Following the Terran Embassy New Year's Ball, Sarek began to ask Amanda to accompany him to numerous diplomatic events. She mixed easily with other guests, was conversant in a variety of languages and topics, and was able to put others at ease in a way that Sarek often found he could not. Further, Sarek found the dinners and receptions they attended together to be much more tolerable – enjoyable, even – than he typically found such functions to be. They quickly became a regular pair on the diplomatic circuit, and if anyone raised an eyebrow at the Vulcan ambassador's unorthodox choice of guest, they did so outside of his presence.
The press followed them; but then, many who attended such events with any regularity were followed by the press. Once they showed up in a set of gossip column holos of "couples out on Valentine's Day." They had been at an Andorian reception, and took no notice.
Amanda occasionally fielded the intrusive question here or there, but always deflected such inquiries firmly. "We're colleagues and friends. That's all." More than once, though, she happened to refer to him as "charming," and earned a skeptical or surprised look in return. Since when had the Vulcan ambassador become charming, or was Dr. Grayson experiencing a side of Sarek that others did not frequently see?
The Vulcan embassy staff noted that the kevet-dutar regularly brought the Terran linguist to diplomatic events now rather than attend alone, as he had in the past. While there was some logic to seeking Human accompaniment while attending these often Human-dominated events, there was an ongoing debate within the delegation as to why their superior sought to apply such reasoning only now, but had not before, when the circumstances of the events had not changed. The staff also observed that the kevet-dutar spent more time at these events when Dr. Grayson was with him. Presumably his insight into Human culture was sufficiently augmented with her assistance that it justified the additional time commitment.
Literature and Philosophy
As winter progressed, they continued to work on translations together, now including both Terran and Vulcan literature, and their session often transitioned into lively debates of interpretation. This day found them debating Surakian philosophy as they were finishing lunch. "So I understand the normative judgment that forces which increase entropy should be avoided or discouraged," Amanda was saying, "but it seems to me that Surak's distinction between emotions which increase entropy and those which don't, and are therefore tolerable, is fairly arbitrary."*
"Indeed. How so?" Sarek glanced up from his mug of tea, intrigued.
"Well, for example, Surak calls out both love and hate as emotions which could increase entropy. I certainly see the rationale for hate, but love? If compassion is acceptable, why not love? That doesn't make sense to me."
"First, a distinction. Surak's precepts demand that one not allow one's emotions to increase entropy, or chaos, and instead to master those emotions so that they can be used to slow its progress. This is quite different from demanding that one never experience those emotions. We do experience them. What is crucial is how that experience is manifested. Second, I would posit that Surak does not simply advocate against all emotion, but rather specifies that we cast out emotion that results in harm, even unintentional harm. Sometimes love does cause harm."
Sarek continued. "Take, for example, your Romeo and Juliet, a work rife with examples of emotional excess. The entire tragedy could have been avoided if the two protagonists had not allowed their professed love to precipitate a series of unfortunate actions."
"But it wasn't their love that caused the tragedy," Amanda protested, "it was the hateful behavior of their family members! Plus a lot of miscommunication. That's what makes the story tragic."
"That may be the case," Sarek cautiously allowed, "but it does not eliminate the concern of Surak. Even in philosophy, one must take cultural and biological realities into account. While the Shakespearean moral of celebrating love while disavowing hate may work acceptably for Humans, Vulcans experience such emotions differently, and more intensely. If the characters in Romeo and Juliet had been ancient Vulcans, I daresay the circle of destruction would have been far wider. Similar to the Terran observation that one does not have the right to yell 'Fire!' in a crowded theater, so Surak admonishes against the expression of emotions which can cause volatile reactions."
Amanda was by now quite well read in Pre-Reform Vulcan history, and she understood his point. Still, she couldn't help but feel sad for the apparent constraints it implied for his life, even if it made sense for the lives of Vulcans in general. She couldn't restrain herself from asking the question, "So it is improper to express emotion even to someone you love?"
Sarek considered his words before speaking, and Amanda noticed a tension in the room that had not been there before. "Surak does allow for some such… expression," he admitted. "However, propriety must be carefully observed." Why does it seem that I am already at the boundary of propriety when I speak of these things with her?
"I see," she said. I wonder what Vulcan propriety looks like regarding the expression of love? But she would muse on that later. Both not willing to concede the debate to him and wanting to lighten the mood, she leaned forward with a sly grin. "But I still disagree that Shakespeare's tragedies justify Surak's case for the non-expression of emotion – and I'm not convinced yet that Surak was wholly in favor of the abolition of love. More importantly, though, are you in fact saying that, had the characters in Romeo and Juliet been Vulcan, they would have made more of a mess of things than the Humans did?"
Just then Soran arrived for Sarek's next meeting.
"You fail to grasp the finer points of my argument," Sarek countered, joining her verbal challenge.
"That," Amanda declared smugly, "is just a diplomatic way of admitting that your argument isn't clear!"
"And that," he rejoined, "is simply an emotional ploy designed to deflect attention from your lack of an effective rebuttal."
