Title: Vice and Versa
Author: ShadowTacticianVI
Posted: 4/28/12
Updated: 4/28/12
Chapter Words: 4,765
Rating: T (Language, violence, eventual dark themes (that's Kuroshitsuji's fault))
Full Summary: Years back, before contracts with demons were a means to an end and at a time when the Millennium Earl's name was unheard of, two boys met across a white field and exchanged smiles. There were years of silence, years of resentment, yet in the end, simply knowing the other was there was enough. Each burdened with their own fate and curse, Ciel and Allen go through their lives—sometimes just trying to live.
Disclaimer: I can totally be two people at once. Yup. It's not at all impossible to own -Man and Kuroshitsuji! (Yeah, I don't.)
Don't worry too much about a recap, there's a bit of a flashback that should answer your questions, but otherwise, feel free to backtrack a chapter since I was so late ..
Warning: Completely AU and I don't care anymore.
4. Snow Circus
It was only after what felt like ages did Allen slow his run, ending in a stop behind a series of isolated tents. The boy swerved his head around, taking a glance at his surroundings, only to get a sense of déjà vu. Not only did the tents and decorations look no different than all the rest that he had passed, but the isolated area gave him the same sense of deserted disquiet that he had felt only days ago in the woods. He knew what this meant. Allen was lost—horribly too.
It was like those expert-level jigsaw puzzles that just present you with a blank picture. It's not an increase of subjects and chaos that make the structure harder to define, but rather, a lack of presence altogether. And with this ever-reaching snow and duplicate circus decorations, Allen couldn't make head or tails of which way he came from, let alone which direction he wanted to go.
"Gah!" The boy kicked out his foot, soggy from the snow, and proceeded to release a bit of stress by scattering snow everywhere. Allen mumbled complaints under his breath, still pouting about the scene that made him run for just 'ages'. Instinctively, he peeked over his shoulder and double checked that there weren't any balloon animals anywhere to signify an approaching clown.
Still, it was entirely that man's fault that Allen was lost, and really, didn't the man know that you should always fix your mistakes?
His eyes dropped and he could see several balloon-like things, but they were all…twisted? If he cocked his head (not that he did—frozen and all), he supposed they looked a bit like creatures. But he couldn't recognize most of them. He could see a blue cat…maybe…and this green one that had a really long head. 'Perhaps they were…'
A dark aura surrounded Allen.
'…demon animals?'
Silence followed that thought, and Allen ended up confused enough to lift his head and look at the clown in the eye. A deadpan, straight face stared back. "…I don't know what gave you that impression, but I don't make—t-those aren't demon animals."
Crickets chirp.
A timid child's voice asked, "What's wrong, Sis?" All at once, like a dam broke, a wave a giggles and laughter swept the scene and Allen panicked.
"AH? I said that aloud? I-I'm s-s-sor-sorry! Y-you wouldn't eat me right?" It was an honest question because frankly, that clown's mouth was unnaturally wide and as far as Allen was concerned, stained with the blood of previous meals. At the moment, the clown's face seemed to be twitching in what Allen could only read as annoyance despite the still stretched smile on the creeper's face.
Someone jostled Allen and all of sudden a woman's face stared from right in front of him. A yelp of surprise escaped him as he stumbled back, but the larger woman easily settled a grip on him. "Aww, what a cute face you have! C'mere, let's get a balloon animal for you and y'can show your Da and Mum later." A gloved hand began to steer him towards the clown that now looked equally as alarmed as Allen did.
"Wait," the clown began to protest, "I don't think that kid wa—"
"Nonsense," she interrupted, lifting her hand to wave it in the air in a sweeping manner. That was her mistake. Allen immediately darted out from under her, eager to leave the center of attention and get away from the overbearing lady as soon as possible. When a shrill pop sounded behind him, Allen stopped in a little hop from panic. Swiveling around, he was greeted to the site of what was probably a popped balloon held by a now shrieking little girl. He sent a quick glance at his own bright red balloon, relieved to see it safe. As for the girl, her parents immediately tried to soothe her, but her screams only reached an ear-splitting height. With a grimace, Allen immediately turned away and pumped his legs into a fast sprint, completely understanding how someone could be scared of clowns.
