Part VII – The Talk

When Sean returned he was carrying a tray with two plates, two glasses of juice and two cups of steaming coffee. The scent coming from the plates smelled almost heavenly to Nick who felt as starved as he was beaten. He inhaled deeply, savoring the scent with closed eyes.

"Trying to apologize with food?" he queried with a half serious half teasing smile.

Sean smiled a half smile showing that, yes he indeed was and he found no humor in the small joke. He unfolded the tray legs and set it on the bed. Scrambled eggs, two slices of wheat toast and two slices of turkey bacon decorated the simple china on the tray. Nick's stomach grumbled hungrily and uneasily at the smell of the food.

"What if I am?" the Captain, because to Nick he would always see Sean as his Captain rather than a Regnant, returned without looking at him.

Unable to find anything to say to that, Nick didn't answer the question. Instead he chose to grab the napkin and attempt to eat. The first attempt to grab the napkin failed miserably; his arm refused to actually lift off the bed. Completely refusing to acknowledge his partner's raised eyebrows of both concern and inquiry, he blew out a breath of annoyance and tried again. The second attempt went better than the first but only slightly; this time his forearm managed to make it to the tray before it fell limply onto the bed.

"Would you like some help?" Sean offered with a straight face.

Nick's head turned to his left where the other man sat. The slowly brightening daylight glimmered in his eyes, giving them a shine that wasn't often there. It occurred to Nick that that shouldn't be happening but then his mind reminded him that the dresser hadn't been moved since Juliette left and there was a mirror on top of it, reflecting the sunlight streaming in through the window behind Sean.

"Appears so," Nick grudgingly admitted. Normally he would have added a hand wave but his arms apparently weren't willingly working at the moment so he settled for a head nod in the direction of the tray.

Without further comment, Sean set his plate on the bedside table and gently sat down on the bed. His left hip rubbed against Nick's as he sat, bringing forth their bond in a brief sharp spark in the back of their minds. They both flinched with how angry it felt; it was as though it were a sentient thing, a little kid that was mad at its parents and was letting them know it.

When Sean opened his eyes again, Nick could see a brilliant orange in his eyes that he had never seen before. It was such a beautiful match to Sean's overall coloring that for a moment Nick just stared. He felt something stir in the other man, something that was spoiling for a fight before he felt a door insistently slam then there was nothing.

"Did you feel that," the Grimm panted, referring to their bond's reaction. His heart still raced from the spark thus making his breathing speed up as well to accommodate.

It had felt as though he'd reached out and had physically hit Sean. His body had done its best to recoil from the slight touch but it had also been fruitless since he was too weak to really move. Though he loved the feeling of Sean against him, no matter what form it was, right now he was worried that his friend would do what he always did and try to smooth things over and make the problem go away with a touch and a few comforting words. That was the absolute last thing Nick wanted at the moment and his mind had reacted with a brief shot of anger before it had even truly registered the touch as something that needed to happen so that he could eat.

"Your anger must be manifesting through our bond," was all Sean said though the slowly changing color in his eyes told Nick so much more. The magnificent orange in the normally green eyes was gradually dimming to a more dull bronze, reflecting the sadness the Captain truly felt at the realization and the reaction his touch had created.

Feeling that just a bit of trust was being thrown his way, Nick could only attempt to reach out a hand to grab Sean's and say, "Sorry."

Sean's back straightened as though Nick had done something wrong; or perhaps it was just the other man's pride making an appearance, it was hard to tell. Either way, Sean immediately plastered on a fake smile, even managing to add a bit of brightness to his eyes, before picking up Nick's fork and scooping some eggs onto it.

The eggs were heaven in Nick's mouth, feeling more like fluffy yellow clouds of spice rather than something that came from a chicken, making him close his eyes in pleasure for the briefest of moments.

"You never told me you could cook," he gently chided with an appeased smile.

"I can do many things Nick," Sean replied, this time adding a bit of bacon before putting the fork back into Nick's mouth. "You just needed to ask."

Oh, you wanna go there? Nick's mind bristled at the challenge. With his mouth full of food, Nick couldn't very well verbally argue the point but the glare he threw at his friend conveyed his anger at the comment. Again the bond sparked, responding to Nick's anger, and lashed out at Sean. The older man winced and Nick felt a jolt of pain and guilt ripple through his heart. Still, he was stubborn and he wasn't about to apologize.

