JENNIE

I came to hate my phone — a live presence with a beating heart, pulsing in my purse. I powered it off. I turned it on. I killed the volume, set it to vibrate, dialed it up to the max. I buried it under my pillow when I went to class and stuck it in the medicine chest when I tried to sleep.

It didn't matter. There was no word from Lisa.

Monday night in Student Senate, I couldn't stand the wait any longer. While Khalil and one of the senators presented potential T-shirt designs, I pulled out my phone and texted.

Are we on for tonight?

The response took a few minutes to show up.

Not tonight.

I need more time.

Thanks for your patience.

Thanks for my patience? I gripped my phone until my hand ached.

Across the room, Kai's gaze met mine. He sat utterly still, his dark eyes half-closed, but his lips curved in a humorless smile. As far as I knew, he hadn't told anyone…yet. It didn't make me breathe easier.

"Jennie?" Allison glanced at my death grip on my phone. Trying to smile, I shook out my hand and went back to typing minutes.

I can be patient, I texted when there was a lull in the meeting.

Good girl.

A tiny flame warmed me from the inside. I fanned it with every hope I had. I tried to let it be enough for now.

Three days later, I trudged up the concrete steps to the second-floor B-School lounge. The spring afternoon was sticky, humid, and unseasonably hot. Even with the AC blowing, my crop top and shredded jeans clung to my skin.

My study group was waiting for me. Finals started today, Thursday. All my business classes ended in projects. The one paper I had, for Victorian Lit, was due next Wednesday — the last day of the semester. My class grade depended on that paper; so did my future at college.

I'd started getting responses to my internship applications, and they all said the same thing: no.

In the lounge, Allison, Nate, and Kyla hunched over the center table, laptops open. I dropped a sack of mini Hershey bars on the table with a thud.

"I brought snacks," I announced. "Go crazy."

Kyla lunged for the bag, ripping it.

"Why not homemade?" Nate demanded.

I sat in the free chair. "Let's get started. We've got two days to finish this thing."

Nate and Kyla were crinkling wrappers. "Krackel bars," Kyla moaned, "are the best."

Allison looked at me, not saying anything.

"What?" I took out my computer.

She leaned over. "Is something wrong?"

I closed my eyes. "No. Okay, yeah, but just, you know, finals. It's a stressful week."

"I thought you gave up snack duty. I mean, talk about ingratitude."

"These are good, Jennie," Nate said, his cheeks full like a chipmunk's, "but your cookies are even better. See? I'm grateful. I just paid you two compliments."

"You're welcome," I muttered. Allison rolled her eyes and pulled up our powerpoint slides.

After two hours, we called it quits. As I headed down the stairs alone, a cloud of aftershave filled the air.

An elbow jostled mine. The shirtsleeve was crisp against my bare arm. A body brushed past, and my skin crawled. Those were Kai's lean back and shoulders in front of me, and the shirt was one I'd bought him in the fall — lavender, because purple flattered him. It concealed the peacock tattoo on his back. I remembered stroking those inked lines and shivered with revulsion. Rosé had probably done the same, hours later.

I prayed he was going on ahead, that the nudge was an accident, but he stopped and swiveled to face me. He was back to looking like a future executive: hair gelled, shirt buttoned, belt buckle polished. The lights in the stairwell were faint, but they all reflected off him. Every surface gleamed.

Pride pushed me forward. I tried to walk past him, but Kai fell into step beside me.

"What, no hug?" He smiled big. "What are you doing this summer?"

"I'm still working out my plans." I stared straight ahead.

"That's a shame. The best internships are all filled by now. I lined mine up a month ago." He stopped on the middle step. "Of course, you've got your own ways to earn a buck."

"Are you finished?" I snapped. "'Cause I am."

He put a hand on my back, leaning close, and I jerked away. "It's nice that no one knows yet," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "Our little secret. Maybe your parents would appreciate a call."

"You wouldn't tell them."

