Thanks for the reviews guys. I tried to respond to the very nice comments but FF. net is being a real pain with letting me sign on. It's a miracle I was able to upload this. I hope you enjoy this chapter too. I'm trying to keep everybody somewhat in character but sometimes I think a little OOC is pretty unavoidable. Especially when dealing with humor and randomness.
How We Spent Our Vacation
Leo roused with a light tap. Raph told Don to hit him harder but not because it was necessary.
"He's awake Raph." Don informed him tiredly for the third time. Raph didn't look too sure.
Leo expected to be in the presence of some foot ninjas or a crazy scientist bent on dissecting him, not in the back of a an aging hippy van with Don right in his face.
Then he remembered. He'd been shot. By his own brother, with a stolen gun.
Thankfully, the wound was superficial. Only a slight graze. The blood made it look much worse. That and Leo's repeated use of the words "You shot me" while he pointed at Mikey.
Now that he was up, it was harder to get him to calm down than it was to dress the wound. Don was only half aware and still did it like a pro.
"Knew we'd need those bandages." Casey said to April. She looked haggard and only managed a slight nod fingering one of the holes in the upholstery
Splinter commandeered the gun, afterward he lectured Michelangelo on the dangers of stereotypes and improper use of guns. Mikey looked more upset at his gun being taken than his brother's injury.
Now both Leo and Raph refused to sit near him. Leo moved next to Splinter in the back while Don was unwittingly forced between Mikey and Raph.
Mikey was relieved to find the snacks had come away mostly unharmed. He threw a bag of corn nuts at Raph's head who growled but snatched the bag because he loved corn nuts. April and Case had to cope with a questionable looking tuna sandwich that April let her boyfriend have, while Splinter got his favorite, banana bread. Leo sniffed at the Mike and Ikes offered to him, so Mikey gave them to Don instead.
'Did you happen to get any medicine?" Don asked hopefully.
Mikey ripped at a bag of Doritos with his teeth. He spat the severed end and shook his head. "You should have asked," he said before stuffing his face full of the processed, nacho cheese goodness.
Don sighed. "I did." He popped one of the candies in his mouth.
April was deemed too angry, thus too dangerous to drive. After about twenty minuets of erratic stops and turns, with a non stop rant on why men were dangerous to the general population, (mutant or not), it was Raph's comment about why hormonal women really shouldn't drive that finally did her in. The van only avoided the ditch because of Case's quick jerk of the wheel.
"Babe, ya look tired. I'll drive." His voice was an octave higher than usual. He muttered something to Raph, who shrugged as if he could care less that he'd almost killed them all.
Things were tensely silent after that. Splinter gave his player to Leo in hopes that some calming music would help ease some of his eldest's anger. Unfortunately, Leo had a hard time with the selection. He just didn't find Christina Aguilera all that relaxing.
Mikey had a book on the solar system that was no doubt Don's. He kept turning the book like he wasn't sure which side was correct.
Raph devoured his corn nuts but was a bit wary of Don sneezing on them. He held them to his chest to guard them.
April decided on a nap. She was already exhausted and they hadn't even reached the actual campsite yet.
They were only about two hours from Vermont but at the rate the van was going it may as well have been twelve. A four car pile up involving a faulty latch on a chicken truck left them pretty much stilted. Feather's were everywhere. Chickens even more so.
Mikey's request to get one was denied.
The fascination of watching the distressed driver attempt to catch his chickens wore off quickly. Mikey turned back to the book and poked Don in the shoulder. "Hey Donnie?"
Don roused in a fever induced haze, he sniffed and barely registered a "Wass'it?"
"Do you think the sun is really made of cheese?"
Don's dark eyes were glazed, he tried to furrow his brows but went cross eyed instead. "Wha?"
He pointed a green finger to the picture of the sun.
"Well everyone says the moon is made of cheese but clearly it's the sun right? I mean its orange and has those little strings on it." He traced the cartoon picture that was used to show the sun's heat rays. "I think it's string cheese."
Don teetered a little but didn't respond.
"I know right? It's gotta be some kind of conspiracy. The sun's clearly framing the moon in its producing of cheese. But why?"
Raph finished the last of corn nuts. His temporary serenity disappeared as soon as he ditched the empty bag. "Who gave stupid over here a book? Can we please just tape his mouth shut before he gets anymore bright ideas?"
Splinter turned to Raph and raised a mutated paw.
"Now Raphael, this is an excellent way to engage some conversation. Is the sun made of cheese?" He stopped after he realized what he'd just said, then continued. "That is the question, what are your thoughts? Is Michelangelo right?"
"Hell no, he aint right."
Raph didn't even see the cane before it fell on him.
Splinter turned to Donatello. "Why don't you share some of your wisdom with us, my son?
The fog in Don's brain left him tongue tied. He knew the brown blob was Splinter, but his words were a mysterious jumble of sounds. What had he said? "Four?" How many fingers did he have? "No, three?"
Splinter watched in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand my son, is that some kind of code?"
Don tried again. "Two?" He panicked. Had he lost a finger along the way?
"Brainiac's finally lost it." Raph swiped the rest of Mikey's Coke.
Don groaned.
"Guys, I think there's something wrong with him." Casey observed.
Raph snorted, then regretted it when soda shot out his nose. He coughed and wheezed.
Mikey answered for him. "Yeah Case, we know."
Case shook his head. "No I mean, I thing he's like sick or something. He don't look to good."
