AN: This is a standalone chaptery thing. No sequel. Oneshot. Probably.
Ryan Ross dropped the beer he was holding and grasped the edge of the bar for support. He was oblivious to the sound of shattering glass and reprimands from the barman. He was too busy being shocked and confused. After the band had broken up he had taken to frequenting this night spot. It was certainly nothing fancy and it was out of the way. It was perfect for a failed rock star trying to avoid the limelight of a messy breakup. At first when the word breakup had been used to describe the split Ryan had flinched and closed up to any interviewers. He had said it was because it was still raw and hard to talk about. The truth was that the band breaking apart hadn't just been the end of the relationships in a musical sense.
The fangirls had got it right for once; Brendon and he had been fucking for sixth months before the arguments began. That was why the arguments had begun. Then Ryan had left and that had been that, he had taken to fucking anyone who would take him. Men, women- it didn't matter to him. He experimented, moving as far away as possible from the warm, enveloping, love making from before. It had been too perfect, the love and appreciation hadn't appealed to his self destructive nature. So Ryan had bailed and left everything behind.
Or so he'd thought. Although the way his stomach flipped and the way his palms started to sweat, when he realised that the delightful apple bottom he had been admiring was his, seemed to indicate he'd left more than a t-shirt on the tour bus with Brendon. Ryan closed his eyes and remembered what he had told himself when he had made the decision to leave. No more self pity. Don't get sad, get angry.
So when the deep brown, shocked eyes of Brendon Urie turned towards the sound of the smashing bottle and caught those of his ex lover- Ryan hardened his expression and leapt up off of his barstool. He crossed the floor in five strides, eyes on the man who he hadn't seen in person for a very long time.
"What are you doing here?" Said Brendon when Ryan reached him.
His voice was monotonic, flat. Ryan almost took a step backwards, all pretence of anger lost. There was no warmth to Brendon's voice. Not even malice, just...nothing. Before Ryan had a chance to reply Brendon grabbed him by the lapel and dragged him out to the stairs at the entrance of the rundown hotel. The foyer was full of posters for call girl agencies and the grey wallpaper was peeling slowly away from the damp walls. It was as though the building itself was disgusted with the very nature of the activities that went on behind closed doors.
"Room number?" Brendon barked, still holding Ryan by the throat. When Ryan stuttered around his answer Brendon rolled his eyes.
"Don't bother." He spat and pulled Ryan into the caretaker's entrance. He looked left and right before throwing open the door to a store cupboard and shoving Ryan inside. Ryan barely had time to consider the cliché moment before all thought was pushed from his mind when Brendon placed a hand on either side of his head, pinning him to the door of the confined space.
"You have no clue how much I want to hurt you Ryan. How much I want to make you cry. Break that facade you've kept up so well." Brendon kept eye contact throughout his rant, slowly inching his face closer and closer to Ryan's. His plump lips accentuated every vicious syllable. The sudden change from emotionless to furious was incredible. Ryan had forgotten how very volatile Brendon Urie could be.
"But I can think of a more productive way of throwing you off guard." Brendon's eyes flashed dangerously and Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the blow that was sure to come. He widened them moments later- when Brendon moved his hands to Ryan's hips and started to unbuckle his belt.
As his fingers moved over the rivets and leather of Ryan's belt, Brendon continued to talk.
"I've seen you in interviews, so calm, so collected, so content with the way you fucked me over. I bet I didn't even leave a lasting impression as a lover did I? Not compared to all your latest fucks. Z-berg? Really Ryan? Sometimes you make me sick." He looked up from the belt, "Mostly you just make me angry that I treated you in a way that a prick like you didn't deserve. I've changed now Ryan. I'm not the same you see." He chuckled darkly.
As he spoke the words cut into Ryan like blades, each one cutting deeper than the last. After a moment where the pain seemed almost too much to bear, it piqued, it no longer hurt. It just antagonised. Ryan watched the pathetic piece of the man he once called his best friend shred memories to pieces, it was pitiful to watch. Not painful. The anger that had left Ryan only moments before came back full force. He grabbed a still talking Brendon by the shoulders and instead of pushing him away he pulled him closer, doing the only thing he could think of that would get Brendon to shut the fuck up already. He kissed him.