Once he finished swallowing the humongous bite, Nick opened his mouth to reply but soon found himself swallowing down some orange juice. It wasn't a lot but it was enough to keep the Grimm busy for a few more seconds.

When Sean went to shove another forkful into Nick's mouth, he swiftly shook his head, giving his own wince of pain as his concussion reminded him it wasn't gone yet.

"No more," he said at Sean's inquisitive look.

The older man frowned as he placed the fork back onto the plate. "Are you no longer hungry?" he asked, obviously unhappy with how little Nick had eaten.

"For now," Nick answered knowing he needed to take real food slowly. Given that he'd just spent the last week on a liquid diet, he'd been heavily instructed by Aubrey to gradually introduce actual food back into his system. He actually highly doubted she would have approved of his current breakfast but he wasn't about to mention that; it had tasted wonderful.

Sean nodded that he'd heard and set the tray aside, placing it on the empty side of the bed for later. He hesitated for a moment, clearly wanting to remain where he was, then moved back to his place in the chair beside the bed. Nick didn't know if the move was for his benefit or for Sean's but either way he was grateful for it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Nick asked after a good five minutes' silence.

Sean cocked his head to the right as though he were contemplating the question then he merely replied, 'You never asked."

While it was true that Nick had never outright asked if Sean was a Wesen, they both knew that the answer was a cheap shot and Nick felt his anger flare again.

"Oh don't give me that crap!" he argued. "You and I both know that I have given you plenty of opportunities and vaguely but directly asked and you never answered the question."

Nick sat up more, trying to sit away from the pillows so he could be more involved in the conversation but stopped with a grimace. His mouth opened in a silent cry of pain as his ribs moved and the badly bruised muscles in his side stretched. If he hadn't been in so much pain already, he would have slammed his hand down onto something just to get his frustration out.

Nick had never been good at emotional arguments. While he and Juliette had never really argued, well not about something like this, they did have a few serious talks and all of them had been difficult for Nick to do. Aunt Marie had been like a second mother to Nick when he was growing up but, wonderful though she may have been, she hadn't exactly been the kind of woman that had openly discussed her feelings. Now Nick understood why but at the time he had thought it just wasn't what people did.

This argument, however, was more than just an emotional argument. It was an emotion argument that he had demanded happen.

Sean's eyebrows rose once more, this time in surprise at Nick's outburst before quickly lowering into a frown of concern at Nick's pain. He silently waited for Nick to get himself back under control but the Grimm could tell it took a bit of training to do. The muscles in Sean's arms twitched as though begging to be allowed to contract so they could do something to help Nick but their master remained still, filled with a determination so strong Nick could hear the animal inside his friend roaring at the cage it had been put in.

"It's true, I've often eluded you but the fact remains that you still could have directly asked," Sean argued, too stubborn to let go of the fact. "Neither one of us is in a relationship with a woman, Nick, so why must we resort to dropping hints when we want something?"

Admittedly, Nick didn't have an answer to that. Then his keen mind went into overdrive and he found himself replying, "Because I wanted you to tell me without having to ask."

"Then why did you not wait for that time to come?"

"Because we have been in this relationship for over a year and I was beginning to wonder if you would ever tell me which brings me back to my original question of why didn't you tell me? Why did it take my being kidnapped and partially tortured for you to reveal your true self to me?"

The volume in Nick's voice steadily grew the longer he talked and by the end of the statement he found himself trying not to yell. He felt so surrounded by anger now, so much so that he thought he'd drown in it. The bond once again reacted to his anger and this time Sean put a hand to his head and turned it just as a grimace creased his face.

Nick felt Sean's control snap for a second. He felt the Regnant's anger at being mentally attacked in such a way and he felt its anger at not being allowed to strike back. It was in that second that he felt the bond lash out at him, making him gasp in pain. It felt like fangs, long and sharp, had been driven through his skull and into his brain in a bite.

The contact with the angry beast inside Sean had been brief but it had been enough to show Nick that he never wanted to come into contact with that thing when it was mad at him. He heard the Regnant roar again but it was in defiance and fury as Sean regained his control and locked it in a cage far beyond where Nick could mentally see.

The two men sat in silence, each panting through their emotions and pain. Neither one broke eye contact with the other, though; they both stared at one another, silently inviting them to start again.

