This was The Art Of Ruining Lives but I changed the name since it's been so long. A fresh start if you will. Also, this is an authorized remake of CrazyHumor's Dirty Secrets.
"I'm no one's hero, so just forget my name."
I drift through the open maw of Hollywood Arts, a mist trailing through the faceless sea of humanity residing within. I billow through the halls before twin emerald eyes blow me apart like sunlight. Jade's midnight hair blows over her shoulders like noxious smog and I hate the way all of the bravado evaporates within me as whenever our paths cross at school. It's been like this with every sunrise.
"So I went by your house last night, but you weren't there…" Beck's words fill Jade's lungs and drag the color from her face. My heart clogs with the tar that comes with fucking your best friend's girlfriend every night. Trying to ignore the guilt churning within me, I plunge my fingers into the abyss of my pocket and drag forth my keys. As I jab the head of my key into my locker's padlock, every inch of me is infected with cowardice. My yellow streak is a mile wide.
"I was out." Jade's words are a miasma, dusting the air and seeping into Beck's pores. I've been lost in that poisonous haze for years, so I can almost feel it choking the life from his heart one beat at a time. Even behind the safety of my locker's door, I can feel the virus creep into me once again. As Blackened tendrils search the cavity of my chest for something to take hold of, I'm not afraid. I meet them as I would an old friend.
I'm fucking empty.
"Well obviously. I was just wondering…" Beck's words are a symptom. The faith shimmering within them withers and dies as he trudges deeper into the toxic atmosphere that is Jade West. Flickering moments of years gone by waver before my eyes and I remember a time when my eyes reflected the hope that I know dwells within Beck's in this moment. I hang my head in shame. Glaring at the floor, I wish I had the courage to cure him, to tell him the truth about what lays before him.
"Yeah, stop wondering." Jade's reply bludgeons the air once again, the air born disease taking a corporeal form as she glares at Beck. A stormy response brews within Beck's eyes and his lips sharpen. I'm bracing myself for his retaliation when as quickly as the infection had spread, Beck manages to contain it. His eyes slid past Jade and as they collide with me, I realize I'm not as intangible as I had hoped.
"Hey man, how's it going?" Beck's eyes return to their naturally calm state and the friend I'm familiar with emerges from Jade's haze. I know it shouldn't, but envy rushes through my veins. I've never been able to find my way out, I'm just one of many bodies dwelling within the depths of Jade's checkered past. At best I'm just a husk now, home to a putrid being of Jade's creation. I guess I should be happy Beck still has a chance of escape; this is a fate I would never wish on anyone.
"Alright, I'm just kind of sleepy. Long night." I answer, purposely ignoring the specter beside him. My voice bleeds into the halls, tainted bleak by the passage of time. Beck pushes his lips forward and inclines his chin, taking in my reply. I'm surprised he doesn't choke on the unmentioned truths that lay within my words.
Jade's shoulders jolt as I speak and she swirls on the spot. Twin emerald eyes glint through the spirals of her midnight locks and I'm frozen to the spot as her eyes linger on me. Silence hangs heavily in the air before crimson hair sweeps through the halls. As she bounces towards us, I don't think I've ever been happier to see Cat Valentine. My lips split into a smile and for once it's genuine. Jade's eyes dart to my form for an instant, something like jealousy flashing within them.
"What's wrong sleepy?" Cat's eyebrows drag together and her words are weighed down with concern. When she's in front of me, I can almost remember what it was like to be myself. The shadow of last night seems to die in the wake of the light in her eyes. She's the sun within my darkened world, a beacon of hope glimmering in the distance. The darkness billows around me once more as Jade steps between Beck and Cat. I barely notice as Andre and Tori bleed into line next to me.
"I was finishing off an assignment." I lie through my teeth, edging away from the light. My lie pollutes the air and I step further into the darkness as Jade's lips curve at the edges. It's barely a twitch of a muscle, but I feel the gloom within me deepen. If I'm expecting Cat's thoughts to flitter away from me, sadness seeps into me as I realize I'm just as toxic as Jade. There's a midnight tendril extending from me, and it's dragging Cat into our twisted lives.
"Assignment?" Cat's frown mars her features and I feel the light around her dim. With a shudder, I realize that there's nothing I can do to contain the infection. Short of cutting myself out of Cat's life, there's nothing I can do. I can't bring myself to do that though. I'm too selfish to give up the torch of happiness Cat carries with her at all times. I can't let her go.
"Yeah, it was really unpleasant." The lie flows through my teeth with a practiced ease. Bile rises in my throat as I realize it's become easier to lie than to tell the truth. As much as I wish I could say I hate feeling Jade writhe beneath me, it's just not true. With her caress, I'm an addict getting his fix. From the corner of my eye I notice Jade peering down at her blackened nails. All of my other thoughts drown as my mind becomes fixated on her. I can't believe she walks through life so unaffected by this.
"Robbie, you shouldn't let yourself get so far behind if you're going to be so tired. You're not yourself like this." Cat's voice leads me from the darkest parts of my mind and back into the usual doldrums of my discontent. Her bottom lip juts out as she peers at me through widened eyes and guilt taps me on the shoulder. I drag the muscles of my face into something resembling a smile, hoping my mask is convincing enough to convince the others that I'm fine. There's no reason to pull anybody else further into this abyss.
