The High Life
Chapter 7: Pain, Torment and....Love?
The morning after the party was all a bit of a blur for a lot of the students at Horizon. Most people were awake and in the mess hall, talking about the events of the night. In the Cliffhanger girl's dorm, Charlie was still asleep. As Kat came out of the shower, her towel pulled over her head, she realized the time.
"Wake up, sleepyhead," Kat whispered as she shook Charlie's bed.
"What time is it?" Charlie groaned sleepily.
"Its 11am", Kat said hurriedly, swooping up the mess that was on her bed. "Come on, breakfast is in 20 minutes and Peter's already postponed it so we could sleep in".
"Oh, what a doll", Charlie's first dose of sarcasm was coming early this morning.
"So, I heard you get in pretty late last night", Kat said.
"Oh I uh, went for a walk", Charlie said quickly. She couldn't bare the thought of anyone finding out what happened last night at the docks. She wished she could tell someone but no one would understand, even if she was in a school where understanding was its motto. She got up and grabbed some clothes from her closet before going into the bathroom.
"Hey, where's Shane?" Charlie said poking her head out of the bathroom door. "She's always the last one to awake".
"Oh, Shane's on shuns for the day for knocking Ryder out last night", Kat replied simply like she always expected it to occur.
"Go Shane", Charlie laughed.
"So, Charlie's on shuns, huh?" Patrick asked even though he already knew.
"Yep", Mac replied. "Apparently she knocked Ryder out cold". Charlie comes in, smiling at the thought of Shane hitting Ryder. She catches Damien's eye as she puts her tray down.
"Uh, I'm gonna go get some juice", Shane said keeping her eyes on Damien, subtlety gesturing for him to come too.
"Uh, I'm gonna get some fries, they're really good this morning", he said, getting up after her.
"I'm beginning to think you got drunk last night and it hasn't worn off yet, nothing in this cafeteria tastes good", Ezra remarked as the two Cliffhangers walked off together.
"So, I'm sorry about last night, what I did, it was really wrong, I don't know what happened there, maybe it was the night, I don't know, but I'm..."
"You're babbling", Charlie chuckles nervously, finishing of his question. Damien gives a nervous chuckle.
"Look, its fine, really, I mean, when you kissed me, I could have decked you, but I didn't, but if you ever do that again, I will", Charlie said.
"Cool", he said, a little intimidated. They walk back to the table.
"Oh, that was so funny", Mac laughed.
"What's funny?" Damien asked.
"Oh we were just talking about last night when Amy Scrivens slipped over on that spilt punch and slid all the way to the other side of the room", Mac explained.
"I wasn't there for that", Damien said. "It sounds funny".
"Oh it was, you should have been there", Patrick hysterically with the others as Ryder walked into the room. He had a bandage across his nose and a bit of a bruise surrounding it.
"Hello, fabulous youth of America", he said in his cocky tone.
"Hey, cheap import", Charlie said as the group smiled at her joke.
"So, how's your nose, lad?" Patrick asked trying hard not to laugh.
"My nose is fine. It's that Shane that needs some attention", Ryder tensed up.
"Peter made her take anger management classes once, but she didn't care for it. She actually punched the guy out so Peter thought he should deal with it himself and had her removed", Ezra said.
"Well, I think it'd be in everyone's best interest if you put her back in", Ryder said, then walked away with his pride and his nose in the air.
"What a wanker", Charlie exclaimed.
"He's a twat, there are places for him, I'm sure of it", Patrick said.
"The army would sort him out", Mac suggested.
"How bout a lions play pen", Ezra said imaginatively.
"The morgue", Charlie said blandly. The group looked at her.
"Morbid, much?" Cristina said.
"Eat, much?" Charlie shot back quickly.
Its night time and Charlie and Brian are finishing up at the dock. Charlie has been crying.
"So, I'll see ya tomorrow, ok?" Brian touches her face. "Ok?"
"Ok", she says softly
"There's my girl", he grabs his jacket and leaves. Charlie plumps down on the spot and buries her head in her hands, crying uncontrollably. Why was this happening again? What had she done that was so wrong to deserve all of this? She had no answers. Suddenly a raging fit came over. She ran back in to her dorm, into the bathroom and closed the door. Tears fill the floor as she opens her bag, to find her pocket mirror. She takes it and smashes it against the sink. She takes a small piece and holds it to her arm.
In the morning Charlie is still on the ground in the bathroom. She hasn't slept. She whimpers silently. Beside her is the dried bloodied glass that she had so forcefully used the night before.
Suddenly the door swings open and Kat bursts in. At first she stands there shocked.
"Oh god, Oh god, Charlie what did you do", she says reacting quickly getting some bandages. "Why would you do this?"
"Just go away, please", Charlie cried.
"No, I'm not gonna go away, look what you did to yourself", Kat wraps the bandage around her arm, "I'm gonna go get Peter". She turns to leave.
"No, please, no," Charlie stands up. "Please, I'm fine, I wont do it again, please just don't get Peter."
"I can't believe your gonna make me do this", Kat said giving in easily. "Charlie you're sick, you need help".
"Please, Kat, I'm not gonna do it again, I'm not".