But Allen wasn't scared. He just really, really didn't like them and was not at all impressed with this addition to the circus.
Quickly, he made a turn amidst the line of stalls so as to get out of sight from the clown as fast as possible. He wasn't certain, but Allen thought the man might have been trying to escape from the crying child too, and Allen certainly didn't want to be followed.
Breaths coming out in small, short puffs, Allen kept his eyes to the slushy ground, maneuvering through the crowds with ease. Several minutes passed by and Allen was beginning to feel tired and hungry. Finally it came to the point that the crowds had thinned into nothing, and Allen was left in solitude, surrounded by only the sky, the circus, and his balloon.
A sigh ended that flashback and a shiver reminded Allen of his state of hunger and wear. He stopped kicking the snow and gave a glance at the ruined state of sludge and earth. A thought sparked in his head, and Allen winced. 'I probably shouldn't have done that. Now there's no way anyone will miss that I was here.' Well, nothing to do about it now.
'Still, what should I do now? I…' Allen twisted his head again and spun in a circle, but nothing new had sprout up. '…I am really lost.'
With a groan, Allen plopped down on the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his head there. The damp earth and melting snow inevitably began to seep through his clothes, bringing regret along as a companion. It seemed like today was just a day for regrets. Allen wearily pushed up from the ground again and moved out of path, towards the empty tents even if it was too late now to undo the water that clung to his pants. It wasn't too bad—he had faced worse.
Memories of silent nights, screaming nights, and—worst of all—the empty days flashed in the span of a blink, and then they were gone, only echoing in the wind. Allen grimaced and repositioned his head so that one ear was covered by his arm; an attempt to block out the low buzzing sound—or rather, it was more reminiscent of hissing. He didn't want to remember—those days were gone and Allen was confident that they would never return. He had a friend now, didn't he?
The hissing grew louder, as if to deny that hesitant thought and Allen frowned. They only met once—Ciel and him—but Ciel wanted to see him again, didn't he? They made a promise together…but what did that meant? Allen never made a promise before, but he's seen plenty of people break theirs.
"Ciel…" he mumbled. Then, Allen kept speaking, but louder to try and block out the sound in his head. "I will see you again, and I'll be better by then. We'll be on equal ground then…definitely!"
"Boy!"
"Wha…?" Allen's head jerked up, words half out of his mouth before they dried like dust. He thought that maybe someone—maybe a ghost—or even an angel of some sort had answered his spoken thoughts, but the sharp, poisonous gold eyes that glared at him could only have come from a beast.
Like a predator going in for the kill, those striking eyes dived forwards, lunging in with one smooth motion. Allen instinctively curled up, unrestrainedly screaming. It was a sound that pierced the silence, tearing through it like knife through canvas.
In a shock of sound and motion—all occurring in less than a second—his fate as "the Destroyer of Time" was set in place, and could not be taken back. A little red balloon, forgotten and freed in the chaos, was carried by the wind into the empty sky. It too, could not be taken back.
Movement slowed to a stop, and when all was silent save Allen's miraculous breaths and someone else's own gasps, Allen cautiously squinted open his sight. His heart was still beating a mile per minute and it felt like his face was numb from the onrush of blood in such a cold setting. He couldn't quite believe he was safe yet, not when his hands were twitching from fear and the silence was still screaming.
Allen fully opened his gray eyes to the dying, golden hue of a snake's. Aided by his sight, Allen watched as it gave one last hiss, before falling limp, injured from one thing or another—most likely the black, gloved grip on the snake had something to do with it. Still, the boy couldn't help but simply stare at the (was it even dead? He wasn't sure) limp snake with blank eyes. It wasn't long though, before the gloved hand shifted, moving the snake with it.
Allen jerked and muffled a squeak.
"Oh come on now…" It was only a mutter; most likely not even meant to be heard. But the exasperated comment nonetheless finally pulled Allen's attention off of the umber brown snake. Quickly, unbidden, the boy's eyes traveled up the black gloved hand and up the ridiculous, bright green sleeves until he was once again confronted with a familiar face.
