An: Heya everyone! I'm thinking of taking this little bit of this misadventure and calling it a sort of "offshoot" of the rest of the story. Like an interjection into the larger part of the story or something like that. I don't really know…just something I'm thinking about. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do but, have no fear those brave souls who are still out there reading this misadventure, there will be Matrix-y action sooner rather than later and there may even be an appearance of Neo. I promise, though, if Neo does show up, Pixie and her friends won't play a big role in that story. She's just a by-stander, if anything. Anywho, I hope everyone's have a good start to their spring. I went to Opening Day at Shea Stadium (home of the NY Mets until 2009. Then they're going to move into spiffy Citi Field.) and it was a freezing cold but awesome time. There's just something extremely poetic about baseball! Please, if anyone has any input whatsoever about this little misadventure, let me know! I'm interested in hearing whatever anyone has to say!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the characters I made up and their Real World alter egos. I don't own The Matrix, The Animatrix, or any of that cool stuff. I'm broke and in graduate school studying biology. All I own are my Pointe shoes.
"My gift is my song
And this one's for you…" (from "Your Song" from Moulin Rouge)
Things in any world- Zion or the Matrix- tended to fall into two main categories in Pixie's mind. There were the things you had to do and the things you didn't have to do. Many simple things could be sorted into her two categories, like eating and sleeping. You had to eat in order to provide the body with the nutrition it needed and you had to sleep because it was necessary to rest your mind. Not doing things you were supposed to do- Even things deemed optional like homework- almost always had negative results. Sure you could choose not to eat but then you would starve. A person could, hypothetically go without sleep but, eventually, one would go mad.
Within the category of things you had to do, there were subcategories. Two, at the moment, stood out in Pixie's still confused mind. There were the things you had to and you liked to do them. For Pixie, and she knew she might have been alone on that fact, learning, and working, training and continuing to expand her repertoire of things she could do within the false reality of the Matrix were things she felt she had to do, given her job.
They were also things she liked doing. She'd always had a deep and abiding enjoyment of learning things and of working hard to learn things- Though for reasons that were beyond her understanding, learning came easy to her. That love for learning extended to her training now, making training something she enjoyed as well.
Since there were things you had to do and you liked to do, the other side of the coin had to exist as well. There were things you had to do and you didn't really want to do them.
It was in the latter category that Pixie's current venture fell squarely into, despite the fact she was quite ashamed it did.
Pixie had taken Chian's words to her the night before to heart. She knew she had to say something to Wheeler, talk to him before he decided he'd done something wrong. The young woman knew that there was a good chance that his kiss had changed their friendship but Pixie didn't want the change to be for the worst. She valued Wheeler's friendship because he was her close friend. He was one of the few friends she had from the Matrix and not even really because, back then, she'd only ever spoken to him in cyberspace.
Whatever the case, she and Wheeler had a kind of closeness between them. Pixie had never, exactly, been popular during her stay in the Matrix and she wasn't really sure what an actual healthy- Not the kind she had with Hawk as that seemed almost parasitic in nature- friendship felt like. Then she got to know a certain scruffy looking boy with a cheery smile that seemed to extend all the way to the bright hazel eyes he had. Pixie figured whatever she once had with Wheeler, whatever was going to change because of the previous night could be classified as a healthy friendship.
It was her musings that kept her company as the young woman wended her way to Wheeler's small home. They were, probably, the only things that were keeping her from turning around and heading back to her own home.
Zion's homes were all behind metallic red doors. The doors reminded Pixie of doors found on submarines, the kinds of doors that separated the compartments on a submarine. Well, what she thought they looked like anyway. Pixie hadn't ever had the occasion to see the inside of a submarine while in the Matrix.
It wasn't so much the shape of the door that gave Pixie pause. It was more the fact that all of the doors were red. If one door was red, then it could have been chalked up to someone making a statement. Two, well, then maybe it was a movement of some kind but it was every single door in the city. Pixie always wondered if it was somehow symbolic, all of the doors being red. Maybe a statement to the machines that lived above them- Despite the fact that the machines never could get into Zion- that they had all either taken the red pill or the result of parents who took the red pill.
