It took every ounce of self restraint in my weak little body to hold this chapter until today. Don't hate me for making you wait! It just means I've spent lots of time on the next installment already.

I'm going to try and post on Wednesdays and Sundays, alternating between Bella and Edward, but we'll see how finals cut into that...

Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, the truly brilliant one.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Chapter Two – Attack of the Clones

Edward's POV

She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I watched the girl behind the counter wiping at the front of the espresso machine before she moved further back and out of view. Scowling down at my notebook, I wondered how I had come to this. 'This' meaning the fact that I watched her all day long in the mirrored wall of the coffee shop like a stalker.

A normal person would have walked up to her on the first day and said, "Hi, I'm Edward. Would you like to grab dinner with me sometime?"

But I was obviously not normal. I'd sat here all afternoon every day this week, thinking that maybe I'd work up the courage to say more to her than my drink order. Instead, I was a week ahead on my homework and extremely caffeinated.

I'd stumbled upon Java Jive two weeks ago while looking for a quiet place to kill a few hours between morning classes and my evening lab. It had looked like a nice place – just off campus with big windows that overlooked Tempe Town Lake. And the view of the girl behind the counter was even better.

I've always ordered a mocha when I find myself in a coffee shop, more because I didn't really know what anything else was. Mocha meant coffee with chocolate, which seemed safe enough to me.

One afternoon at Java Jive and I had one of those ridiculous multi-word drink orders that I'd always mocked people for. I'd walk up to the counter and say the only words I could get to come out of my mouth while I was looking into her big, coffee brown eyes – "four shot, ten pump hazelnut mocha." Sometimes I added a "please."

It was disgustingly sweet, but pumping the syrup into the cup made the girl's body move in the best possible ways. I had noticed while she was making my plain mocha on the afternoon I first found the place. But it had been over so quickly. So, I added the hazelnut every other time I ordered. It was the syrup they kept the farthest back on the counter, meaning she had to reach for it.

It was glorious. And I was a pervert.

So many of the girls at ASU were like clones. They had the same bleached hair and tanned skin, all looking slightly malnourished. But my barista girl stood out. Her long hair was a luscious chocolate brown that matched her eyes and set off her fair skin.

At first I wondered how she managed to stay that pale in Arizona, where the sun shines almost every day. Even I had a tan, mostly from weekends spent by the pool with my family. Now I mostly just wondered what my slightly tanned hands would look like against her pale skin.

I couldn't look at her and not think about all the things I'd like to do with that soft body, that plump bottom lip, and those extraordinary breasts that strained against her black shirt.

I'd come by in the morning on the way to class a few times, but she was never working. So I'd stuck with my afternoon routine. I came to the coffee shop straight from Advanced Chem and stayed until I had to run to make my evening lab on time. I'd finish my homework, mess around with writing some music, and watch the barista girl. I'm such a stalker.

She would clean until everything shone and then settle on a stool behind the counter. She had to be a Lit major, with the books she was reading – Shakespeare and Chaucer and Milton. She nibbled on her bottom lip while she read, taking notes in the margins of the book. Sometimes she'd pull out a leather journal – no old-school spiral bound notebook for her – and alternate between staring dreamily out the window and writing furiously.

She wrote with so much concentration that she wouldn't even notice the ringing bell that announced a new customer. She'd look up, startled, when they reached the counter to order, and quickly close the book to put it away. I was desperately curious about what she wrote in that book.

My obsession walked back into view and I quickly dropped my eyes down to my notebook, hoping the exquisite barista girl didn't catch me staring. Again.

The song playing through my earbuds faded out and a jarring alarm sound blared out instead. I'd only assigned that ringtone to one person, as the warning sound seemed a fitting choice.

Tanya. I rolled my eyes and hit ignore.

I grabbed my coffee and took a careful sip, almost gagging at the taste. I drank it to punish myself. I had decided that if I was going to order it, I had to drink it. I usually only made it halfway.

The alarm sounded again. What the hell, Tanya? I pulled my headphones out of me ears, just in case she tried again.

I managed to focus on the staff paper that filled my notebook for about five minutes before I allowed my eyes to drift back to the mirror.