In the end, it was Sean who broke the contact and looked to his left down at the floor. His voice was barely audible as he admitted, "I was afraid."

"Afraid? Afraid of what?" Nick asked perplexed by the confession. Sean Renard was one of the bravest men Nick knew. Nothing scared him, nothing. Yet here he was saying that he was scared to tell Nick about his true self? No, there was more to it than that.

"I was afraid of you," Sean admitted, effectively stopping Nick's heart with the ton of bricks he'd just piled on top of it, crushing it. Seeing what must have been a devastated look on Nick's face, Sean hastily added, "Of how you'd react."

"What did you think I was going to do?" Nick asked breathlessly. "Kill you?"

Sean's green eyes focused sharply on him. There was anger in them but Nick wasn't sure why the other man was angry or who he was angry at.

"No," he finally answered, lifting a few bricks off Nick's heart. "I know you'd never kill a Wesen just because you could. Although, I did have your aunt killed so that might have given you a reason."

"You what?" Nick asked coldly, his anger coming up through the heartache. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered Francois saying that Sean had had Nick's aunt killed but he hadn't really believed it until now.

Sean once again straightened in his chair, this time in pure strength and defiance. The strength, Nick knew, came from his confidence in his decision; he believed himself not only right but justified in his action and therefore felt he had no need to apologize. It was something Nick had seen several times while he'd investigated the death of a violent Wesen. The defiance, Nick supposed, was only there to provide support for his justification.

"I was the one who had sent Adalind to kill your aunt and I arranged for the others as well," the older man announced coolly. The casual tone of his voice made Nick forget all about the heartache he felt as anger once again replaced it all.

"Why?" Nick asked, his voice shaking with rage. "She wasn't a threat to you."

"She was a threat to everyone under my protection, including you," Sean snapped. The green in his eyes melted as though acid had been thrown on them, giving way to a deep red. Nick only knew one other person whose eyes turned red like that but, right now, he was willing to be the red in Sean's eyes was darker and more vicious than Monroe's could ever be.

"You aunt killed without thought or care. She viewed all Wesen as dangerous. I'm not sure if it was how she'd been raised or if her solitary life as a Grimm had calcified her heart but either it way it was no matter to me." Sean took a breath to control his anger but the red never dimmed in his eyes. "You know exactly how many Wesen are in Portland, Nick. She would have hunted every singe one of them down until the only one left was me. As Protector of Portland, I couldn't allow that, no matter how much pain I knew it would cause you. She didn't have your open mind, Nick. She didn't stop to think about other options. She just killed."

Nick's jaw hurt from how hard he was grinding his teeth together. Much as he wanted to argue, somewhere deep down, he knew that Sean was right. He loved his aunt, as much as anyone could love a parent, but the last time she'd visited, Nick had felt there was something different about her. It wasn't just the cancer she was dying from; it was a tension that seemed to surround her, always putting him on edge whenever he was near. He wanted to deny that she had changed so drastically since he'd been gone (God how he wanted it to be otherwise!) but, realistically, rationally, he knew he couldn't.

"And how was she a danger to me?" Nick countered. His fury from before had faded but there was still enough residual anger left to lend an edge to his gravelly voice.

"Do you know why Leroux kidnapped you?" Sean asked, completely throwing Nick off course.

The Grimm had to admit, he had no idea why he'd been kidnapped. No doubt that was something he would have to explore with the department psychologist before he returned to work (yes, he knew Sean would make him attend a session or two before he was allowed back) but, honestly, he'd just taken it as something that happened when you were a Grimm who was dating the most powerful man in Portland, as far as Wesens were concerned at least. It was truly a sad statement on his life that he just accepted things like that happening but the fact of the matter was that they did, a lot in fact.

"No," Nick admitted with a sigh.

Sean nodded. "Ever since you arrived under my command, the Reapers have been demanding that I kill you."

That threw Nick for a loop! His mouth dropped open so wide he thought he'd detached his jaw. Why would the Reapers be so adamant about his death? Yes, he knew he was a Grimm and that was there job but come on! He wasn't like all the other Grimms out there, surely they should take that into consideration. Shouldn't they?

"At the time I wasn't even sure that you were in fact a Grimm but when your aunt came to visit, I felt the change in you. They insisted that you needed to die, citing that you are your aunt's nephew and would turn out exactly like her. At the time I had no doubt that they were right; it was why I wasn't too concerned when Adalind had gotten you instead of Marie."

