Sorry for the wait! For those of you still here, thanks for sticking around! I'm guessing none of you sent me awful messages about the last chapter and I appreciate it. The long gap between chapters was due to the negative reaction to the last chapter. I really appreciated those of you who had constructive and positive things to say. I'm finishing the story for you.
Charlie POV
The look on Edwards face when I told him will haunt me forever. It's exactly how I felt. So lost and sad that you feel as though you will never survive this. You can't survive this.
The moment I reached the top of the ravine I was hit with a wall of noise and a flurry of activity. It was dark out now but there were multiple police spotlights aimed at me. I was centre stage to my own nightmare. I was whisked away pretty quickly into an ambulance but not before Dr. Cullen informed the paramedics not to take me to the closest hospital, but to the Forks hospital where he could treat me. After assessing me to ensure I was safe to travel and receiving my consent first of course. I was perfectly okay with this. I wanted to go home, not be stuck in some hospital hours away, and Dr. Cullen was a very talented surgeon. I knew he could fix my leg.
Before I got into the ambulance I also noticed a few of my own guys among the search party, Forks PD had made it all the way out here to help search. "We'll hold down the fort for you, Chief." Harold told me as they loaded me in and I nodded gratefully. I was numb and work was the absolute last thing on my mind. My daughter was dead. And not just my daughter, but Renee's too. Oh god. I thought. I bet Renee has no idea. I have to call her and tell her that her daughter is dead and it's all my fault.
I leaned back and closed my eyes at this thought, a couple of tears springing to them. "You okay, Chief?" One of the paramedics asked me.
"Charlie." I said. I didn't deserve to be chief of anything. I couldn't keep the one person I cared about the most alive. "Do you have a phone that I can borrow?" I asked him knowing that I needed to call Renee now. My leg was going to need surgery and I figured I wouldn't be in a place to call her after. Hell, I wasn't in a place to call her now. I was delirious, dehydrated, half starved, with a broken leg, bad concussion and the most suffocating grief I've ever experienced. It seemed to increase exponentially the further I drove away from her. I couldn't think of the fact that I was leaving her there alone, the thought was crushing.
"Yeah of course." The young paramedic told me and handed me his personal cell phone. "While you make your call I'm going to put an IV in your other hand."
I nodded, I didn't care what happened to me at this point. I dialled Renee's number with trembling fingers, I knew it wouldn't get easier the longer I put it off. The phone rang once, twice and she picked up halfway through the third ring. "Hello?" I heard her voice say, she sounded unsure, it was evening and this was a strangers phone, I remembered.
"Renee." I said not knowing how to start this conversation. I heard my voice as she must have heard it. Raspy, broken.
"Charlie? Is that you?" She asked sounding confused.
"It's me." I all but whispered.
"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" She asked sounding worried.
"No… I'm not okay. It's Bella. Renee… we were in a car accident." I heard her sharp intake of breath.
"A car accident?! Bella… what happened, is she okay?" She was all but shrieking and the sound sent daggers though my fragile brain.
"I need you to listen to me for a minute, I'm going to tell you what happened. Bella and I were driving to Seattle on the highway when it became really backed up. So much so that it made sense to take backroads the rest of the way there. We were driving along a ravine when an elk stepped out in front of us. If I had hit it we would have died instantly. The only thing I could do was swerve." I took a steadying breath before I continued. "We went down a ravine a long way at a high speed before crashing into a fallen tree. Bella was very injured. She was trapped in the car and I couldn't get her out. This was more than two days ago Renee."
There was a brief silence before she whispered "Is she…"
"She's gone." I whispered back "I'm so sorry. Help just came a short while ago, it was too late. I'm so sorry Renee." My second apology was said over the sounds of her broken wailing. I couldn't stop the tears myself at this sound, this unbelievably gut wrenching sound that could only be made by the loss of one's only child. The sounds of her sobs got fainter and I heard the phone rustling.
"Renee? What is it?" I heard distantly then "Hello? Who is this?" I heard into the receiver of the phone.
"It's Charlie." I said tears evident in my voice.
"Charlie… oh god, did something happen to Bella?" Phil's voice asked into the phone.
"She's gone." I whispered. "I'm sorry, I couldn't save her." I yelled out in pain then, shocked out of from my grief for a moment as my injured leg was pulled out straight in order to be stabilized.
"Charlie?" I heard Phil's voice say again but I couldn't continue this conversation right now.
"I'm sorry." I gasped through pain and tears "I have to go. I will call back when I can, don't call this number I'm just borrowing the phone."
