Authors Ramblings: I've updated my profile with a poll, please vote on it if any of the pairings you want to see in other fictions/drabbles. There is also a list of anime I wouldn't mind doing fan fiction on, and if you'd like, you may choose something from the list. Please, look at my profile and if any of that may interest you PM me. Anyway, on with the fiction. As a reminder, the song used in this fan fiction is Run by Snow Patrol.

I don't own Sailor moon, and please read and review. (there I think i got it all ;P)

Chapter 4

Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting you to be this early. I have the tea ready, the fire is blazing, and I feel that on this day, I shall discuss the events in the room of fire. It brings me tranquility. I had considered going to the chapel, or even stepping foot into the small but welcoming yard we use to perform our outdoor services. As you know, I provide spiritual enlightenment. However, not everyone believes in the same thing. Over time, I learned other views on life, and I preach many forms of what some would call religion. This is why I'm often busy, and cannot lecture during some occasions. Anyway, regardless of what beliefs others have, or what I sate as my own, the room of fire is as second nature as possible. I was raised as a miko, and so when I'm in this room, I feel most at home.

So, where were we. I can't seem to remember what exactly I wished to speak with you about today. We last left of in my past during high school, a time of my life that isn't so easily forgotten. Still, every time I'm in this room, memories come in waves, and I become swept away by them. We laughed happily most of the time, but there was also great sadness that seemed to engulf me whenever I happened to see Minako. She would smile a fake little smile, and I would be the only one who noticed. As I recall, you know how we created lies, deception was our only safety. That's what we thought anyway.

We had a good thing going. A little romance, a few secret dates, and more sex than any teen should get themselves into. We thought we were living the best we could, given a bad situation. We were stupid. I don't know why Minako was ashamed of herself for being with me, and I don't know why I was so fearful of Usagi's disapproval. All I knew, was that I needed an outlet somewhere. I found it within Minako, and for her love, I had to pay one small price. Silence. I could not speak about how much I cared for her. I could not hold her in front of everyone, and I could not claim her as my own. She was not my woman. She kept making that little detail known often with the way she chased after boys. As time went on, our master plan fell to pieces.

Usagi wasn't stupid. She could see right through me. And I found myself at odds. One day, with the emotions hidden deeply within, she corned me. Looking back, I hadn't wanted an escape either.

Louder louder

"Don't lie to me." Usagi whispered quietly. "I know better than this, and you can't hide forever." With grace, and gentle care, she dried each tear before it fell from flushed cheeks. "Now tell me Rei, what happened to you? Who could do this." Raven hair had been tousled in the wind from doing outdoor chores, a single blade of grass clung onto the unruly tresses. With a ghosting smile, Usagi removed the offending greenery, and then placed the locks behind Rei's ear. The entire time, her eyes didn't leave the miko in front of her. "Why are you like this Rei."

"It's just a bad day today." Rei sniffed before breaking away from Usagi's hold, turning her eyes so that she didn't have to look at her princess. "I'll get through it. Always do."

"You've had many bad days lately." Usagi stated calmly. "You and Minako both. But I know you, and I know you don't break down like this without a reason. Not slowly, not over the course of several weeks. I also know Minako always tells me everything, unless, she thinks I'll hate her for something. We've been friends for a long time, it would only be a matter of time before I would figure it out. What did you two do? Get into a fight?"

Rei nodded, although she didn't have anything to say to to defend herself. "If you know that much, then please, let me be alone."

"Friends argue, Rei. It happens." Usagi told her, not letting go of the situation. "We always do it too. Things will go back to normal soon, won't they?" The hope in light blue eyes, those that were so much like Minako's finally broke Rei. As she sobbed, she held fast, holding onto Usagi, as if losing her would be the end of the world.

"No..." Rei hitched as her sorrow shocked her to the very core. "It won't Usagi. It really won't. It can't be fixed now."

And we'll run for our lives

Usagi was my only hope then. I felt as if I could stand only with her holding me. If Usagi let go, it would have been one of my worst fears realized. I prayed quietly in my head, but out loud I chanted. Don't leave me, I had begged of her. Do let me be alone. Why was it Usagi? Why did I crumble in front of her? I guess, it was because she just happened to be there. I would have done that in front of anyone, that's how badly my heart ached. I don't know why Minako and I always got so hostile with each other every time a new boy came around, but we did. I hated myself for being so weak. I felt as if I failed everyone.

