Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me. The Carpathian universe and everything within it belongs to Christine Feehan. I do not own their sagas.

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May of rose

Chapter 5

Bella POV

So after I took a couple of deep breaths I tried to look into his past.

(A/N: She sees this form Edward's POV. So if she sees Edward. It will be her seeing him in a mirror or water etc.)

A Look into Edward's past##

I was playing in my room with my mom while she talked to father. He was talking about something that had happened before I was born.

"I still can't believe that a baby was born with such a big light." My father had said as he moved one of my toy soldiers with his powers causing me to have to re-group my toy soldiers once again.

"You shouldn't concern yourself with the matter to much love, the Carpathian male out there who needs her to make him whole will be a very happy man indeed." Mother replied as she used her power to turn my battle ready, properly placed, soldiers into tuxedo wearing Romeo's.

"Mom!" I exclaimed as I glared at my parents before trying to undo my mother's crazy make-over.

"But the child is a male baby. That's just not normal for a male. Being born with such a big light." Father said as if I had never even spoken.

End of past look##

"So Jesus was really on this earth at one time?" I stated more than inquired

"All living males have a light within them to help out the male who has the darkness inside them. You, Bella, are the light to my darkness. My darkness is my inner vampire. You are my love, my life, my light, my very soul and you will keep my inner vampire at bay." Edward said as he took my hands into his and pulled me close enough to him that our bodies were touching each other from head to toe.

"How would I do that?" I asked as I lowered my head in an attempt to hide the blush I knew was covering my face. Just because he can read my thoughts and emotions about how embarrassed I was feeling even though we still had our clothes on did not mean I had to give him a visual image of my embarrassment.

]"You keep my vampire at bay by marrying me. Becoming like me. Keeping your mind in mine to make sure I do not do something bad." Edward replied after tipping my head back so he could look into my eyes as he spoke.

"So basically, I will be your babysitter for the rest of our lives?" I stated with a raised eyebrow still feeling like he could so totally be doing better in convincing me to agree to this totally bizarre and sort of fucked up system the Carpathian's have going on.

"That's one way of looking at it I guess." Edward replied with his crooked smile and I swear if that smile of his didn't always make me weak in the knees when I saw it I would have shoved him away so I could slap him or kick him.

"You guess? Oh, you are such an asshole. You know that. But I will be your 'life mate.'" I said as I made finger quotations around the word life mate.

He replied to my statement by rolling his eyes at me.

Edward POV

Maybe I will show her what it was like to fell no emotions. And see no color. Maybe then she will understand me a bit better. Maybe then she'll get that I am not feeding her a bunch of crap to control her but telling her the truth and that I just want to be able to love her and have her love me.

A Look into Edward's past##

1010 years old and my ability to see color is deeming. The only colors left to me are red, blue, and bronze. Jesus had died when I was 31 and I couldn't help but think about how I never did hear rather he was able to find 'her.' His life mate, the only woman that was meant for him. Jasper at age 501 and Emmett at age 9 made it look so easy to live our life without a life mate, but they are younger so of course there lives look perfect.

Father and Mother are always happy and treat us well and because of their bond I know that the only way I well find my true love is by finding my life mate. I know that my life mate will be the only woman I will truly ever love. With these thoughts in my head I went to feed from a random woman. All they can give me now is blood to satisfy my hunger.

{Lick her dry. Dry, kill, kill, kill. Feel what it's like to have a motionless boring old woman in your arms.} My inner beast/vampire/darkness said. I fought it off. That isn't the life I want. That is not how I wish to think or be for the rest of my long life. I want love, life, color. I know in time I'll lose all color and then my emotions and I am so not looking forward to that at all.

End of past look.##

"What? Oh, how sad. To live in a world where there is so little color. How did you manage to live like that Edward?" Bella asked shocked and totally moved by what I had shown her. A small part of her was trying to believe this some trick I was feeding her so that she would agree to be my bride and become a Carpathian but then she looked into my eyes and it seemed the ability to read my emotions informed her that I seriously was telling her the truth.

"I just did." I replied as I tried to maintain my smile. Grateful for a cautious life mate but annoyed that she didn't think she could put more faith in me.

"Can you go into more detail about the life mate light?" Bella inquired innocently.

"Ok. Did you know that a soul can have darkness in as well as light?" I asked her unable to stay to annoyed with her even though I don't can't recall Emmett or Jasper having to go through half of this with their life mates.

"Sorry for being so difficult. You were talking about souls having darkness and light in them?" Bella said with a huff as she pushed away from my hold on her to cross her arms across her chest.

"Basically, I have too much darkness in my soul. Likewise, you have too much light in your soul. A Carpathian male has more darkness in his soul than his life mate and thus seeks his life mate out to balance not only his soul but hers as well. You are the light to my darkness and if you become my life mate you will help put an end to this endless battle I'm in against my darkness." I explained to her as I once again pulled her into my arms. I could feel the inner vampire surfacing. Feel the need to move her head just so that way I could sink my teeth into her. But with her in my arms she was a bit less tempting. And we could continue our conversation.

Bella Pov.

He really wants me to help him on my own terms. Oh boy, what do I do? It's at times like this that I could seriously do with a bit of Alice knowledge. I thought as I tried to concentrate at the matter at hand instead of the way he smelled, the fact that my arms were locked in between us, and that I could get used to being right here in his arms. Gah, think Bella. He is like a bull. Stubborn and doesn't know when to quit. He is also an ass. But he is my bull of an ass.

"What will happen if I said I do not what to be your life mate?" I inquired raising my head to meet his eyes. But he moved his head so I couldn't see his eyes unless I was to tilt left or right and even then I would still have to look up to see them. How I hate being short.

"I have two ways of going then. I can go into the sun, the equivalent of committing suicide. Or I can turn into a Vampire. Vampires have been known to kill their life mates. For they can see the said life mate's light. So they put out the light by killing it. That is why Carpathian males who have found their life mates are charged with the duty of killing Carpathian's that turn." Edward said as he played with my hair. While he talked I worked on freeing my arms so I could force him to look at me. What I saw shocked me. His eyes had become a bit red ruining the lovely green they once were when he said that.

"Why are your eyes tuning red? They were green before?" I inquired totally out of my comfort zone.

"That was a look at my inner vampire. He is trying to come out. Please help me Bella. Please." He was crying now. I have just met this strong hot looking man who has so far been an ass more times than I count. But I didn't need Alice around to inform me that he didn't cry often nor should he ever have a reason to need to cry for anything but happiness.

"Ok. I claim you, Edward Dubinsky, as my life mate. I belong to you. I offer my life for you. I give you my protection, my allegiance, my heart, my soul, and my body. I take into my keeping the same that is yours. Your life, happiness and welfare will be cherished and placed above my own for all time. You are my life mate, bound to me for eternity and always in my care." I said with confidence that I hopped would stay with me when I faced the hardships of royal life down the road. He was shocked for a moment and I found that I rather liked being able to shock this rather bullish ass to the point of being unable to not speak.

"Now it may turn to say the ritual words to you my too cheerful and stubborn love. I claim you as my life mate. I belong to you. I offer my life for you. I give you my protection, my allegiance, my heart, my soul, and my body. I take into my keeping the same that is yours. Your life, happiness and welfare will be cherished and placed above my own for all time. You are my life mate, bound to me for eternity and always in my care." He said with a smirk that promised a world of utter happiness but also promised sleepless nights at his mercy. And I had to wonder with a bit of excitement and curiosity just what had I gotten myself into.