"Are YOU okay?" I heard him ask but I hung up. It didn't matter how I was.
"Sorry, Chief." The young paramedic said but I didn't respond. I leaned my head back against the stretcher and let the tears come.
The ride there was excruciating in every sense of the word. My head pounded with every pothole we hit and my leg was on fire. The pain was unrelenting but the grief was worse, attacking me in waves. The thought of the grief I had just bestowed upon Renee was also unbearable. I had never before in my life wanted to die before this situation, and now I would have welcomed it.
About half an hour into the ride the exhaustion and the pain medication finally began to hit me and I passed out into a restless sleep. I awoke when the ambulance arrived at Forks Community Hospital, I was half awake as the paramedics brought me inside and medical staff rushed to me, they had clearly been informed of my pending arrival. I was informed that they would be bringing me to get X-rays and blood work and that they would get me cleaned up and begin prepping me for surgery. Naturally we got here before Dr. Cullen as he was still at the accident scene when I left.
I was barely conscious through all of the healthcare workers ministrations. I would wake occasionally during a test, or a blood draw or being cleaned up by nursing staff. It must have been a couple of hours later when I awoke to the gentle voice of Dr. Carlisle Cullen pulling me back to consciousness. He was in a pristine white lab coat and looked the opposite of how I felt.
"Hello Charlie. I need to tell you how absolutely devastated myself and my family were to hear about the loss of Bella. She was family to us and an absolute treasure, the loss of her will be felt for the rest of our lives. You have all of our condolences." He told me and I could see the sorrow in his eyes.
"How's Edward?" I croaked out through a dry throat.
He handed me a styrofoam cup with a straw sticking out of it and allowed me to drink a bit of water. He shook his head "I don't know that he will recover from her loss. He loved her more than anything, he is utterly devastated."
That makes two of us, kid. I thought to myself. "I'm sorry." I told him.
"Charlie you have nothing to be sorry for." He told me.
"Of course I do." I said, tears welling again. "She's not here and I am, it's my fault. I chose the path, I swerved around the elk, I crashed the car. She was an innocent passenger. I'm the one who failed to save her."
"In no way shape or form was this your fault. If you could, would you go back in time to stop it from happening?" He asked me.
"Of course I would." I said.
"Exactly. You never intended for this to happen, terrible things sometimes happen and there's no rhyme or reason for it." I didn't know how to answer this so he went on "We found her and stayed with her until the firemen were ready to work on extricating her from the vehicle. Charlie, even if she had gotten help right away, there is nothing that could have been done for her. I'm so sorry to say it, but it's the truth." The tears welled over at this and spilled freely down my cheeks, I dashed them away.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't help her." He said to me "But I can help you if you'll allow it. That leg requires surgery. Thankfully your head doesn't require any interventions beyond symptom management and a few stitches as you have quite the nasty concussion."
I nodded "Thanks, doc." I said to him too choked up to say anything more.
"It's the least I can do." He said quietly. "Are you okay if we get you prepped now? The sooner we get the surgery done the sooner you can rest and recover. Plus you're already fasted so now is the easiest time."
I nodded "I'm ready." I said and I was prepared for surgery.
Edward POV:
I know that I should have left when they asked me too, should have listened when they said that I shouldn't watch this but the least that I could do is watch. She is the one who endured all of this, not me. I would show my respect by staying close and standing vigil as her remains were extricated from her fathers cruiser. I would bear witness to a life cut devastatingly short in the cruelest way. I only wished that Alice hadn't stayed with me. It didn't matter the promises I made to her not to run to the Volturi at my earliest convenience, she was determined to stay by me, I suppose in the same way I was determined to stay by Bella until I no longer could. If I could feel anything other than soul crushing sorrow I think this act by Alice would be touching.
The two of us were perched high up in the trees, two sentinels in the night. It was far too dark to worry about anyone spotting us. We watched as they brought down the jaws of life, the name felt so wrong to me now. They couldn't save her life. A large team of fire fighters and police officers worked together to pry apart the front of the car where her legs were pulverized while also causing as little damage to her as possible. Even in the state I was in where I was mad at the world, I couldn't be mad at these men and women, even if they accidentally hit part of her leg with the large machinery or jostled the car too much they would touch her shoulder or murmur an apology to her even though she wasn't really there anymore. I was immensely grateful for this treatment as she deserved nothing less. I assumed the fact that she was a cops daughter played heavily into their reverential treatment of her but I didn't care why, I just cared that they were doing it.
