Part V – Secrets and Fears

"Hey Captain, you got a minute?"

Sean briefly looked up from his computer, his blank stare turning into one of awareness before flitting back to blank. He'd been staring at his computer screen for God only knows how long, trying to talk his mind into focusing on his job and respond to the several emails that littered his inbox. But his mind seemed to have other ideas; every time he got even remotely close to working, it would turn its attention back to Nick at home in the bed, hurt and vulnerable. Each time Sean had had to remind himself that Nick was safe and was currently being guarded by a loyal and fierce Blutbad and a protective and potentially vicious Hexenbiest. It didn't seem to help, however, as he still continued to blank out and try to connect to his injured mate several miles away,

Over the past few months the two men had slowly started trying to strengthen their bond. Originally it had hummed so dully that they had barely felt it but the closer they grew, the stronger it got. It was now to the point where the bond was now an angelic song in the background, strengthening in gusto to a crescendo whenever they tried to connect with one another.

When allowed, one or both of them could feel what the other was feeling, all they had to do was lightly knock on the mind of the other and be allowed admittance. There had been some times when the permission was denied but it was rare. Today there was a brief flash of pain, exhaustion and something that struck straight at Sean's heart but he couldn't identify before the door was swiftly slammed in his metaphorical face. He'd just been trying to determine what that last emotion was when Hank had knocked on his door.

"Yeah, come on in," he granted, easing into the back of his office chair, still somewhat favoring his left shoulder. The joint felt much better compared to yesterday but it was still quite tender. He'd been trying to hide the discomfort as much as he could but it hadn't been easy; eventually he decided it was best to hide in his office and do paperwork in order to avoid being caught.

Detective Hank Griffin walked into the office, closing the door behind him before leaning against one of the tables in the room. He crossed his arms over his chest, simply staring at Sean and not saying a word. It unnerved the Captain a bit but he kept a calm, neutral expression on his face.

"What can I help you with Hank?" he asked when he determined that the younger man wasn't going to speak first.

"I was wondering if you've heard from Nick today."

Sean eyed the detective suspiciously at this statement. There was something in the man's voice and eyes that said he knew something that Sean didn't and the Captain didn't like the feeling one bit. He looked out one of the windows of his office while he tried to determine how to answer the question. Surprise briefly crossed his features when he found the morning sun now high in the sky. What time is?

"Why? Haven't you?" Sean countered, figuring it was best to stay general rather than defensive.

"No," Hank answered sounding a bit concerned as well as curious. "He usually calls me by now if he's going to be late or not come in at all."

Green eyes flickered ever so slightly from the black man's face to the clock on the computer then back. It was almost three in the afternoon. No wonder Hank was getting worried.

Nick was a responsible type of guy; he always called several hours in advance if he wasn't going to be able to come in, which had only happened three times in the entire three years he'd been there, and he always called to say that he was going to be late. Usually all of these calls went to Hank; the only times Sean had heard from the Grimm was when he wasn't going to be able to show up at all and most of the time it was because he was horribly sick or injured. The last time Nick had called in he'd been in a car accident the night before and had broken his arm in three places to go along with a mild concussion and four broken ribs.

Just as Sean was about to say something, his phone rang.

"Hello," he answered after throwing Hank a mildly apologetic look.

"It's Nick," Nick's voice replied. It was tight and low and filled with pain but Sean kept his face neutral.

"Hank's right here, I'm going to put you on speakerphone," Sean informed, hoping his partner would get the hint that he had forgotten to tell everyone that he wouldn't be in. He hit the speakerphone button then placed the receiver back on its cradle. "Go ahead Nick, we can both hear you."

"Nick, you okay man?" Hank asked before Nick had had a chance to speak. When he'd heard who was on the phone, he'd come closer to the desk and was now leaning over it, staring at the phone like it was the face of his partner rather than a machine.

There was a breathy laugh on the other end that sounded both ragged and painful.

