Title: Behind Closed Doors
Chapter 10
Word Count:1419

Rating: M!

Pairings: Eventual James/Carlos, with undertones of Kendall/Logan.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Big Time Rush!

Warnings:Abuse, implied rape, self-harm
Summary: AU His friends only saw the happy, peppy, playfully crazy him. They never saw the broken, pained, dying him. He wouldn't, couldn't let them. They couldn't know what happened behind closed doors.
Author's Note: Hey there. It's time for another update…

But, I do feel terrible I haven't updated my other story yet. But, I will be updating that soon, okay? Yeah.

Anyway, a little of a continuation of the last chapter. Then the next chapter, well, you shall see!

Gah, quick note, I can't believe I'm already on chapter ten. All the support and reviews are fantastic. All of you reader's are just the best and I love you all so much. If I could I would give you all a giant hug and big, delicious cookie! But... Since I can't, I'll just blow you virtual kisses. Again, your all the best.

Here you go, don't forget to review!:)

DallieJLovesBTR

Carlos felt soft lips press against his while strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him tight. His body took over and he put his arms around the taller neck and pulled James closer. The kiss became passionate quick, James soon licking his bottom lip, asking for entrance that was quickly granted. The tongue slipped into his mouth, soft as James' lips, and quickly won the dominance in the slight battle between the tongues. Carlos was processing nothing but the pleasure of being that close to James. That is before reality hit him. He was directly next to James. His eyes snapped open as he really realized what was happening. He was kissing James.

Carlos violently pushed James off of him and scooted himself back from James. "No!" He shouted. "No, I can't kiss you. No, no, no. You can't kiss me. That can't happen. It's not right. We're both guys! Even if that was right… James, no matter what you say, no one could ever love me. And you know very well, now, why."

James blinked away at the shock. He stared into Carlos', but Carlos felt like he was staring into his heart and mind. He turned his head away and frowned. James reached out to grab his arms, causing Carlos to scoot even further away. He dropped his arm sadly and spoke. "Carlos… It's not wrong. This is too right to be wrong. Didn't you feel the sparks? C'mon, buddy, you had to have felt that." Carlos touched his lips gently and shook his head. "I know you're lying, Carlos. You know it too. And all that shit that happened to you, is happening to you, that's not your fault! And if you let me in… I can help you."

"Can't you see, James? It is my fault! I'm a horrible child, I make too many mistakes. It's not like my Papi had any choice but to do that." He took a deep breath, once again fighting tears. "And what the hell could you ever do to help me?" He snapped.

"I could go to the cops! They could help." James cried out, desperately.

Carlos only scoffed at that response. He kept his eyes on the ground as he pushed himself off the floor, quickly followed by James. "He is the cops, James." He said blankly. "Why don't you just go?" He said gesturing to the door without looking up.

James looked as if he was going to cry as he walked past Carlos. "I will always love you." He whispered as he past him. Before shutting the door he gave Carlos one last desperate look and left.

James barely made it home before the waterfall started. "What the hell just happened?" He whispered to himself as he held his pillow close. Carlos was being abused, and he refused help. James knew he needed to help. He had to help. Carlos will not last another two years of this, anyone could see that. If he tried to hold this in again, the consequences of that would be so much worse. It could end in something terrible, like suicide. James felt a sob rip through him at the very thought of losing Carlos.

James sat up, suddenly wanting, no needing, to draw. He began feeling around himself for his spiral, he had to draw. He didn't know what, but he had a feeling it was going to be him embracing Carlos, or the dejected look the Latino had after he had told James. James shot out of bed, finding it was nowhere near him. He looked over his room, not finding it anywhere. He began panicking when he realized where it was. James had left it on Carlos' couch. All of his letters, pictures, and writings. His feelings, his wants and needs.

James collapsed on his floor. If Carlos read that, he might actually believe everything he said. James didn't know whether to cry out happily or cry tears of sadness. Everything in that spiral, held everything he felt in his heart. James felt more tears fall from his eyes as he curled up on the floor.

He smiled softly, thinking of Carlos. He hoped his love would love the happy ones. He also hoped his love would feel what he felt as he wrote and drew the depressing ones. He hoped his love would come to find him after, and tell him… He loved James, too.

Carlos sat on the couch after James left. He couldn't believe he had just done that. What was even going on his head as that went down? Why did he tell James everything? He couldn't believe he had been so stupid. He had sworn to himself he would never let anyone know, especially not James.

Carlos sighed and drew his knees up to his chest. He glanced around the all too familiar, empty apartment living area. James thought he could get him out of here? Yeah, right. It was far too impossible to save him at this point. He would be stuck living this life until the day Mateo turned eighteen and finally decided to leave. Then he could finally leave, just like he always wished he could. Then Carlos could leave Minnesota and get as from here as he could. Maybe he'd move to New York, or California. Anywhere to get away from his father.

In the midst of his thoughts, something caught the corner of his eye. It was sitting on the couch. It was something he had never seen before, a foreign object. Carlos reached over and picked it up. It was a broken spiral, with James' name written in his beautiful handwriting at the top of the cover. He must've left it here, Carlos thought. He quickly fought with himself on whether or not to look inside it, one side of him winning just as quick.

Carlos gently turned the cover page over. More of James' neat handwriting covered the page. A simple Dear Carlos was written on the top line. Carlos continued reading.

Dear Carlos,

What happened? Just yesterday, after being missing for three days, you were just fine. You were yourself. Joking around, laughing, and wearing your helmet. Hell, you even pulled a prank on our English teacher, which, I might say, was pretty funny. But today… Today, you had no helmet. You didn't look up from your shoes while we stood in our circle. You didn't crack a joke. I don't even want to know what's going to happen in English if you are acting like this in the morning.

Carlos, what could have made your mood change so quickly? I'm here for you buddy. I've always been here for you and I always will be. Don't be afraid to talk to me, or Logan, or Kendall. It'll be okay, whatever it is.

Sincerely,

James.

Carlos frowned and turned the page. It was a drawing, of him, sitting in English class, probably the same day the first letter was written. He was sitting in the corner of the classroom, staring at his paper in front of him. His curly hair was drawn perfectly, not simply, but down to hairs that stuck out. The frown was etched to perfection. James drew this? Carlos asked himself.

He continued to flip through the spiral. It was filled with more and more letters written to him, Carlos Garcia, and many more drawings, of him or of things that clearly reminded James of him. There was one page with the words I love Carlos Garcia written over and over and over again. Carlos ran his finger down the page with that on it and felt happy tears slip through his eyes. He quickly reached into the side table and whipped out a pen.

On the top of the page he wrote I love you, too, James before pushing off the couch and running out the door. He ran until he reached James' house and placed a simple kiss onto the cover. He left it open and set it down. Carlos rang the doorbell and sprinted off, back to the apartment complex.

He reached his room and slid to the floor, more joyful tears slipping from his eyes. He hoped that when James saw what he had written, he would be as happy as Carlos was when he found James truly did love him. Carlos smiled, his first genuine smile in what felt like months, and dropped his head back on the door. "I love you, James. So much."

Well, I hope that was okay, I posted it this week in an attempt to make up for taking so long. I'll try to update My Own Murderer soon, but yeah. I don't know how soon. Competitions for marching band start in a week, so I'll be busy every day. I'll update soon, I promise! I love you all, and don't forget to review!:)

See you all,

Dallie