In order to get her out they had to completely dismantle the front of the car until what was left of her legs hung down above the forest floor. Once they were free they used the jaws to cut through the tree that was impaling her, both in front and behind her. Her body slumped forward more with this until she was fully supported by the seatbelt. I couldn't imagine the amount of pressure that had been putting on her lungs and other organs, it was amazing she had survived as long as she had. Four men moved in and they all grabbed different parts of her body. Someone reached through the drivers side and undid her seatbelt and before she even had a chance to start to fall the men holding her lifted her as one and carried her limp body to the stretcher that was waiting for her. They first sat her upright with her head lolling down to her chest. They brought the jaws of life around to her back and cut through the branch that was still protruding through her back so that they could lie her flat.
I didn't realize at first but she had been laid down on an open body bag. Once she was flat they covered her with a blanket first as if tucking in a sleeping girl and then slowly began to zip the bag up from the bottom only stopping before it reached her face. One of the men spoke then and asked the others if they minded if he said a prayer, several people nodded or verbalized their assent and no one objected, the emergency crew gathered then around her body, religious and secular alike and whoever could reach her laid a hand on her as the man who had spoken said his prayer. It was a beautiful prayer asking for her safe passage to heaven and to allow her to live on for eternity in the afterlife. Beautiful. But wasted.
"No one is listening to that prayer." I whispered harshly and Alice started next to me broken from the spell we were both under. She was silent for a few moments.
"Maybe not." She said slowly and quietly, the sorrow plain in her voice "Maybe there is no God to answer her prayer, but we heard it. All the people there heard it. They honour her in a way that they didn't have to. They are celebrating her life and mourning her death and if Bella were to be lingering around somewhere whether on earth or elsewhere I'm sure that she appreciated it." She said and this silenced me.
I wasn't mad at these men. I was mad at a god that I had hoped existed. I had staked everything on him existing, it's the reason I hadn't changed Bella yet. I could have let her change in that ballet studio, but NO. I was so worried about her soul not getting into heaven that I stopped it. But now I had no hope of God or an afterlife. Bella was just dead and none of it even mattered. No just God would allow this to happen.
The prayer was done and one of the men slowly zipped the zipper up the rest of the way. The crew kept their hands on her for another few seconds before they started to stand up one by one. Bella had to be carried out and with the rough terrain two people gathered on each side of the stretcher and the four began the arduous climb out of the ravine. It took them an hour and a half to reach the road and her stretcher had changed hands multiple times in that period. The people who weren't actively carrying the stretcher lined up in two rows facing each other on either side of the ambulance as those that carried her stretcher walked between them. They honoured her right until the very end as if she was one of them. Her body was placed into the ambulance and the doors closed behind her. The ambulance driver got in and drove away without lights or sirens.
I felt myself deflate as the ambulance drove away with the body of the only woman I had ever loved romantically. I heard rustling to my right followed by the tree I was on swaying as Alice leaped to my tree and put a hand on my hand. "Let's go home Edward." She said putting her other hand on my left shoulder.
I was silent for a moment before telling her of my internal struggle. "I don't know what to do, Alice. There's nothing left for me anymore."
"You still have your family, we still need you." She moved her hand to the back of my neck and gripped solidly. "We will figure this out as a family." She touched her forehead to mine and we sat like this for a few minutes. I wished I could cry. I wished I had some physical way to express my pain but there was nothing. I couldn't even sleep to avoid the pain for a while. There was no escape.
"I don't know what to do." I whispered pathetically.
"Just come back with me. One step at a time Edward, that's all you need to do." She said quietly and took my hand pulling me towards home.
Charlie POV:
I awoke from the surgery and felt as though I were floating. I was warm, comfortable and content. I knew that I had had surgery but I couldn't remember what it was for as my memory was more than hazy and I was in no pain or even any discomfort. I wondered if I had been hurt at work or from doing something dumb at home. I remembered that I was working on Bella's truck, had it fallen off of the jack and onto me? I hope not. That would have meant that Bella would have found me. Its time to wake up. I thought to myself. I needed to find out what was going on, I was sure that Bella would be worried about me and I needed to show her that I was okay.
I made a conscious effort to pull my eyes open and when I did it was as though reality crashed down on me at the same time. Bella wasn't sitting at my bedside as she should have been. She was dead. Stuck in my cruiser as far as I was aware, pinned there like an animal in a trap.
Bella was dead.