Usagi heard everything spill from my lips that day. How I hated myself for loving Minako. How Minako was afraid to be outed. Everything, from our first passionate kiss all the way to the angry sex we had earlier that morning before the fight. I told our princess, only so that I could be heard. Things couldn't go unfinished though, and Usagi hadn't approved of us. Not because of our relationship, but because we tried to hide it. It was lying, she hated that part the most. As a result, we were eventually outed for the entire group, although, that was Luna's doing, not Usagi.

Minako for her part became infuriated with me. As if she couldn't trust me anymore, she avoided speaking with me unless it was needed. Usagi kept a distance, but watched over us both. She was gentle with me, knowing my heart was slowly shattering into pieces. With Minako, her disappointment showed more easily, however, never once had Usagi been harsh or uncaring. She was very careful not to hurt either of us, although, for a very long time that was nearly impossible to do. She would speak with me, often seemingly testing me, or rather my resolve. Slowly other things came out in the open, my feelings towards her, although undecided at best, were deep within my heart. With careful words, she turned down feeling the same. It was yet another blow to my ego, and I noticed after the events, Usagi kept an even closer eye on all of us.

I can hardly speak I understand

"Minako!" Rei shouted, trying to catch up to the blond's fleeing form. "Would you wait up, damn it!"

"I have nothing to tell you." Her voice was all work and no play. "Please, give me space." She continued to walk ahead, as if she couldn't have cared one way or the other. For the spectators watching, it was a depressing sight, as Rei chased after something, rather someone, who could be considered a lost cause.

"She's being a little bit rash, wouldn't you say?" Makoto could relate to all of this, and watched on, inwardly she kept her own emotions bottled inside.

"It isn't our place." Usagi answered back, fully aware that both of the girls ahead of them could hear the conversation. "I know why you'd be upset." Usagi said as she slowed to a stop, letting the other two girls get out of earshot. "However, I can't keep fighting their battles for them, and Rei really loves Minako. That part, at the very least, it isn't a lie. I don't want her compromising her feelings either. Once Minako can come to terms with Rei's truest feelings, then and only then, I'll let them be together. However I won't let her be used like before."

"If she wants to be used, then let her be used..."

Why you can't raise your voice to say

I could hear every word. I wasn't all that far ahead of them. Makoto was someone nearly untamed during those times. I know what we had done affected her in more ways than one. I fully believe that if Usagi hadn't been there, Makoto would have used force on Minako. She's brash like that, easily hurt by what others do. I could hear the sadness hidden behind rage, I'm sure Usagi and Ami did too, although neither of them said anything afterward. It was out of concern, I know that. There wasn't anything good that could be said, and so they kept quiet. Makoto always acted with pity whenever she saw me, and I saw a part of myself in her. I also saw one difference. Unlike her, I wanted to be used. I knew Minako hadn't been ready, but I was fully ready for her. I wanted her by my side, even if it seemed unbearable.

It took a few months for Minako and I to quietly agree we were no longer together. We would never reach out and hold each other again. Usagi worked real hard for us to repair our relationship, but I can honestly say, it took many years before we could be on the same terms we had been on before we started having sex. For a long time I spoke heartfelt words. Even if not those of love, it was hard for Minako to trust me. At that time, the pages of Minako and I came into an end, and I thought I would only look at her as Sailor Venus... Only as my superior.

Life for the next few months became rocky as I reached out for the trust of Minako. She was on a rebound though, one worse than ever, and she fell into darkness herself. Boy after boy became nothing but a toy for her, the woman once of love, became her own version of a traitor of her Senshi namesake. Through all of it, I was trapped, stuck into watching it, and slowly I too fell into the darkness of despair. The others saw it, I'm sure. However, my worst mistake was forcing myself to forget. I didn't want to remember Minako, and so I pushed her from my mind, and tried to force her even further from my heart...

I never knew I would pull the others in deeper. I never wanted them to find out. The sad thing was, not only did they learn all about it, they saw all of me at a glance. A never ending barrage of trials faced me, and each one had me even more lost than the last. In my mind, Minako was my only concern, but that didn't stop me from receiving the warmth of another. It just so happened, this other person was also a Senshi.

More later...
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