At the momentary impasse in this curious debate, Soran cleared his throat. "S'haile, the Tellarite delegation has arrived."
"Perfect!" Amanda declared, smiling as she breezed out, "After me, the Tellarites will seem like pushovers! Á bientôt..."
Sarek watched her leave, a faint hint of amusement in his expression.
Play
They met one weekend afternoon after a week in which Sarek's schedule of meetings away from the embassy had kept them from meeting at all. They had agreed to meet in Golden Gate Park, and when he found her, Amanda was dressed in tights and a long-sleeved running shirt and carrying a curved plastic disk with blinking lights and a small control unit.
Sarek's curiosity came to the fore and after they exchanged greetings, he asked about the unit. "We use the flyer to play games," she said by way of explanation. "A group of us get together here every weekend to play rugby or soccer, or games like 'Capture the Flag' or 'Keep Away' with this."
"Indeed," Sarek replied, wanting to examine the disk more closely. "How does it operate?"
"It's programmed to fly back to its control unit after taking one of a variety of flight paths." An impulse overcame Amanda and she grinned impishly. "Let me demonstrate. In 'Keep Away,' for example, I have it," she waved the flyer, "and my goal is to keep you from getting it." With that she let the disk fly into the air and began slowly jogging backward in the opposite direction with the control. She added, "Your objective, if you were to be playing, should be fairly obvious," as she continued moving away.
Sarek stood still for a moment, considering his next action in this unfamiliar situation. The flyer was now high above the treetops, so pursuing it was not an option at the moment. So that meant he was supposed to… pursue Amanda? The logic of the activity was decidedly questionable. Still, he had not refused her obvious invitation.
As soon as she released the flyer, Amanda stifled a giggle. Just what was she thinking, trying to engage Sarek in a game like this? If she were honest with herself, she'd have to admit it was absurdly flirtatious behavior. But lo and behold – she looked behind her and saw him start in her direction, walking at first and then jogging – he's decided to play along. Adrenaline rushing through her veins, she bolted a zigzag path through the deserted section of the park and then dodged behind a tree. Even though she was out of breath, she did her best to remain silent in her hiding place.
She was totally unprepared when a hand came down on her shoulder a second later. "Sarek!" she yelped.
"My apologies," he replied with a glint of amusement in his eyes. "Was I seeking the wrong object?" he asked innocently. I find this Human game inexplicably stimulating.
Amanda blushed. Before she could answer, though, her eyes widened as she saw the disk hurtling down toward them, homing in on its target in her hands. She was quite amazed when, without taking his eyes off her, Sarek reached out with one hand and caught the flyer. "These," he said, pointing to his ears in response to her astonished expression, "are not 'just for looks' as I believe your Terran phrase goes."
She laughed. "My heart is beating double-time, thanks to you!" she exclaimed as she put a hand over her heart, feeling it beat wildly. And not just because I've been running, she thought.
"Since my resting heartbeat is 236 beats per minute, mine is no doubt beating much faster than yours at this moment," he said, and then, after focusing momentarily on his own heart, thrumming away near the bottom of his ribcage, he stepped much closer to Amanda and tilted his head, listening. "A difference of 64 beats per minute. We are not that different after all," he concluded quietly.
Sarek surprised himself. Their brief game had been stimulating, but… Why am I being so forward with her? She is Human; I am Vulcan. And this is improper in any case, for I am male and she is female and we are not bonded. Isn't it? He had to admit he wasn't sure.
Amanda blushed again, this time feeling rather naked at his ability to discern her heartbeat so easily, and wondered at the unexpectedly… playful? ambassador. They were in close proximity again, and she had to admit she liked it. Do I just imagine the magnetism that I feel from him?
Now feeling breathless for a different reason, she looked up at him teasingly again. "After chasing me around the park, do you still feel like talking about translations of ancient literature?"
"Always," he responded simply, pulling the data chip he had planned to give her from his pocket. They began to walk.
And as they walked, Sarek thought. Such a fascinating creature, possessing such contradictory capabilities and desires – just as capable of devising brilliant linguistic theories as losing herself in pounding Terran music, as facile debating Surak's philosophy as enticing me into a game of pursuit across a park. I find such qualities surprisingly… desirable.
Dream
The room was pitch black, but he easily homed in on the female's familiar scent and the almost imperceptible sounds of her breathing. He slid down next to her, skimming his hands over her soft skin. Gently pulling her toward him, he buried his face at the base of her neck while his sensitive fingertips sought hers. "K'diwa," he murmured. Their fingers joined, then hands, their bodies brushing together; he was quickly aroused. He longed for her. As he arched his body over hers, suddenly, from somewhere there was enough light that he could see her face clearly. He froze. It was Amanda.
Sarek awoke with a jolt. He had been dreaming – vividly. He consciously slowed his breathing and then lay back, methodically calming his body from its aroused state. His mind was still quite unsettled. He did not normally dream, and this, this was… disturbing. He could tell that this was not the beginning of the Fever, but he was at a loss to explain it. It was barely 0200 hours, but he swung his legs over the side of the sleeping platform. He would meditate for the rest of the night.