Though all of the doors looked relatively identical in appearance, Pixie was able to pick out which door belonged to Wheeler. Now it was easy to see the differences between the doors but back when she was first freed, Pixie always feared getting lost and knocking on the wrong red door.
That was all in the past now as Pixie paused in front of Wheeler's door. She took a few moments, trying to decide if she really wanted to do what she was going to do. She knew she had to but she was afraid of doing it. Part of Pixie was scared that whatever had changed between her and Wheeler was going to ruin their friendship, change the long standing relationship they already had.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Pixie reached up a boney knuckled hand and rapped on the red door. She paused, waiting a few moments before knocking once more.
She was about ready to give up and head home- deciding that, possibly, Wheeler wasn't home at the moment- when Pixie heard the door open. A small slit in the heavy door, showing a pair of bright hazel eyes tilted sideway as they tried to see who was knocking. Said bright hazel eyes landed on Pixie, widening when he saw who it actually was.
Wheeler pushed the door open, taking stock of the young woman standing before him. If one hadn't known Pixie, one would think she looked normal. She looked like her normal, energetic self. Wheeler wasn't just a member of the population in Zion, though. He wasn't some random person on the catwalk sidewalk. The scruffy looking young man figured he knew Pixie pretty well, better than some random person in Zion, anyway.
To Wheeler, Pixie looked tired. Tired like she hadn't slept in a good long time. Though she looked like she was a bouncing ball of energy, there was a certain slowness to her movements, and her eyes kept blinking as if she was trying to dispel the feeling of sleep from them. Wheeler was almost sure he knew what had caused her lack of sleep and that made the scruffy young man feel all the worse.
"Hi," Pixie, lamely and awkwardly, offered a greeting.
Wheeler could only offer the same sort of greeting. Already, the two young adults could feel something like tension building between them. The preverbal five hundred pound gorilla was sitting in the corner, staring at them with its primate eyes and waiting to be acknowledged.
"Do you want to come in?" Wheeler offered, "I mean, I don't you think you want everyone out here to know what's going on."
Being one of those people who valued the rare commodity that was her privacy, Pixie nodded and followed Wheeler into his home. Her brandy brown eyes swept around the small space, marveling at how like, yet unlike his home was when compared to hers. The funny thing was that his space was just as neat as her own. Nothing was out of place and everything looked to be well cared for. Pixie didn't know why that surprised her…it just did.
Wheeler flopped into one of the mismatched chairs that surrounded his small, metal table. He gave Pixie a small smile, inviting her to do the same. The young woman knew it was best she sit down and not stand for whatever conversation they were going to have. If she stood there was a good chance there was going to be some pacing and nervous fiddling with her sweater. No, it was best she sit and fiddle with the hem of her battered and faded green sweater under the table.
"Look," Wheeler started, deciding that he had to speak first and get things out in the open, "I'm really sorry about last night. I never should have done that. It's just that..."
He tailed off, shrugging his shoulders as if that was all he could come up with to end the sentence. Unless he was planning on telling Pixie exactly how he felt about her, there was little else Wheeler could think to say to say to her.
"There's nothing to apologize for. I'm not angry or anything," Pixie pointed out after a very long and almost physically painful pause, "I guess I was just a little shocked, that's all. I mean, I never expected something like that to happen."
Wheeler gave her a brave looking smile, trying to make her comfortable and himself feel better. All night, he tossed and turned trying to reason why he'd kissed her. It wasn't something he'd planned; Wheeler knew that much was true. It was just a spur of the moment, impulse type thing. Not that he didn't want to kiss her- saying that would have been a lie- but he hadn't planned on doing it.
The scruffy looking young man took a deep breath and let it out. He knew he had to do something, anything, before this drove a wedge between himself and Pixie. They had to clear the air between them otherwise it was going to be very hard to stay as close friends. Wheeler knew that he Pixie considered him her "best friend" and he also knew she'd taken it very hard when Hawk- not even a friend but an ally- decided to stop being friendly to her. Causing Pixie to feel that brand of hurt was not something Wheeler was keen on doing.
