So is anyone else extremely frustrated with Damon and Elena on the show? Good god, I just wanna punch them sometimes. And now Stefan looks like a saint in her eyes because he was able to control himself ONE damn time. Well what the hell, doesn't she see that Damon is ALWAYS capable of controlling himself? Bah! Sorry, the episode tonight made me angry.

So without further ado, I give you Chapter 5!

Chapter 5: Confessions

You found your way under my skin,

And I'm tryin' not to love you,

But I hate the way I keep on giving

Into you, like I always do,

No matter how I try…

Or maybe could it be,

That you're the part of me

That's keeping me alive?

Break the Spell- Daughtry

Damon stood on her doorstep, leaning against the frame with the typical smirk on his face. "Hello Elena." He looked up at her with his piercing baby blue eyes, and saw the confused expression on her face mingled with an expression that almost seemed like suspicion. The pleasure he got from knowing he had caught her completely off-guard only made the smirk on his face widen.

She was dumbfounded. Everything about the phone call Alaric had just made suggested that she wouldn't be seeing him for a long time. Yet here he was, standing on her doorstep, and her previous determination to find him had somehow melted into panic. She found she had no idea what to say to him, much less had any idea why he was there when she was the one who needed to make amends.

"What, cat got your tongue?"

"What? No, I don't know… I mean, what are you doing here? You just—I heard you, on the phone with Ric…" she glanced into the living room to find that Alaric had stood up, now glancing between the two of them, unsure of what was going to happen next.

"Yeah well, clearly I was only giving you a small dose of—oh, what do you wanna call it…your own medicine? Personally, I think a larger dose might have been more efficient, don't you think?" He pushed away from the door frame and entered the house, not waiting for her reply as he stalked past her and into the living room. "How's it going, Ric? Your psycho lady doctor friend hasn't murdered you yet I see."

"I don't care to discuss my relationships with someone who can't even figure their own out, but thanks for the concern, dick."

"Oooh, I'm hurt." He clutched his shirt over his heart and faked a pained expression—a much exaggerated one at that. Alaric rolled his eyes, and walked out of the room. "Oh, come on Ric. We haven't had a heart to heart in so long," he whined.

"Save the heart to hearts for the girl in the room with you!" he called from the kitchen, and then appeared in the entry way next to Elena. "I'm gonna head out for awhile."

"Come on, don't leave on my account. I just got here. Didn't you miss me?"

Alaric laughed. He had indeed missed his best friend, but he knew Damon was only looking for a distraction from the actual matter at hand—Elena. "Good bye, Damon. Elena, I'll be home in a few hours. Gonna go finish grading some papers at school."

She nodded, and he gave them another quick glance before leaving the house. They were alone. Elena wasn't sure whether she should be relieved or worried. The one thing she wanted more than anything was to hear his voice, but this was even better than she had hoped, and she was standing there like an idiot, not having the slightest idea how this conversation would go. Based on their previous conversations, the odds weren't looking too good for this one to be any better.

"So…..Guess it's a party for two." He half sat, half leaned against the couch, folded his arms over his chest, and raised an eyebrow towards her expectantly.

She looked at him sheepishly, not even knowing where to begin with her apologies. So she chose a different approach. "I know I deserved a taste of my own medicine—as much as it sucked to basically have it poured down my throat, but…. You were right. I deserved it."

This took him by surprise, as he fully expected her to burst into a fit of rage over everything he had done wrong in the past week and a half. Damn. No matter, he wasn't ready to give in to her yet. She had it coming, regardless of his broken promise and harsh words.

"Oh, I'm right for once? Please, say that again, I don't think it quite sunk in the first time…"

So, this was how the conversation was going to go. "Seriously Damon? Why does it have to be so hard for you accept that I might actually be trying to mend this…whatever this is?" she gestured at the space between them, and took a few steps forward. She didn't know how they were ever going to mend things if they continued to get defensive with each other like this.

"Because there is no this," he held his hands up and made quotations in the air. "You have made that perfectly clear, time and time again." He paused, allowing his words to sink in, before firing another retort back at her. "So why does it have to be so hard for you to accept that I might actually be trying to move on with my life?"

Her expression softened, and when she spoke, it was straight and to the point. "Because I know you better than that Damon… You act like you couldn't care less, but if that were the case you wouldn't have shown up on my doorstep ten minutes ago. Obviously you came here for a reason other than to make me feel worse that I already do about this entire situation, so out with it already. I'm sick of playing games with you." That was the icing on the cake, she realized, the moment she said it.

"Oh really…." The two words were laced with sarcasm. "You think you're sick of the games? When you've lived 148 years being in love with two people who, ironically enough, look exactly alike and continue to lead you on while you always find yourself second best to someone else….then you can come and find me and tell me about how you are sick of the games." In a blur, he rushed past her and opened the door with every intention of leaving, but as always, her voice drew him back in.