"Not really but I will be," Nick answered honestly. He took another shallow breath then let it out in the same ragged pattern as before. "Hey, Captain, I'm sorry for not calling earlier," he said, "I was in an accident last night and have been pretty out of it."

Nice cover, Sean thought while hiding a smirk. He allowed a small touch of the concern he felt to actually seep into his eyes as he shared a look with Hank.

"How badly are you injured," Sean asked wanting to stay away from the topic of "the accident". He already knew the answer to this question but while at the precinct, and in front of Hank more specifically, he had to act as though he were in the dark.

A pause followed his question, this time accompanied by a slight touch of wheezing and some slight panting.

Sean felt his heart jump into his throat. What was going on? Why wasn't the man answering? His heart rate slowly started to climb in time with his panic.

"Nick, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Hank asked in a genuine and rare show of panic. Hank was known for his calm demeanor even in the face of danger. He wasn't the type to over-worry or panic, but nothing gets to a man more than the sound of his friend possibly struggling to breathe.

"I'm fine," Nick assured still wheezing a little. He panted for a few breaths then continued, "Sorry to worry you Hank." Another panting breath then, "In answer to your question, Captain, it's not too bad but they had to perform surgery to fix some internal bleeding and a bit of damage done to my shoulder."

Again, Sean mentally applauded Nick for coming up with a way to explain the scaring that would most definitely cover his chest without actually telling them what happened. He wondered if Aubrey was there telling Nick what to say since when Sean left this morning, the younger man was barely conscious enough to register pain.

"That doesn't sound like "not too bad" to me," Hank argued.

Nick chuckled at his partner's concern. "Trust me Hank, I'll be fine. They're going to release me in a few days but they're guessing I won't be able to come back for six weeks, possibly less depending on how well I'm recovering."

And I'll make sure that you recover as quickly as possible, Sean thought, vowing that he wouldn't allow the Grimm to try and do anything that would set back his healing.

Hank furrowed his brows. "Is there something more that you're not telling us?"

"Why would you ask that?" Nick countered breathily. Sean could hear weakness beginning to take hold of his lover's voice and knew that the man was near the end of his energy.

"That just seems like a long time for recovery." Hank's eyes flew from the phone to Sean's at a moment that the Captain hadn't expected.

In that brief moment he knew that Hank could see all that he was feeling and right then Sean had been feeling worry, concern, love, and protective. The worry and concern could have easily been written off as him worrying about one of his men being down but the love and protectiveness couldn't.

"Well there might be a few other factors," Nick replied a little slyly.

"Such as?"

"I think we've kept Nick awake long enough, don't you Hank?" Sean interrupted knowing that if Nick told Hank all of his injuries, there wasn't an accident out there that would cover everything. "Nick, we'll let you get some rest."

"Sounds good sir," Nick answered, his relief and exhaustion coming through loud and clear.

"Keep us updated," Sean ordered though he knew that he would be.

"Will do," Nick said then hung up before Hank could ask what hospital he was at.

When Sean looked back up at Hank, the man had a huge grin on his face. At a loss for what to say without sounding accusing or threatening Sean merely continued to stare, this time waiting for Hank to say something.

The smile on Hank's face slowly started to fade, "Damn. I owe Wu fifty bucks."

"Excuse me?" Sean retorted surprised. That was possibly the last thing he'd expected the detective to say.

The grin was back in full force at his surprise and Hank sat down. "Permission to speak freely?"

Though this wasn't the military, Sean assumed this was Hank's way of making sure that anything he said wouldn't have repercussions for him later. Green eyes twitched in study but when he was unable to come up with an explanation he said, "Granted."

"There's a pool going around, betting on a) whether you and Nick were together; b) how long it would take you guys to get together, and c) how long it would take you guys to let us know. Judging from your look earlier, I'd say Wu won."

Sean sat dumfounded, though his face didn't show it. "How long have you all known?"

"Since it began," Hank answered mildly.

"I see," Sean replied without inflection. He hated himself for the question he was about to ask next but he needed to know. "And, no one has a problem with it?"

