Sooooo… in the spirit of the holiday season, I've decided to be a bitch and mix things up. So… Merry Christmas and junk!
Oh, and by the way up until this point, at least 15 elves have been saved. I know we can do better. Santa is a sick fuck. So save them elves.
"You're right." Alice relinquished her grip on Claire's wrist, backpedaling away from Claire as if she was startled, as if she had suddenly discovered she had been holding a live viper.
Claire gasped at the abrupt loss of contact. Her wrists felt scalded without Alice holding them. Her body felt chilled without the heat of the other woman pressed against her. The air felt disturbingly still without her breath on her neck, her cheek. The shift left Claire dizzy. It was as if she had spun in circles until her equilibrium was completely upended. There was no up or down, no point to focus on to recapture her balance.
Alice had been there, so close. And then she wasn't. Her mind wouldn't… couldn't settle. Her thoughts could not catch up to what was in the present, too hinged on the past, on the feeling of closeness she had and then lost.
"We can't—I can't—I…" She shook her head as if trying to clear it of an appalling thought, to shake off a terrifying sight. Her blue eyes settled on Claire's feet without really seeing them.
"What?" The fog began to dissipate and through it, Claire could see something was wrong. It was the first and only time Claire had ever seen the older woman anything close to shaken. Her mouth was set in a grim line, her eyes wide and haunted. If she did not know Alice so well, if she had not spent so long agonizing over every expression, every quirk, every gesture that she made, Claire might have thought Alice was afraid.
"You're right." Alice straightened, her face tightening back into the impenetrable mask. "I'm too dangerous. It's too dangerous. I'll find a Humvee, lead the convoy to the supply warehouse and make sure you get on the road to Alaska safely." She averted her eyes back down at her feet. "And then I'll leave." The last bit came out as barely a whisper.
"Leave?" Claire felt panic swell like a wave within her, swelling until it crested in a rip tide of current, of fear and devastation. Not having Alice was barely tolerable, so desperately close yet knowing she could never succumb to the temptation, that it would be worse for them if she did. It was killing Claire. But that was preferable to not having her at all, to not knowing she was safely asleep in the back of the Hummer or in the fuel truck, that she was never farther than few car-lengths away. The mere notion of waking up and knowing that Alice was no longer with them, that she was far away, alone or dead, not knowing if the Infection had claimed her too. She couldn't survive that. "You can't go. You can't leave us. We need you."
But Alice shook her head vehemently and began to pace, and some of that feral energy that Claire adored about her, returned. "I'm not safe. I'm too dangerous."
"None of us are safe anymore, Alice." Claire extended her hand helplessly, reaching out but unable to close the distance between them. "You're not dangerous. All you have ever done is protect me. Us."
"I'm dangerous."
"You are not."
"I am! Do you not remember the wall of flame, the burning crows?" Alice said through clenched teeth. "You told me yourself that the convoy was scared of me, scared of what I could. And they were right to be scared."
With a pang, Claire remembered her first confrontation with Alice, before, when she had been a stranger. When Claire had not trusted her. "A wall of fire could be handy every once and awhile," Claire joked weakly. "I know it's not exactly normal, and I can see why it would make you uneasy, but Alice… you've never hurt anyone with it."
"It's not normal. I'm not normal." Alice's pacing only intensified. She could only take four or five steps in the small office before whirling to stalk in the other direction. "Umbrella did something to me. I'm not… human."
It was no particular surprise that Umbrella had some hand in the development of Alice's unusual abilities. Carlos had filled her in on all the events of Raccoon City, of how she had been a security operative and then test subject for Umbrella, of how he had helped break her out of the Umbrella test facility, of how she had been even more different, of how she had disappeared when Angela Ashford had been killed.
But the concerns she had when Alice had initially joined their group had faded. She knew Alice now, knew here well enough to trust her with her own life, with the lives of everyone in her convoy, knew her well enough to know they were much safer than they had been without her. "I know…" Claire began and put herself in between Alice and the path she was pacing, forcing her to stop. "I know it has to be scary. It would terrify me. But you are human, just stronger and faster and… with the psionic stuff. But I know you'd never hurt anyone. You couldn't."
"I did." Alice said quietly. "I killed Angie. I couldn't stop. I couldn't control it. Umbrella took control of me. I was like a puppet and they pulled the strings. I'm like… I'm like an animal. I can sense the Infected, react on instinct. Sometimes I react without even realizing it. What if it happens again? I can't take that risk. I have to go." She pushed past Claire as if ending the conversation.
The convoy leader grabbed her wrist again, only moderately afraid of receiving the same reaction as before. "Alice! I don't care!" She shouted before it even had registered as truth. Whatever Alice had done, whatever she was capable of, she was not capable of murdering a child, no matter what. This was Umbrella's fault, not hers. They were to blame for all the deaths, for all the Infection. Even if Alice had pulled the trigger, she could not have done so if she was capable of resisting. But Umbrella was gone now. No one had seen or heard any sign of the company in years. Hopefully, they fell victim to the same Infection that had destroyed the world. Whatever their fate, they were no longer pulling the strings.
Alice barely reacted to Claire's touch this time. She stopped and almost shyly raised her eyes to Claire's. "It's safer this way." Gently, almost delicately, she pulled her wrist away and turned for the door again.
Claire watched Alice go and felt her heart break simultaneously. She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes as if she could rub the sting of tears away. This wasn't what she wanted. She needed Alice, needed to know she was just a shout away. She had tried to protect them both by resisting her feelings, by closing herself off. The notion of reaching Alaska, of finding safety, felt hollow and pointless.
It felt as if her lungs were collapsing on her heart, crushing her chest from the inside. The Infection had robbed the world of everything decent and good in the world. It had tainted the world with its fetid stink. What was the point of going on at all without the one piece of goodness left to her?
Claire jogged after Alice, heedless of the sting of fresh tears on her face. "Alice!" But the older woman had only made it halfway across the parking lot to the fuel truck. She slowed to a trot several feet behind her. "I don't want to be safe if it's without you."
"Don't make this harder than it already is, Claire. Please." Alice refused to look at her, even as Claire fell into step beside her. "This is best for everyone."
"It's not what is best for me!" Claire pleaded, exasperated. Of all the times for Alice's damn stubborn streak to rear its head… Why couldn't Alice just hear what she was saying, why couldn't she just read between the damn lines? "For fuck's sake… Alice! Alice…" But Alice wouldn't slow, wouldn't stop, wouldn't even look at her or acknowledge her words were having any impact whatsoever. Claire jerked her fingers roughly through her hair, frustrated beyond measure. "I love you, you idiot!"
Again, thank all of you for your support. Y'all are the wind beneath my wings.
And the savior of my elves. Do you want the senseless slaughter of elves on your conscience? If not, leave some feedback.