Darkness Is (Not) Light

by BardInTheForest

(Pax Ikari vol IV) Another Shinji, another story, but in a universe where free will and predestination are at open war with one another even gods can find themselves stuck in endless cycles.

7. Chapter 7

***** 3rd Angel + 5. Wednesday, Day 3.

Shinji didn't like seeing Rei's unconscious form on the floor, nor the agents who were looking at her with active hostility. Despite no reported casualties, they took the fact that she had simply walked right through their attempts at defending NERV very personally. Worse, her display of previously unknown powers had them all very worried. There were precious few answers, and both the Commander and Sub-Commander were unable to be questioned, which enabled the rumor mill.

The recovery wards were full to overflowing with those incapacitated during the assault, and it was a very overtasked Resident that was doing her level best to direct traffic and find rooms, beds, and care for every patient. When Misato and Tsubame rolled up with Shinji, the doctor gave the latter a look that spoke of unending gratitude for another medically trained hand. "Horaki-kun, I need you to start vitals on the South Corridor. I have beds lining the halls, just find out who needs more than a place to wake up and tell Chise-kun. I have her acting as pit boss for now."

"I hate to jump the line, but my pilot needs you to look at his ribs. My authorization." Misato didn't envy the poor Resident's job, but the defense of humanity required a pilot, and she was now down to a single one. Shinji looked embarrassed at the special attention, and was about to speak up when Misato laid her hand on his shoulder, silencing his protests.

The Resident raised her hands to the back of her head and breathed out heavily. "Ok, ok. I don't have an imaging technician right now, and I haven't done a rotation through there myself so I wouldn't know where to begin." She gently probed around Shinji's chest, apologizing for the need, "Ok, good news is I think they're just fractures. No complete breaks. Bad news, I just lost you, Horaki-kun. You're on Pilot detail until I send relief or someone supersedes my authority."

Tsubame grinned conspiratorially down at Shinji. "Guess you're not getting rid of me so easily." Turning her attention to Misato, she switched to a far more professional demeanor. "I've got him, ma'am. I'll call with any updates, and once I know which, uhm, well what corner we can use I'll send our location to you so you can send down some sunglasses."

"Take him to Elevator J-3, that's the least cluttered area. I'll try to redirect away from it as I can, Captain. I'm sorry, it's the best I've got right now." The poor Resident smiled the kind of smile at Misato that someone at their wit's end gives to show that they have little left to offer. "In the cart by the door, there's some icepacks. Tray eight has the painkillers, non-narcotic since he may need to pilot soon. I'll sign off on the release to your care. Oh, and take him into the showers and put a gown or some scrubs on him. That LCL isn't going to do him any favors if it hardens right now."

"Thank you, Doc. I appreciate everything." Misato dropped a cellphone into Tsubame's scrubs pocket, "I'm sorry Shinji," she pre-empted the boy's appeal at having a lady shower him, "Doctor's orders, you two are getting showered. She's a fully qualified nurse practitioner, I'm sure she'll be completely professional regarding your nudity." Turning to Tsubame, she rewarded professionalism with professionalism. "Once you're in place, hit 'six' on that and you'll get a direct line to me. Any status changes, problems, or further attacks, ring." With that, she nodded at the both of them and took off to go do what she could to reestablish order around NERV. It wasn't what she wanted, she was again abandoning Shinji to the care of a lady who wasn't fully aware of what Shinji needed, but what was she going to do? Tell the rest of the world to pound sand while she took care of the young man herself?

Shinji watched as his one-time guardian ran off, leaving him alone again. Tsubame noticed the look of sadness crossing his face, and misread his thoughts. "Don't worry, Shinji. I'm sure they'll let you know if you can do anything to help." She gently maneuvered the gurney towards the showers, squeezing the bed through the doorframe and settling it out of the way. "All right, put your arm around my shoulders. We'll strip off in the showers."

The young pilot went redder than ever before at this, his mind pulled out of the self-despair he was in being directly thrown into the reality that he was about to shower with the rather attractive mother of a young woman that he was becoming friends with. "I, uh, I can-" Shinji winced as he tried to walk on his own, trying to show he could shower himself.

"No dice, good sir. You and I are going to get through this. I am a trained, credentialed, certified, and practicing Nurse Practitioner. You are my patient. You have nothing I haven't seen before on other patients, and I know you've seen a woman in the buff before considering Pilot Ayanami wasn't wearing a stitch. Anyway, the MAGInet is full of naked women these days." Her tone brooked no dissent, she was not going to let Shinji hurt himself because he was either too ashamed of his body or too embarrassed to see hers.

"I-I, uhm…I haven't." Shinji's voice was very small, he understood intellectually that she was right, but he was still very afraid. Memories of others laughing at him during one of his few trips to the western coast of Japan in his youth haunted him. He knew he wasn't a paragon of masculinity; he didn't need reminders of his lack of physique thrown in his face. He certainly wasn't going to admit the time he had accidentally walked in on a very nude Rei on top of the day's traumas.

"You haven't what?" Tsubame slowly helped him towards the stall that had an in-shower bench to set him upon. Setting him down, she turned the shower on to begin warming the water up and turned to face him. "Wait, you're saying you've never watched any movies like that? No glimpses at the gallery of flesh?" It seemed shocking, all the 'baby doctors' that had been hired talked all the time in the breakroom about how they watched porn nonstop to make up for a lack of time to date. It seemed, to her, to be a perfectly normal part of life.

"N-no." He looked away, towards the spray of water that was beginning to fog up the room. "I, uh, I couldn't look. It wasn't right. I didn't know them, I couldn't know them." Previously rosy skin had begun to pale, some, as he worked through his emotions. "Not someone like me."

Reaching out, she placed her hands on his shoulders, gently dropping her own shoulders to look him in the eye. "Well, now you know me. I know you, now. We're going to get through this together and I promise you, heart-crossed, nothing that happens here leaves this shower." She held his eyes, feeling a little warm herself at the shining blue orbs he had. "Now, the water's warm, and on the count of three, we're going to stand you up and get soaked together." After a slow three count, she was proud of how Shinji grit his teeth and worked with her to stand up. He was hard on himself, but when push came to shove he didn't scream or cry. This wasn't a boy, or a bitch, as he called himself. This was a man forced to grow up early and doing his damnedest to succeed. When they entered the spray of water, she was glad that she had chosen to use her back to shelter the initial blast. It was still warming up some, and she wasn't cruel enough to submerge him in tepid water. "Ok," she kept her eyes on his, "I'm going to cut off your shirt. If NERV won't repay you for it, I'll buy you one myself as a gift." Pulling out the shears she had picked up on their way to the shower, she slowly cut him free of his shirt. Expecting to see the bruising and general discoloration of someone who had body trauma, she was still surprised at the general musculature and form of his torso. This wasn't the body of a teenager that just sat around playing games and reading manga. He was thin, but it seemed more a case of malnutrition than lack of effort. Dropping the LCL-soaked garment to the side, she guided Shinji's hands to the stability bar. "Next, since fair is fair, I'm going to take off my scrubs top. That, and I really want this gunk off of me. I promise, I'm not going to judge you for any reactions you may or may not have. We're doing this for health reasons, ok?" Waiting for him to nod, she smiled reassuringly and undid the ties along the side of her blouse. Pulling it free from her, she was glad that the stickiness of the LCL was no longer slimed over her.

Shinji valiantly kept his eyes on hers, his mind chanting eye contact, eye contact, eye contact while other parts of him were subtly encouraging him to just glance. Maybe just a little slip of the eyes. Being a better man than most of his peers, he forswore his lesser demons and maintained a very stiff eye contact.

This, however, had the effect of making his shower partner blush. Even as professional as she was, she became very aware that he was fighting a battle of his own and was not ogling what she was offering. Strangely, she didn't feel upset that he wasn't, it made him feel even more attractive to her. This young man had carte blanche, and not once had he let his gaze slide. More the man, he. That's not to say that there weren't very obvious effects on his body. When she looked down, readying herself to pull down the boxer-briefs that he had worn into the hospital earlier, she got an eyeful. Hel-loooo! Shinji's not-so-little soldier was standing at full attention, and while she wasn't the type of woman to go actively seeking such things in the flesh, she did not have the same restraint with regards to the internet's bounty of nude images. Taking her time, she slid the elastic trunks down little by little. To not jostle him. That's what she was doing. The very picture of caring, that's what she was.