Nick felt a jolt of pain at the last admission but he hid it well, knowing there was more to the story.

"When you tried to stop the Jagerbars from completing their ritual, however, I knew that you were in fact nothing like your aunt. She would have killed all of them just for what they were. But you tried to stop them all from hurting not only the two humans but from doing something that would hurt them in completely different ways. You had fought them only because they had attacked first then you sent a warning shot into the air. That wasn't the usual style of a Grimm. That was the style of a different breed altogether; one that hadn't yet been seen. From then on I tried to change the Reapers' minds, tried to make them see that, unlike your ancestors, you weren't a threat to them. But Leroux was determined and blinded by teachings of the past and he would not listen."

Silence descended upon the two men, cloaking the room in it and lending a gloomy presence to the already stormy day. Nick could feel Sean's eyes on him, studying him and waiting for his response.

"So," Nick began, slowly puzzling through the long tale, "you believed that if I had spent more time with my aunt, she would have, what, turned me into her?"

"Yes."

The reasoning was bogus to Nick to say the least. He knew that wouldn't have happened because while she once had influenced how he thought and how he'd looked at the world, Nick was now a grown man and was more than capable of thinking for himself. No one would be able to change that except time and time was fickle enough not to worry about it.

But, then again, Sean hadn't known Nick that long when this all had happened. He wouldn't have known just how strong Nick's will was because he hadn't bothered trying to figure it out. He was pretentious enough to believe himself right in everything, including his assumptions.

It wasn't enough to excuse what he'd done but Nick had to admit that he could see the logic in it all. It hurt, that was for sure, but it was nothing compared to what he'd felt when all this started.

Unable to express what all he was feeling, Nick settled for nodding that he understood but he couldn't bring himself to look into Sean's eyes. He was afraid the tears that lay just behind his eyelids would begin to poor down like rain and that wasn't something he wanted to happen.

"That doesn't explain why, if you knew I wouldn't kill you, what you thought I would do?"

"Leave."

That one word was enough to stop Nick's heart for a heartbeat or two. He felt the bond whine and whimper at the thought of being torn apart by their separation and Nick knew that if either one attempted to do that, his soul would be ripped apart as well. Tears began to well in his eyes, though whether it was from keeping them open for so long or from the utter desolation he felt at the very idea of leaving Sean he didn't know. One dared to fall down his cheek, making Nick swipe angrily at it; this wasn't the time for tears.

"Is that how little you think of me?" he asked though it was far from what he'd actually meant to say. What he wanted to know was why Sean thought that showing Nick exactly how magnificent and beautiful he really was would make Nick leave. But that had refused to come out of his mouth.

"Quite the opposite actually," Sean answered with a sardonic smile. "As I'm sure you know, I think a great deal of you. Too much, one could argue, and believe me, many have. I didn't feel it was a risk I could take because losing you would destroy me completely."

Ignoring the pain in his shoulder and torso and the tears streaming down his face, Nick reached out and grabbed Sean's closest hand in as tight a grip as he could manage.

"I would never do that to you," he promised. He wanted to go on about how it would destroy him to leave as well but this moment already felt too emotional for him so he abstained.

His grip began to lose its strength quickly so he withdrew it and leaned against the bed, feeling exhausted by the conversation as a whole. Beside him he heard Sean huff out a brief laugh.

"Rest Nick," he gently commanded and Nick felt the back of his hand trail lightly down the side of his face. "We'll talk more later."

"You bet we will," Nick promised, his eyes already closing of their own accord. A wry smile curved itself onto his face as he promised, "I have a lot of questions to ask."

Again, he heard Sean chuckle. "I'm sure you do."

Nick fell asleep before his brain could even come up with a comment to that. Oh, he definitely had some more inquiries to make of Sean, mostly pertaining to what the hell a Regnant was and what its abilities were. But those would be questions for another day. For now, he needed to rest.

TBC

Okay, so originally I didn't plan on writing this so soon. But, last night I watched the new Grimm and sat down just to see where things would go and ended up writing this entire chapter, lol..

What'd you think? Review? Pretty please with Nick and Sean on top? :D

Yay! There is only one more chapter to come and it will be an epilogue. This will probably be the quickest I've ever finished a story, lol. Go me!