With that thought in mind, and the fact the climate in his small home was starting to turn tense and chilly, Wheeler plucked up his courage. He made a brave attempt at getting all his thoughts in order before turning to look Pixie in her brandy brown eyes.
"Pixie, I like you," he admitted, his face glowing like the setting sun.
"But you like Aisling and Ngaio and the women on your ship, too," Pixie, suddenly feeling very flustered, pointed out.
She had a funny feeling she knew what Wheeler was going to say and, for some reason, that made her afraid. Not afraid of Wheeler but of his words. It was almost as if she didn't want to hear what Wheeler had to say to her. She liked their friendship but she wasn't sure what would happen if that were to change. Pixie didn't know if it was worth risking her friendship over something that was unknown to her.
"It's not the same kind of thing," Wheeler said, running a hand through his scruffy dirty blond hair, setting it into further disarray, "Aisling, Ngaio and the women I work with are just my friends. Not even when it comes to the women I work with, actually. They have higher rank than I do. I like you as more than a friend."
Though Pixie feared what Wheeler had to say, there was a part of her that was extremely happy. His words made her feel warm inside, almost glad to hear them.
As she tried to sleep the night before, Pixie mulled over her own feelings for Wheeler. Obviously, the kiss implied he had something like feelings for her. She had to work out what feelings she had for him. Pixie knew they were friends; they had that bond between them already. Maybe, in the part of her mind Pixie tried to ignore, she had more than friendly feelings for the scruffy looking young man sitting across from her. Maybe it was high time to ignore her head and listen to her heart.
"I like you, too," Pixie stammered, extremely embarrassed and unsure of herself, "but can we just take things slowly? I guess after last night's little display, you can see I'm not exactly aces with all this stuff."
A thousand watt smile spread across Wheeler's face. Pixie almost wished she had her Matrix sunglasses with her to protect her eyes from the glare of that smile. It was the brightest smile she'd ever had the occasion to see. Wheeler had one of those smiles that could not only light up his face but his eyes as well.
It seemed strange but Pixie found herself smiling as well. Chian had been right; getting the words out there had made her feel better. Now that Wheeler knew how she felt and she knew how he felt, it was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The gorilla that had been sitting in the room took his leave and went to go bother someone else. Things felt like they'd gone back to normal.
"Whatever you want to do, Pix. I'm just glad you feel that way. I was really afraid I'd scared you off and you were never going to speak to me or that you thought I was like Hawk or something," Wheeler responded.
Pixie furrowed her forehead. That was, most definitely, unexpected. In her own fears and uncertainties about what had taken place the night before, Pixie hadn't considered Wheeler's feelings. She felt badly about not doing so now. This whole thing might have been just as hard for him as it had been for her but to compare himself to Hawk…well, that seemed a bit of a stretch. In her mind, Hawk and Wheeler were two very different people.
"You and Hawk aren't even remotely alike. That's like comparing apples and oranges. You could never be someone like him, even if you tried. You don't have that in you as far as I can see," Pixie commented.
Relief washed over the scruffy young man's red face, and he pointed out, "That's good to know. I was worried you'd put me in the same category as Hawk. I'd never hurt you like he did. We're friends first and nothing's going to change that part."
Pixie was extremely glad Wheeler was still considering them friends before anything else. His friendship, the fact she knew she always had him to turn to, was important to her. An unbidden thought, stray and wandering in her head, occurred to Pixie. Wheeler could say they were friends but something had changed between them.
Before she could run the thought through her mental filters, the young woman asked, "Does this make us a couple?"
Wheeler shrugged his shoulders- something Pixie hadn't expected him to do- and answered, "Do you want to be?"
It was Pixie's turn to shrug. It was enough that she'd surprised herself with her question. That was something she hadn't expected herself to ask. Still, she knew she to give that question some thought. It seemed like it was what Wheeler wanted- otherwise he wouldn't have kissed her and they wouldn't have been having this conversation- and part of her liked the idea. It seemed like a good thing to have someone to turn to, other than her adopted family and her friends. Someone who was still her friend but not because they were something more.
