Chapter 7:

-

Her books dropped to the floor in a cloud thump, as I took her by utter surprise. But she returned it. We began to kiss so fervently I feared for my face.

Oh, but I liked it…

A lot…

She kissed with so much passion, yet with a held back kind of sorrow in her posture, like she was drowning some hidden misery into me, but hell, I didn't care, because oh man, did it feel good. Better than a thousand of Pansy's kisses put together. Time slowed, it seemed, and it felt like an eternity standing there with our mouths connected. I wouldn't have parted us for the world.

-

I wiped my face off as I walked down the corridors, her disgusting saliva still lingering on my mouth. I felt as if the entire world was watching me, judging me with condemning eyes. I wasn't guilty; no, a Malfoy would never feel guilt. It was simply the awful sensation that I was being watched, that maybe someone had seen the exchange between Chang and I.

It was rather ironic, and convenient as well, that if either of our groups of friends found out about our little affair, it would be devastating to both of us. It was such a mutual understanding, one that either of us needed to explain.

We just simply were.

Not because it made sense or because we were bored or even that we lusted after one another. It just was because we saw what we wanted and took it. For me at least, it was almost involuntary. I, of course, wouldn't be surprised if she fell head-over-heels for me, since I fancied myself a rather handsome bloke. Who wouldn't, really?

What was important was that it was an opportune and rather liberating release, as if we had been itching for an unfeeling relationship since we began school. And the best part was, we could end it any time. We didn't need it. We had our own lives to lead. It was simply icing on the cake.

I smiled broadly at the thought of it, but caught myself as I did so. What was that? I sighed and gave into it.

Unfeeling indeed.

It was a thought that scared me. Maybe she meant more to me than I told myself she did. Maybe I did 'need' her, and that release she made me feel.

I stopped in my tracks. I couldn't let this go on. The first time had to be the last. I had to end it before I depended on a… girl.

It had to cease immediately. Today, right now.

Well… I wouldn't end it today, but I would tomorrow, surely.

Or next week, perhaps.

Well… soon, for certain.

God, then I smiled giddily again, and this time, I couldn't wipe it off. It was like my face had frozen that way.

Damn her.

What the hell was happening to me? I was losing my focus, my evilness, my everything…

Suddenly I whipped out my wand and pointed it to a gargoyle pillar that stood next to me. I could see a flag of an ear poking out from behind the statue, and the House Elf that stood behind it came out with his hands over his head.

"Dobby meant no harm, sir," it said. "Please do not hurt poor Dobby too badly, please."

"You're that annoying little wretch that used to hang around our manor, aren't you?" I snapped.

"Yes, sir," it replied. "Until Dobby was freed by Mr. Potter."

"Is that why you were spying on me?" I said, pressed the tip of the wand into his throat, making the thing whimper in fear. "Did Potter send you?"

He squeaked and didn't reply.

"Dobby swore not to tell. He swore to keep it a secret and he swore not to be caught!"

"TELL ME!" I boomed, my cheeks going hot with embarrassment. What if this elf had seen Chang and I? What if it got back to Potter?

I began to panic, which only outwardly showed more anger, scaring the elf all the more. He covered his head and cowered in terror.

"What did you see?" I demanded of it. He took several steps away from me, trying to avoid the wand.

"Sir, Dobby doesn't lie. Dobby saw Draco sir with a pretty girl. Dobby has never seen Master so happy before, sir."

"Shut up!" I commanded, slapping his head hard. My cheeks were definitely red now that one random third year was passing through the corridor and seemed to wonder why I was interrogating a House Elf.

"Don't you have classes to go to?" I snapped at her. The little blond clutched her book bag closer to her chest and ran off with fright.

I turned my fury back to the elf.

"You had better swear to me you never speak of this to anyone. ESPECIALLY that Potter. Do you hear me? ANSWER ME!"

"Yes, sir! Dobby swears it, sir!"

Getting the answer I wanted, I shoved him on his way.

"And I had better never catch you spying on me again!" I called after him. "Or I won't be so kind!"

-

I ducked into the bathroom to catch my breath of everything that had happened today. Was I losing my nerve? I couldn't afford fear. I couldn't afford doubt.