Embarrassed and in pain, his eyes did not travel down with her as she dropped to a knee in front of him. He kept his eyes locked onto the wall behind her, not even daring to shift his head and risk seeing more of this increasingly beautiful, wet, nude…. EYES ON WALL, NO MOVE EYES. He wouldn't disgrace her professionalism by taking advantage of her, she was being wonderful, and he was having dirty thoughts.

Eventually, she managed to delicately shift the wet, clingy, fabric around Shinji's rigid member. As she uncovered it at last, her breath audibly caught in her throat. Oh my stars and garters…. He's not even fully grown yet! Suddenly thinking about how inappropriate she was being, she dropped the boxers to the floor and slowly stood back up trying to regain her air of professional detachment. When she reached her full height, just slightly below Shinji's she gave what she hoped would be the same reassuring smile as before. "Ok, now. Put your hands on my shoulders, and kick the boxers over by the wall." She won the fight to keep her voice steady, even if her emotions were slaughtering her simultaneously. With everything in her life, the ceaseless mental reminders of why she was so livid with her husband, she was beginning to become very warm in some rather pleasant areas. Shinji was not a bad looking man, he showed his caring to the world around him, he was confident when he had to be, and he cared about his compatriot who was trying to abuse him. She could do a lot worse than someone like him. A lot worse…just the small matter of her daughter.

Shinji gently did as instructed, making very pronounced motions to follow her instructions. Unfortunately for him, when he went to kick the fabric out of the way, he slid forward a bit and prodded her with his erection. This led to him tensing up, which led to him grimacing in pain, which led to him collapsing forward into Tsubame. Pain overrode embarrassment, and a small 'urk' was all he could get out instead of the full apology.

Now with an armful of eye candy, Tsubame quickly wrapped Shinji in a hug, holding him under the water with her. The war between professionalism and desire shifted once more, prompting her to whisper into the side of his neck where it met the shoulder, "It's ok, it's ok. It's natural. You're fine." Mentally, emotionally, physically, she was falling quickly for this timid young hero. She had someone in her care who saved the world, and did so with no thought for his own suffering. She also couldn't deny that he was incredibly attractive in a classical Japanese way. He was loyal, strong, caring…. Setting him back to standing, keeping her eyes locked onto his, smiling with what she desperately hoped was reassurance and not lust, she waited for him to nod. He closed his eyes, nodded once, and whispered an apology. When he opened his eyes, and resumed his studious inspection of the wall behind her, she stripped off her lower half, and deftly kicked it to join the growing pile of discarded clothes. "Ok. Ok." She willed her voice to steady again, "Now, I need you to put your hand back on the stability bar. I'm going to soap you down, and while I'm at it soap me down. This means I'm going to, uh, well I'm going to have to touch you all over." Oh, HELL yes. Her professionalism was fighting its last stand. Surrounded and outgunned by a very obvious desire to 'help' Shinji deal with stress, it fought valiantly to not succumb to tasty, tasty temptation. Dispensing soap into her now open hand, she gently smoothed her hands over his shoulders, and up the arm he was using to stay vertical. "Shinji," she waited for him to look at her in response, "how are you holding up? Is your chest hurting too much?" Trailing her hands lightly along his chest, enjoying the taut musculature beneath his skin, she looked up into his face with a mixture of longing and hope.

Swallowing hard, he tried to find his voice as he began to melt into the gorgeous nurse's ministrations. "I…uh, I've hurt worse." He found that he was really, really enjoying this shower. There was a small part of his mind that wanted to focus on how horrible his life was, and how everything was going wrong. That part was quickly bundled off the bridge and stuffed in a closet by the overwhelming majority of his mind.

Stepping around to his back, she made small circles on his flanks with her hands. "This isn't so bad, is it? You don't have anything to be ashamed of here," she emphasized his shoulders again, "or here," she trailed her hands along his sides, "certainly not here," she stepped against his back, pressing herself against him bodily and running the soap along his abs.

The Third Child became intensely aware that Tsubame's not insubstantial assets were now making soap circles against his back, and that her hands were trailing closer and closer to his achingly erect member. "I, uhm...we…you," he swallowed harder as she delicately ran her fingers along his length, "oh spirits you're beautiful." His mind was full of desire, with only a small amount of fear. This wasn't like with whoever was impersonating Rei. She clearly wanted to touch him, all over. She wasn't a confused young woman with a bad case of split-personality. She was nibbling on his earlobe, and pressing all sorts of delightful parts of her body against him. Unlike the confusion he felt with Rei, where he didn't know from one minute to the next how she felt about him, he understood right now exactly how Tsubame felt about him. He had his tongue in her mouth, a maneuver that was only slightly complicated considering their relative positions, their lips hungrily seeking more from one another. Her hands flowed all over him like silken bedsheets, part washing, part exploring, it felt wonderful to him. "We…we need to stop."

"Mmm?" She shifted her hands to his hips, and stayed pressed against him. "Why? Am I hurting you?" Stepping around to face him again, she looked into his eyes with an obvious desire. "Are you ok, Shinji?"

She cared, oh spirits, she actually cared about his well-being. He had to abort this, if he went through with it, she'd feel terrible once she realized how he was thinking. He couldn't do that to her! "Intense." Shinji swallowed a third time, remembering something that Misato had told him the first time through everything after he accidentally found two people shagging in a supply closet, "Intense experiences lead to adrenaline rushes. You're probably just acting on survival instincts. We are just acting on survival instincts." Painfully, berating himself for doing so, he stepped over and sat down on the bench in the shower. "We need to slow down. Wait. Think."

It wasn't difficult to notice how ragged his breaths had become. He, very obviously, physically wanted to proceed. She had a massive itch herself to throw caution to the wind. She was all colors of worked up over this experience, and everything she had seen and heard from him screamed at her to claim him now. "If you say no, then that's no." She began to, still gently, soap him up more. At first, his eyes showed worry that she wasn't stopping, then he noticed that her smile had changed from lust to care.

"Thank you." Without thinking he sighed hard, his chest reacting violently to the action. "I'm going to kill myself later, probably." The young man laughed, hoping he was doing the right thing here. She was a vision, not the etheric beauty of Rei, or the art come to life of Asuka, but the classical beauty. The kind of woman who turns heads, and always has her pick of the men in her life.

"I'll tell you what," Tsubame wrapped her hand around his still stiff erection, "the offer is still on the table. When we get out of here, I'll take you out to dinner. We'll talk, we'll get to know each other, and if the spark is still there?" She slid her hand lovingly along him. "I'll blow your mind." When he blushed furiously she laughed warmly, and continued her ministrations. After a very thorough cleaning, she declared the two to be LCL free. "Ok, sit here and I'll go get us towels."

***** 3rd Angel + 5. Wednesday, Day 3.

Mister Star sat in his office, having watched as Shinji not only seduced Tsubame, but then put the brakes on that particular bit of fun and frivolity for some reason. The misty screen now displayed her fondly caring for him, and clearly displaying all of the signals expected of a female who actively desired someone. It was something of a shock, to be honest, for the sandy-haired gentleman. Having turned his attention to a medical text detailing the essentials of human physiology and reproductive systems, he hummed to himself as he searched for an explanation to what he was watching.

His secretary, Amy, carried over a slew of reports for his approval. Grinning mischievously at the picture of Shinji being carefully loaded back onto the newly cleaned gurney, she sighed. "He seems like a swell fellah. Shame he chose not to help that lovely dame out, she seemed like she really wanted to have his kids."

Turning to address his best employee, Mister Star nodded and gestured to a portion of the text book. "As it turns out, mammals may actually have pheromone producing systems. I had thought that particular piece of biology was limited to the rest of the animal kingdom. It's fascinating, in a way, to watch the impact that it has on mate selection. I wouldn't have thought the lad capable of attracting so many potential mates, and yet here we are."

