Tali'Zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy sat in the corner of the Normandy's engine room, much as she had six months before, and two years before that. She sat close enough to feel the ever-present humming mass effect field energy radiating off of the drive core, which bathed her in a bright blue light that made her feel like she was underwater, staring up at the sun.

Even though as soon as she boarded, Shepard offered to set her up in one of the private rooms off the crew quarters on the third deck, or even in her own quarters, Tali declined politely, opting instead to sleep in Garrus's old bunk in the forward battery since the turian had made a more or less permanent move into the prow where Shepard slept. It was a development that she found strange, and when she first heard, she felt a strange pang of what could only be envy...but in the end she couldn't help but be happy for them. They were her friends, strong and idealistic and good, and if they were good for each other, that was good enough for her.

It wasn't that she didn't want to stay among the crew – they seemed like nice enough people – but they were not the crew of the Normandy that she knew.

That was the part that bothered her, more than anything else So many things on the Normandy were the same, but different at the same time. As much as she had hated and distrusted Cerberus, when Shepard flew their colors the Normandy was filled with aliens – the ship might have been operated mostly by human troopers, but the soldiers that Shepard trusted, the ones she wanted at her back, were the ones who were not.

Things were different now. This crew was Alliance through and through – stiff, formal, courteous enough...but not friendly. The war had made everyone grim. Tali quickly learned that the story of Gerrel firing on Shepard spread through the crew quickly, though she was sure it hadn't spread from Shepard herself – the commander wasn't one to hold a grudge. Still, every time Tali saw one of the human crew looking at her, she felt like they were replacing her face with his behind the mask.

So one of the Admirals of the Migrant Fleet hid in the engine room, as she had what seemed like so many years before, when she was young and known as vas Neema instead of vas Normandy.

Chiktikka, who was hovering idly around the engine room casting golden shadows as she blipped and whirred, dropped down to face level with a chirp, speaking in her pleasant little-girl voice."Tali'Zorah, you have an incoming comm from the Rayya."

Tali looked up from the datapad of fleet stats she had been studying, then stretched and stood. It wouldn't do for whoever was on the other line to see her crouched like a shy child afraid in the floor. She smoothed the cloth of her helmet, then took a deep breath. "Okay, patch it through."

Chiktikka cast a life-size communications VI. When the image came up and she saw who was on the other end of the line, she dropped her datapad in surprise, distantly hearing it clatter on the metal deck.

"Kal!"

We're all dead anyway...just make them pay for it.

The quarian marine stood before her in his customary red and gold, the hologram flickering. "In the flesh, ma'am," Kal'Reegar responded smartly, snapping her a salute. "Well, not exactly the flesh, but you get the general idea."

Tali leaned back against the railing and stared, listening to the indifferent hum of the Normandy's drive core behind her, struggling for words. Her legs felt weak with relief, and only the thought of what Kal'Reegar would think of her if she displayed that kind of blatant weakness kept her from going to her knees in shock.

"...Ma'am?"

"I told you not to call me that," Tali burst out, seeing Kal'Reegar flinch back in the hologram at the strident sound of her voice. Movements jerky with barely-withheld emotion, she leaned over to pick the datapad up, then suddenly brandished it at his image as if she would strike him with it, were he actually standing before her. "The Alliance News Network said that you died on Palaven!"

Kal'Reegar snorted. "Does Shepard believe everything she gets in her email? If she does, I have some lovely beachfront property on Haelstrom to sell her. In any case, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. As you can see."

Tali felt relief leak away and slowly be replaced with warm anger, filling her. Anger felt good, drove back the tears which were pricking at her eyes. "Damn it Kal, this isn't funny. The message included a statement from the Primarch himself. How were we supposed to know any different?"

Kal'Reegar lowered his head slightly and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. "We were missing in action for four days. Lost our communications hub in mortar fire. I don't blame the turians for thinking we were dead. I lost most of my men. Six guys just to suit ruptures. I had a breach myself, and barely made it out of there. I didn't think I would, but we had a krogan melee squad spot our flare. I'm sorry you were worried, Tali."

She threw her free hand up in exasperation, resisting the urge to throw the datapad across the room, glad for once to have the exosuit mask to hide her expression. "I wasn't worried, you stupid bosh'tet, I was sad. They said you were dead. I thought you were gone...all of you...you were the only one left from Haelstrom. And now all you can do is call me up like you never left at all, making stupid jokes. I never even got the chance to say goodbye, or be careful, or anything."