"How late were you up?" Tori's words trail the same path as Cat's, a questioning tone seeping into her voice as she turns to me. Tori's chocolate orbs are a pool of concern compared to the ocean that I had seen within Cat's eyes. I purse my lips thoughtfully, dragging my body through the motions and acting as though I'm trying to remember something. It's another lie; I remember every second of every moment last night. I know exactly when I finally managed to lose consciousness.
"Got to sleep around five." I drag the words from my throat dismissively, like they shouldn't trouble themselves. Plunging my fingers into my pocket, the cold sensation of the tin containing my closest friends greets me. The makeup within is the mask that hides my true nature from the pry eyes that linger on me. The bag of green fragments stuffed into the tin beside it made up the stitches that hold me together.
"What class had you up so late?" Beck's words drag me back into the conversation, his fingers reaching out to me within the darkness. We're two lost souls, stranded within the same void, only the roots haven't taken hold of him yet. I want to throw a hand out, to push him towards the light again. I'm already damned.
"Anatomy. Hey, I've gotta go. Catch you guys later." My mutinous words spark the atmosphere of our shared hell. Within it I'm voiceless. If he'd only open his eyes, he'd see what we're truly surrounded by. Beck's eyebrows dip and something like realization drags through his eyes. I'm about to celebrate Beck's emancipation when I notice Jade's talons plunge into Beck's arm. The truth lays discarded at his feet as Beck steers towards her and midnight tendrils wrap around him again. I drag a breath from the air and turn on my heel. My feet feel like lead and the stench of defeat hangs with me as I depart to the soundtrack of their farewells.
I meander through the hallways unnoticed, like it's second nature to me. My next class is within sight when a pair of claws sink into my shoulders. Through the dim light seeping under the door, I'm able to make out a familiar figure before me. I'd recognize those claws anywhere, I'd recognize those crooked waves of jet black hair anywhere.
"What do you want Jade?" I hiss, barbed words slicing my lips as my arms fall like blocks over my chest. In this darkened world, I don't have to keep up any of the façades that I do in the hallways. Jade heaves a sigh from deep inside of her body. Even within the gloom, I can see her struggling to pull words through her lips.
"Are you alright?" I'm not sure whether it's concern scattered through her voice or if I've just become immune to the inherent venom of her words. I inhale a shallow breath, careful not to take it too much of her scent. I may have built up an immunity to Jade, but those black tendrils are never too far from stripping back my armor and hollowing out what's left of me.
"I'm fine. Why does it suddenly matter now?" My eyebrows crash over the soulless orbs within my skull. My voice sets the air alight and the mist clouding Jade's emotions evaporates. No longer am I trapped in a closet with a malignant cloud that houses all of my doubts and all of my self-loathing. Reality bleeds through my delusions and I realize it's just Jade and I in the janitor's closet.
"Cat and Vega think there's something wrong with you, they want to stage an intervention or something." Jade's voice tiptoes through the air and circles me cautiously. I roll my eyes and tap my fingers against the tin within my pocket. I've got the cure to all that ails me at the tips of my fingers. Last time I let somebody lay their fingers on my heart, they filled it with a blackness that's never faded. It is slightly concerning that the cracks in my mask are widening though. I'm not sure that I want my friends to see the real me just yet.
"Cool, sounds like fun." With a roll of my shoulders, the concern in me perishes. With Jade having delivered her message, I just want to escape. As I turn to leave, Jade's frown deepens and her fingers slither through the air and hold me in place. My eyes spiral back to her, falling upon a face that I haven't seen in years. It drags me into the past and my mutinous heart lurches painfully against my chest. It reminds me of a time when Jade's face alone was enough to send it into convulsions.
"Wait…" Emerald orbs widen and none of the writhing tendrils I've come to associate with her swing before my eyes. I cautiously spin back to her, shifting my weight to one foot. My armor seizes up and rusts as the loathsome beast that I hate crumbles before me, revealing the girl that I used to think I loved. In this state she's nervous and weak, a tangled assortment of uncertain limbs. I feel my throat constrict, the specter of my misspent youth looming before me.
"I might be late tonight; I have a date with Beck." With her words, I instantly regret letting my guard down. Another blacked claw tears through the flesh of my chest and sinks into my heart. The girl before me vanishes and I realize that the monster before me was only ever hiding in the shadows. My jaw snaps shut and I remind myself that soon this will only be another jagged scar across my heart. It's nothing. I'm no one.
"Whatever." I mutter. My voice slices through the air and I'm reminded of a time when my words weren't meant to wound. Jade's fingers retreat back into the shadows and an expression that's uncomfortably close to hurt seeps onto Jade's features. Fighting against the tar that clogs it, my heart lurches uncomfortably. For the second time today, I retreat when things become too real.
I'm a fucking coward.
Sorry, sorry, sorry to anybody that's been waiting for this! I know it took a long time. I just really wanted to get the chapter in a state that does the great original justice. It's also kind of hard to step into this lightless world from the relatively fluffy worlds of the other three things I'm writing at the moment lol. Hopefully the next update will be a lot sooner than this one.
Shout out to my awesome Beta Agent Taggert who continues to do an awesome job sifting through my work and also to CrazyHumor for the rad source material.
As always, drop me a line. I'd love to hear what you think.