"From what you showed me, boss, he didn't have that problem the first go-round. What changed this time?" She scratched her head, vaguely gesturing with her elbow towards the image showing Shinji trying not to ogle the nurse charged with his care. "She's sending him all the right signals, he's just not biting."

"Well, my dear, I think when I altered his brain to allow him to remember information and his body to retain his physical growth through time resets, I may have accidentally also modified the system that sends out signals to potential mates. I'm still studying the length of-" He cut off as an associate walked into the office, after a respectful knock. "Ah, Leland, how can I help you?"

"Sir," the rather gaunt looking man nodded respectfully, "it's about the area you've shown a special interest in. We've cordoned off the area, placed something of a hold on the acquisitions and deferrals. All we need is your approval, no rush mind, and we'll tie off the deal." Smiling softly, Leland waited for his boss to finish going over the forms that Amy handed to him.

"Everything looks to be in order," Mister Star approved, "tell your folks great work for me. Amy, I'd like you to set aside a small bonus for his team on this. They came through well ahead of schedule." Pursing his lips in approbation, the sandy-haired man nodded his appreciation for the work.

"Sure thing, boss. I'll talk to Stephen and get the roster for his unit. That work?" Amy took the signed forms from Mister Star, and walked them over to Leland.

"Thank you, Amy. I'll tell Stephen to expect your call. Always a pleasure, ma'am." Leland bowed to Amy, and nodded to his boss, in farewell and left as quietly as he arrived.

"As I was saying," Mister Star continued, "It seems the woman has some serious issues with the male half of the species at the moment, but she's focusing so much lust on him. This is fascinating, don't you think?"

***** 3rd Angel + 5. Wednesday, Day 3.

Shinji had been settled in the access hall near the elevator. With icepacks on his chest, and painkillers in his system, he no longer felt the desperate urge to let Tsubame ravage him. He still thought fondly of her doing it, and wanted her to in his heart of hearts, but the cold and painkiller fog was putting a crimp on the whole erection-maintaining part of his body.

Said woman sat, perched on the edge of the gurney, coaxing smiles out of the Third Child with well-controlled energy. "I'm just saying, if you're going to be the savior of mankind you need to build up a brand. Get an awesome codename, own your color scheme, and start naming some of your standard attacks." She, somehow without bouncing Shinji around, pantomimed extremely overdone attacks. "Sonic Buster Punch!"

He wanted to laugh, to show his appreciation for her actions, but he was just too tired to really commit. Which was for the best, as his ribs were still quite angry over the day and hadn't yet forgiven him for his trespasses. "Maybe I'll hire you as my Manager, let you handle all of the public affairs stuff. Crowds terrify me, and the thought of having to speak in front of one is probably my idea of torture."

With a soft 'ding', the elevator suddenly opened. Out stepped two people he was very familiar with, each with similar yet different emotional states clinging to them. Yuu, escorting Hikari, saw the pilot laid up in bed and both descended in tandem upon the extremely tired pilot.

"Oh no!" Hikari gently touched Shinji everywhere she could reach, looking for all the world like he was laying there dying in front of her. "What happened? I saw everyone panicking by your house, and several agents came by and demanded I stay away from the windows and stay crouched down in the hallway. Are you all right? What happened?"

Tsubame gave her daughter a stern look, slightly irritated at the interruption, and motioned for everyone to let Shinji talk.

"There was an accident, we had to evacuate the house. Maya's in another area with Doctor Akagi, and Rei is upstairs with some more specialists." Shinji cast a significant look at both Yuuko and Tsubame, who nodded in agreement with his alterations to the story. "Everyone here got hurt by the fallout, and the doctors are kind of swamped. I got moved here, so that Tsubame-san could watch after me and I could be closer to the Eva if I'm needed."

His now-favorite Nurse Practitioner gave a glowing review of her own, "He's been a model patient. He was a little disagreeable in the shower, but I chalk that up to him being uncomfortable with the idea of a beautiful woman seeing him without clothes." Hikari's jaw hit the floor.

"I'm sorry, Hikari, that your sleep was interrupted." Shinji was blushing and needed to deflect the attention off of himself. "I…uh, I got to meet your parents, though."

Yuu patted Hikari's back and walked around to flank Shinji. "After everything went down, I wanted to bring a familiar face to help you recover. The city is basically on lockdown until the MAGI give the all-clear, and I need the agents I set aside to protect her out searching for any further threats."

The stocky agent's stock flew ever higher in his estimation. "Thank you. I'd be devastated if something happened to Hikari, or her family." He pointed to the bridge area. "I've already promised Horaki-San to accept his punishment for putting Tsubame-san in danger. I'm glad that I won't have Hikari adding to my fears." Shinji winced again when Tsubame pulled off the icepacks, and tugged down the towel that had been covering his chest and abs.

Hikari blushed and pretended to look away while secretly admiring Shinji without his shirt. Yuu whistled at the colors and bruises, before teasing him, "You know, you're not supposed to let them pummel you like that, right?" The agent's fingers, long used to probing injuries like his, walked along the bruises. Her goal was to check for potential cracks, long-term damage, and anything that would complicate guarding him. Hikari's fingers were twitching, the temptation to mimic what Yuu was doing writ large on her face. The only child of the Horaki family, she had long been 'protected' from such temptations by her father. "C'mere." Yuu waved her over, taking her hand and helping her feel how to diagnose the damage Shinji had done. Shinji bore the touches with the occasional grimace and closed eyes.

Tsubame slid her hand into his, prompting him to open his eyes and look at the mother of the woman probing his flesh. "How much does it hurt?"

Shinji was guiltily reminded of what he and Tsubame had just done, then blushed a rosy hue and turned away feeling ashamed. "It's the only way to learn…right? Feel the injuries on whoever screwed up enough to get hurt."

"He did his job, and don't let him convince you otherwise." She came to his defense, deciding to not be overly worried about Hikari. If Hikari wanted to date Shinji, that was fine by her. After all, the world had spent the last two decades changing wildly, dragging society along for the crazy ride. Sharing was caring, wasn't it? "And my husband has no room to be upset with you, ya lug." She swatted him on his knee, frowning at him for bringing the topic up. "You did everything you could to stop as many people from being harmed as possible. I joined you because you were already hurt, and Captain Katsuragi made the decision to put me with you to keep you from making things worse. If anything, he should be glad I'm here and not pounding his head into a wall." Yuu's head turned comically slowly towards the clearly angry Tsubame, and Hikari's twin tails seemed to bush out of their own volition as she built up to full Class Rep mode. Everything was cut short, however, by the cellphone Misato had given the Nurse Practitioner ringing and her calmly pulling it out to answer it. "Hello, this is Shinji Ikari's manager speaking, with whom do I have the pleasure of communicating?" She then walked away, sharing medical information to whoever was on the line and leaving an awkward silence in her wake.

With nothing for it but to try and keep Shinji from crumpling inwards, Yuu delicately removed Hikari's hand and leaned over to look into his eyes. "No concussion. Misato said you fractured some ribs, but I can't feel anything. You sure you didn't just stretch wrong?" Lifting up his arm, testing the range of motion, she shook her head in confusion. "You look beat up, but otherwise…."

Joining her in not understanding, he looked down before lifting both of his arms to the side, then overhead in a full stretch. The pain was there, but far less than it had been. Swinging his legs off of the stretcher, he reached out and put his hand on Hikari's shoulder to brace himself. Putting all of his weight on his legs, and rolling his torso around, he looked even more confounded. "You're right. What happened?"

Unnoticed by everyone the elevator had opened again, disgorging both Ritsuko and Maya into the hallway. "The LCL has curative properties, Shinji. If you soak it in for a bit, as you did when you were injured, it actually accelerates the healing process." With a light frown at the presence of Hikari, and to a lesser degree the fact that Shinji was touching her in a manner that meant proximity of spirit, Ritsuko took in the area around them. "We need to, however, take Shinji for some additional tests. Private tests."