It wasn't that he was worried about them having a problem with them being two men; Portland was known for being more accepting of others and their differences. No, it was the fact that Sean was Nick's boss that he worried about.

"No, why would they?" Hank asked, sounding as though the idea were laughable.

"Why haven't you said anything earlier?" Sean asked not wanting to answer Hank's.

"We saw that you didn't treat Nick any differently than the rest of us so we saw no need to bring into public knowledge; although I can't speak for the small gossips of the station."

Sean smiled, though it wasn't for the reason Hank probably thought. He knew who the gossips of the station were and what they were and they knew him. They had been the first to know that something was going on because their Wesen senses had picked up on it. Sean had quickly made sure that they told no one or suffer the consequences so he wasn't concerned about them.

There was a moment's pause where there was nothing but silence in the office then Hank spoke again, this time with concern etched in his face. "How is Nick, really?"

Since the jig was essentially up, Sean saw no reason to pretend that he didn't know all of Nick's injuries and since that was all Hank seemed to be asking, he didn't see a need to lie.

"As Nick said, he's had surgery to repair damage done to his shoulder and some internal bleeding," he began as Hank sat more upright in attention. "But, he may have forgotten to mention the stitches needed in his hip, some broken fingers, stitches in his hand, broken, bruised and cracked ribs, and a sprained ankle."

Hank closed his eyes as pity replaced the concern. "That must have been a bad accident. Why haven't we heard about it?"

"You know the media, Hank. Unless there's a tragedy attached, most accidents aren't reported by the news," Sean dismissed knowing that he was at least right in that.

"What hospital is he at? I want to go see him."

This was where Sean hadn't wanted the conversation to go. He wasn't above allowing Hank to visit Nick at his home but with Nick's injuries, Hank would be curious as to why Nick wasn't actually at the hospital.

Smiling as politely as he could, Sean began to lie through his teeth. "The doctors don't want any visitors for the first few days. They said that he needs to rest and reduce the possibility of infection or virus." Okay, so it wasn't the best lie he'd ever come up with but it was the best he could do on short notice. "Why don't you wait until he's been released, then you can stop by. He'll be more awake then; right now all he's doing is sleeping."

"He's staying at your place when he comes home, I'm assuming?" Hank inquired but Sean didn't really hear it.

Inside his mind, the Captain heard, more like felt, a flash of "we need to talk" come from Nick. Suddenly, Sean was able to get a lock on that last unknown emotion he'd felt earlier. Betrayal. It was mixed with pain so it had been hard for him to identify but it was there. Nick was hurt because Sean hadn't trusted him enough to reveal his true self; he was hurt (both physically and emotionally) because it had taken being kidnapped and tortured for him to discover who Sean really was and it hadn't even come from Sean himself.

Shame swept through Sean like the tide, strong and quick. He'd thought about telling Nick about the Regnant within but every time he'd thought about it, he'd stopped himself.

His main reason was that he felt it was plausibly deniability for Nick; as long as the Grimm had no idea who or what he was, there was less of a chance of something happening to him because of it. That idea had flown out the window the minute the Reapers had kidnapped him.

His second reason was that he honestly didn't think Nick needed to know. As long as he kept control there was no need for the Grimm to find out. Of course that plan had been made extremely difficult when Sean had marked Nick as his. Eventually he'd been able to convince Nick that he'd accidentally bitten down too hard while he'd been nibbling on Nick's neck. It had partially been the truth at least and this way Nick hadn't questioned the injury or the scar it had left behind.

Sean knew those were just excuses, though; something to tell himself so he wouldn't feel weak. No, his true reason was that he was afraid.

He was afraid of how Nick would react to seeing his true form. Would he recoil in horror and never want to see Sean again? Would he distance himself first while he turned to the Blutbad for information and advice then eventually come to accept Sean? Would he just be accepting right off the bat? Or would he want to destroy him? The Regnant knew that Nick wouldn't want to kill him but there were other ways to destroy a man who was in love.

