A kaleidoscope. That's what our society is. A kaleidoscope of colors that are overlapping each other and creating so many new colors while a child rotates the cylinder to create new shapes and patterns. Each color and shape is a different shade of good and evil. Each color and shape represents an emotion, an action, a thought that travels through each of our heads until we can't recognize that color anymore. At the end of it all, every color becomes so saturated, so twisted and dark that it becomes devoid of anything else. Eventually every color turns black.

It's not a thought I like to keep entertaining. I don't like to have it at the forefront of any thought because it's so different from what we're taught in class. They don't have a textbook for the reasons why people do the things they do, think the things they think, or say the things they say. If they did, I think society would be a little more boring and predictable, like those utopian-dystopian movies and books that were popular for a while.

I knew long before I went undercover that some people become villains out of a necessity to survive rather than to just cause chaos. I knew that they had no other choice. They couldn't do anything with the hand they were dealt and no one was allowing them to mulligan, to draw again with one less just for the chance that they would have something better.

They would have called Noa a villain for feeding his family. It was an act of desperation and struggle, but had I not been there, how would that have played out? Would he be in jail right now? Would his children have been dumped in the foster care system?

They called Gorlov a doctor. He treated children like toys, using his Quirk to create repeating hellscapes of their guilt while they writhed and screamed for him to stop. He collected money for it. He'd still be "treating" people if I hadn't taken my chance to rid this world of him. How many more would've suffered if I hadn't stepped in?

I've done horrible things. I'm the cause of at least seven deaths. I've broken multiple laws. I let the monster who murdered my sister get away. I let my friends think I killed myself so they wouldn't come looking for me. I warned three of the people we were supposed to be arresting to flee the country so they wouldn't be caught. I let my anger and grief blind me, let it keep me from doing my job to the fullest.

I've also done good things. I'm part of the reason Katsuki was rescued with barely a bruise on him during Kamino. I helped Noa and his family. I was part of the group that brought down the Shie Hassaikai and rescued Eri. I helped bring down Stain. I went undercover and relayed valuable information to the heroes that led to the arrest of thousands of people blindly following Shigaraki. I brought down several Nomu by myself and was bleeding out from a stab wound, nearly blind at the time.

So what am I? Am I a victim because I was protecting myself? Am I a survivor because I still breathe and hold my head up, not letting my past visibly affect me? Am I the traitor people claim me to be because I warned those three people? Am I a hypocrite, preaching rehabilitation and forgiveness when I can't even see past my own feelings? Am I a hero because I helped people? Or am I a villain because I failed to help more?

I'm all of those things. I know I am, because like society, I am a kaleidoscope. I'm a never ending, evershifting collection of patterns, shapes, colors melding into new shapes, colors, and patterns. And it's not just me. Everyone is. Everyone is their own unique mix of those very same patterns, shapes, and colors, and that is what makes this world amazing. Reina saw it before I did. I think that's why she made Starlite's motto the way it was. No, I know that's why she made it the way it was.

I always thought it was a bullshit phrase. She always changed how she delivered it, but the overall message was somewhere along the lines of "every star deserves to shine." I used to think that it was a crock of shit that she made up to make me want to work there, to make me think that I wasn't as broken as I thought I was. That I was some kind of star that just wasn't shining brightly enough. It took me meeting the people we deemed villains just for thinking differently, for wanting to survive and to better themselves and their family, to understand what she meant.

Everyone deserves to be recognized, to be admired and loved no matter who they are, what they've done. Inside of every single one of us, there's a shining light that is begging to be let free so that everyone can admire the beauty. No matter what we look like, how we talk, what our laugh sounds like, if one foot lags just a second behind the other, or if our quirks are perceived as villainous, there is that chance for us to be the brightest star in the sky if we let that light out. We can be just as amazing as the next person, and together we can create a gorgeous galaxy that leaves people breathless when they see it streak the night sky.