Immediately the warm contentment I had felt vanished like a bubble popping and the very thought caused me to heave. Thankfully a nurse was nearby and she saw the change in me and managed to get a garbage can under my chin before the bile came rushing out of my otherwise empty stomach. I couldn't believe that I had momentarily forgotten what had happened. No matter how out of things I was I couldn't believe I could ever forget that. My daughter, my only child was gone. I would never see her or talk to her again. I began weeping then, hugging the garbage can. I was sure that the drugs were making my emotions worse but I didn't care, I leaned into it letting all of the desperate emotions out that I had kept bottled up when I was with her so that I wouldn't upset her.
I couldn't process what I had seen, what had happened to her. She died in agony, she was tortured to death. How could that fate have befallen her? I just couldn't understand it. In all my time as a police officer I hadn't witnessed something so awful happen to anyone. Bella's death was the most brutal, horrible death I had ever seen befall any human being.
"She didn't deserve that." I sobbed into the garbage can.
"I know honey." I felt a hand on my shoulder as the nurse I had forgotten was there tried to comfort me.
"I just don't understand." I sobbed, I shouldn't be unloading on this woman but I couldn't help it.
"The world is a cruel place and it seldom makes sense." She said to me rubbing soothing circles on my back.
I had no response to this, I allowed myself to cry for a while longer before attempting to slow my breathing and to stem the flow of tears. It took a while but I got there, mostly. I couldn't stop the occasional stray tear from falling into my lap.
"Are you still nauseous?" She asked me when I had calmed and I shook my head no.
She took the garbage can from me and walked to what I assumed was the bathroom. I heard a sink running and she returned a minute later with a warm washcloth. "Wash your face, hun." She said. She was a middle aged nurse probably right around my age with greying blond hair and kind eyes.
"Thank you." I said taking the cloth and scrubbing my face with it. When I pulled it back I noticed that there was some dried blood on the cloth from the accident. I was clearly in need of a hot shower. "And I'm sorry." I said after I was done. "About all of that. You didn't need to see that."
"Don't you dare apologize. You need to feel your pain, don't push it down until it becomes a grenade and explodes out of you. Experience it as you feel it." She told me taking the cloth and putting it in a plastic bag attached to a frame with a lid on it marked "Soiled Linen".
All I could do was nod and then lean back into the bed. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes and my right finger tips touched something rough on my hairline.
"Careful." Said the nurse. "Dr. Cullen had to stitch your scalp back together." I rubbed my hands down my face being careful to avoid them. "Is it okay if I check your vitals, Charlie?" The nurse asked me and I nodded. "My name is Caroline by the way, sorry for not introducing myself before." She applied a blood pressure cuff to my right arm, put a thermometer under my tongue and put a little glowing rubber thing on my finger that she told me measures the oxygen in my blood. "Blood pressure is a little low but that's to be expected. Everything else is good. There's some water here," she said gesturing to the white cup on the table next to my bed "and breakfast will be here in a few hours yet, it's still early. Is there anything else you need?" She asked me and I shook my head no. She grabbed something from next to my bed and handed it to me, it was a box of tissues. "Your daughter deserves to be mourned. She mattered and her loss is a blow to many." She looked down at me solemnly and I felt tears welling again. All I could do was nod. "Dr. Cullen will be by shortly to talk about the surgery with you, ring your bell if you need anything or if you're in pain." With another nod from me she left the room.
It was only twenty minutes later when Dr. Cullen walked through the door wearing a neat suit. "Hello Charlie." He said standing at the foot of my bed with a small sad smile on his face. "How is your pain?" He asked me.
"I don't have any yet." I told him only referring to my physical pain.
"Good." He said, nodding. "Your surgery went very well. Your leg was pretty severely broken but I managed to put an intramedullary nail through your right femur. You have two incisions, one along the outside of your leg by your hip, the other on the outside of your leg above your knee. You are allowed to weight bear as much as you can tolerate through that leg. Physiotherapy will be by this morning after breakfast to get you walking and trying stairs. If this all goes well then I can discharge you this afternoon."
I nodded at this grateful he could get me out of here so quickly "Thanks Doc." I said to him looking down at my hands.
"Call me Carlisle, Charlie." He said quietly. "How are you holding up?" He asked me.
I immediately felt tears welling at this question. "Not well." I told him shaking my head and continuing to look down as some fresh tears spilled over.
"I don't know what to say Charlie, other than that my entire family is mourning her loss with you. We are all devastated. I was told to ask you by every member of my family what we can do for you? Everyone is desperate for a way to help."
I looked up at him to see that he had sat next to me, I hadn't heard him move. "You've already helped me so much doc, your whole family has. If it wasn't for your kids I'd still be down a ravine starving and freezing to death. If it wasn't for you I'd be stuck in Seattle likely getting my leg fixed with no way home. None of you owe me anything. The debt is all mine." I told him.