She was scrubbing vaguely at the stainless steel counter top, a far away look in her eyes and her mouth slightly parted. Oh, good lord, I want to sink my teeth into that bottom lip. She'd be so soft, melting against me as I ran my hands down her back, pulling her deeper into my kiss. She would sigh against my mouth and I'd slide my tongue in between those beautiful lips.

A real sigh broke from her mouth, the slight sound jarring me from my fantasy.

I turned my head so it looked like I was staring out the window, then glanced back when I saw her moving out of sight into the back of the shop.

I needed to pull myself together, or I was going to have to hide my hard-on when I made my way out to my car later.

I pulled out my Advanced Chem textbook and started working on an assignment that wasn't due until after Thanksgiving break. It was complicated enough to distract me from pretty much everything, even my obsession with the barista girl.

The bell over the door rang out and I glanced up.

Shit! How the hell did she find me?

I cursed myself for not having noticed Tanya while there was still enough time to hide.

I had become rather adept at avoiding Tanya in the last eight weeks. It was sort of necessary for my sanity after what had happened between us during freshman year. Seeing her now, with my barista girl so fresh in my memory, I couldn't believe I'd ever been dense enough to have a thing for such a vapid bitch.

She'd latched on to me in our freshman orientation class, totally into me from the first day we met, and we'd started dating within a week.

I'd been completely stunned at first. I tend to be kind of shy around girls, lame as that sounds, and none of them had really paid attention to me in high school. And Tanya was hot, in an over-done sort of way. I blame the raging hormones for my stupidity.

Our "dates" consisted of me taking her shopping or doing her homework for her. Whenever I asked if she wanted to do something I liked, she'd kiss me and I'd blush and stammer and gaze at her adoringly as she ditched me.

And that was the extent of our physical relationship. I hadn't pushed for anything more, thinking that maybe the slutty persona she used in public was just an act.

I was wrong.

We'd only been going out for a month when I walked in on her making out with our professor. During his office hours.

It turned out she'd been having sex with quite a few guys from freshman orientation. I was the only one lucky enough to get her company in a vertical capacity instead of horizontal.

The night I'd broken up with her was seared in my memory.

She'd cried, she'd screamed, she'd thrown a table lamp at me…

It had taken more than two hours to get her out of my apartment. But I had never felt more awesome than I did when I told her she'd have to do her own math homework from now on, before shutting the door in her face.

She kept clear of me for the rest of the semester. And as I was majoring in Biochemistry and she was majoring in being a skank, we never had another class together.

When our senior year started a couple months ago, she'd started turning up all over the place, wanting to hang out. It seemed she meant 'hang out' literally, as she clung to me like a succubus until I found a way to extricate myself.

It wasn't hard to figure out what she was doing, now that I wasn't blinded by a little peroxide and tight jersey.

My family is pretty well off – okay, so my dad is nearing the scary level of rich – and Tanya seemed to have decided that she'd make someone a fantastic trophy wife.

Since I had been an easy target before, I was the obvious choice. She was self absorbed enough to think my lack of dating was due to me still being hung up on her, rather than a heavy course load.

"E, baby, I've been looking everywhere for you."

I felt one of her creepy fake nails skim along my shoulder and shuddered. Those things totally freaked me out. They always made me think of a show I'd seen on the nature channel when I was a kid, where vultures had ripped their prey apart with sharp talons.

A peal of vapid giggles came from behind her and I glanced at Irina and Kate in alarm. I was pretty sure random laughter was an early warning sign of insanity. But it had been obvious moments after I had met them three years ago that they shared a single brain cell between them, so it was more likely a symptom of their sheer idiocy.

Tanya leaned over toward me, bringing a cloud of her cloying perfume with her. The front of her top gaped a little and I noticed the way her breasts moved in her dress – a little unnaturally, like an overfilled plastic bag. Nothing like the soul-stopping ripple that made me weak in the knees every time my barista girl made my absurd drink. I wondered why for a second, before the obvious answer came to me.

Implants. Of course. Everything else about Tanya was fake, so a boob job fit right in.

Oh shit, I am staring down her shirt.

"Anyway," she said as I shot my eyes back up to her face with a blush, "the movie starts in 30 minutes. We should go."