Yuu hadn't allowed herself to be startled, her trained and honed intuition noting that Ritsuko's statement was a complete and total fabrication. There was more to what had happened than something so…simple. "All right, I'll take good luck where we can get it. I'm going to take Hikari and drop her off with her dad. Shinji, I'm leaving you with your guardian and the good doctor. Maya, you have my number when he's out of the exam." The lead agent began herding Hikari away from Shinji, making a mental note to do a little digging later.

Hikari leaned in and kissed Shinji on the cheek, blushing and waving at him as she walked away. Maya walked behind Shinji and began looking at his back, as Ritsuko imperiously gestured at the elevator. "Maya, we can do this in the exam room. Time to march, young man. You need a professional eye, after tonight." Leaning in as Shinji walked past her, "We'll talk about Rei in my office, not in front of everyone."

All Maya managed was a heartfelt sigh, still unable to find the words she needed to share with the sad young man. She had failed, he and the bluenette paid for her failure. Ritsuko repeatedly told her she was wrong for thinking that way, but all of the evidence had piled up in front of her demanding that she take responsibility for not noticing something like this, and just two days into watching the two teens! Glumly, she entered the elevator and turned away from Shinji, unable to face him.

For his part Shinji felt oddly embarrassed, standing in just a pair of nurse's pants next to two more intelligent, attractive, women. It was only his concern for Rei that kept him from dwelling on Tsubame, and the kiss that he didn't know if Ritsuko had actually given him. His mind was working overtime, thinking about ways he might have been able to change what happened with Rei, how he suddenly had offers falling out of his ears, how the mysterious Doctor Akagi stood with her hip cocked just so and had the…Bad Shinji! Focus! Rei needed him, he needed to stop thinking with his damn pants.

Exiting the elevator, Shinji walked behind the two scientists towards Ritsuko's office. The halls were still unoccupied, seemingly devoid of life. Cold, dull, steel stretching out into nothingness. A mausoleum of emptiness, broken only by the clack-clack of Maya and Ritsuko's heels. It was intimidating, after a fashion, walking behind them. Shinji felt like he was being escorted to the principal's office.

After far too long, Ritsuko turned into a door that seemed like many others, and gestured for Shinji to sit down on the examination bed. "Ok, first thing first. Whatever you may think, the entity you helped stop this morning is not Rei Ayanami."

Shinji gawped at Ritsuko's blunt statement, Not Rei? If it walks like a ballerina, has blue hair, pale lustrous skin, and disarmingly gorgeous ruby-red eyes, what the hell else is it supposed to be?

"I know that is hard to believe, but you'll have to trust us." Maya nodded, backing up Ritsuko's statement while still looking downcast. "Once we woke up, in the examination room I was in, senpai called Misato and was briefed on what happened while we were unconscious. We went right to help with containing who we thought was Rei, only for the MAGI to unanimously agree that it was not actually Rei."

Groaning in frustration, Ritsuko walked over and started her examination on Shinji. "So you don't worry, we knew you were in good hands. Tsubame Horaki is a nigh-peerless Nurse Practitioner and I have every confidence in her. We are, also, expanding our search for Rei. I can only assume that this is an Angel we've captured, which hopefully means that Rei is still alive, out there somewhere." Neither Maya nor Shinji noticed Ritsuko's 'tell', a twitch of her lips that clearly indicated she knew more than she was letting on.

What Ritsuko didn't know, is that Shinji knew that there were clones of Rei somewhere. His face turned grim, as he thought that maybe rewinding time to talk things out with whoever was either impersonating or controlling Rei might not be the worst idea. "My ribs don't hurt, anymore." He tried to steer the conversation away from Rei, not trusting himself to keep quiet, "Maya, are you ok?" He was worried, the normally effervescent Captain looked like she had been sentenced to death.

Maya went to speak, and was interrupted by Ritsuko's phone ringing. The bottle blonde walked into the hall, leaving Maya and Shinji alone in the room for a minute. "No, Shinji. Two whole days, I managed two days before Rei was kidnapped or killed, and you had to run for your life from our home. I can't apologize enough." Maya stood and bowed far too deeply. "I'm so sorry. My failure is inexcusable."

Ritsuko walked back into the room and noticed that Maya had misjudged the approach vector on her bow. With her eyes closed, the newest Captain hadn't noticed that she was hovering just over Shinji's lap, and Shinji was attempting an interpretive dance trying to inform her without embarrassing everyone. "Well," she cut in, barely restraining her laughter, "Once Maya finishes whatever she's doing, we need to go see Misato." After Maya opened her eyes, and sqwarked while backing away rapidly, the leggy blonde shook her head and turned to the young pilot. "I've called Agent Tanaka. She's going to bring NP Horaki and her daughter, and come get you. Tsubame-Kun will watch you for changes in your health in your own home, with Horaki-San here fixing Unit-01 she said that it made the most sense."

"What about Rei, er, whatever it is that looks like Rei? If she wakes up, I'm probably the only one that can stop her." Shinji didn't relish the idea of leaving the only location that potentially had answers to what was going on, and especially since he knew that was Rei. "I can just as easily recover here, and be on standby just in case."

The doctor shook her head, firmly denying the offer. "No. Normally I would agree, but the MAGI are certain that we have the situation contained. You need to go home, and actually sleep." She then raised her hand, silencing Maya and Shinji both. "Doctor's orders. Maya-kun, I need you here to help me. Shinji, go get some rest. And both of you stop looking like you failed, until we have all the information we need, I'm not going to cast blame anywhere."

***** 3rd Angel + 5. Wednesday, Day 4.

Three cars, driving in a defensive formation, rolled through the empty streets of Tokyo-3 towards the Pilot's Den. Yuuko was in the passenger seat of the largest vehicle, her partner driving, bearing Shinji and the Horaki ladies. There was no music, and an eerie silence was only sporadically broken by communications from nearby air support commenting on the empty streets. It didn't feel right, nothing like this happened the first time around. Even when there was an Angel attack, they'd have to run to NERV on foot. Now, Section Two was pulling out all the stops. The caravan slowly approached the house, still surrounded by armed and armored Section Two agents. Three of the agents hurried out of the front door, waving the all-clear to the new arrivals. "Ok, everyone on into the house." Her voice was a stark contrast to her face, one warm and jovial, the other cold and calculating. "I bet if you ask nicely, Shinji will even make everyone some breakfast."

Hurrying towards the house, the agents calmly escorted their wards into the interior. Once Shinji, the last to enter, crossed into the house the door was pulled shut and locked from the outside. Standing in silence, he took note of the demeanor of his unexpected houseguests. Hikari was frowning towards the door, clearly uncertain of how to feel about this sudden deviation from the day's plans. Tsubame had her eyes on Shinji, waiting to see what he intended to do. Lastly, Yuki the ferret was chittering away in irritation at having been left with strangers.

Shinji gestured towards the first floor hallway, deciding that he would have to 'take charge' to get things moving. "The bathroom's down the hall." He then shifted his hand to where Yuki was performing a war-dance. "Yuki-Chan is quite playful, once she gets to know you. Uhm, does anyone have any dietary restrictions? I can figure something out, if anyone does."

Tsubame scooped up Yuki before walking over to Shinji and bundling him into a hug. "It's ok, and you're doing far better than you let yourself believe. If we're going to spend time together, do you want to share recipes? All three of us are more than capable of cooking."

Shinji looked past Tsubame's shoulder to Hikari and couldn't stop his own smile. She was clasping her hands before her chest, clearly worried about how he was holding up despite having been dragged into the situation herself. He had to make things work, and the two women with him were doing their best. "Absolutely. It would be my pleasure to share what I've learned and to share in your experience." His statement was met with happy clapping and a pair of kisses on his cheeks. It seemed, to him, the Horakis were just very open with their affections. He could grow to enjoy it, though. It wasn't triggering his normal self-conscious reactions.

"Why don't you go change, first, Shinji." Hikari lightly touched his shoulder, bringing Shinji back to the realization that he was standing there in nothing but a pair of scrubs pants. "I'll search your kitchen, and when you come downstairs we'll make something together."

"Yeah, I promised to make something for you, didn't I?" With an absent nod he began heading for the stairs. He stopped at the first step, realizing that he had made that promise during one of the many resets of the day thus far. Turning around, trying to keep his face calm, he noticed Tsubame looking at Hikari with a raised eyebrow. Hikari was looking at him with a hint of pain on her face.