"No? They were so grateful when I brought them up to speed after you dumped me."

My ears rang. "They'd never believe you."

Kai's eyes flicked over me. "You're looking pretty cute today, but maybe you shouldn't show so much skin. People might get the wrong idea about you."

Fury burst through me. "Be careful."

"You think I'm afraid of that lowlife you're banging? I'm not."

"You should be."

He chuckled as we reached the foot of the stairs. "I'd consider a deal, Jennie," he said softly. "A bargain, if you'd rather call it that. I'm willing to negotiate."

My hand went to my phone, silent in my purse, and the fury was smothered by the sharpness of missing Liss. I refused to be on the losing end of any more bargains.

"No. No deals. No negotiations." I didn't lower my voice, and the people in the lobby glanced at us. "I don't trust you. I never have."

Kai blinked, hurt cracking the pretty mask of his face. My mouth opened automatically, like it couldn't help but apologize. Feel guilt. Then he recovered himself and whistled, long and low.

"And here I thought you were smart. Get ready, Jennie. I'm going to destroy you. I'm going to enjoy every second of watching your future die."

I walked faster, exiting into the sunshine and leaving Kai behind.

Across the quad, someone was calling my name. A head of red hair flamed in the bright spring afternoon. Megan sprinted toward me, followed by two other cheerleaders in workout clothes.

"Hey, girl! We're going to the gym. Want to join?"

I wiped my sweaty palms on my shredded jeans. "Sure. Let me just run home and get my stuff."

She hesitated. "Rosé's going to be there."

"Never mind," I said quickly. "It's cool. I need to study anyway."

Tess of the d'Urbervilles lay open on my desk, next to the bowl of chips and salsa that passed for dinner. I was three paragraphs into my final paper for Victorian Lit — a fifteen-pager. Marketing materials were scattered over the bed for my end-of-semester projects.

But I couldn't focus. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't think.

Scrabbling at my mouse, I scrolled through screens of pale pink gowns. At Jisoo's request, I'd picked out options for her six bridesmaids and me. My dress had arrived at home over spring break. When I tried on the strapless sheath, my parents wasted no time weighing in.

You're more in shape than you were at Christmas, but you need to lose five pounds by June if you want to wear that dress.

You better be bringing a shawl to cover up in church.

This wedding is not about you, Jennie. It's about your sister. Don't wear something that's going to put all the eyes on you.

At the time, I'd laughed and made a sassy comment about giving Father Gerard something to remember during the wedding Mass. Now, I slumped over my desk, viewing styles that were more subdued and less expensive, with my dress packaged up to return.

Pulling open my middle desk drawer, I rummaged for the heart-shaped box and lifted the lid.

Three thousand dollars, mostly in crisp hundreds. They looked like play money.

I'd saved more this semester than I'd ever managed in my life. With all my previous jobs in high school and college, money had always burned a hole in my purse. But the money in this box wouldn't cover all of next year's rent, tuition — independence. The numbers in front of me weren't enough.

Never enough.

The words echoed louder and louder. I felt blindly for my stash of gummy bears and tossed a handful in my mouth. A flash of white caught my eye — the damn cocktail napkin I'd saved since November.

For months, I'd relied on Lisa for relief. I'd been overwhelmed at the beginning, by nerves, anger, desire, but when life messed with my head, I got it out with her.

I trusted her to tell me the truth.

I trusted her.

The ache of missing her — worrying about her — twisted me up.

Closing my eyes, I massaged my temples. Then I snatched the bottle of pills from my drawer and popped another Adderall. Just for now. Just for tonight. Just for finals.

As I was getting into a groove with my paper, my phone rang.

I leapt up, my chair skidding, grappling with my purse like a boy had never called before.

A name lit the screen, backed by a model-gorgeous man. White teeth gleamed against bronze skin, set off by deep dimples. Dark hair, damp from running up and down a soccer field, curled over a square forehead.

Jung Haein

My sister's fiancé.