Movie? I never agreed to go to a movie with her and the brain-dead twins. Stuck in a dark place with Tanya? I would be lucky to make it out with my balls intact.

"You brother said he'd meet us there."

Dammit – Emmett. He was probably planning on the wonder twins being his entertainment for the night and wanted me to distract Tanya. Otherwise she might try and shift her attention back to him.

I knew Tanya and Emmett had hooked up a few times after her and I had broken up, even though it had been clear that she was a total bitch. She obviously wanted it to turn into something more, to sink her claws into him for keeps, but even Emmett had standards. Plus, my brother never did long term. He preferred short and messy.

Dammit Emmett. I so don't want to run interference for you.

It didn't matter what I wanted though. Emmett would get his way, because if I didn't come under my own power he would show up here and force me. And he was built like a tank.

Tanya and her backup clones had almost made it to the door before she realized I wasn't following.

"Come on, E."

I really hated that stupid nickname she'd come up with.

I couldn't very well tell her that no, I wasn't going with her, because I wanted to stay here and stalk the girl behind the counter. And Emmett certainly wouldn't take no for an answer.

I looked over to the mirrored wall, hoping for one more glance of my barista girl, but she was nowhere to be seen.

So I packed up my bag and followed after Tanya.

~o~

"Dammit Emmett!" I shouted into our empty apartment, slamming the door behind me. I dropped my keys and bag on the floor, walked the five steps to our overstuffed sofa, and dropped onto it face first.

I hated my brother, the selfish bastard.

Right now, he was probably in his car in the movie theater parking lot having kinky threesome sex with Dumb A and Dumb B. And I'd been stuck taking Tanya home, alone.

Alone with the succubus.

I moaned into the couch cushion, instinctively curling in on myself to try and protect my vital organs.

The movie had been even worse than I had imagined.

I'd sat at the end of the row and Tanya had claimed the seat next to me, leaving Emmett and his entertainment section to settle in further down.

The minute the lights went down Tanya had edged right up next to me. She wouldn't stop whispering in my ear, her breath hot against my neck and her perfume burning the inside of my nose. Within fifteen minutes her hands had started to wander, and I'd jumped up saying something about popcorn.

I could hear Emmett snicker as I practically ran out of the theater.

I took as long as conceivably possible at the concession counter and adding the largest soda they offered to my order, knowing it would give me another excuse to escape when she started groping again.

I'd kept the bucket of popcorn on my lap to shield my crotch and used the "gotta pee" excuse twice by the end of the movie.

Emmett seemed to be enjoying the night a lot more than I was. I noticed one blonde head drop to his lap while the other one settled in at his neck. The three of them were out the emergency exit five seconds into the closing credits.

And that left me to give Tanya a ride home.

Thankfully, the gearshift kept her in her own seat for the ten-minute drive. I had pulled into her driveway and shifted into park before it occurred to me that I might not be able to get her out of my car.

The thought distracted me so much that her mouth was already fastened onto my neck before I realized she'd moved.

Then those nails had found their way onto the crotch of my pants.

I'd fallen on my ass getting out of car too fast.

God, those things are scary.

And I still couldn't think of any way to get her out of my car.

"E, baby, come back," she purred, leaning out over me. She was now kneeling on my driver's seat. Escape would be impossible.

I would be lucky if I made it out of this alive.

"Tanya, I've got to get going." Think, you fucking idiot, come up with an excuse!

But my mind was blank. It was Friday, so I couldn't claim to have homework due. It was only 7 p.m., so I couldn't fake being tired. "I… I've… got to pick up a friend…. "

What the fuck? I had no friends! Just Emmett, who was currently making like a bunny with the wonder twins.

In a flash, I thought of my barista girl. I knew her schedule well enough, stalker that I am, to know that she got off work at seven most nights

"I promised her a ride home from work."

Tanya's face tightened as she looked down at me.

Shit, I said 'her'. Should have made it a him.

"Fine." She slid one leg out of my car and stood up over me, blocking the sky overhead with the view up her skirt. "Wanna come over after and hang out?"

Hang out? Like hell.

"Oh, uh… no I…. can't. I'm helping her with her math homework tonight," I stammered, scrambling backward and away from the sharp heels on her shoes before pulling myself back to my feet.