"You did? I must have forgotten to mention it." Hikari looked down, avoiding her mother's stare. A meal made by a potential boyfriend? How on Earth had she forgotten to tell the one woman on Earth that mattered something like that! When she turned and noticed the look on her mother's face she blushed, and barked out, "I'm forgetful in the morning, you know that!"

Shinji abandoned the attempt at saving his apparent slip and sprinted upstairs to escape the situation. Only realizing, once upstairs, that he couldn't just barricade his door and pray that the women disappeared. "Damn it. Damn it!" Shinji beat his head against the door, searching for a way forward. He couldn't just reset, it would start everything all over again. He'd just have to face the embarrassment. He'd faced worse, Misato would have followed him up here and picked at him 'til naught but bones remained. Walking over to his closet, he picked up one of the new outfits that Maya and Mariko had left for him. A soft forest green shirt, and a loose pair of black slacks, matched a comfortable pair of brown socks. So focused on the act of getting dressed, he hadn't noticed his door quietly open and close behind him.

"Very dashing," Tsubame quietly commented, "green's definitely your color. Love, and happiness? I'm quite sure those are what you can bring."

Shinji froze in the act of standing up Shit. Think fast. You weren't flirting with her daughter, you were just trying to make friends. Rei was the one who…who got me to agree to….

Wrapping him up in a hug from behind, the elder Lady Horaki purred into his ear, "You think I'm jealous that you're interested in my daughter, don't you?" She felt him flinch, prompting a dark laugh from deep in her belly.

Cautiously turning around, still wrapped in Tsubame's surprisingly strong arms, he went with the truth instead of digging deeper, "I, uh…I don't know how relationships work." Maybe, ultimately, the whole-hearted truth was the only plausible course of action now. "I've never dated, never had anyone interested in me romantically. Suddenly, Rei pounces me like I'm the last pancake at the breakfast bar, you…uhm…shower…wonderful." His eyes drifted a bit as the memory, combined with the embrace she held him in, played merry havoc with his train of thought. "But…I mean…you're married and-" When she kissed him, Shinji's mind dove further back towards how wonderful such affection could be.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Her smile wasn't forced or disappointed. She sat him down on the stool nearby, and knelt next to him. "I know this is sudden, and I understand what it's like to not 'get' relationships. I used to not 'get' them myself, which is why things are as they are."

Her self-deprecating smile caught at Shinji's heartstrings. "I…I mean…I just met you. You saved me, and you're so beautiful! You were sitting on my lap and…." Shinji halted as he realized what he said, and looked down sheepishly, "Sorry." His heart was pounding, he didn't know what to feel. In his room was just one of many ladies that had recently demonstrated affection for him, and it wasn't fair to any of them to accept it.

"Shinji, never apologize for complimenting me." She pulled him into another embrace, "You may think that I'm beautiful, but not everyone does. Many guys are put off by my personality, others by the fact that I don't back down from conflict, and still more by the fact that I, despite what we did, don't put out at the drop of a hat. I've only ever slept with one man, and I'm never touching him again." A gentle blush, barely a coloring of her features, "In the shower, I wanted you Shinji. I don't understand it, but whenever I'm near you I get this urge to pull you down and just, unfff."

He nodded, starting to sense a pattern, "I…uh, I think something's wrong with me. Rei was like this, and we've only known each other for a few days. I just met you today and while you're, without question, one of the most gorgeous women I've ever met...why suddenly are you so interested in someone as young as I am, someone that you've never met before?"

"You're not as young as you think you are, but I don't know," she shrugged with a 'what can you do' grin, "and to be frank with you I don't care. You stopped us from going all the way. You showed restraint in helping your friend. You clearly have Hikari coming after you too, and throughout all of this, you're sitting here waving everyone off. How many guys, in your position, would have just fucked and walked regardless of how old they are?"

With a frown, the young pilot shook his head. "I couldn't do that, ever. I…I'm not a fighter, but I'd do everything I could to punish someone who played with people's feelings like that." He stood up, walking over to the window to glare angrily towards NERV. His father says he loved his mother, but Gendo's first act when Yui died was to abandon Shinji. He would never forgive someone for doing the same, and whatever it was that was happening between Hikari's parents he began to wonder if it was reparable.

"That's enough for any reasonable woman, if you think about it. If you gave yourself half a chance, you'd realize that's what anyone wants. Someone who'd look at them as a person, instead of a warm orifice." She smiled softly to herself, pleased to know that she wasn't just attracted to someone with an alluring darkness and instead someone who tried to bring light. "Now, before Hikari comes upstairs to find out why we're alone in your room, or I decide to give her a reason to, let's go get something to eat. I'll explain more about my family's overall situation while you cook." Sliding the door open, she paused and added, "Please let Hikari help, she has a desperate need to feel helpful."

The two walked downstairs, slightly apart. Tsubame focusing on Shinji's motions, acting in her capacity as nurse to give support where needed to the recently injured young man. Yuki-Chan was marching around the front room, dancing to a quietly playing classical piece. Hikari was in the kitchen, washing the vegetables and letting the meat drain into the second sink. When she caught Shinji's presence, she complimented him eagerly, "Green looks great on you, Shinji!"

Tsubame patted his shoulder. "See? I told you it was your color." Yuki, sensing the safety that was Shinji, scampered over and up his leg to cling to his shoulder happily. "Yuki-chan agrees, that's three votes for, your contention is overruled." The elder Horaki held her arms in an 'X' before her, making a 'boooo' sound.

Scratching the back of his head, he grinned with inner joy at the compliments. "Well, I'll happily refuse to appeal. I defer to the judgement of the lovely court before me." He bowed in acceptance, then stood and walked behind the bar with Hikari. "Would you help me with the meal, Hikari? I was thinking we could do a vegetable soup and stir-fry the meats."

With one of her lifelong fantasies about to be fulfilled, she beamed at him. "Absolutely." The two students began to move about the kitchen, awkwardly at first, but quickly becoming familiar with the other's movements and falling rapidly into a dance. Vegetables were chopped, broth was mixed, and the clinking of kitchenware became a pleasant counterpoint to the music floating throughout the house.

"Dear, I was going to fill Shinji in on…everything." The special emphasis on the last word was clear to Shinji, and Hikari nodded without turning or showing any real emotion one way or the other. Yuki was briefly chastised by him before Shinji motioned for her to continue, while he moved about the kitchen preparing a late breakfast/early lunch for everyone. "My husband," Tsubame announced in a voice generally reserved for discussing the contents of a toilet after use, "made a rather poor life decision recently that has seriously impacted what had been…I hope, a happy home." She paused, waiting for a reaction.

Hikari's voice was cold, hollow, "I was happy, mom. We had problems from time to time, sure…but I'm smart enough to see that other kids have had it far, far worse." She ended her sentiment by bumping Shinji with her hip. The last thing she wanted was to try and compare her previously comfortable existence with what he'd endured according to Rei.

Shinji's face held a thoughtful expression, considering all sides of the statement. If everyone was comfortable discussing the issue, it certainly wasn't his place to judge. Whatever it was that had happened, it clearly impacted someone who he'd wanted as a friend…if not more. "Ok," he acknowledged after reflection, "I am sorry that whatever has happened has…hurt everyone."

"Thank you." Tsubame was pleased at how Shinji was taking the information, neither aborting the conversation nor demanding to know things before they were ready to speak. "I met him a year before Second Impact. He was, at the time, a promising university associate. His degree was in bio-mechanical engineering, and it was thanks to him that we survived." Her voice took on the quality of someone reminiscing over a story they'd recited many times. "I'll leave alone the part regarding Hikari's creation, after which he accepted that he was now obligated to care for the two of us. Suffice it to say that the situation was…awkward, and that's why we don't often talk about it." Her face darkened a little. "Which isn't to say that I'm assigning him the entirety of the blame for anything, it takes two to make a relationship work and I don't know if I've given…enough."

"I think you've given everything that should be asked of you," Hikari declared with a hint of heat. "I spent more than one night over at Hitomi-chan's house so that you two could have 'alone time'. Alone time that wasn't taken advantage of. I've also overheard more than enough arguments about how he spends all of his time 'at work', if that's where he really was."