I used to think of myself as a puppet. I cried over it. I hated the feeling of being controlled, of being manipulated to do this thing or that thing, say one thing or another. And yet I played into it, letting Touya do the very thing to me that I hated. I was a means to an end, another tool for him to use against Endeavor. If he would have had his way, I wouldn't have that starlight inside me still. He would've burned it away until I was an empty husk for him to control, a pretty marionette for him to dance across the stage on invisible strings.

I used to lament that I never wrote my own story. It's now I realize that I never let myself hold the pen. I was the person leaning over everyone's shoulder, watching as they scribbled on the page what they wanted me to be. Yeah there were people that snatched the pen away from me when I tried to reach for it, but there were people that always held it out to me. I was just too scared to take it. I was too scared to take responsibility for myself, for my actions. Rather than admit my own faults, it was easier to blame everyone else.

I'm not the same girl I was last year. I will never be that timid, shy, broken girl that shrinks away from the slightest raise in voice, hides from her feelings because what if they leave? I've been through too much, felt too much, hurt too much to go back to that same person. I will own my problems, my mess ups, my feats. I will own each and every part of me because there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not perfect, but I don't have to be. I only have to be the best version of myself I can be and own my shit when I'm not.

My name is Leinei Salinsa. I am seventeen years old. I am the Empathetic Hero Empathia, the vigilante Apathia, a UA hero course student, and the sister of the Number Two hero Hawks and the late Supporting Star hero Elementia. My quirk is not a burden, it is not a curse; it is a part of me, and I will do my damndest to make sure that I use it to help people. Because that's what a hero does.

Because I am a hero.

I stare down at the words at the bottom of the page in my notebook. My hand is shaking from how fast all of those words poured out of me, my heart pounding as if I were fighting against Touya all over again. I can't believe how much I've written as I set my pen down and flipped through the three pages I inked the words into, some of the strokes smudging a little bit as I read through it again.

"I am a hero," I murmured to myself as I read the last line I wrote. I feel so light after getting it all onto the page. My brain doesn't feel as crowded and I feel…happy. I almost want to laugh at how ridiculous that seems. How can such a simple exercise help to relieve this much anxiety? It's almost unbelievable.

It's been almost a week since I came back to UA. Classes haven't picked up because of the ongoing issues with the Paranormal Liberation Front, but honestly at this point, do we really need them? We all proved ourselves out there on the battlefield, against the monsters plaguing our lives and our minds. Some of us almost died to do so, but that's the price of being a hero sometimes.

My dorm here is practically untouched. Of course, there's the fact that my trash can is empty when I know my old sim card was in there, but I live in a building where half of the class are wannabe detectives and the other half are the type to rush headlong into danger without giving it a second thought. So there's not really a doubt in my mind that someone came in here to investigate.

It's…more unsettling that my room was untouched otherwise. It's weird to come back here and see everything the way it was when I left. I'm not the same person I was when I left, so why should my room say that I am?

I close my notebook and stand up, stretching my arms above my head as I look around. I think for a moment on how I should start rearranging my dorm, making plans in my head.

I could move my bed so that it's snug against that wall, it could go against this other wall. My desk could go next to the door. The bookshelf can go next to my desk. Oh, that might actually open the space up more.

I nod as I get the new layout of my room figured in my head, picturing the furniture in their new places. I start by pulling my desk and chair away from the wall, looking over my shoulder as I shuffle backwards with them. A few of my pens and pencils roll around, falling off the edge as I come to a stop. I pick up the fallen utensils, my side complaining as I bend over and stand back up. Rubbing it in circles, I push my bookshelf over next to my desk.

I'm already breaking somewhat of a sweat, my head hurting from holding my breath while I push. Grabbing a hair tie off my desk, I pull my hair back into a ponytail, missing some hair that hangs in chunks and strands around my face and shoulders, before starting with a corner of my bed. I huff as I pull it away from the wall, my heels digging into the carpeted floor as I struggle.

"Hey, Lei-what are you doing?"