The longer their relationship continued, the more afraid Sean became. Only this time it was a new kind of fear. As time went, he became afraid that Nick wouldn't forgive him for hiding this secret from him. And now, that fear had just been redoubled.

Sean blinked and found Hank staring at him worriedly. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I asked if he will be staying with you when he's released," Hank stated slowly, his brown eyes watching Sean carefully for signs of anything that would tell him what was wrong.

Sean straightened his posture, radiating power and health. "Yes, he will. And when he's ready, I'll let you know when you can visit."

He didn't feel the need to tell Hank that by the time the opportunity came around, he and Nick would be staying at Nick's place. Though Sean was open to the idea of having other people in his home, he treasured his privacy and therefore preferred to keep the number of people that knew about where he lived to a minimum.

"Thank you," Hank said with gratitude in his eyes. He stood there for a minute just staring at Sean then he left, leaving the Captain to deflate on his own.

When Sean returned home later that evening, it was to find the Blutbad in the kitchen making up a meal that, quite honestly, smelled fantastic. He didn't bother questioning the act since he'd left the man and Aubrey in his home all day and they had more than likely made themselves meals while he was away.

"Where is Aubrey?" he asked of the Blutbad, smiling a bit when the man jumped ten feet in the air.

"Geez man, announce yourself before scaring a person like that!" he scolded. "She's checking on Nick. After the phone call," so Aubrey had been there telling Nick what to say, "Nick had been so exhausted that he'd fallen asleep almost immediately afterwards. He woke up briefly after that but was asleep soon after she gave him something for the pain."

Sean was about to confirm in a question that Nick was still in a lot of pain but it seemed ridiculous. Of course the man was in pain; he'd been kidnapped, tortured and put through the wringer in a short amount of time. Usually that meant that the injuries weren't so bad but in this instance the beings that had kidnapped him had liked pain and so had inflicted as much as they could in the time they had.

"Do you want something to eat?" the Blutbad asked drawing him from his thoughts.

Though it smelled amazing, the only thing Sean wanted to do was curl around Nick and lay there.

"No thank you," he declined with a polite smile. "I think I'll go check on Nick."

"Right, mate injured, protective time," the man dryly quipped seemingly to himself in understanding.

Sean didn't see the point in responding so he didn't. He pulled his coat off and placed it into the hall closet then strode into the bedroom. Nick was lying very much in the same position as when Sean had left this morning. He was still cushioned by as many pillows as Sean had been able to find and swathed in gauze, heavy bandages and a few splints, and he was still asleep. Sean had to admit that he was a bit disappointed that the man wasn't awake but he knew it was for the best. Nick needed the rest in order to heal and the sooner Nick healed, the sooner Renard would calm down and actually be able to focus.

"How is he?" he asked as he took off his tie and shoes and unbuttoned his shirt. With Aubrey actually in the room, he didn't feel comfortable doing more than that. His shoulder twinged when he moved it but other than a brief grimace he didn't take notice of it.

"About the same," Aubrey answered with a tired smile. He'd been in constant contact with her, inquiring about Nick's health the entire time, throughout the day so she hadn't needed to say more.

Sean nodded that he'd heard. "Thanks for the phone call."

"You're welcome. I figured you would forget to tell everyone that Nick was hurt." She watched him for a few moments, of which Sean ignored, then said in a sigh, "Well, I think I'll let you take over for the night and go and relieve Mr. Monroe. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night. And Aubrey? Thanks."

Aubrey gave a nod of you're welcome then gently closed the door behind her.

For five minutes, Sean just stood there and stared at Nick. Then his own weariness struck and he began to find it hard to keep his eyes open. Carefully he crawled into the bed and curled against Nick. He was mindful of rubbing against the injured and stitched right hip as well as the broken ribs when he coiled his arm around Nick's stomach.

He fell asleep with the knowledge that he loved this man to the death, that he didn't know what he'd do without him and the hope that when the time came to talk, he wouldn't have to find out.

TBC

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