"He was at work, dear." Her tone tried to reach 'comforting', though it fell short of the goal. "I trust Mariko. She was the one who told me when Chief Kazugawa found out about everything."

"I'm sorry." This wasn't something he was even close to conversant with, and to his pathetic knowledge wasn't something that was frequently spoken of to someone people had just met. It was hard, however, to consider anything happening at the moment 'normal'. "This must be painful to talk about." He remembered Asuka speaking of Hikari's sisters. He'd also only ever heard about Hikari's father not allowing Asuka to come over on certain days, but never once about her mother. If this hadn't happened before…was he responsible for it happening now? Did the shape of the world before change only because he'd been given this ability?

"It was about three, four months ago." Tsubame was grateful for Shinji's sympathy, but wanted to press on so that he knew what he was getting into. "Our family has always worked with, for, or around, NERV and its predecessors. Hikari's grandparents, on his side, met at the founding ceremony for GEHIRN. My folks met in college while studying for the civil service exams. We've all been steeped in how important the mission is, and…for a long time I have accepted that he was needed at work far more often than I was. Until recently, I've been little more than an overpaid LPN. It's helped me keep my skills sharp, but it also meant that I was the parent most responsible for making sure that my wonderful little girl grew up into the wonderful young woman beside you."

Hikari took over, her anger now audible in her tone. "Dad was never home to help mom. He was never there when I won awards, or for my performances. He was never there for our birthdays. Our graduations. Nothing." Putting the finishing touches on the soup, she set it to simmer and stepped back to the bar her mother was seated at. "No time for his own flesh and blood, but apparently more than enough time to duck into the barracks and fuck someone other than the woman he was married to."

"Language," Tsubame chided reflexively, silently accepting it when Hikari rolled her eyes.

Scowling down at the stir fry, Shinji was forced to contemplate what could possibly have driven someone to cheat on a woman as…seemingly kind, beautiful, and intelligent as Tsubame Horaki. "That's…terrible." Taking his eyes off the wok for a moment, he looked back over his shoulder at the women behind him. "Terrible. I'm…sorry doesn't even begin to touch it, does it?"

"Your turn, Shinji." Tsubame had been keeping a close eye on his reactions and mannerisms, and wasn't going to let the opportunity to learn more about the young man that caught both her and her daughter's eye slip by. She, like most, knew the story of how Yui Ikari had died in the first Contact Experiment, and now she, unlike most everyone, had a chance to find some truth. "You live with Captain Ibuki and Ayanami-Chan. Your father, while the Commander of NERV, isn't exactly so busy he couldn't take care of you. Each time the word 'father' was mentioned, you winced something fierce. Tit-for-tat, let it out." Motioning her daughter over towards Shinji, she urged her to change from the consoled to the consoler.

"My…my mother died when I was young. She worked with father and…and there was an accident. I…every time I try to recall the specifics, my head starts to hurt." Shinji's brows drew together. "After she died, my father dumped me off on my uncle and his wife. I was three years old when she died. He dropped me at the train station, alone, in the rain, and said I was going away forever. He just…you know, walked away and never looked back." Unnoticed by him, but not by the ladies, his left hand clenched into a fist. "I spent fourteen long years learning that nobody wanted me around. My uncle, and his wife, weren't the kind of people that wanted children. It wasn't that they hated me, they just weren't really able to handle a toddler. They left me in my room, with a few blocks and some books. As soon as they could, they put me in a daycare program, even though she didn't work. I wasn't allowed to play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and the kids in the daycare all avoided me. I was an outcast. My skin was much paler than the others, and they looked at me like I was an alien. When I was in Elementary, nobody talked to me. Until I came here, nobody in Secondary wanted anything to do with me either." Shinji closed his eyes and tried to keep his anger trapped under the layers of protective disaffectation he'd long since perfected. "Then that stupid letter. 'Come.' That's all it said. Like the naïve idiot I am, I hopped at the chance to see my father. Maybe my uncle was right, and he was just really busy for all those years. When I arrived, Katsuragi-san picked me up. Not father, not anyone sent by him. Just her. She drove me straight to NERV during the Third Angel's attack, then walked me right to the Eva's cage. Ritsuko, Doctor Akagi, told me what the Eva was, and what it did, and my father told me he sent for me because he finally had a use for me." His anger boiled out, every word laced with a barely suppressed fury. "That's all I am, to him. A tool. Something to be used, and when necessary, left to die. I refused. For the first time in my life, I actually thought that someone wanted me to be around. Instead, he just wanted me to jump on into some giant robot like some idiotic Sentai fanfic. I told him, 'No. I'm not going to be at your beck and call when it's fucking convenient.' That's when he had Rei wheeled out. She was on a stretcher, bandages around her right arm, her left eye…. She was in obvious pain, and he was just going to force her to pilot because I was, and I quote, 'worthless'." His anger cooled, once more hidden beneath his self-loathing. "I gave in. I wasn't going to let this person I didn't know suffer for my father's sins. He's…my father cast me aside and told me that all he needed of my mother were his memories." He looked to Hikari, a mixture of joy that she had been given someone who cared about her and a longing to ever experience such wonder in his eyes. "Your mom held you while you cried, that bastard put me on a train, alone, and never once contacted me. I'm sorry, I'm so incredibly sorry, for what Horaki-san did. It sounds like you were trying to be what a mother and wife, what a daughter should be, and it is a terrible thing to see love like that torn apart by something so…so temporary. I only wish that I could know what it was like to belong like that, to have someone pick me up when I'm hurt or cheer for me when I succeed." His face had no real emotions displayed on it, like scar tissue-covered skin that was burned too deep he felt nothing anymore at the recounting of his life. To him, life was misery. Sharing it with others would only harm them, and he desperately wanted to never be the cause of others pain. Shame began to grow in his heart, his dumping of his own trauma on someone just after they'd shared how they'd been betrayed…. In the many different possible outcomes of him venting, Shinji hadn't thought what happened next was one of them.

Hikari turned him around and pulled him into a ferocious embrace, pressing Shinji against the counter while gripping his hair tightly. Tsubame rounded the bar and hugged him from behind, resting her face against his neck on the side opposite Hikari. The lack of attention on the small ferret allowed Yuki-Chan freedom to maraud the counter's supply of fresh nibbles.

No anger on Earth could survive that kind of assault. Shinji's emotions fluctuated rapidly as his mind blathered on about how they were just making fun of him. How nobody could care for someone so quickly, so earnestly. He wasn't worth anything, he was a tool. Nobody saw him or his suffering as worth enduring. Yet, through it all, the hug remained. Hikari's arms and hands holding onto him tight, Tsubame reinforcing his spine with an other-than-motherly affection.

The door opened, unnoticed, and in stepped Yuuko and her partner Kaneda. Quietly, Yuuko pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of the group. Kaneda simply smiled, happy to see the morose young man be on the receiving end of actual warmth. He, unlike Yuuko, had been a friend of the Horaki patriarch. The man had mentioned to Kaneda that he had nothing but praise for Shinji, and was actually worried that the lad was going to blame himself for what had transpired between soon to be divorcees in his presence. The last thing anyone wanted to do, it seemed, was cause Shinji more pain and suffering.

During the retrieval, Horaki-San had intended to praise the boy himself. He went up with Chief Kazugawa, so they could both give him some much-needed motivation after having to fight his own friend. They knew how hard it was to do what was necessary, when it was your kith or kin who had done wrong. They also both knew that Gendo would never act as a true father should. When Shinji apologized for putting Tsubame in danger, when all that was in his eyes was sorrow at having risked another instead of lust for the beauty that was only technically his wife, it was all Horaki-San could do to not bow and beg forgiveness for what life had done to Shinji. Over a recent poker game, he had mentioned that with the Pilot Den being so close he had hoped that his daughter would catch the new pilot's eye. Polite, well-spoken, and effusive in his praise for those who worked to help him. One day of observation during the Third Angel incident, and then subtle queries of those around him over the last two days, he knew enough. This young boy wasn't a miniature Gendo, and his daughter couldn't find a better person than a man who would fight for justice.