It was nothing like the slow, lazy, passionate kisses of afternoons in the bus. High on life as well as weed. The soft edged memories were gone replaced by the fierce kiss that Ryan had instigated. It wasn't pretty. It was teeth on teeth, clashing and painful. Brendon had been caught off guard for a moment and nothing more, he pressed back into the kiss. Using his teeth to command the situation, he nipped at Ryan's bottom lip- trying to establish dominance. Ryan bit back harder, using all of the force he had to flip them around. Brendon's well honed muscles were no match for Ryan's dead weight and they crashed backwards into the door again- Ryan's teeth still hooked around Brendon's lips.
Brendon used a different tactic, brushing his tongue along the seam of their lips, almost gentle- before biting down hard. Ryan gasped and that second allowed Brendon entrance. He forced his tongue into Ryan's mouth and all other motion stopped. To an outsider it would have looked strange, like a freeze frame. The only things moving were their tongues. Ryan chasing the taste of cheap spirits around Brendon's mouth as Brendon chased cigarettes and pain.
Then Brendon stopped. The fire just as quickly doused as sparked. He pulled back and turned away from Ryan. Ryan made to follow Brendon's movements and pin him to a different wall when Brendon's hands began to shake. Ryan placed a hand on Brendon's shoulder and spun him around. Stepping backwards at the ashen expression on his face.
"Ryan. I'm getting married. To Sarah." Brendon covered his face with his hand and sighed. Ryan reeled backwards, his mind going a mile a minute. He had never thought Brendon would actually...he actually...Ryan stopped.
Don't get sad get angry.
He could lament later, He needed revenge for whatever this was Brendon had almost done. He snaked an arm up the side of Brendon's face. Caressing the stubble, memorising the lines of his face.
"Well then," Ryan said, his lips snaking up to Brendon's ear.
"All the more reason for you to get me out of your system." He said it softly, letting the words echo around the small space.
Brendon's reaction wasn't what he'd expecting. He had hoped for at least a kiss. Not a crack to his cheek. He flinched away in pain.
"Motherfucker! Brilliant, I'll hang around if you want to come back tomorrow and take a crack at the other side." Ryan gasped and started to open the door behind him before Brendon's hands circled his wrists. Ryan's wrists were dainty, almost doll like. Although he felt like a lumbering idiot that second.
Brendon spun him around and for the third time that day, Ryan was pinned to a wall. Ryan tried to ignore his treacherous hard on that was pressing into Brendon's thigh. They'd never been a couple for angry sex. Now Ryan secretly wished they'd tried it.
"What did you want Ryan? Puppies and cuddles? You expect me to fall in love with you all over again?" Brendon spat the words at Ryan. "Well you can suck my dick Ryan. Because it's not going to happ-" He froze. His hand snaking down between them, reaching Ryan's crotch. He smirked.
"I came here to shout at you and scare you but you; you're getting off on this aren't you?" He squeezed. Ryan's eyes rolled backwards in their sockets. Ryan lifted his head and looked Brendon in the eyes.
"You know I am." He croaked.
It was as though a switch had gone off in the room. Brendon lunged for Ryan, making light work of his shirt. All the while hurling abuse at him.
"I can't believe you would do that to Spencer, to me. If I'd known you got off on pain and anger I'd have had this conversation years ago." He threw Ryan against different walls and shelves. His hands tugging at Ryan's jeans. He thrust a hand into Ryan's boxers, smirking at the way Ryan was already hard. Brendon pulled at his cock, alternating light and heavy strokes.
"You want me to hurt you Ryan? You want me to pull your hair whilst you fuck me?" Ryan was practically putty in Brendon's hands, but he attempted to put up some resistance- in the form of sucking Brendon's neck. Brendon threw his head back and moaned, Ryan toyed with the idea of leaving a mark. Might make a nice present for Sarah to find. He bit down. Hard. Brendon growled.
"Prick."
