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I woke up on a small, uncomfortable bed and there were muttering sounds coming from somewhere near me. I opened my eyes, but closed them again at the burning light. As I became more conscious I realised that both my head and my stomach ached wildly. I had no idea where I was… and I began to think I had been abducted by aliens.

A blurry, shiny figure came over me. "He's awake!" it called to the others in a high voice.

A collection of creatures, one of them clearly too tall and large to be human, came and stood over me.

"Don't probe me!" I begged. "I just wanna get back to my own planet!"

The blurred creatures all laughed. This wasn't funny. This was extremely serious. I WAS GONNA GET MY ASS PROBED! I winced in pain and closed my eyes again at the light. The voices became distant and hazy. I opened my eyes again.

"Andre?" came a quiet voice I recognised.

I blinked in the light.

"Andre, are you awake yet?" the same voice said again.

The pain in my head came back and I moaned. My vision became clear and I saw Tina leaning over me. I exhaled; there were no aliens. "Tina," I smiled.

"Hello," she smiled back. Even when I was dazed and confused, she was beautiful. Or maybe the dazed and confused-ness enhanced that... I wasn't sure, but I was sure of was that I was getting really dizzy.

"You have… nice shoes," I mumbled, my eyes closing again. That was all I could remember, Tina's shoes on the ground next to me. Hang on, I thought, why was I on the ground? Then I remembered the fight. That explains the pain in my head… Gingerly sitting myself up, I noticed there was no one else here. "Seemed like more voices last time…" I commented vaguely.

Tina nodded. "They had to go to Glee club. Mr. Schue wanted someone to stay with you though so I… volunteered," she blushed again. I had brief mental image of her wrestling Kurt out of the door so that she could be alone with me. It made me feel better. "They'll be back in 10 minutes… it was just a lunchtime meeting and lunch ends soon."

I smiled at her. "Cool." Then, further recalling why I had got myself into a fight, I asked, "Is Artie OK?"

"He's fine," Tina replied. "He said to say thanks if you didn't wake up before he got back."

I nodded and breathed in again. That had better get me in the best friend books, I thought lamely. I looked around the room. "Where's the nurse?" The fact that it was just Tina and me was strange. We were in the nurse's office after all.

Tina shrugged. "It's her day off."

"Oh. Fail."

"Everything's fail at this school, you're gonna get used to it soon enough."

I laughed. A lot. Probably more than the funniness of the joke was worth…

"What time is it?" I asked, deflecting attention from my girlish giggling.

"It's about half an hour into lunch," she said. "You've only been out for 20 minutes."

"Damn," I said. "If it's under an hour it's not hardcore at all."

Tina giggled, "It's a little bit hardcore…"

I sighed, sitting up straighter, catching a distant glance of myself in the dark window next to the door. "Do I look OK?" I asked Tina, suddenly afraid I was missing my nose or something.

Tina nodded. "You've got a bit of a black eye, but you look great." She thinks I look great! Somewhere inside me, mini-Andre was doing a happy dance in a jelly bean field with rainbows and purple hippos in tutus and giraffes with really long neckties. Also, somewhere inside me, mini-Andre's mum was trying to fix her son's LSD problem.

The happy dance must have been showing on my face, because Tina became slightly embarrassed.

"I mean… n-n-not great," she blurted out, her stutter coming back as she moved to defense-mode. "Well you d-do look great but…" She trailed off.

I smiled at her, trying to ease her obvious discomfort. She gave a faint laugh and smiled back at me, and we held each others eyes for a small, quiet moment.

Then Kurt burst in.

Damn it, Kurt.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HER!" Kurt fumed to Mercedes, who stepped in after him. "I've wanted to sing Defying Gravity for years and she just adds it to her list of solos. Mr Shue won't even let me audition! He just can't see past her. Does he even know there are other people in the Glee Club?"

Mercedes shook her head in disbelief. "I know! She's hogging my spotlight too. I'm gonna cut that girl…"

"Violence is never the answer," Artie tutted, waving his finger.

"What if the question is 'what is never the answer'?" I asked from the bed.

Artie looked surprised that I was awake, then grinned at me and rolled over. "Then it's still not the answer, because violence is never the answer."

"You feelin' alright, Andre?" Mercedes asked, coming over as well.

"Fit as a fiddle."

"You might want to take it easy on the mascara," Kurt joked, gesturing at my eye.

I pouted at Tina. "You said it looked great?"

She grinned shyly. "It does."

Kurt and Mercedes exchanged smirks.

