I DO NOT OWN YYH... please review...and i understand my grammer and spelling is not the best, I will try to fix it

Its been a week, and I have Yet to come out of my room. I wanted to be alone and didnt come out for anything, actually havent even eaten anything at all, they tried to get me to come out of my room but all in vain. I wasnt hungry, to tell the truth I didnt feel anything, I was empty of all emotions. They tried to get me to come out or even to respond. Kurama, my brothers and even Ken have tried but I would just lay motionless on the floor not responding to anything. I just wanted to be left alone, why couldnt they understand that?. My new favorite spot to hide and cry was under the bed, it was dark and small, a nice place to be alone. Kurama found that out one day when he couldn't find me in the room. It was probably only when he heard whimpering that He bent down and looked under the bed and saw me in fetal position all the way against the wall. The sight broke his heart, I could see it on his face, but he knew he couldn't do much to help me. No one can, so he left me there to silently cry. I fell asleep about an hour later.

speaking of which, I haven't slept much either at least not well, when I manage to cry myself to sleep, I was haunted by nightmares of Kiyoshi and Akemi's death and memories. My most recent was them standing infront of me all bloody, saying how I let them die and asking why I didnt save them, which resulted in waking up in the middle of the night and because of it I couldn't fall back asleep. I was currently on the bed staring at the wall in my silence. Silence was my best friend now, the only company I want. My crying has stopped for now, but its on and off randomly, I decided to at least take a hot shower. Maybe if I wash the grime off the pain will wash away to , heh kinda silly huh? but when your by yourself for hours on end Silly thoughts are great company. I got up, barely noticing my movements were almost mechanical and walked into the bathroom. I took an hour shower, actually I stared at the wall as the hot water fell on me, I lost track of time. Time seemed to stop for me, but I didnt care. I got out and wrapped a towel around myself, covering my nearly visible ribs, well I was small to begin with and I looked into the mirror. I didnt even recognize the girl staring back at me. My eyes stared emotionlessly back, I flinched at how weak I looked, I never cared for admitting my weakness and my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Shaking my head I walked into my room to get clothes. In the end I decided on black jeans and a black shirt that says "My silence is just another expression for my pain" and black vans. fitting no? I sat down against the wall and hugged my knees. This is how i want to stay, that was my plan.

After a while I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, then there was a knock on the door. THe footsteps belong to Kurama, I learn to recognize everyone by footsteps. "Amaya….Its Kurama May I please come in?" I didn't answer and just looked at the floor. He was probably gonna do what he wanted anyway. I heard him open up the door, he came in and closed the door. He walked toward me and knelt in front of me. ah here comes the begging again. Begging? that what Kiyoshi and akemi did before they died... "Amaya please come down and eat something your pack is worried sick….." He knows I care about my pack, Bastard. I didn't respond and just hugged my knees tighter. I know their worried but I just want to be alone,they can take care of themselves. then again I thought Kiyoshi could take care of himself and look where it got him. Kurama sighed, good he would probably give up and leave me be "what would Kiyoshi and Akemi think if they saw you like this?" That question snapped me out of my trance, that was a low blow Kurama, a real low blow. I looked at him, eyes still empty "how do you expect to live if you don't take care of yourself….your pack hasn't been sleeping….their a mess…..even the gang and I are worried…please you dont have to talk right now but just eat something" I didn't respond for a moment. should I? but I dont want to, my stomach protested the idea of food. I nodded my head in defeat. maybe then they will leave me alone, He smiled relieved and helped me up. Then I followed him slowly.

I look around as I got to the bottom of the stairs. my brothers were on the couch looking depressed, I noticed the dark circles under their eyes, though they were not as bad as mine. I looked like a freaking panda for crying out loud!. But it was definitely noticeable non the less. I saw Hiro and Asako curled up on the loveseat asleep, yusuke and Kuwabara were sitting on the other couch watching tv but their usual happiness seemed deflated. Ken was sitting against the wall over by the window that Hiei was currently sitting in, He as well had dark circles under his eyes and Hiei looked on edge. All in all the sight made me feel guilty, they were like this because of me. I wanted to run back to my room but Kurama probably sensed that because when i took a step back i bumped into his chest. Everyone looked up and stared in shock, now I really wanted to run, heh me being afraid of my own pack? how pathetic is that?. My brothers frowned when they read my shirt "oh Amaya" Kane whispered, they went to get up but I shook my head taking a step back, Kurama stepped to the side knowing I wouldnt run, and went in the kitchen. Kurama followed then put some food in front of me with a cup of tea. My stomach growled, But For a while I just stared at it. Then I noticed Kurama was watching me so I ate It slowly. Once i was done I got up and walked back up to my room and shut the door. Now they will leave me alone, i did as they wanted.

Leaning up against the door a few tears slipped down my face. Guilt filled my heart. My pack was suffering because of me, Because their worried about me. God I feel like such an asshole. I'm nothing but a burden to them, a weight holding them back. Without me they could move on with their lives, Hiro and Asako could have a happy life with their pups, Kane and Isamu could take over the role of taking care of the pack and find mates and have a family of their own and Ken could spend the rest of his life with a family. Yes they would live a much better life without me and I would make sure of it, but how?. 'suicide is not the answer not even for the lowest of demons plus they would be able to smell the blood…Not to mention Kiyoshi told me to live...actually if I killed myself they would notice my energy disappearing giving them enough time to save me, if I run my energy and scent will linger for a while' running away was the safest choice, I will leave tonight when everyone is asleep. It was decided, I grabbed a backpack and prepared for when I leave. Then all of a sudden I froze as a thought hit me 'wait Kurama, Hiei are light sleepers how the hell can I get past them without waking up?' shit this wasnt going to be easy, I sighed and just figured I would go out the window hope no one will wake up. please Luck be on my side right now.