"Damon stop. Please, I don't want to fight with you anymore…" She stood there pleading with him, while he had his back turned to her. She wished they could just have a civil conversation, but it had never been that simple between them. There were always hurt feelings and betrayal, and she silently wondered if everything would—or could—ever actually work out between them. If they couldn't talk to each other and be open about things, then the prospect seemed highly unlikely. But if they could, she had to be the one to start.

He remained motionless for long enough to drive Elena crazy while he was internally conflicted over his options. He came here to apologize for leaving her, not to have a deep heart to heart conversation, and definitely not to have another one-sided Elena pity party. Yet, she deserved for him to at least hear her out right? That's what he would want if the roles were reversed, anyway. It was just so damn difficult for him. He wanted nothing more than to believe her, but on the other hand, all she had done was play with his emotions. Who was to say that this time would be any different than the rest?

He turned around to face her. "You're right, fighting is pointless…because nothing ever changes between us. Please, tell me I'm wrong about that… I could list off enough instances to make your head spin."

"I'm not arguing with you…you are absolutely right." She approached him hesitantly, and took his hand in hers, as she looked up at him with eyes full of emotion and sincerity. "I'm sorry, Damon…sorrier than you could possibly know, for the way I have treated you."

Again, she had rendered him speechless. He looked down at her, his eyes softening. She was doing it again, finding her way under his skin. It was difficult to resist her when she was this close to him, looking up at him with her brown eyes, which seemed to hold him captive. He wanted to kiss her again, and feel her warm body against his, but it obviously wasn't that simple. Their relationship could never be that simple. He sighed and shook his head, withdrawing his hand from hers. "Elena… it doesn't matter. I didn't come here for an apology. It's me who should apologize."

"What do you mean? You've done nothing wrong…."

"See that's where you're wrong…" He turned away from her again, ashamed about what he was about to admit.

"Damon… look at me." She grabbed his arm and turned him to face her. "Whatever it is, it doesn't matter."

"Don't." It was a warning, and a bewildered expression fell across her features. "Don't place me on this pedestal that I can never stand on."

"I don't understand…"

"I can never be the man you want me to be. I broke my promise to you…I told you I would never leave you again, and I did. All because I was angry with you."

She felt the guilt that seemed to roll off of him in waves, and so she spoke the only words that she could. "I don't blame you for leaving."

"What about when I suck an innocent man dry because I can't control my emotions when it comes to you, huh? What then? Are you gonna tell me you don't blame me for that? Because somehow, I doubt it." He turned slightly, staring at her out of the corner of his eye. He was testing her, and they both knew it. Damon had decided on his way over that he could tolerate seeing her with Stefan, only if she were able to see past his flaws as well. She couldn't hold either one of them to higher standards than the other, it simply wasn't fair. He was a vampire. Stefan was a vampire. And she was human. Unfortunately, that meant her sense of morals ran high, and even though she may not have intended it, she judged them based on their actions, especially Damon's. To Damon it seemed that was exactly what she was doing at the moment—judging him, trying to figure out if he had actually killed a man, or if he was simple being hypothetical. "I know you want to ask, so just do it already."

This seemed to bring her back to reality, but she felt sick to her stomach, unsure of whether she really wanted to know the answer to her unspoken question or not. "Damon… did you kill someone?"

It took a few seconds for him to respond, but when he did, it was not the answer she was hoping beyond hope to hear. "Yes."

She looked away from him, torn between wanting to forgive him, and wanting him to leave her alone for the rest of her life. She knew it wasn't fair of her, after she had forgiven Stefan for much worse. For some reason it hurt so much more when Damon succumbed to his vampire instincts, even if it was her fault in the first place. But she had to follow what she had decided earlier, meaning that she had to take the first step. In all actuality, he had taken the first step in admitting what he had done, and now it was her turn to show that it didn't matter—that she loved him in spite of it all, and that she had indeed chosen him.

She had made up her mind, and feeling more confident than she had ever felt when it came to Damon, she spun around, only to find that he had left—again. In his place was a note on the hard wood flooring. Had she really been lost in her own thoughts long enough that he had time to write her a note and leave without her even noticing? The answer to that question was clearly a yes, and now she was annoyed beyond belief, mad that he had left without even letting her respond. But she figured her silence had been answer enough for him, and like so many other times, he got pissed and left, which was something that simply had to change if they were ever going to make it work.

She picked the note up off the floor and read Damon's swift, but concise penmanship.

I'm not going to wait around forever for an answer, but when you feel like talking about it, you know where to find me.

"Ugh, you have got to be kidding me!" She crunched the note in her left hand, grabbed her coat and dashed out the door in frustration. This was going to be settled for once and for all. She was going to march right over to the boarding house and give him a piece of her mind. They would talk about it alright—everything—and he wasn't leaving until she said what she needed to say.

Hey guys! Sorry to leave you hanging a little bit there… I just had to make it hard for Elena, but at the same time, Damon is just being plain stupid. Haha I really enjoyed writing this chapter, even if it's a little short. Hope you like it!

Please read and review, because I simply love the feedback you guys give me :)

~Aya Mae