Haein and I had met, of course, and he'd stayed with my family for New Year's. I'd called to say congrats when he and Jisoo got engaged. But he wasn't in the habit of phoning me.

When I picked up, his voice, usually warm and cheerful, was hoarse.

"Jennie, hello. Is this a good time?"

"Absolutely. I'm studying for finals and I need a distraction."

"I'm sorry, I'll call back later…" He broke off with a yawn.

"It's fine," I said hastily. "You sound like you're coming off a bender. Or were you on call?"

"On call, of course."

Haein sounded drained, nothing like the guy who glowed with post-game sweat in the photo on my screen. Maybe being a first-year resident did that to you. That, or being long-distance with my sister.

"Do I want to know how long you've been awake?" I asked to fill the awkward silence.

"Twenty-four hours. Look, I won't take too much of your time. Jisoo says the nicest things about you, and I'm really looking forward to becoming family."

"So am I. I've always wanted a brother." I crossed and uncrossed my legs.

His tone turned wistful. "Your sister…well, I don't know how to say this."

"Talk to me, Haein." I spun my chair in a circle. I'd heard that lovestruck, Jisoo-worshipping voice from countless guys.

"She's so amazing, so incredible, so perfect. So…far away."

My chair bumped the desk. "Because you're long-distance?"

"Sure. I guess that's good." He tried a laugh. "I wouldn't be able to concentrate if she were around."

"What about when you're married? She'll be around you then."

"My God, I didn't — I didn't mean it like that, Jennie." Fatigue thickened his words. "She's the woman I've always hoped for."

"And you're visiting a lot, right?" I asked quickly. "Jisso said—"

What had she said? I wish I could see Haein more. It'll be amazing when we're finally married.

"We visited last month. It was…magical. That's why I'm calling. I want to do something really special for your sister."

I closed my laptop on the pink bridesmaid dresses. "You already have! Your proposal, the Valentine's Day gifts, the ring — my friends were drooling when they saw it."

"It's not enough. Whatever I'm doing, it's not enough."

"Yes, it is!" I snapped.

"I want to surprise her," he went on, like he hadn't heard. "You know her so well. What would take her breath away?"

Don't you know her so well? I wanted to ask. You're the one marrying her.

"Haein, listen. Jisoo says you treat her like a queen. I promise, you're doing everything right."

"A trip. Maybe this weekend…"

"I'm sorry," I blurted, as the memories crashed in. Shit, shit, shit. Jisoo was coming tomorrow. She'd be in this room in one day. Lisa wasn't talking to me, finals loomed, Adderall was my best friend, and Kai's threat hung over every minute. How the fuck would I hide all that from her? "She's visiting me this weekend. But I'll try to switch the dates. I know this is important to you—"

"Forget it." He exhaled. "Sorry for this, Jennie. I shouldn't have unloaded on you."

I clenched my fingers and let them uncurl. "Are you — okay?"

"Just tired."

"I understand. Maybe you should get some sleep."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," he muttered.

"Uh, Haein—"

"Don't worry about switching this weekend. The two of you should have fun. And don't worry about the surprise either. Good luck with finals. Enjoy college. It's a special time." He hung up.

I flapped my shirt, trying to fan away the weirdness. My room was hot and sticky, and out the window, as the sun sank toward the horizon, dark clouds were moving in.

When I dialed Jisoo, her voicemail picked up, all cupcakes and rainbows.

"Hey, babes. It's me." I dogeared a page of Tess of the d'Urbervilles and smoothed it out. "It's been too long. I'd ask about law school, but I'm sure you're crushing it. I just talked to your fiancé, and guess what? Worshipping you is like a full-time job. Maybe he should take a break so he can focus on medicine. Kidding!" God, I needed to get off the phone. My mouth was running too fast, and any second, a bomb would drop out. "Anyway, we're going to have the visit to end all visits in a few days. Be prepared for mayhem, because I'm going to want to blow off steam in the middle of finals. I mean, I'll probably take breaks to study too. There's a paper that'll kill me if I don't kill it first, but trust me, I'm gonna win this one. I have the great Jisoo to live up to, right? Never settle for anything less. Just kidding, really, I swear I'm kidding. Don't mind me. Love you, girl. See you tomorrow."