Hikari slid down, ending the embrace far too soon for her own preference, and held a mixture of joy and sorrow in her eyes. Shinji, however, as soon as the majority of the contact was broken, noticed Yuuko girlishly grinning and Kaneda giving him two thumbs up. This, naturally, caused his body to completely tense, and both Horakis present looked over to see what was causing the problem. "I, it, this isn't," Shinji's protests were cut off as Tsubame squeezed harder and Hikari put a finger on his lips.

"This is exactly what it looks like, he just doesn't know it yet." The younger Horaki declared with pride. Kaneda cheered out loud this time, and Yuu lifted up her own phone to snap another memento of the event.

"I, but you…. A-and Tsubame-san and I, I, I don't." Shinji unfortunately had a bit of a stuttering problem when people around him flustered him. When he lived with Misato, it led to no end of teasing. "Why?" She hadn't known him but for a day, and Tsubame had known him for less and almost…. One bloody day, and he was already receiving far more from the people around him than he'd received in the entire year he'd spent with them before!

Because one day can be all which is required, Shinji. An all-too familiar male voice sounded in his thoughts, his benefactor taking the chance to remind him that change was the cost of progress. Shinji was on the verge of panic, and far too much progress had been made for him to allow Shinji to fall back into the habit of retreating to a known evil over an unknown good. Calm your thoughts. Allow them to show you what they wish before making any firm decisions. Remember, in the worst-case scenario you can simply restart everything and take your chances with Miss Ayanami.

Shinji's perception of time slowed to a crawl. He knew that Mister Star was right. He also knew that this was a chance for him to ask the more important question, Do you know what went wrong with her?

Her secrets remain her own, dear boy, he chided gently. What I will tell you now is that there are difficult times ahead as the two fragments of a greater whole attempt to determine how they wish to live their life. There is but one body, yet still two minds. Think on how that might impact you, were it true of yourself.

There was little chance of him arguing for more information when doing so would apparently be at the cost of Rei's privacy. …Is she safe?

She is not being abused, if that is what you fear. With your father incapacitated and his second-in-command struggling to keep that fact hidden, the good doctor has no remit to do more than keep your friend asleep. If I am to be honest, that might very well be for the best. In dreams one can often find truths that the waking world hides behind the masks we all wear. It was obvious from his tone that 'Mister Star' was doing his best to be comforting. Trust, my good man, in that delightful young woman's capacity to overcome her own challenges. You yourself trumpeted her strength to the world, after all.

Feeling the voice flee, time once more accelerated to its normal pace. Uncertain what to say, or do, Shinji instead mentally retreated to the meditative exercise that Rei had walked him through. "I…I'm just worried that I might be hurting people." He breathed out slowly. "Rei is still at NERV, unconscious. Everything is…there is so much changing so fast." Looking between the two Horaki women, he added, "I'll…uhm, I'll do my best to be my best."

Yuu shook her head, trying to make sense of his statement when her phone announced an incoming text. "That's Ibuki, they are going to run some tests on whoever it was that attacked this morning and so she won't be home today. I know, for sure and certain, that we still have people searching for…." She paused, thinking of how to phrase things so that Shinji wouldn't feel alone in believing that it actually was the young bluenette that had simply lost her mind. "We're covering all the bases as best we can. What you need to do is rest up. You just got your ribs busted, you haven't slept, and you haven't eaten. Fix those things, let me do what I do best. Ok?" Receiving a curt nod from Shinji, and understanding looks from Hikari and Tsubame, she grabbed Kaneda and dragged him out of the house to be about their own business.

Shinji and Hikari finished up the meal preparations and dished out healthy portions for everyone. Fortunately, Yuki-Chan had limited her theft to a few of the pieces of meat and had left far more than he would have expected her to. Tsubame, sitting with her hands in her lap, was watching with a small grin on her lips. Everything was turning out wonderfully…so long as her daughter chose to play ball.

"I like you, Shinji," Hikari began, helping him get everyone drinks before joining her mother at the bar. "I'm serious. I talked to…to Rei the other day and told her that if she wasn't going to jump at the chance to date you that I just might. Were you…working towards asking her out?"

"I…not really, no." Shinji's voice was still thick with emotion, his previous emotions still vulnerable. "I can't let anyone denigrate themselves by…by dating someone as…as…."

"Wonderful," Tsubame offered.

Hikari chimed in, "Thoughtful?"

"Broken," he emphasized. "I'm broken." Standing as he was, on the 'inside' of the bar between his guests and the kitchen, he leaned against the lower portion of the countertop and let his head hang. "I'm not…there is so much that…."

Reaching down and taking one of his hands, Tsubame felt for his pulse to make certain that he wasn't risking syncope while comforting him as best she could. "We're all a little bit broken. That doesn't mean you withdraw from everyone, though. Being broken together can sometimes be the best way to fix what's wrong."

When he looked up, he saw Hikari looking at him with a hint of fear. The young, beautiful, woman quietly asked, "Do…you not like me?"

The honest truth was that he had no idea if he liked her, or if he just wanted to bang her like a screen door in a typhoon. He was, at least, smart enough to know better than to phrase it that way. "I don't know if I even know how to know," he finally admitted in defeat. "I've never had a friend, let alone a girlfriend. I've…always been told I'm 'stupid' or 'worthless' or…or worse." Sighing, he shook his head. "You are more than I deserve, more than I could have ever…."

"Part of the problem," Tsubame said as if she had just thought of it, "is that I think he's afraid of the cycle of abuse repeating." Weathering her daughter's glare, she motioned for patience. "He will be summoned at odd hours to fight monsters just like the one he beat only a few days ago. He will have long hours to work, between keeping up on his classwork and training to save us. He just watched as the two of us poured out our anger at your father over never being there before telling us in his own words how much his father hurt him…it makes sense that the last thing he would want is to risk becoming the very thing we've all been discussing."

Shinji hadn't necessarily thought of it in those terms, but it was also a very valid concern. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be the reason someone is…is crying, let alone angry or hurt!"

Her face firmed up, her fear that Shinji had simply been being friendly banished by the logic at play, and so Hikari changed the terms of the deal a touch. "Would you spend as much time as we can together, knowing that we both have a lot of demands on our time?"

"That…that makes sense." He could agree to spending as much time as he could with someone like Hikari, and if nothing else she might be able to help him figure out how to help Rei.

Tsubame continued her own campaign, "Since we're already discussing challenges, you might want to keep in mind that neither of you have really dated anyone. Speaking from experience, the first person you fall for isn't necessarily the last." She saw Shinji's face flush slightly, and inwardly grinned. "In this new, crazy, world we're facing…there are going to be a lot of women interested in someone like Shinji. Girls like us outnumber the boys at least eight to one, anymore."

Shinji frowned. Wait…what?

Waving off the point, Hikari accepted the truth of the world she lived in, not the world she wished to, "Oh, I'm not worried about that. So long as when we find other women, he comes to me to talk about everything, it won't be anything like what he did. Dad didn't have the excuse of trying to help population decline, since he snuck around behind your back without ever consulting you." Her confidence restored, she pointed her finger towards him with a small grin. "I want you to understand that you're going to be worried over nothing. We'll get Rei back, and we'll ask if she wants to spend time with us too!"

With too many thoughts bouncing off of one another, Shinji made what he believed to be an egregious unforced error as he thought about potentially being forced into accepting other women. "I…I don't want you kissing other guys though." When Hikari's face fell, he realized how unfair he had just sounded by not predicating the statement with the fact that he didn't want to date multiple women. "I-I mean-"

Her voice deathly serious, Hikari declared, "Shinji, I don't want to kiss other men."

Tsubame was surprised herself at how strongly her daughter felt on that point. "And if he wants to sleep with someone else?"