"Can we settle for calling ourselves better than best friends or something? The word 'couple' kind of makes me nervous," Pixie said.
"Done. We can just be better than best friends. I kind of like that idea anyway. Being a couple sounds- I don't know. - too old fashioned or anything," Wheeler concurred, wearing another very bright smile.
Pixie put her head down on Wheeler's table, burying her head within her arms. The way she was shaking Wheeler thought she has started to cry. He was afraid he had said something, done something very wrong. In his mind, things seemed to be going well- Better than he expected anyway. - so he couldn't quite understand what was wrong with his friend. "Are you ok, Pix?" he asked gingerly, hesitant to push the hair away the sides of her head and arms to get a look at what was going on.
A few beats passed before Pixie could pick her head up and tell Wheeler, "I'm fine, really"
Wheeler almost shook his head, more because he felt a bit stupid and not because of anything Pixie had done. She hadn't burst into tears or anything like that. She'd started to laugh and she hadn't wanted him to see it.
"I'm not laughing at you," Pixie explained, wiping a laugher forced tear from her eye, "I'm laughing at me. I can't believe I'm talking about this stuff. It's so...so"
"Unexpected? Unlike you?" Wheeler offered with a knowing smile.
Pixie smiled and nodded, indicating both answers. Wheeler was one of the few people who knew stories about her past in the Matrix. It was just a small fraction of her previous life but it was enough for him to figure out certain things about her. Combining that with certain things he knew about her from actually getting to know her, Wheeler was able to read her pretty well.
Truthfully, Wheeler was surprised he was talking about this sort of thing. In the small town he called home, once upon a time, Wheeler knew that falling in love was done by rote. Everyone was sort of expected to marry his or her high school sweetheart or, at the very least, someone they knew from school. It was a talking point- Wheeler remembered his Matrix mother, Faye, and her friends twittering like birds over the fact some local girl had gone and married someone from outside their town.- when that didn't happen.
Wheeler had been fifteen when he left his life, his family, and his town and became a member of Zion's population. As a pitcher for his local high school's team as well as for his town's team, he knew he garnered some interest. Interest he wasn't really interested in, frankly. He didn't want to be like his father who, stuck with a resentful woman like his mother.
A lot of his new life in Zion had been unexpected. Things happened that he hadn't expected to happen. Among them was making actual friends with Pixie. It was strange to meet girls who didn't have any scheming ideas in the backs of their heads. There was no pretense in their friendship other than them being friends. Pixie wasn't doing any scheming for the future.
Maybe that was what catalyzed all of his feelings towards Pixie. She was what she was, nothing more and nothing less. Wheeler was almost sure he didn't know everything about her- just as she didn't know everything about him- but there was no pretense to their friendship. They were friends because they were friends. That was that.
"I guess that's a good way of putting it. I want to get use to this, though, I like this," Pixie told Wheeler, as her smile stayed on her face.
Pixie was glad that the comfort between them, once turned into awkward silence when talking face to face, had returned. Things appeared to be back to the way the use to be. That was an inaccurate statement, she knew. Nothing was going to be the same between them. Things would go back to normal for them but it was a different kind of normal. This was normal for them as "better than best friends"
"What do you want to do today?" Pixie asked Wheeler, feeling like it would be a good day if she got to stay with Wheeler.
Before long they'd both be out on their own separate ships. Spending time with one's friends was always a premium whenever they were all home together. No one ever knew if it was going to be the last time that was going to happen. Pixie wasn't one to think so fatally but she knew it was truth. It was part and parcel of their jobs.
It didn't mean she had to give in to such thoughts. No, she stood by what she's said before starting her job. They'd- Her and her little circle of friends- would all see the end of this conflict together. No one was dying.
"So long as I don't have to train and I get solid food, we can do anything you want to do," Wheeler answered, "I'm good as long as I get to spend time with you."
Pixie blushed but, then, Wheeler was blushing too. Maybe nothing had changed after all.