"Fuck you."
"Now you're getting it," Brendon detached himself from Ryan, leaving his dick exposed.
"Put this on. I don't even want to think about where you've been." He tossed a condom from his back pocket at Ryan.
It might as well have been another slap.
"Were you always such a dick?" Ryan asked as he rolled on the condom, glaring as he did so.
"Of course I was. Luckily you were a bigger one."
Brendon closed the gap between them once more, attacking Ryan's chest with his mouth. Ryan moaned as Brendon moved lower, his hands tugging Ryan's underwear off completely. Ryan pushed him away, his own hands finding Brendon's waistband. He pulled down, discarding both Brendon's jeans and briefs in the process.
"Bit gay isn't it? Briefs?" Ryan gasped as Brendon moved back to his neck, nipping lightly.
"Sarah prefers them." He whispered into the shell of Ryan's ear. Ryan's heart stuttered and he pushed Brendon away again, sinking to his knees. He drank in the sight of Brendon's dick. It was the same dick, obviously, but it was the first time he had looked at it with the idea of revenge. Ryan chuckled slightly; time to stop evaluating his relationship with Brendon's nether regions.
He licked a stripe down the entire length of Brendon's dick before sucking him down half way. It had always been ironic, he had the bigger dick and was shit at giving blowjobs. Well, that had been before. Ryan had got in some practice since the last time. As he sucked lightly he looked up at Brendon, he was lazily jerking backwards and forwards, clearly trying to give off the impression of being bored.
Ryan toyed with the idea of biting down, but decided even he wasn't that vindictive. Instead he let Brendon feel the resistance at the back of his throat, before relaxing completely and taking him down the base. Brendon choked above him and stretched his hands to the back of Ryan's head. He tugged at his hair and pulled Ryan further down onto his cock. Ryan breathed through his nose and tried to ignore the heady mix of pain and pleasure.
Brendon started to buck erratically into Ryan's mouth and Ryan pulled off, almost laughing at the look of disappointment on Brendon's face. Ryan threw his fingers up to Brendon's mouth.
"Suck." He commanded. Brendon took three of Ryan's fingers into his mouth, rolling them around on his tongue. Without warning he bit down. Ryan gasped; Brendon knew he needed his goddamn fingers. He pulled them from under Brendon's plump lips with a gentle popping sound.
Ryan reached down, scratching his way up the inside of Brendon's thighs. Then, without warning he pressed two of the slicked up fingers inside at once. Brendon hissed in pain, but it petered out into a moan. Ryan's long fingers didn't take long to locate the right spot, and soon he had a reluctant Brendon shaking above him. Ryan curled his fingers once, before adding a third. None to gently. He bobbed his head back down and resumed his steady rhythm.
Brendon gasped and placed a hand around Ryan's neck this time. He squeezed lightly.
"Fuck's sake Ryan. It's been a fucking while, your fault by the way- Ah!" Ryan cut him off, curling his fingers again, he pulled them out, looked up, and grinned. He pulled off and stood up.
"Sarah not so good at fucking your brains out then?" He smirked. Brendon squeezed his neck tighter in response, Ryan tried to convince himself that wasn't turning him on more. Their only point of contact in that moment was Ryan's neck, yet it felt like the most intimate touch of the evening.
"Are you going to fuck me? Or do I have to beg?" Brendon sneered, his snarky personality shining through once more. It was funny, Ryan thought, as he surged forwards and recaptured his former lead singers mouth- Brendon always used to be pathetically needy during sex, yet so arrogant out of the bedroom.
Or in a cupboard. Apparently.
Ryan used the shelves behind Brendon as leverage and pulled the singers legs up round his waist. He moved forwards until Brendon was effectively sitting on the shelves with his strong legs around Ryan's small waist and his hands still around Ryan's neck. Never breaking the harsh kiss Ryan pushed his hips forwards and slowly sank forwards into Brendon. Brendon tipped his head back out of this kiss and against the shelf and breathed out a frustrated 'Fuck', he wriggled his hips slightly, adjusting to the stretch. The 'Ryan has a monstercock' fangirl rumours had more than a grain of truth in them. After several moments Brendon looked back at Ryan, he lifted the corner of his mouth up. Taunting.