"Ok, ok", she says defeated.
"Thank you," Charlie cries relieved.
"Yeah I saw her going out at like, one o'clock in the morning", Shane gossiped.
"Maybe she has a lover", Mac said with emphases on the 'lover'.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" Kat greets them, as her and Charlie sit down.
"Speak of the devil", Mac said.
"What?" Charlie said.
"The girls here think ya got a fellow", Patrick informed her.
"Oh yeah, I just keep him under my bed until I want to use him" Charlie jokes. At that moment Cristina makes her entrance.
"Oh my god, Ryder is such a jerk", she said.
"Uh yeah", Patrick replied.
"So, this morning, I was making him feel a little more welcome, you know, being a little flirty, and he takes it as a come on, I mean, how gross", Cristina explains. The group just stares at her, all wondering what that big bulge in her head is as they realize it can't be her brain.
"You really are a useless individual aren't you", Charlie told her. "Maybe you should stay away from fancy imports, you know, date domestically".
After lunch the group was asked to pick cherries off trees.
"So, tell me again, Soph, why is Peter making us do this?" Binna asked.
"Because he enjoys seeing us suffer", Shane answered.
"Not so, Miss Jacobz", Sophie said.
"Then why?" Mac asked for her.
"Team work", Sophie said simply.
"So make us play a sport or something, why are we picking cherries", Charlie said.
"Oh, see that was just a perk. Cherries needed to be picked, we didn't wanna do 'em, so we made you", Sophie explained.
"Sophie that is so cruel", Ezra said.
"At least she's honest", Charlie said climbing down her ladder. "I'm gonna go around the other side".
"Good idea, Damien, go with her", Sophie told him.
The two walk off together. Charlie felt very lightheaded. As they walked around the corner, she collapsed. Damien ran to her rescue as well as the others. Kat stood back knowing why this had happened.
"Charlie, are you ok", Damien asked as she sat up.
"I'm fine, I'm just a little light headed, that's all...uh feeling a little light headed...you got that...I'm...babbling", she said hazily.
"Did you get enough lunch, do you need some water?" Sophie asked concerned.
"I'm fine, just let me sit down for a minute", she said. As she leaned back, the sleeve of her shirt fell down revealing her cuts. Damien grabs her arm quickly before she could cover it up.
"You're cutting", he said with certainty.
"No, I must have scratched it as I fell", Charlie grabbed her hand back hiding the cut with her sleeve.
"I'm not an idiot ok, that's too neat to be a scratch", Damien said, "Sophie, look".
"Look, he's overreacting ok".
"Charlie, show me your arm", Sophie said. Charlie pulled down her sleeve. "Jeez, let's get you to the infirmary. Did anybody know about this?" Charlie glimpses at Kat.
"No, nobody did".
In the infirmary, the new nurse, Julie, is filing papers when Peter comes in.
"Hey Julie", Peter greets her in an up beat voice.
"Hey, come to see Charlie?"
"Yeah, how is she?" Peter asked suddenly concerned.
"Well, she's going to be fine but, we found something I think you should take a look at". Julie walks over to her desk and from her drawer, pulls out some photos. Peter looks at them. The photo's show pictures of Charlie's ankles, revealing neat cuts in the form of a D and B.
"What is this?" Peter asks confused.
"It's a form of carving. I don't know much about it but sometimes we see kids who try to ease the pain there feeling by carving letters or symbols..."
"So, it's like a ritual", Peter asked.
"No, usually when someone carves something into there skin, it's a symbol for some kind of a gang or if its letters, it's probably someone she knew, or even someone that she hated.
"Why would she carve the letters of somebody she hate's?"
"Like I said, I don't know much about it", Julie admitted, "I'll do some reading and get back to you".
"Ok, can I see her?"
"Sure".
"Hey there", Peter said to Charlie. Charlie was lying on a bed covered in white sheets.
"Come to lecture me Peter, I don't need it?" Charlie said
"Just one question, that's all", Peter told her, "The letters on your ankles, did you do them?"
"No, I took myself to the tattoo parlor and got him to carve into my ankles with invisible ink", she joked.
"Ok, so why'd you cut last night?"
"Your one questions up", Charlie said blandly.
"For someone of your obvious experience, you lost a lot of blood; I mean to faint like that?" Peter pressed. Charlie rolls over not saying anything. "Why'd you do it, I thought you were finding Horizon a lot better now that you've settled in".
"Peter, just because this happened, it doesn't mean I'm gonna open up and tell you everything", Charlie said in one breath.
"Ok, well you're released", Peter said.
"Thank god, this bed is like a table", she got up off the bed and left.
Outside Charlie was walking towards her dorm. She didn't want to speak to anyone; she just wanted to go to sleep.
"Hey wild one", a voice coming from the gazebo said.
"Hey", Charlie said when she saw Damien.
"You're not mad at me are you?"
"No" she says blandly not making a lot of effort to prove her statement.
"Why'd you do it, I mean the whole D and B thing", Damien asked. Charlie looked up at him and smiled.
"You think its you?"
"What?"
"DB, Damien Bretones?" Charlie explained to him.