Shinji motioned with his free hand that the idea wasn't even a consideration. "I-I wouldn't-"

"It'd be situational," Hikari interrupted, wanting to make her point clear. "Why was he sleeping with them? Would they be abusive to him? Was I not giving him something he needed? I've learned a lot from watching you and dad, over the years. Communication fixing most problems before they become arguments was probably the most important." She picked up some meat from her plate, placing it to Shinji's lips until he took it. "You're not wrong. We outnumber men eight to one, and the numbers are trending towards ten to one by the end of the year. They passed those two laws last year in an effort to try and address it…and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified that someone was going to 'encourage' me to enter a loveless marriage or accept a sperm donation." Leaving her chopsticks against his lips, she looked him dead in the eyes. "Especially when there is another way for me to try and help that I know would be far more pleasurable."

Once again, he tried to square the numbers they were quoting with anything he had ever heard from the nightly news he'd watched with Misato over dinner. Again, nothing was coming to mind.

"Just remember that you're not getting married tonight. The whole purpose of dating is to try and find whether or not your lives are compatible." Tsubame ran her thumb along Shinji's wrist. "After all, if I hadn't let a global crisis drive me into your father's arms, we wouldn't be dealing with fighting the government over this divorce."

Quick to follow that train to its logical end, Shinji's anxiety made an appearance. "B-but then…then Hikari wouldn't be here."

"I don't believe that," Tsubame disagreed firmly. "She was meant to be."

Motioning for Shinji to start eating, Hikari changed the direction of the topic in order to further pursue what she'd begun to desire most, "Are we sleeping here tonight, mom?" She caught Shinji's head snap back up after he'd begun to tuck into his soup. "Movement throughout the city has been forbidden until the search is done, right?"

Her face remained neutral, avoiding showing how thrilled she was that her daughter had thought of that. "Yeah, we probably will. I'll ask Yuu-chan if she'd be ok getting us some clothes and whatnot from our place. He'll just have to make his own dinner if he manages to go back there today."

"Sooo…if we're staying here tonight, we might need to think longer term. With Miss Ibuki being so important at work, and it being pretty clear how much help Shinji needs, we might want to contemplate…leaving a few things here. Just in case."

Tsubame saw how Shinji failed to follow along and turned the argument further towards her own favor. "One of the big problems we're having with the divorce really is the fact that I won't be living with your father anymore. They're pressing very hard on the fact that I should have at least one more child, preferably two, to try and have some boys."

"Wait…." Hikari tilted he head to the side a touch. "Would they accept you moving in with Shinji as a compromise?"

"I-I-I-I," Shinji couldn't even begin the sentence that was forming in his mind. He was dreading ever letting Hikari know what her mother had done in the shower with him.

"Careful there," Tsubame began cautiously, "that almost sounded like you'd be comfortable having your mother be knocked up by your boyfriend."

"Why not?" With a shrug, Hikari gestured between Shinji and her mother. "It's not like you need to get pregnant right away, and when you get the divorce finalized there's every possibility that you could find someone who would treat you the way you deserve. If he could provide cover to get you away from that cheating bastard, I'll be happy to attest to the fact that the two of you share a bed from time to time." Hesitating slightly, she looked to Shinji again. "Not…you know, that I'm promoting lying. Telling the truth is very important, and as a rule something you should always do. Just…you know, not when the government starts treating your mother as a mobile womb instead of a brilliant and talented medical professional."

"I…uh, I suck at lying." Never had truer words exited his mouth. "I'm awful at it. I don't even lie to myself believably." He wasn't opposed to helping them escape a bad situation, but he also wasn't champing at the bit to put himself in a position where he had to lie to anyone about who he may or may not be attempting to impregnate. "And…uh, w-what if…what if she…doesn't find someone?"

A slight frown adorned Hikari's lips. "You don't think my mom's pretty?"

"I n-no, she's gorgeous," he declared without reservation. "I-I just, I mean…she shouldn't just choose anyone! If there aren't a lot of men out there, and she can't find someone that…that's worthy of her, and the government thinks she and I are…are…."

Her frown grew deeper. "You're not ok with her living with us?"

"No, no, I wouldn't have any problems there, I-I just…."

"Shinji, I'm not going to bite your head off," she proclaimed, her frown hardening further. "What's bothering you?"

Far too amused watching the misunderstandings continue, Tsubame decided to once again come to Shinji's rescue. "What I believe he is saying, dear, is he's worried that the government might insist that he and I have a child."

Looking first to her mother, then to him, Hikari scoffed. "They're already putting pressure on seniors in our school to start 'pursuing family life'. The world is becoming more and more untethered from sanity every day! I'll tell everyone I know that the both of us are trying to become pregnant by him if it means we can tell dad to go fuck himself."

"Language."

Again, rolling her eyes, Hikari continued, "If it comes to pass that you two actually do start down that path…then I guess that means he won't have a problem walking that same path with me since I'll look just like you one day." She shrugged, pushing Shinji to take another bite. "I get that he's worried. I appreciate that he wants to be the type of man that is wholly faithful to one person. Every single article, news report, and handout we received from the Diet for the past three years has been warning us that the day was rapidly approaching that we won't have a choice if we want humanity to last another two generations." A sad smile crossed her lips. "I'm trying to help him understand that I'm not going to be one of the women out there haranguing their husband about doing what he is being asked to for the sake of all humanity. What difference does it end up making that one of those women is my mom?" She looked over to Tsubame. "At least I know you're the type of woman I would be proud to become one day, and that you'll never abuse him or me by cheating on our family."

Shinji knew, deep down in his heart of hearts knew, he had not missed news of that type. "I…uhm…what happened to the men?"

Reaching over and hugging her daughter close, Tsubame kissed her on the top of her head. "Thank you, kiddo. It's good to know that you're not disappointed in me." Laying her cheek where she'd kissed, she looked back to Shinji. "I'm guessing your aunt and uncle didn't let you watch the news? It's kind of surprising that Nagano's schools didn't cover this, even with them being in the backend of nowhere. It's been mandated by the Diet that every student receive information about what they've found so far for years."

Another change? How much was impacted by…. "No, uhm…I never saw anything like that."

Squeezing her mom, Hikari moved out from under her and went to get her school bag. "I still have the latest lesson plan. I'll let you read it. They added a few things about the impact of industrial pollution on the overall problem."

***** 3rd Angel + 5. Wednesday, Day 4.

Shinji chose to take the lesson plan to his room, instead of staying with the Horaki women while they worked with Section Two to get their things. Printed, in sterling detail, was the entire history of the 'looming population crisis'. The resource wars, the environmental recovery efforts following Second Impact, increased levels of misadventure, exponential worsening of incidences of suicide, environmental pollution from a reversion to early industrial era manufacturing standards, substandard healthcare, and least controllable of all a three-to-one birth rate of females to males. With fetal survivability rates hovering on the wrong side of sixty percent, every male child born had begun to be 'over-parented' which led to weakened immune systems and plummeting infant survivability rates. Every single piece of the grander puzzle was being made monumentally worse by human overreaction. The purpose of the lessons, he began to find, was a last-ditch effort to convince everyone to stop flailing around like idiots and trusting faulty superstitions and quackery instead of observable, repeatable, explicable, data. Had it been one or two nations, the data might have been skewed for political purposes. Had it been a slight imbalance in the gender births, the same could be reasoned. That the global margin of error was less than one ten millionth of a percent simply couldn't be overlooked.

Picking up his diary, Shinji began to write down the day's events. The slow, longform, process of explaining everything he'd seen and done helped him ask questions of himself that needed answering. What could he do to help Rei? What should he do to help the Horakis? Would Maya have a problem with what Tsubame and Hikari had decided? In light of the information he'd been given…would it be…would anyone be mad if he just accepted Hikari's affection?

+++++ Author's Notes:

I've found that one of the fun parts of writing a story is wording things in a way that allows for people to 'guess' where I'm going or what I'm doing. Even the incorrect guesses are often pretty well thought out. Filling in the what and why over time and watching as the guesswork is refined, pretty neat.

The decision to use Tsubame as the name was pretty easy for me, it makes sense that Hikari would want to honor her dead mother by naming her firstborn after her. The decision to include Tsubame, however, was less easy and is hopefully going to work the way I wanted it to. I'm...poking at a different concept of love and affection in this story, which as I said is going to be darker than YA(N)C, and I think that the part of it she's involved in is necessary to the overall thesis.

We'll see.