Across the city, Amanda tossed fitfully in her sleep. Then, softly she moaned.
Protectiveness
The meeting with Andorian Ambassador Shras would begin in thirty-eight minutes. Always impeccably on time, Sarek and Soran strode toward the front of the embassy and the awaiting hovercar. As they reached the ground floor, a faint sound of voices carried to Sarek's discerning ears from the garden hallway. Was that –? He paused, then turned toward his aide.
"A moment, Soran. I will join you in the flitter." Soran continued and Sarek turned toward the Universal Translator offices. He thought he had heard Amanda's voice, raised. As he turned the corner and could see into her office, he saw an unknown male standing in front of her desk. Just then Amanda rose abruptly. It was clear from her manner that she was perturbed.
As his long strides quickly drew him near he heard Amanda say with exasperation, "Michael, I've already told you I don't want to see you anymore. To come here, especially unannounced, is inappropriate—" This male is harassing her. The wave of protectiveness that surged in him at that moment was powerful – and undeniably accompanied by an equally strong wave of possessiveness. This rival must be removed. Cloaking the primal thoughts with a veneer of civilized authority, Sarek stepped just inside Amanda's office.
"Amanda, is everything all right here?"
Amanda looked up coolly. "Of course, Ambassador. Michael was just leaving." She gazed pointedly at the man.
Michael looked like he was about to object when Sarek interjected, "Sir, I will point out that in this embassy you stand on Vulcan soil and are subject to Vulcan law. The penalties for harassment and trespassing are harsh. Do you need to be escorted out?"
Amanda glanced at him, surprised by the edge in his voice. "That's all right, thank you, Mr. Ambassador; I was just going to show him out." She added, "I'm fine," for Sarek's benefit. I can handle this.
"I am going that way also. I will accompany you." A statement, not an offer. What is up with him?
Amanda tried not to think that Sarek practically stalked Michael all the way to the front entrance, although she did notice that he stayed between her and the other Human the entire time. He barely hung back as she and Michael exchanged stiff farewells.
Her unwanted guest gone, Amanda turned back to Sarek. "Thank you, Sarek, but you do know I can handle this sort of thing myself, don't you?" Before he could respond she added, "Excuse me for asking, but are you all right?" She didn't miss that he held his body more stiffly than usual, his eyes were slightly narrowed and his nostrils ever so slightly flared.
With her question, Sarek's dark expression immediately vanished, as if he had only then realized its presence. "Of course, I am well. Have I offended you? If I have, I ask forgiveness." He was as calm, urbane and polished as ever.
Amanda smiled, and decided to let it go. "None is taken. I'll see you later."
Sarek finally turned toward the waiting hovercar. They would now be five point four minutes late, he projected. He would have to collect his thoughts along the way.
Soran watched Sarek with concern. He had observed the Human male depart, and could read the agitation in Sarek's demeanor. He also noticed the calming breath his friend took before entering the hovercar.
"S'haile," he began, "may I be of assistance in some way?"
"Do not concern yourself, Soran. It is of no consequence." Sarek focused his eyes on some undetermined point, thus ending the conversation. He was quite concerned himself, however. Intellectual attraction was acceptable. Physical attraction simply had to be controlled. Possessiveness was another matter entirely, for it signified more complicated things.
Distraction
If disgust were an admissible emotion, Sarek would be disgusted. His thoughts swirled as he tried to meditate. His disciplines were failing him; his impulses concerning this Human female were wholly unacceptable. Why did Amanda continuously occupy his thoughts, invading his mind unbidden, and at the most inopportune times? He could not concentrate, and meditation failed him. Her face swam in his consciousness just out of reach, and he found it both maddening and inexplicable. I do not need to mate, it is not my Time, and yet my thoughts are most inappropriate.
Sarek wondered what it was that caused him to be so drawn to this Human. He searched fruitlessly for a logical reason. Perhaps his unbonded status left him overly susceptible to female attraction. But he had reviewed the dossiers of literally dozens of eligible Vulcan females, and had met many of them in person; yet despite all of their undeniably desirable and logically positive characteristics, he had been drawn to none of them.
And now he found himself thoroughly preoccupied by the existence of an emotional, alien female. No, it was not simply the fact that he was unbonded and in need of a mate. He was attracted to something intrinsic about her.
Of course it was not love, for Sarek thought nothing of that, other than it was an illogical, Human emotion. Further, had it been described to him, he would have considered the concept of "love at first sight," or anything of the sort, to be simply absurd, a double exercise in illogic. Nonetheless, this Human woman remained in the foreground of his thoughts. He wanted.
A realization began to dawn in Sarek's mind, an almost forbidden thought thrusting itself past the edges of his consciousness. He felt an inexplicable tightening in his chest when he thought of Amanda. It was oddly pleasurable, and he wondered if this was what bondmates were supposed to experience with one another.
He re-centered himself for the time being. There were things he needed to learn.