Jerking back once more, Allen's reaction this time might as well been more violent than when he had been attacked by the snake—minus the screaming (he did make an odd choking sound, though). "Y-y…you….Clown!"
The man sighed and looked down at Allen with a face that clearly said 'why-did-I-even-bother?' The man straightened up, carefully lifting the snake with him. "You know, boy, not all clowns are bad people. Did you have a terrible past experience or something?" The silly grin he shot Allen did not help add sincerity to his voice.
Allen gulped and considered running away again, but he wasn't that reckless. This man was likely his only guide out of the place and… "W…why are there snakes here? Isn't it too cold?"
"Sss… Wilde demandsss releassse from Mana." Allen jumped and swiveled around to face the owner of the new voice. With a shock, he found it to be a child not more than a few feet away. Allen had no idea how he didn't notice, but immediately scrambled away nonetheless. He didn't like the clown at all—but this kid was a few years older than him and his eyes… Allen examined the boy more closely. He had hair so white, Allen couldn't tell if it was glazed with snow. Matched with his pale skin and dull brown coat, Allen grudgingly admitted the kid was good at blending in. But his eyes… They were sharp shade of yellow and his pupils were almost slit like a cat's… or a snake's.
Before Allen could analyze the boy anymore, the clown stepped forward and gently pushed Allen behind him. "Ah, Snake. You should know better than to let your friends attack passersby." His voice was lighthearted but held a reprimanding tone.
The boy's eyes narrowed. "The boy'sss in ressstricted zzzone, says Wilde." Allen stared. The boy…Snake? What kind of name was that? Then again, he certainly acted like a snake, although he wasn't sure who Wilde was. Maybe that was actually his name and the clown was teasing him?
"That doesn't mean that the rest of the troupe will be happy to deal with murder charges, Snake. That only make troubles for the rest of us." Allen twitched. Although he wasn't pleased with the whole 'murder charge' statement, the clown's voice intrigued him. Although he was clearly scolding the boy… he didn't sound that angry.
Snake however, bowed his head a bit and stayed quiet. Then, to Allen's surprise, a small smile settled on the clown's face.
Whenever the clown grinned, laughed, and even made those sarcastic jokes, Allen couldn't help but be nervous. But the sight of that true, small smile made Allen blink, and instead of fear, something warm and longing tingled inside. Stepping forward, the man laid the still snake along the boy's neck, prompting a flinch. As soon as the clown backed up a few steps, the snake reared up again, proving it to be just fine, to Allen's mild dismay.
"…I apologize, sir. Says Wilde." The boy lifted his head but his blank eyes still stared down.
The clown just smiled and stepped aside, sending Allen in the spotlight. "And to the boy?" Allen froze and watched as Snake's eyes lifted in sync with the reptilian wrapped around his neck.
Slowly, the seconds ticked by then Snake sent him a small nod. Then the boy turned around and walked away, slipping out of sight behind a colorful tent. A soft laugh echoed in the silence and Allen turned and stared at the clown, who was no doubt crazy. "I didn't expect Snake to actually do that." A hand landed on the Allen's head, resulting in a jump and a glare. "I guess he likes you? Snake's just shy, although he should know better by now than to attack people."
Allen shivered, but didn't move away. "…so who's Wilde?" The man raised an eyebrow and answered with a curious look.
"That snake of his. He has plenty more hiding around…but do not worry, he'll control them." The last bit was tacked on quickly when he saw the alarm on the boy's face. "I am curious though. Are you scared of snakes more, or clowns?"
Allen immediately scowled angrily at him and moved back. "Snakes obviously! It could've bit me!"
"Ah," the clown nodded sagely. "And since a clown saved you, no worries, right?"
"Wrong." It was a deadpan answer that left the clown twitching at the boy's lack of manners. "Clown's are just silly."
The man rolled his eyes. "Then don't run away from the clown when I lead you to our tent. You must be freezing." Allen stepped back again in alarm, but slowed when he saw the man's eyes. There were a myriad of emotions and thoughts contained in the dark orbs. They stood paused there, neither making a move.
"…" Once again, Allen became aware of the snow seeping into his clothes and the leftover water in pants from when he had sat down. It was only because he was cold, Allen convinced himself. It had nothing to do with the man's kindness. It had nothing to do with Allen wanting some of that kindness and care to be shown to him. "…Fine." The clown smiled and extended a hand.