Three sets of eyes turned to the purple banded turtle. Leo was too busy in his attempts to understand the wails and screeches that assaulted his ears as music and not a slow way of torture to notice.
Don was desperate in his pleas with the seat belt, he looked greener than usual. "Twelve? Nine hundred? OH sweet Darwin, am I even close?"
Splinter placed a thoughtful hand under his chin. "I believe Mr Jones may be on to something."
"Loser's probably faking." Raph chucked a fallen nut at Don who now held his stomach.
"Aww, Donnie not feeling well. Let me give you a-"
The awful sound of retching stopped Mikey's declaration. His smile titled downward and he stared a minuet, then realized what had happened. Don had thrown up, right on him! He screamed. The shrillness caused a great deal of chaos as he fluttered his arms. "Gross! Get it off! Get it off!"
Raph scrambled to the other side while Mikey tried to rid himself of the sick. "Stop it ya moron, ya gonna get it on me."
But Mikey wasn't heading towards Raph. He jumped almost falling into the back seat, right at Leo. Nobody expected the fierce shove sent at Leo's hand. "Stay away from me." He warned darkly. He looked ready to dismember certain body parts. Like Mikey's head.
Clearly, his therapeutic music session wasn't working so well.
The dark cloud that filled the van with the anger of Leo's glare stunned everyone into silence.
Then Don threw up again.
They pulled over. They had to. It was either that or turtles would start jumping from the van, not caring who saw them. April wasn't ready for that, the smell was pretty bad too. The mess wasn't much to clean up. They wiped it with Mikey's costume before the soiled garment was tossed on the roadside.
Mikey was beside himself with the possible pathogens his brother had spewed on him. Raph would have hit him but was kind of afraid of Don germs too.
April was more concerned with Don's welfare. He didn't look good, at all. She was lucky enough to have some pain relievers in her purse that would help with the fever but he really needed to eat something besides the candy that was pretty much all over Mikey's getup now. She settled for some of the left over sandwich, wondering if she'd done more damage than good. Casey wasn't dead yet so that was a plus. Then again he also had a stomach made of reinforced steel.
Don felt somewhat better almost immediately. He still sniffed and his cough may have worsened but his fever had gone down. Splinter found fault with Leo's lack of foresight at his brother's well being.
Leo kindly reminded him he'd been shot.
This was no excuse.
Don was placed next to Leo in the back, it was his responsibility to keep an eye on him. Leo's punishment for letting his brother get sick. Splinter wedged between Mikey and Raph. Raph concealed the magazine Mikey had picked up in his earlier heist. Big Booty Bonanza probably wasn't something their father would approve of.
The ride continued with one injured, one sick, one paranoid and one traumatized turtle. Splinter seemed unconcerned that his four sons were already in varying states of disrepair. He pulled his favorite book written in Japanese that Raph joked was actually a dirty novel.
Leo and Don could both read it but they refused to tell him what it was about.
Leo ditched the music player and chose to try actual meditation. The newly resolved Don made this nearly impossible. He was trying to diagnosis himself and kept asking Leo to check and look at certain body parts. It was futile trying to find zen while looking down your brother's ears and throat for abnormalities.
Don checked off another symptom he may or may not have had.
It was dark. What had started as a six hour trip was taking much longer than anticipated. Soon they were going to have to stop and get some rest. Case claimed he was fine, he'd driven days without sleep. April rolled her eyes. Right after his profession, Case hit something. Something large enough to jump the tires at least a foot. The van fishtailed before coming to a halt.
"Please tell me we did not just hit somebody."
Mikey looked out the window, he didn't see anything resembling a body behind them. He shook his head at Raph. "I don't think so, unless they're still in the wheels or maybe the grill."
They were all too scared to check.
"There was nothing there, I swear." Case defended. "I don't know what it was!"
April was surprisingly calm. "Maybe it was some trash or some-OH MY GOD!" She pointed at the windshield.
Somebody was smashed there. A man by the looks of it. Casey on instinct turned on the windshield wipers but when the body didn't move he realized they were straddled on the front of the van and not actually on the windshield. There was the terrifying thought that Mikey was right, that the body was somehow mangled on the grill but then the man moved. Walked even. Right to the window.
"Are you alright?" Case asked.
The man didn't respond. There were several things to be noted, such as the overly ripe trench coat and long unkempt hair, the hollow skull like face. Overall, not a trustworthy looking man.
"Er...Do you need to go to the hospital? Are ya bleeding or anything?"
He still didn't respond.
"What a jerk." Raph commented loudly.
"Mr. Jones, perhaps you would like to offer this gentleman a ride." Everyone looked at Splinter like he'd grown a second tail. He gave a reproachful claw wag."We did almost run him over. The honorable thing to do would be to help him. "
He said it with such conviction, Case felt obligated to take the rat's advice."Ya need a ride somewhere?"
The man nodded slowly.
"Case I don't think-"
"Now, April I think Master Splinter's right. We did almost run the guy over."
"But there was no one there."
Case shrugged. "I dunno, babe."
The man entered the van. He didn't seem the least bit concerned about the four over sized turtles or talking rat. Splinter moved in the back and Raph moved to the window, leaving Mikey next to their new guest.
"You're not a serial killer, are you?"
Mikey was too busy with the pain of the cane and for some reason Leo's fist that he didn't see the small smirk that appeared on the grisly face.
Umm...Yeah...Reviews, comments, complaints...I take em all.