*fast forward to night time*

I got up from the bed and looked at the clock '1:00 perfect…now to see if anyone's up' I went out the door and walked into the den and saw my pack asleep. 'they must have fallen asleep here and were to tired to move' I then look at the window and saw Hiei awake looking out the window. I frowned, this was going to be a problem if he's awake. He didn't seem to pay attention to me though, maybe he will leave soon. my gut tells me differently though, I looked at my brothers who were asleep on the couch. I went over to them and ran my fingers through their hair, remembering how they raised me, trained me and followed me everywhere. I smiled at them then turned to Hiro and Asako. I did the same to them remembering when I met them and they swore their loyalty to me. Then I turn to Ken, I remembered finding him alone and injured, him always challenging me and how many times I threatened to kick him out of the pack (which was an empty threat) and when he opened up to Me and the pack.

A pain in the ass but a member non the less, I softly kissed his cheek in thanks. I froze as He stirred for a moment then fell back into a deep slumber. I then turned and saw Hiei staring at me, it wasnt threatining, just watching almost curious. I looked at him, silently hoping he didn't know what I was planning on doing, then smiled I softly at him and turned and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. Hoping then he would think I just came down for a drink and to check on my pack. By the time I came back Hiei was gone, I sensed him in his room probably going to bed for the night. I sighed in relief, then went upstairs and grabbed my backpack. I looked around the room to make sure I didn't miss anything. Then I walked towards the window and climbed down the tree, I ran a little ahead then stopped. Turning around I looking at the mansion, I softly whispered "Im sorry" then turned around and ran, not once looking back. This place will be just a memory for me.

I ran as far as my legs would carry me and by the time I stopped the sun was rising. Thankfully I was far enough away that the gang would have some trouble finding me. I looked around, it would seem I stopped by a river. I decided to take a bath, after all it could be days before i find another river. since I didn't know who could be around, I quickly changed into a pair of shorts and t-shirt. No way was I swimming in the nude thank you very much. The water was warm thankfully, Dont get me wrong I liked cold water but warm relaxed my sore body. It sucks being practically human, this body takes such a beating. After a while I got out and changed into jeans and a random tank top and a pair of sneakers. Easy to travel in, Suddenly the hair on my arms stood up, I looked around it was peaceful and quiet, to quiet 'something's not right….there are no birds no animals…just the wind' I looked around now on edge, when I heard rustling to my left and saw the bushes moving. I was about to get ready to fight but then remembered I was powerless. Fuck can this day get any worse? Dont answer that!, All of a sudden a bunny hopped out. A freakin bunny? I let out a sigh of relief 'damn rabbit…you wonder why my kind loves eating you!' the rabbit looked at me, I snarled at it and it ran away. Damn I must be paranoid.

shaking my head I started walking till I felt someone watching me, ok that is not paranoia and that is not a bunny. "come on out!" I yelled. For a minuet there was no movement, then a figure came out. ah shit what am i going to do, maybe I can beat them up with a stick! no they would probably just pick their teeth with it after it eats me. I dont know how much further I can run either, I was exhausted. It was a young girl, she had long black hair that was pulled into pigtails with red bows and bright red eyes. She had a red long sleeve shirt and a black skirt on. "who are you?" I asked my voice stern, remember dont show weakness. I'm screwed if she finds out im weak. The girl stared at me blankly and I quickly grew agitated, damn she better answer me! "WHO ARE YOU?" the girl giggled but it wasn't an innocent laugh, there was something sinister behind it. Damn of all the situations I have to be put in, Someone REALLY must get a laugh out of my pain, or life just hates me...yeah there's that to. "Masters said you would be here, said you would be all alone" I froze, masters? knew I would be alone? has someone been spying on me?...no surely someone wouldve noticed if that were the case "masters? Who are you? And who are your masters?" she smiled evilly, why do I have a feeling I should run? "cant tell you that… cause then masters will be mad at Rokota" then she pulled out a syringe filled with a black liquid, I took a step back, Every ounce of my instincts told me to run and get away. After all, who would trust someone holding a syringe? NOT ME! "what is that?" I asked taking another step back from the girl named Rokota, she grinned like a maniac. I am not in the mood to play Batman vs the joker...plus I left my cape at home. "this is a present from masters. Rokota is not allowed to kill you, Said they need you alive for now" ok that comment made me get my ass in gear, I turned around and ran as fast as I could when I heard flapping. I looked behind me as I kept running...possibly for my life. Rokota was apparently a Bat demon! Damn now I really hated myself for the batman joke 'great I cant fight and since she can fly I cant run for long' unfortunatly I wasnt paying attention and tripped on a root. AGAIN just my luck! 'come on move! get up and MOVE' but my body wouldnt respond...it had reached its limit. I looked up and saw Rokota standing above me still smiling. she grabbed me and stuck the needle into my arm. SHIT mother freaker that hurt! When it was empty, she removed the needle and jumped back. My vision started to blur, what was in that? "Masters will be so pleased, they will reward Rokota!" she laughed then disappeared, her laughter filling the forest. boy was she annoying, I tried to stand up but my legs were shakey so I had to lean against a tree for support. I tried to steady myself but fell forward and passed out. DAMN IT life does hate me, dont it?