"No 'sir'? Snake's more polite than you," the man chidingly teased.
Harrumphing, the child cautiously accepted the hand. With a hidden smirk, Allen replied. "I apologize, sir. Says Allen." It was more than gratifying to see the surprise on that clown's face.
In return, the man pulled Allen forward causing the boy to stumble, and landed his other hand in the child's hair, ruffling it. "Silly boy, your name is Allen then? Allow me to introduce myself." Crouching down, Allen found himself witness to another ridiculous smile. Despite the extravagant face paint that accompanied it, Allen felt warmed. "My name is Mana Walker. It is my utmost pleasure to meet you, Allen."
Patting the snow down one more time, Ciel spun around and ran some few steps away. "Hmm…" Ciel turned and studied the snow structure he built. Or at least, attempted to build.
In front of him was a pile of snow and sticks, unevenly clumped together and built up like a mountain. When compared to the two average snowmen to the side of it, the pile looked even more unfortunate. Ciel pouted and stomped towards it in frustration. The boy never thought making snow people were that hard. But of course, he absolutely couldn't let Tanaka help him with this one. It was alright when they were building snow-Ciel and snow-Father but this was Allen. It was different.
As the boy continued to grumble and pile more snow on the thing, Lord Vincent watched from inside, shaking his head amusedly. Tanaka stood just outside of the home, keeping a close eye on Ciel this time in case he wandered off again. As for Sebastian, he was kept inside. The dog was well-rewarded for his part in leading Ciel back home, but Lord Vincent wasn't going to risk his son running off again. The noble absentmindedly rubbed his dog a bit, as his eyes searched for the last remaining family member.
"Another year and Ciel's growing up." He smiled and turned around to face his wife, Rachel.
"And he's growing up to be just as kind and graceful as his mother." In turn, she smiled and replied.
"Yet, as handsome and mischievous as his father." He chuckled and accepted the cup of tea she handed him before sitting down. Rachel joined him, sparing a fond glance for the boy outside. "Is he building another snowman? Why isn't Tanaka helping?" she asked with a giggle at Ciel's pitiful results.
Lord Vincent shook his head with a similar smile. "I believe Ciel said something about doing it on his own. My, he's growing independent. That'll be a good trait one day when he runs the company."
She turned towards him with an interested glance. "Hmm, his studies are going well, correct? Ciel seems to have no problem with it, but I haven't yet had a chance to ask his tutor."
"He's doing quite well. Apparently," his voice took on a tone of pride, "he picks things up very quickly. Our Ciel is a bright boy indeed. I plan on introducing him to the nobles at a party next year on his birthday. He's ready."
At that, Rachel grew interested. "Oh, but for his birthday this year, there was that circus you were considering. Are you…?"
At that, the atmosphere dissipated a little, and Lord Vincent frowned, contemplating the question. "…I'm unsure. The place is crowded and it'd be too easy to lose a small child like Ciel amongst all the goers. After yesterday, I am feeling cautious," he admitted. "Perhaps it'll be better to entertain Ciel at home today, especially with the rising amount of orders the Queen has been sending me lately."
She didn't reply. Glancing down, he gently lifted her face and asked, "What's wrong?"
She seemed to be contemplating something. "It's just... Ciel was excited about the carnival and all at first...but when he asked me about it this morning, he had more than excitement. I'm uncertain of the details, but it seemed that he..." she struggled for the words, "It seemed that there was something he wanted to do at the carnival."
Albeit, her description wasn't particularly elegant, Lord Vincent still understood and frowned. Finally, setting another glance at the slate-haired boy outside, he declared, "Yet...It's too dangerous. Maybe in a few years we can take him to the carnival, but not today."
To his mild surprise, the boy outside pouted and threw a clump of snow in the air, as if personally reacting to the lord's statement. However, with a closer look, Lord Vincent realized that Ciel was glaring at the pile of snow that was supposed to be a snowman. He supposed the boy finally gave up.
"Would you like some help, young master?" Ciel glanced up to see Tanaka offering a hand. A small, stubborn scowl settled on the boy's innocent features.