Artie ignored all this and rolled up next to me. "Thanks for doing that, man," he said. "But, I must warn you; if you're going to try to defend my honour every time someone says something to me, you're going to be in here every day."

That was a rather depressing statement.

I stared at him defiantly. "Well maybe if someone starts trying to defend your honour it'll happen less."

"You met only me this morning," Artie pointed out, a hint of irritation in his voice. He looked at me seriously. "Why do you care so much?"

I heard Kurt mutter something along the lines of 'man-crush' to Mercedes, who giggled and said, "You wish."

I shrugged. Hell, I didn't even know why I cared so much. Oh wait – yes I did. He was my future best friend. No one insults my best friend. I opened my mouth to reply, but a distraction came in the rather large shape of Finn.

"Oh hey," I said.

"Does he still think I'm gonna probe him?" Finn mumbled to Kurt, who jumped a little as Finn spoke to him, as if surprised to be directly addressed by him.

Kurt replied, "No, I think he's gotten over the alien thing." He then looked up at Finn, with a faint smile.

"Hey," Finn said, walking over to me slowly – still cautious. "I wanna apologise for what Karofsky did. You don't deserve it and I know it's probably not the best welcome to the school you could get."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault."

Finn smiled his little boy smile. "I just wanted you to know all the jocks aren't like that."

I side-eyed him. Still trying to get me onto the basketball team, eh?

Kurt snorted and looked up at Finn. "You mean all the jocks except you aren't like that." There was a hint of adoration mixed in with his sarcastic tone. Tina shared a concerned look with Mercedes.

Finn laughed and mumbled some modest, diffusing comment. "Well, I've gotta go. Mr Schue said me being in glee won't stop him from failing me in Spanish…" Finn smiled awkwardly at everyone and turned to leave. "See you around, Andre."

"That reminds me," said Artie after Finn's large shape filed out the door. "Are we cool to just… stay here until school finishes? I've got P.E and that really isn't much fun for me."

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "If anyone comes in I can start hallucinating again."

So we sat around, talking and laughing, for something like two hours, occasionally swapping the role of moaning injured person as various teachers walked past. Kurt could seamlessly switch from bitching about Rachel to moaning "MY LEG! MY LEG!" It was quite a feat.

At one point I mentioned I liked Rachel's singing from what I had seen the other day, and Mercedes threatened to give me another black eye. Artie stayed kind of quiet, but Kurt had mentioned something about the Glee club not having enough money for a bus for him, so I guessed that was why.

After a while, the bell rang for the end of, and I waved them goodbye. I was auditioning for the brass band after school, and I didn't want to be late (or concussed, for that matter, but what can you do). Dean had told me the brass band had very high standards. It was run by Sue Sylvester and she could only have the best musicians accompanying her 'performers'. The jazz band was also run by her, but more indirectly. That is, she never showed up to anything except the staff photo. Dean said her reason was that she didn't want to catch 'pretentious' from any of us.

"Jazz musicians are the worst musicians of all," Dean had imitated Sue. "Making music up on the sport doesn't make you special or creative, it just makes you lazy!"

She also made all jazz band members who she thought were unattractive sign a contract swearing to never date her Cheerios. She didn't make me sign one, which was simultaneously flattering and creepy…

The brass band auditions were in the basketball court, which was unsettling for me, but I swallowed my nerves and walked in. My steps echoed on the hard floor as I walked into the dead silent room. Sue was sitting right in the centre, on a slightly raised platform. It was intimidating, but I was determined.

"Andre Vallier?" she asked through a megaphone, checking her list.

I nodded.

"State your reasons for auditioning for the brass band. As I'm sure you're aware, it is social suicide. My mind boggles at the notion of an attractive young man such as yourself-"

Creepy.

"-wanting to rub shoulders with the metaphorical scum on the metaphorical shoe of the metaphorical world!" she spat as she spoke. I was glad we were so far apart in a large room. "Why just the other day I had the misfortune of accidentally touching one of these poor excuses for humans, and I have dry cleaned the clothes I was wearing at the time no less than 47 times. My skin still crawls to think of it." She finished then looked at me expectantly.

I stared blankly. "I'm sorry, what was the question?"

"Forgetfulness is a sign of weakness," she glowered. "I'll say this once more; why for the love of what you people call 'God' would you want to join the brass band?"

Dean had told me to compliment the Cheerios at any possible opportunity. I took one. "So that I can be a small part of the most important part of the school – the Cheerios. I think that –"

"I'm gonna stop you right there," Sue said bluntly. "One thing you should know about Sue Sylvester: butt-kissing is frowned upon."