I looked at myself in the mirror of the abandoned girl's lavatory. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I didn't feel like a Malfoy, but it was the only thing I was raised to be. It was what everyone expected of me. It was the only future I had.

For a while I had thought, if being evil was the only option I had, then by gone I would be the evilest I could. It came naturally of course, being raised the way I had, but now that my father was gone… It seemed everything had changed. And now with the addition of Chang into the equation, my world had turned upside down.

"Who's there?" a squeaky, high-pitched voice came from one of the stalls. I knew all too well who it was.

"Just be quiet, Myrtle, and go haunt someone else," I replied.

"Well!" she said with offense, sticking her head through the door of the stall to look at me. I could see the reflection of her head in the mirror.

"Oh, I should've known it was you," she said. "Always picking on live people so why should you be any different to the dead?"

She exemplified exactly what I had just been thinking. I was a Malfoy, so as such, people automatically assumed me to be evil. What other choice had I, than to be evil?

"I said, leave me ALONE!" I shouted to her, throwing one of my school books in her direction.

"Again with people throwing books at stupid old Myrtle…" she lamented. "When will they stop?"

"I don't need to hear about your troubles right now," I explained, staring down at the faucet of the sink. "I've got plenty of my own."

"They can't be worse than mine. I'm dead for crying out loud!"

"Trust me, I'd rather be dead than have to deal with my problems."

"Let's hear them, then," she said, crossing her arms defiantly and emerging completely from the stall to face me.

"What?" I said in surprise, turning to face her as well. This wasn't the Moaning Myrtle I had heard about…

"I said, if you think you have it so bad, lets hear them and I'll be the judge. Or are you a big, fat liar…? Oooohh, my worries and feelings… too much to HANDLE… Ooohhh!"

I scowled at her and shook my head.

"You wouldn't understand, so just shove off."

She shrugged her shoulders and turned to go back into her stall. I frowned in thought. Who was she was she going to tell? Everyone, alive or ghost, avoided her annoying self like the plague. And somehow, the idea of venting out to someone seemed enticing.

"Wait!" I called after her. "Fine, if you're that desperate, I'll tell you…"

-

"Malfoy!" Goyle practically pounced on me when he saw me finally get back to the Slytherin dormitories.

"Where have you been?" Crabbe demanded of me, being the stupid git that he was.

"What are you, my babysitter?" I snapped. "I don't have to report to the likes of you."

"It's just that, the polyjuice is ready again… we thought today you were going to… you know…"

My eyes grew wide, but only for a second before I covered for it. Of course. I had forgotten that today was another practice day in the Room of Requirement. My obsessions with Chang and talks with Myrtle were really started to obstruct my schedule… and my head.

"Well, com'on," I commanded my cronies and set off for practice.

-

Days passed, and though my plan to practice in private worked flawlessly, I wasn't improving in my skills. The reality of fear began to overtake me as I began to realize that there was a large likelihood that I would fail in my task. It was time for my most desperate act.

It took me a few more days to swallow enough pride to slip a note to Chang telling her to meet me by that tree after class. Hopefully she had enough sense to come alone. If anyone could help me, she could.

I still don't know what I was doing, asking her. I sat outside on the bench by the tree, tapping my foot impatiently and wondering what the hell I was thinking. She was on the Light Side. She wasn't about to help me murder the Light Side's freaking mascot, Dumbledore. But I finally began to admit to myself that I was afraid and very much in over my head.

I thought many times about leaving and standing her up altogether, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Not if I meant I got to look at that face once more.

Then she appeared, weaving her way gracefully through the crowd of students in the outside corridors and walking across the courtyard to where I sat.

"Yes, what is it?" she huffed with impatience.

It was then I knew for certain that there was no way she was going to help me. I gathered my things and began to walk away, much to her confusion.

I was screwed, and that was it. I would much rather admit defeat than to be dumb enough to ask her only to be ruthlessly shot down. She would be offended at the very question. Even I didn't have that much nerve.

"What did you want to see me for, Malfoy?" she called after me before I had even walked five steps. I stopped in my tracks at the sound of her voice and seemed unable to continue on my escape. I took a large sigh, gathered my courage whirled back to her.

"Chang," I said coldly, my nerve suddenly returning to me. "I need your… assistance."

She, needless to say, seemed very surprised indeed.

-

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Signed,
--RedRogue