"I'm sorry."

Tali balled her hand into a fist. She never wanted so badly to throw herself around his neck and hug him. Tell him how glad she was that he was alive. But she was an Admiral. She couldn't do that even if he was physically standing in front of her. So, instead: "I could strangle you."

Kal'Reegar laughed softly. "A marauder already tried that, ma'am. It didn't take."

"So what happened?"

He shook his head. "We never would have made it without those krogan. The reapers had us pinned down, and I thought for sure that we weren't going to make it. So when they said they were going to try and send in an evac, I told them not to bother. I'd already lost half my guys by then."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Tali, I couldn't ask them to sacrifice an entire platoon just trying to save six guys, two of which were probably so sick at that point they wouldn't have made it out anyway. So I told them no. It's called an executive decision," he added, softly.

She pointed a finger at him. "Don't tell me about executive decisions."

"Yes ma'am."

Tali sighed. This isn't going how I wanted at all...I'm so happy he's still alive. So why am I so angry?

"So...krogan?"

He nodded, visibly relieved at the change of topics. "Yeah. One minute I'm laid up against a wall in a busted satellite station, listening to a harvester trying to beat down the door and holding this delirious guy Tasi's head in my lap, thinking, 'Man, sure would have been nice to see the homeworld before I went down, wish the last thing I saw wasn't going to be a turian recruitment poster', and all of a sudden we hear someone yell, 'For Tuchanka!' outside. They mopped those reapers up in ten minutes, tops. Almost shot us when they burst in though. Sort of trigger-happy fellas."

"Yes, I served with a couple of krogan on the Normandy. That sounds like them," Tali replied, wondering where Grunt and Wrex were now. Were they even still alive? She hoped so.

"Strange guys, but tough as hell," Kal'Reegar went on. "Never met one up close before that day. Saw a couple of 'em on my Pilgrimage, but steered clear. Anyway, they grabbed my men who were unconscious...or dead...and just threw them over their shoulders like they were nothing. The battlemaster – Drau Krim, he said his name was – pulled me up by one hand and said, 'What are you bubble boys doing here? Don't you know reapers eat quarians for breakfast?' Cracked him up. They kept asking us if we were hungry, and laughing. I didn't get it, really. Must be a lizard thing. We were hungry though. Too bad we couldn't eat any of their rations, and didn't have any of ours left. Finally got something when we got back to a turian FOB though. They're the ones that gave us a ride back to the Fleet. By then, the news had already gone out that we were all dead. You should have seen their faces when those krogan brought us in. You'd have thought they saw a pack of ghosts."

"As far as we were all concerned, you were."

"Yeah...I'm sorry about that, Tali. Really. I thought that, once I got back to the Rayya, you would have been one of the first people informed. I was so busy trying to debrief and inform the families of the guys who didn't make it, I didn't think to call you."

Tali closed her eyes. She had had to do that for her fallen squad back on Haelstrom. Go to the parents of the slain, watch their mothers fall to their knees in distraught disbelief, their fathers cry. It was her responsibility as their leader, just as it was Kal'Reegar's. She suddenly felt selfish for her expectations.

"No, I'm sorry, Kal. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. You barely make it out alive, and all I can do is snipe at you for not letting me know sooner. I know you had more important things to worry about."

"Frankly, ma'am, I thought you had more important things to worry about."

Tali took the front of her mask off and wiped her tears away quickly with one hand, waving the mask back and forth to defog it in the other.

"What are you doing?"

She let out a small exclamation of surprise at the sudden sound of a rough, accented voice behind her, and jerked around to face it. Javik was leaning in the doorway of the engine room with his legs and arms crossed, watching her with clinical interest. She thought he looked surprised to see her with her mask off, but it was hard to tell.

"So quarians are still attractive in this cycle after all. I am not surprised. Is that not dangerous?" he asked, his tone disdainful as he peered closer at her. "Are you crying? You are a military leader. You should not cry."

"Yes. No." She sniffed, clipping her mask back into place. "Why, what business is it of yours? Did you come in here just to make fun of me?"

"No. The Commander asked me to 'grab you' and bring you to the combat deck. I will assume that is a human figure of speech. I would rather not 'grab you', if it is all the same to you. I do not see your shotgun but your drone is targeting me."