"Oh...I didn't even think of that". Damien sits down and Charlie follows. After a minute Charlie breaks the silence.
"Its not...you, I mean. I did it when I was 13. I was so scared around that time".
"So, you carved a D and B into your ankles?"
"It was two people, they both hurt me so much, I don't even know why I did it, I'm crazy, I guess.
"Your not crazy...your weird", he smiles. She smiles back.
"That's a good thing?"
"Well, why would you wanna be normal, right?" she smiles again.
"Well, I was crazy that night. I was out of my mind. I hated them so much and all I could think about was...what it would be like to...get away from it all. I mean it was realistic. It wasn't the fantasy that I wanted. I wasn't thinking about how it would be to live in house with a good family or whatever. I was thinking about getting away from everything...forever. Just ending it. But I guess something just said, I don't want to die, this cant be my life forever. So I carved. It was like, ok, for example, when I was younger, my father beat me. He used to put a stick, a belt and a wrench on the table and just say 'choose'", Charlie barely left a breath.
"I gotta go with the belt there", Damien said.
"See, I always went with the wrench"
"Why?"
"Because it was like I couldn't feel it anymore, or it didn't matter. I'd suffered so much pain that I didn't even care. And I guess it was the same that night. When I carved them, it was like; I could look at them and reassure myself that it didn't matter. But it backfired, because now when I look at it, I remember them, I remember what happened and now I care. And I hate it." Charlie was tearful now. She wiped her eyes.
"You know you could do?" Damien surprised her with an up beat voice.
"What?"
"Rename them", he said simply.
"Rename them, rename my ankles, I got sane and you went crazy?" she chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm serious, you could call them, Digsy and Butch", Damien laughed.
She laughed with him. "Digsy and Butch?"
"Yeah, that way when you look at them, you'll laugh, and the ugly memories would be gone", Damien said.
"I wish it was that easy, Damien."
"Ok, here's another approach", Damien said.
"Ok go ahead", Charlie was looking forward this.
"A couple years back I was watching this show, some Dawson's Creek type thing, only the kids were in college."
"Jeez, this sounds appealing", Charlie teased.
"This guy said, 'When I was little, I thought that life could be perfect, that if you were careful enough you would never make a mistake, never be lonely, never be misunderstood, never be frightened. But I soon found out that it doesn't work that way. Life's big and messy and you just have to climb in with your boots on and hope for the best. Like Thoreau said, 'heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads'. And at the end of the day I have to say, I still feel pretty lucky to be here."
"What's this Dawson Creek guys point", Charlie asked teasingly.
"Well, what I think he's point is, life isn't always gonna work out for you the way you want it. You're gonna go through a lot of crap to get to the good stuff, but in the end, you will rise above it all."
"Wow", Charlie said in a semi-surprised kind of tone.
"Good?" Damien asked.
"Oh, yeah, Peter would hire ya", Charlie joked.
"Cool, I'm gonna go apply", Damien gets up jokingly. She smiles and pulls him by the arm back down. The two stare face to face making eye contact, their smiles fading into seriousness. "You make me laugh, Christensen", Damien told her. He doesn't move from his spot. Charlie feels herself leaning in towards him. Before she can tell their lips are touching. The kiss is long and passionate, nothing like the ones before. Charlie has never experienced this. Neither has Damien.
"You're not gonna deck me are you", he jokes.
"Maybe later", she replies as they kiss again.
A few minutes later, Charlie walks into her dorm where Kat sits on her bed. Nobody else is in the room. Charlie is smiling, for the first time in a while, happy to be here.
"Some ones happy, considering the days events", Kat said.
"Yeah, sorry about that, I shouldn't have put you in that position".
"Eh, it's over, don't worry about it. So...kissed any hot guys lately", Kat said with a laughing smile on her face.
"Oh, you saw that huh?" Charlie is embarrassed.
"Don't be embarrassed, besides Damien deserves some happiness", Kat smiles.
"And that's supposed to be me?" Charlie said cautiously.
"Why not?" Kat asked.
"You have no idea", Charlie mumbled under her breath.
"So...details?"
"Ahah", Charlie laughs nervously. "A lady never kisses and tells".
"Your not a lady, you're a girl, and we gossip till there's no tomorrow", Kat jokes.
"Well I'm a girl who likes to keep her secrets to herself Miss Nosy parker. I'm not one of those girls who sit around and gossip about the guys they're dating or whatever", Charlie confessed.
"Fine", Kat goes and sits back on her bed reading her book. There's silence in the room for a couple of minutes.
"He's a really good kisser", Charlie said breaking the silence.
Kat laughs and comes back over to Charlie's bed. They sit on the bed together. "Ok, so it all started when I was coming out of the infirmary and...." Charlie tells Kat the full details as they laugh like little gossiping girls. For the first time in a while, Charlie felt like she had a home. A place to stay with friends and family. All her worries had gone for that small time, that one hour of her life.
Wow!! That was really long. Hope you liked it. Please review.
Next chapter, all the niceness in this chapter is thrown out the window as Charlie breaks her last rule and prepares for juvie.
Ugh, I love it, it's like a soap!!! But hopefully with a little more taste. Thanks.