"Nu-uh!" Yet, the boy walked away the snow pile and seemed to head inside. Puzzled, Tanaka leisurely followed him with his own easy steps. He'd been with the Phantomhive family for many years now, and it wasn't like Ciel to just give up, no matter how difficult the problem seemed.
"Young master, is something the matter?"
Confused, the boy glanced up at the elderly man.
Quickly, Tanaka amended his question. "I ask, are you not going to finish the snow man?"
At this, Ciel paused, and quickly gazed around, as if searching for eavesdroppers. After spying his father watching from the window, Ciel grinned and motioned Tanaka closer. As the man carefully bent down, Ciel leaned in to whisper.
"Can you keep a secret? You can't tell anyone, not even Mother or Father!"
Amused, Tanaka nodded solemnly, glad to see that yesterday's event hadn't diluted Ciel's childlike demeanor.
"Alright!" Ciel grinned proudly, and unleashed his plan. "I'm not going to build snow-Allen, because I'm going to get him to come over and build it himself!" If Tanaka was surprised, Ciel didn't notice. "Allen is probably really, really good at building snowmans!" Blue eyes, shining with hope, Ciel grabbed Tanaka's hand and skipped towards the door. "When he comes over, I'll be very happy."
Two little snowmen, standing by each other; standing by their friend.
Ciel could hardly wait to see it come true.
Allen shivered as they stepped out of the harsh, biting air and into the pleasantly warm tent. He blinked when the guiding hand on his shoulder was removed and could only watch as the odd clown ambled forwards and started examining himself in the mirror propped up against the tent wall.
"Tsk…" Mana absently called out, "What time is it?" Some other women in the room began to titter and Allen briefly scanned the area, noting the few costumed people in the room. He startled when an answering boom sounded from behind him and spun around to sight a large man with a pleasant face.
"It is exactly f-"
"You know, on second thought, I know what time it is!" As Mana twisted around to face the disgruntled man, a disturbing smile on his clown face, Allen couldn't help but lean back in alarm. "It's just in time for the show, ne? Better leave the mask on, wouldn't you agree?" The clown pointed to his face and twirled his finger around as he spoke.
It was clear to Allen that the larger man didn't want to agree on anything, but the strained smile remained on his face. "Ah, yes, yes… Mr. Walker. I do wish you luck-"
With a cheerful voice, Mana once again interrupted the man. "Ah, yes, yes… It'd do no good for all your kindly donations to go to waste, eh Baron?" As Allen watched the said Baron get more and more red in the face, his unease was quickly replaced with amusement. It was like the man he witnessed earlier was gone and in his place was a completely more…witty and, to be frank, disturbed man.
Just as it looked like the Baron was ready to retort, one of the circus members whistled and cheered for Mana. The clown snickered and waved it off, singing in an off-key rhyme, "Now, nooowwww…. I'm just a typical clown! Where on earth's the ringmaster? Can't let the show be a disaster!" Some of younger members in the tent applauded and Mana gave a dramatic bow, turning away and ignoring the Baron's sputters.
Just as Allen smirked, it seemed that Mana caught sight of the boy again. It was like watching light bulb light up and then the man called for one of the ladies to bring over a cup of tea. The boy wondered if he should feel insulted for being forgotten, but hiding in plain sight was just what a street-kid did. Soon, the man was guiding him over to the table again and once they were seated, Allen couldn't resist from commenting. "That wasn't at all what you sounded like when you were performing."
The clown raised an eyebrow. "Performing? …You don't mean when I was passing those balloon animals, do you?" As Allen accepted a cup of tea from a really skimpily dressed lady, he shot Mana a pointed glance. "…you really do? That's just something I do because the ringmaster tells me to!" Mana gave a dramatic sigh and leaned in as if passing a highly confidential secret. He sent a pointed glance at Allen when he didn't reciprocate, clearly mocking Allen's earlier actions. Allen scowled and the clown continued.
"…Anyways, the real magic is my performance. I can't do it anymore though because my partner ran out on me. 'S a shame, a mighty, great shame!" The clown's head dropped onto the table, acting out a scene of debilitating depression.