I stop pulling as I look up, seeing Denki standing in the door with his hand in the air, slightly tilted as if he were going to wave. He's staring at me with wide eyes, seemingly concerned as he sees me struggling with my bed.

"Didn't the doctor say for you to take it easy?" he asks, his voice deepening a bit as if he were trying to sound stern. "Why the heck are you rearranging your room?"

"No reason," I say breathlessly, letting go of my bed and shaking my head. "I was bored."

"So you rearrange-you know what? Weirder things have happened. I was coming up to see if you wanted to join in on the Smash Bros tournament. We need a tiebreaker for the first round."

"Ah…I was trying to get this done first." I gesture to my room by waving my hand to my displaced furniture behind me. "I mean, if Ei wants to come up and help me really fast, or Shoji, I wouldn't mind, but-"

"Wowww, you think I can't help you? How rude, Lei." He presses his hand to his chest, huffing in an offended way before coming fully into my room. He grabs the other corner of my bed, nodding at me. "Let's get this done."

"Thank you, Denks."

He nods and we both work on pulling the bed over to where I want to put it. We have to angle it kind of weird to get it over by the window, the headboard facing it, before we move the desk and dresser to where said bed used to sit. I fix the fallen books and school supplies on both of them as he plops on my bed, catching his breath.

"Sooooo," he says as I fix the picture of me, Reina, and Keigo on my desk. "How was being undercover? You haven't really talked about it much since being back."

"I haven't been debriefed by Naomasa yet," I reply, shrugging. "Didn't want to break protocol."

"Protocol," he repeats as I look over my shoulder. "So protocol is having a sixteen year old student go undercover with villains that are known mass murderers."

"I'm seventeen now, thanks," I retort.

"You were sixteen when you went in. You've only been seventeen a few weeks. That's not the point. I know you said that they didn't really force you, but seriously, you can be honest with me, Lei. We're friends."

Friends. He says we're still friends even after everything I put them through. I lied to them and let them think I was dead. Because I couldn't put my own feelings aside, I almost got some of them killed. Fuck, would I have been okay if I had been the reason Keigo died against Dabi? If Katsuki, Shoto, or Tokoyami had?

"I'll be down in a minute to do that tie breaker for you, Denks," I say instead, not looking at him now as I touch my fingers against the notebook I had just been writing in. "Thanks for helping me."

"You have to talk to us at some point," he tells me as I hear him shuffle his feet behind me. "We'd all rather it be sooner than later, y'know? We missed you."

He leaves after that. I'm alone in my newly arranged room again. Turning around to take it in, it's then I realize how I have my room set. Each way I look, all of my resting spots are directed to watch the door for no surprises, or in front of my window leading to the pretty balcony to block the entry point from there. How badly am I messed up that I can't even arrange my room to be peaceful without adorning it in a way to be hypervigilant even in sleep and homework? Is this my life now?

I take my hair down and run my fingers through it as I head out of my room and downstairs. My classmates and friends are being almost obnoxiously loud in the common area, the two TVs are pushed together so that eight people can play at the same time. Mina, Mineta, Ochaco and Yaoyorozu are playing on one, and Eijirou, Shoji, Ojiro and Jirou on the other. Everyone else is gathered around them cheering on one person or another.

"Tear him apart, Yaomomo!" Hagakure yells as Yaoyorozu throws his character off of the moving platforms. "Rip his spine out!"

"I think that's Mortal Kombat, Hagakure," Sato remarks, staring at the invisible girl with concern.

"I know, but the sentiment still stands."

I can't fight the smile that spreads across my face as I walk over to the couch, folding my arms on the back of it and leaning over as I watch them. I also try to ignore the fact that the spot I chose is right next to where Katsuki is sitting on the couch with his earbuds in and a manga in hand. Glancing over, I notice that it's one of the ones I bought him for Christmas and my heart hurts.

Give him the time he needs.

"Okay," I call out as I stand up and stretch my hands over my head. "What tie am I breaking?"