Damn it, Dean.

"Now, why do you actually want to join the brass band?"

"I thought it sounded cool," I muttered. "Obviously that's not a widely held opinion."

"Certainly not."

"Also, I need extra curriculars to get into the music course I want at college," I said. "I've only got one so far. There aren't many options for a trumpet player, and I think a brass band with a good reputation like ours would be a great thing to say I've been a part of."

Sue stared at me for a minute then raised her hands in exasperation. "I can't even begin to express the amount I don't care about your life, so I'm just gonna go ahead and leave." She began to get out of her chair.

I stared at her. "Shouldn't I play a song first?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," she cried, brandishing her megaphone at me. "What's with all the talking?"

"Sorry, coach," I said. And before she could leave again, I began to play part of Haydn's Trumpet Concerto. It was the only classical piece I knew well. When I was done, Sue picked up her megaphone again, and spoke very slowly and seriously.

"Mr Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart just rolled so far in his grave that people in Austria are fearing a zombie epidemic."

My heart sank. And also, that wasn't by Mozart... "But-" I began desperately.

"We rehearse on Wednesdays. Don't be late."

And with that she left.

Does that mean I got in? Oh yeah!

The next morning I arrived at school early. I couldn't wait to tell Artie that I'd got in to the brass band. I found him near his locker, trying to reach some books he'd dropped on the ground.

"Hey, Artie!" I called happily, running over to him.

"Hey, Andre," he mumbled.

I bent down and grabbed his books off the floor and handed them to him.

He regarded them gravely before taking them. "Still got the black eye," he commented vaguely.

I laughed and shrugged. "It's my battle scar."

"Huh," Artie laughed hollowly then wheeled himself away.

What did I say? I followed after him. "Artie!" He kept going, not looking back. "Hey Artie! What's wrong, man?"

He turned around emphatically and scowled at me, saying nothing.

"Artie?" I asked again. "Artie, I thought we were friends."

"Why would someone like you want to be my friend?" Artie demanded quietly. "Why do you even care?"

I stared at him, taken aback. "Cos you're cool," I began hesitantly. I had no idea why he was so upset. Usually when people get this emotional, I either run or make a joke. Neither or those seemed like good ideas, so as uncomfortable as I was, I stayed there. "Cos you're the coolest person I've met at this school."

Artie scoffed. "You've had one conversation with me."

I chuckled. "It was a pretty good conversation."

Artie didn't laugh. Ok, no more joking.

"What's this about, Artie?"

"You pity me," he said, not looking at me. "All people ever do is pity me."

"I don't pity you," I said earnestly. "I mean, I do but not like-"

"Yesterday you got into a fight for me because you pity me."

"No," I said defensively. "One: I was already in a fight, you were the one who tried to stop it and, two: it wasn't because I pity you, it's because I was sticking up for you. We're friends."

Artie ignored me. "This is going to happen a lot, and you're always gonna be the hero, and I'll always be the damsel in distress," he said, still not meeting my eyes. "If we do become friends, I'll never be able to help you in a situation like that. Even now, you look like a hero with your stupid black eye. I heard at least three girls comment about it this morning. Your battle scar. Is that why you want to be friends with me, to pick up chicks?"

Don't make a joke, don't run away, don't make a joke, don't run away, I pleaded with myself. I began to turn away (and run), but forced myself to step closer to him. This was important. I looked him in the eyes. "Artie, I'm really sorry about yesterday. But I wasn't doing it for me; I was doing it for you. I've been calling you my best friend in my head since I met you… I even worked out a handshake for us so we can be better best friends than Kurtcedes," I told him honestly with an embarrassed smile. I then continued seriously. "I just seriously thought you were really cool."

Artie finally looked up at me. He gave a faint smile. "Kurtcedes?"

"They're sometimes one person in my head…"

Artie laughed, and then sighed, looking utterly ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just… I'm just not used to people liking me, or even noticing me. I was suspicious and… and jealous. And I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "Don't be," I said. "I was probably a little creepy and forward anyway… But yeah, I totally understand."

"Really?" Artie asked.

"No," I laughed honestly, "But I'm trying."

He smiled and we headed down the corridor together, and I felt like I'd won a marathon. I GOTS ME A BEST FRIEND, I was shouting in my head.

"You're really cool, Andre," Artie said.

"I know."

Artie punched me in the arm.

Ow. Damn him and his upper body strength.