When I hung up, my hand was shaking.

Jesus, I was out of control. I jumped up, pulled my crop top over my head, and peeled off my sweaty jeans. On went my sports bra, a tank top, and a pair of shorts. I laced my sneakers, burst out of my apartment, and hit the ground running.

Fat drops of rain splotched my shoulders and speckled the pavement. The setting sun lit dark-bellied clouds. People were rushing through front doors, covering their heads, and hurrying down the sidewalk. My ponytail slapped my back, getting heavier as the rain wet it down.

I streaked past rows of apartments. Soon, campus was behind me. I followed the streets to the center of town, passing the coffee shop where I'd stopped after my first night with Lisa. The utilities office where I'd paid my overdue bills. The store window that reflected a girl with secrets.

I hadn't brought my phone. All I had were my keys, tucked in the waistband pocket of my shorts.

The rhythm of jogging emptied my mind. There was only my breath heaving, my heart beating, water streaming down my face and soaking my shirt.

Up ahead was the lake.

No one else was crazy enough to be on the path. On recent runs, I'd seen people rowing, but no one was out on the water, either.

Veering to the right, I followed the route I'd become accustomed to, running counter-clockwise around the choppy lake. Rain drummed the asphalt as the sky let it out. Lightning split the clouds. Thunder boomed. I pushed through the storm, passing battered reeds, slick rocks, shivering leaves.

As I rounded a clump of trees, a figure appeared through the rain.

She was breathing hard. Rivulets of water ran down her heaving chest.

I slowed as we approached each other, and she drew up short.

"What are you doing out here?" Lisa demanded.

"Same thing you are." My heart thudded. My clothes clung to my body. "Except you look like you've already been around the lake a few times."

"You didn't answer my question." Her voice was hoarse.

I closed the distance between us and halted. Thunder cracked the air. Behind her, the surface of the lake was jagged, shattered by rain.

"I'm running."

Lisa reached for my ponytail, coiling the wet strands around her fingers. "You shouldn't be here alone at night, Jennie."

"The sun's just setting." I felt hot and unsteady, my legs turning to jelly.

She let my ponytail unwind. It fell to my back. "You don't know who's prowling around."

Slowly, so slowly, I reached for her face through the rain. She flinched as I touched her cheek. I stepped backward, off the pavement, into the bushes. Follow me.

"You shouldn't leave the path either." She took a step forward.

I moved back. "I've done a lot of things I shouldn't do."

She stopped on the edge of the path, rain streaming down her face and shoulders. I took another pace back, testing the invisible cable that stretched between us.

"The real question is, can you tell me what to do if you're not paying me anymore?"

Lightning forked the sky. Lisa stepped off the path. She leaned forward, and with a hot swipe of her tongue, licked the rain off my jaw.

That was it.

I melted into her. Her hand was in my wet hair, her mouth voracious. She backed me against a tree, and this time, I didn't let go of her. I was starving, dying for her tongue.

"I want you," I breathed, giving up my confession. "I want you so much, Lisa."

She growled, drinking me in through her kisses. I got lost in the metallic taste of her skin, the drumbeat of her pulse. A huge hand worked under my drenched tank top, covering my whole breast.

"Fuck," she muttered, and the curse sounded like a prayer.

"I don't want your money," I whispered.

With a groan, she pushed my head back and poured her tongue into my mouth. "I don't ever want to stop touching you, Jennie," she panted.

"Then don't."

"I want all of you." She gripped my hair. "You don't understand what that means."

I ran my hands up her chest, heat searing my palms through the cold rain, grasping her shoulders until she growled another curse.

"Take me. My place. In my room."