She looked at me with narrowed eyes and it occurred to me that the last person I had helped with math homework had been her. I swallowed hard.

"Okay, then," she said, flipping her hair back over her shoulder, and turning to walk toward her door. "See you later, E."

I stared after her for a few seconds before I realized my mouth was hanging open. That had worked? Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, I jumped back into my car, threw it in reverse, and sped out of her driveway.

The coffee shop was in the wrong direction, but I took the detour on my way home. Slim though the chance was, if there was any possibility of seeing my barista girl again today, I was going to take it. I could see she wasn't there from the ten-minute parking space out front, and my mood soured even further as I swung back out into traffic.

Sick of the night playing back at me from behind my closed eyelids, I rolled over on the couch until I was staring up at the ceiling.

"Why can't I just tell Tanya I don't want anything to do with her?" I asked the empty room.

Because you're a pussy.

Why did the mocking voice in my head always talk like Emmett?

It was right though – I was a pussy. I needed to grow a pair and tell Tanya off before she accidentally castrated me with those nails of hers. Then again, she might still castrate me, but it wouldn't be an accident.

And if I was going to grow a pair, I'd rather use the courage to ask out my barista girl.

My cell started buzzing in my pocket, pulling me out of my spiraling thoughts. I fished it out and glanced down to see who was calling before putting it to my ear.

"Hi, mom."

"Hi sweetie, I'm just calling to check if you're going to make it to dinner tomorrow night."

"Yes, mom, I'm coming."

I always come. But she still always calls to ask, as if she's secretly hoping I have something better to do.

"Oh, good. Your sister isn't coming until around noon, but you can head over whenever you'd like. So, how was your week?"

Alice isn't spending the whole weekend at home? I didn't think that had ever happened before.

"Same old. Classes, studying, you know." Then, because I knew she worried that I didn't get out enough, I added, "Went to a movie with Em and some friends tonight."

Hopefully she missed the choked sound of the word friends.

"That sounds like fun. Are you still with him? I tried to call, but I only got his voicemail."

Consider yourself lucky.

"Nah, we drove separately and then split up after the movie so I could drive Tanya home."

As soon as the words left my mouth I sat up, as if that would make it possible to physically grab them back. There was a clatter on the other end of the phone.

"You went to a movie with Tanya?" Loathing dripped from her voice and I dropped my head into my hand.

"No, mom. Well, yes, she was there, but I didn't… go with her. There were a bunch of us. Emmett…."

"I will deal with your brother later." She was furious. She hated Tanya, even though they'd only met once. I had thought she would be thrilled that I'd brought a girl home, but all she'd ever said to me about it was, "You could do so much better, Edward."

"I don't need you to deal with Em, mom. There's nothing going on with Tanya." Aside from the following me around and the groping and the sit-in she'd pulled in my car. "I just… gave her a ride home so he could go out with the others."

I could practically hear my mother growling on the other end of the line. Desperate for some way to diffuse this, before she chewed Emmett out for not protecting his baby brother from the big bad bitch, the lie I told Tanya sprang into my mind.

"I had to bail on them all anyway. I promised a friend a ride home from work and some help with her math homework."

I am going to hell for lying to my mother.

Why couldn't I just have stopped with the part about the ride? Stupid, stupid, stupid…

I was hitting my forehead with my fist, chanting the word in my head, when my mother's voice cut back in.

"You have a study date?" she asked, her tone careful now. She would be picking out the wedding invitations within the hour.

"No… it's just a girl that works at the coffee shop I go to sometimes. She's having some trouble with her math class and I offered to help."

Oh, this was getting so out of hand. I should have thrown Emmett to the wolves.

"So, I've gotta go now. I'll head over there sometime in the afternoon tomorrow."

That way I can still spend some time at the coffee shop.

"All right, sweetie. Have a nice night!" She sounded euphoric now. Dammit.

"Night, mom."

I fell back on the couch, dropping my phone to the floor.

This was not going to end well.

Mocha Boy and Barista Girl, they sound like bad comic book heroes. No spandex, though... pity.

Again, reviews get rewarded with teasers, so keep them coming. Come on, you know you want it!