We have a few days before New Year's Eve, so Edward and I stay sequestered in my condo. Strangely, while I haven't made a decision about my job, I've still been packing up my belongings. Our original plan had me moving just at the beginning of February, and I need to make up my mind like now.
In between packing things that I don't need immediately and setting things aside to try to sell or donate, Edward and I have been talking about what we really want for our future. While we're talking, I'm going through a box of paperwork, and I stumble across a sealed envelope with my name on it.
Edward sucks in a breath. "You never opened that?"
I shake my head. "This is your handwriting, isn't it?"
He nods, slipping it from my fingers. "I gave this to you with the Ferris Wheel picture frame." I watch as he turns the card over in his hands.
"I'm sorry I never read it. Can I read it now?"
He nods his head but hesitates before passing it over to me. "I was hurting when I wrote this and maybe a little mad. Try to keep that in perspective."
I slowly open the flap, and when I slip the card out, Edward walks out of my office and down the hall. I take a steadying breath.
Bella,
I'm sure you've been wondering where I've been or maybe it's too pig-headed and egotistical to assume you've been thinking of me at all, but I'm fine. I took some extra duty and stayed on the ship. I figured being away from you, away from the situation, would make things easier, especially knowing that you're moving.
It's not.
I don't fault you for being mad at me. I'm mad at myself. I'm sorry I freaked out about you going on a date with someone. That was the whole point, wasn't it? We were just a holding pattern until something different, something better, came along.
What I didn't realize was I knew it, but it didn't hit home until this—you and I were in a relationship. And the last time I was in one, she cheated on me and broke my heart so completely that this felt the same. That's why I thought the rules were important. That's also why I never wanted to get serious with anyone until you.
It doesn't excuse the things I said or how I treated you. It doesn't excuse the way I went about things. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be honest two years ago. I'm sorry I couldn't be honest six months ago.
Mostly, I'm sorry I lost you.
I hope, one day, we can look back at this as a blip; a momentary lapse in our friendship or even better, our relationship. Because I don't know a lot about love and romance, but I do know one thing.
I love you. I think I loved you two years ago when I met you and you didn't take my shit. I think I loved you six months ago when you tried to turn down my "pre-bang hang". I know I love you now when I'm pretty sure I've lost you.
Yours,
Edward
Staring through teary eyes as I reread his words, I realize that Edward might have been a dick all that time, but I never gave him the opportunity to be anything else. Steeling myself, I walk down the hall and into the living room to find Edward sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He's leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, completely fixated on a piece of bubble wrap laying on the carpet.
Standing in front of him, he looks up with glassy, red eyes.
"I'm moving to Virginia. On schedule."