"Nonsense. You don't owe us anything Charlie, and we don't need anything. Except of course a way to help. We're all feeling rather useless in this situation. I believe that Esme has cooked enough food to fill your freezer already. By morning it might be your fridge too." He said with a small smile.
"That's so unnecessary." I said "It's the middle of the night, she should be sleeping, so should you."
"It's safe to say none of us will be sleeping tonight Charlie. Speaking of not sleeping, there is someone who has been waiting here to see you for the last hour but due to visiting hours not being until morning she hasn't been allowed in. I have some sway here, would you like me to allow her up or would you like some privacy?" He asked me.
My gut churned as my first thought was that it was Bella before I mentally kicked myself "Who is it?" I asked.
"I believe she said her name is Sue Clearwater." He said and I was stunned.
"Sue? Yeah she can come up." I was shocked. We had recently started seeing each other, it was so new I hadn't even told Bella yet. My stomach did another flop at this thought. Now I never would. I was shocked she would come here to see me, especially in the middle of the night. We had only just passed the two month mark in our relationship.
He gave me a small smile at this "Perfect, I will send her up and I will see you tomorrow morning. Here's my cell phone number in case you decide on what we can do to help you. I mean it Charlie, you aren't imposing. You'll be doing all of us a favour if you offer us a way to help." I took the business card from him and put it on my side table.
"Thanks Do- Carlisle." I said to him remembering what he preferred I call him.
"I'll see you in the morning. Try to get some sleep." He said as he left.
"You too." I said and settled in to wait for Sue to come up. I found that I was nervous, I was heartsick at the thought of telling anyone else that Bella was gone. I hoped she knew already.
She opened the door to my room slowly and peered inside as if expected to find me asleep. "Oh Charlie." She said when she saw that I was awake and she rushed to my side. "I'm so sorry." She said and came in to hug me. I was unsure of the hug at first but once I felt that human connection I held on to her like my life depended on it and for what felt like the 50th time in the last hour I felt tears well up in my eyes again. The tears were then followed by wracking sobs. She held me as I sobbed, I couldn't even feel embarrassed I was too devastated and so grateful that she was there. I had felt alone in the world a few minutes ago but now I at least knew of one person in my court.
She sat on the right side of my bed and we clung to each other. I could feel that sobs wracked her chest too. I could feel something else now, her hip and mine were pressed against each other's, because of this pressure, the pain in my leg suddenly made itself known to me and I gasped at it. She pulled back from me "What is it? Are you okay?" Tears glimmered on her beautiful face.
"My leg." I said gesturing to where it was broken "I'm okay, the anaesthesia is starting to wear off, that's all."
"Oh Charlie, I'm sorry, I didn't know!" She said jumping to her feet away from me.
"I'm fine Sue, it's okay." I told her and gestured toward the chair next to my bed. "Why don't you have a seat?" She did that. "How did you know I was here? Do you know what happened?" I asked her.
"Carl from Forks PD lives a few doors down from me. He told me that you and Bella got into a car accident. He said that you got out… and Bella didn't." She said looking and sounding devastated.
I nodded unable to say anything and looked down at my lap.
"What happened, Charlie?" She asked me, tears in her eyes.
"Can it wait until tomorrow? I don't think I can retell what happened right now." I asked her suddenly feeling utterly exhausted after this last renewed bout of crying.
"Of course!" She said hurriedly "I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry, I shouldn't have asked."
"You're fine Sue. I'm just really tired all of a sudden. It means a lot to me that you came to see me. It feels really good to have someone there for me." I told her, grateful.
"Of course Charlie, I'll be here for you in whatever capacity you need." She told me.
"Thanks Sue. Why don't you go home? I'll be fine tonight, I'm going to try to get a few hours of sleep." A thought came to me "I just realized that I have no way to get home tomorrow. Do you think you could come pick me up after they discharge me?"
She looked surprised "they're discharging you tomorrow?"
"Apparently. As long as I do well with Physio. I'm glad, I just want to go home." I told her.
"Of course I'll drive you Charlie. What time should I be here?" She asked.
"I'm not sure, they said they would be discharging me in the afternoon." I told her.
"Then I will be here at 12." She told me.
"Thanks Sue." I said, sighing. It really was a relief knowing that I wasn't on my own.
"Of course Charlie." She said and stood to go, she came and pressed a kiss to my forehead and held my hand for a moment before leaving.
To my surprise sleep came easily to me then and I drifted off.
Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think.