that's all.
I talk to you in my head far more than I used to. And out loud, occasionally, when no one's there. Don't know why I said that, but it's true. And I turn round to see you and you're not there, because you won't ever be. Someone else is sat in your place. I'm first in most days now, not late any more, and sometimes I forget and still think you'll be there, and you're not and sometimes I hate you for it. Sometimes I cry and I cry because I'm not sure anymore whether I'm crying for you or for me. This city's got so many damn memories of you, we could get into anywhere, and everywhere I go, every time I walk past a place and think 'the last time we…'. It aches.
We were good. We were bloody good. Part of one crazy family together. And I think you're still there, every time we face the music. We're running out of people now. I'm working more, cutting out other stuff to fill the gaps. That makes me sound like I'm blaming you and it wasn't your fault. It just happened and I wasn't there. I didn't even think it could ever happen. Now I expect it to happen to everyone, anyone, any time. All the time. That's probably the worst bit.,
Can't think what you'd say if you saw me crying on this keyboard right now. sorry for the typos. Sorry for making such a fuss about it all and writing this. Sorry for all the times I messed up. Sorry for everything
I loved you. Still do.
Apologies for inflicting all that on you, but you did choose to read it. I'll write something cheerful soon, when I get time. And the inclination.