Ryan slammed forwards. A wrenched out groan, that was more of a scream, ripped from Brendon's throat and tore the heavy tension in the room to shreds. Ryan thought he could almost see the tension fluttering to the ground of the store room as he backed Brendon into the shelves repeatedly. Ryan bent in, speaking harshly,
"You asshole, you can't push me around any more. I loved you too," He gasped "but you were too hard to work with, with your fucking childish shit. I've lost Spencer to you, you prick." He picked up his pace, watching as Brendon was forced harder into the wooden shelves behind him.
"I was hard to work with? Don't make me laugh Ryan," Brendon had been holding his breath and his speech forced its way out of his mouth in jerky, sporadic gasps, "Ha, you forced Spencer out of your life. He still misses you. You selfish asshole!"
Ryan growled, the insults only spurring him on. True to his words, Brendon tangled his hands in Ryan's hair. The loose brown curls were tugged out of place with each matching thrust Brendon pressed back against Ryan's chest. Ryan braced his hands on both side of Brendon's shoulders and watched as the eyes of the man beneath him fluttered closed and his eyelashes, dampened by sweat, clung to his cheeks.
Ryan let out a low moan as Brendon gave a sharp pull. Ryan kept his eyes on Brendon's face and watched as his eyes slowly re opened, their colour blackened by lust and anger.
"Ryan, come for me."
Ryan's memory flashed to the first time he and Brendon had collided with each other in a tour bus lounge with adolescent ideals and a warped vision of the future where everything was clear. Those words had worked then, and they worked now- even in an old, dusty broom cupboard where the only familiar feeling was the curve of muscle moving to a heartbeat.
"God, You!" Ryan groaned as his thrusts became stuttered and he buried his head into Brendon's neck, feeling the blood jump beneath his skin. Brendon groaned and rose up to meet the last of Ryan's movements and let out a long groan.
"Uugh, Fuck" He moaned as Ryan watched him come undone, spilling onto both their chests.
They collapsed into each other, and then onto the floor of the small space. Not a word was shared.
Brendon was the first to react; he gathered himself and began to struggle back into his underwear and jeans. Ryan watched as he searched for his shirt and slowly did up the buttons. He stood up, then offered his hands to the still naked Ryan. He hauled him upright before smiling sadly. He turned to the door of the cupboard and Ryan started to panic, he grabbed at Brendon's shirt and arm. This could very well be the end of everything he'd ever had with this man. He wasn't going to let go. Not again- Brendon turned back and lifted Ryan's hand away from his shirt. He prised each finger off delicately, or tried too- but at the last moment Ryan whipped his hand away of his own accord, shock setting in.
"You can't just leave me", Ryan choked out, the words had been bouncing around inside his head for some time, it was nice to get them out in the open, his chest rose and fell rapidly, each breath more resigned to the fact he was going to leave the motel alone. He looked into Brendon's eyes and saw no trace of compassion. Ryan sank back against the shelves and closed his eyes, willing Brendon to stay. Ryan felt Brendon close the space between them.
"Goodbye Ryan," The younger man whispered, placing a kiss onto Ryan's forehead. Then Ryan felt him turn, heard the door open and then heard it close.
Ryan slumped to the floor of the cupboard, listening as the footsteps of the man he needed more than air- walked away. He sighed to himself and wrenched his jeans up to his knees, protecting them from the biting cold that was threatening to invade his space. He only realised he was crying when the first tear splashed onto the vinyl floor, he laughed hollowly and choked out a bar of his least favourite song,
"You know it will always just be me."
If Brendon could see him now he'd call him a walking cliché, slumped in a cupboard singing his own lyrics to himself. Ryan would never admit it, but whenever he wrote new lyrics, he still wrote them with the subconscious intention of hearing Brendon sing them back to him.
Damn. I need to learn how to write anything other than angry sex. Ooops. Anyway~ Reviews appreciated, trying to get out of a writing slump. Sigh.