When it didn't seem like the clown would continue past that, Allen finished for him. "So… you're stuck doing a job you don't like which is why you were all annoyed at me?"
"Oh no," was his muffled answer. "That's just you. It takes a mighty special boy to not laugh at my jokes and irritate me beyond measure; I can assure you, you're the first." Allen twitched and downed the rest of his tea before setting the cup down forcefully.
"Didn't you say you had a show to get to?" Allen asked waspishly.
The clown chuckled, the noise vibrating through the rickety table and making the boy scowl. "Do you listen at all to what people you listen to say? You know, it is horribly rude to do that. A gentleman never makes another repeat themselves."
"What are you talking about?" If it was at all possible, Allen's scowl got deeper.
"I can't perform until I get a new partner. And it can't be just any partner that silly ringmaster throws at me; I need a… a foil! A mascot! Someone that does the real work for me!" Allen was just about to give a sarcastic suggestion when Mana's head shot up and his eyes bored into Allen's, inevitably startling the boy into silence. "No… Boy! I need you!"
Allen started, before a multitude of thoughts flew through his head and his eyes inevitably narrowed in annoyance. "Ha – Ha – very funny, Clown. I don't think you need any assistance to make your audience laugh."
Mana smiled. "You call that a laugh? Come on Allen, it'd be a job, you know."
The boy scoffed, "You're not s-"
"How about you think about it for a while?" Mana smoothly cut through the boy's derision, the smile still on his painted face, albeit, it seemed less mocking. "I could use a helper—but it's your decision. I don't know how you usually spend your day, but I guess it's not usually with an old clown like me."
Allen huffed and didn't speak.
"Well, then it's settled!" Mana grinned and stood up.
Allen's head snapped up and he almost squeaked, "W-what?" Allen hurriedly stood up too. "I thought you were giving me time?"
The clown chuckled and easily snagged Allen's arm, dragging him towards the tent's exit, "Well, you're clearly finished with your tea, and since you agreed that you don't normally spend your day with a clown like me, I figured—we should take a good look at the performances! Might be your only chance, you know, unless of course, you decide to stick around." Allen twitched. Mana was obviously going to try to persuade him to hang around, but if he thought Allen was going to work for a crazy like him, then he was even crazier than he thought.
"Let's see…want to go to the clown tent first?"
"…! NO!"
Fifty-two minutes later, after a bit of struggling and fake tears, they compromised on watching the acrobatics show, starring a pair of twins.
When Mana warned him, "Get ready to be amazed," Allen simply ignored him. Now, in the midst of the performance, the boy's eyes were glued to stage and he couldn't deny the almost exuberant wonder he displayed following each physics-defying flip and drop. With Mana's presence at his side, he had gotten in with a front row seat for free, something that seemed all too surreal. Allen couldn't help but wonder if the whole day was just a fantastical dream.
The show was concluded with a dazzling, heart-stopping drop from the grand ceiling of the tent. There was no hesitation in Allen's applause—they deserved it.
Afterwards, they passed another performer who was handing out more free balloons. Allen paused.
"Hmm, you had a balloon didn't you? A red one?"
Allen nodded but turned away. It had been lost hours ago with the whole Snake situation, but he hadn't even remembered it until now.
"You don't want another one?"
Allen just shook his head, taciturn and at ease. As Mana shrugged and began pointing out other grand attractions—and less grand areas to avoid (for once he started working there)—a small smile slipped on Allen's face.
A red balloon for a crazy clown. Seemed like a fair trade.
A/N: ITS FINALLY UP. YAY.
Haha, I'm sorry for the lateness—I had 99/100 of it done around December, but I couldn't finish it up and I couldn't edit it. I still can't edit it. So I apologize for any mistakes or general choppiness/inconsistency because I'm not feeling up to rereading it…I totally understand why people have betas now. Also, as I noted in the beginning of this chapter, it's not canon-consistent anymore, if it ever was, and is totally AU now. Because it's too hard changing Mana to be more crazy and less loving and yeah.
Thanks for all my reviewers, alerters, and people who still read and love this! Even if I don't reply, I read and love every single review.
Check out virdiannet. tumblr. com for updates on my story, art, and etc.