A/N: Are Rory & Jess driving you crazy yet? I hope it's not too stressful having them never quite romantically connect. I mean, y'all know they will eventually, right? ;) Thanks for the reviews, as always :)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 9

Jess caught sight of his own goofy grin in the bathroom mirror and immediately straightened out his expression. It happened all too often when he was thinking about Rory. He had gotten used to it back in the day, when his brooding teen self had suddenly seen the light in Rory Gilmore and fallen hook, line, and sinker for everything from her blue eyes to her ability to recite Ginsberg. There were times since then when he thought he was over it, over her. Maybe he just wanted to believe it was true. Honestly, the whole getting over Rory thing never really took, no matter what he told Luke, or his friends, or himself.

Coming out of the bathroom, he headed back to his desk to continue working. The manuscript he was editing had been giving him a headache for the past hour and, honestly, his bathroom break had been as much about taking a step back than actually needing to go. Still, the work had to be done and it was his job to do it. Jess began reading again, got only two painful paragraphs down the page, then sighed and flipped over to email instead.

Beyond a couple of things that had somehow managed to bypass the junk folder, there sat Rory's latest message. Of course, the subject line had a smiley face in it and of course she started her email by asking if he was okay and hoping it was true. She may have grown up and changed somewhat from the perfect Stars Hollow princess who loved everyone and put them all before herself, but some habits died hard, Jess supposed. In her heart, Rory was a good person, no matter what mistakes she might make sometimes, or what the ugly world threw at her.

The rest of the email was as familiar to Jess as the beginning, since he had to have read it through at least three times. He had a reply all written in his drafts folder, he was just sitting on it a while longer, knowing if he sent it too soon he would look over-eager.

When messages concerned the baby, he was fine with that, but when it was just him and Rory talking about whatever, he was a little more cautious. After all, though they had firmly re-established their friendship lately, theirs was not a conventional relationship. She was having his kid, but they weren't a couple, a family, anything like that. Sometimes, it was tough to remember. Sometimes, it hurt too much to try.

Opening up the reply email he had all drafted out, Jess started re-reading that instead. He spotted one or two minor grammar errors and corrected them on the way down. Then he hit the paragraph responding to her question about when they might see him around Stars Hollow again. It was getting close to Christmas already, the time since Thanksgiving and their trip to Nantucket seeming to fly by at lightning speed. Jess wasn't lying when he said he was busy, Truncheon Publishing had a lot to do before they broke for the biggest holiday of the year, but he could've found time for Rory and their kid. He could've visited last weekend or the one before. He just didn't.

Leaning forward with his elbows on the desk, Jess rubbed as his aching forehead and cursed himself for being an idiot. At this point, he had known Rory half his life, more or less, and yet, in all that time, he never had learned to become immune to her. The effect she could have on him sometimes was staggering, even now, and he did his best not to let it show, but the closer they got, the tougher it became. That night they spent together, it ought to have helped, getting it all out of his system, then finding a way to move forward. No such luck.

Jess had so many dreams based off that night, he started to feel like a Grade A pervert, except it wasn't like that. Of course, sex with Rory was great, but it was so much more than that. No matter what she was feeling on her side of the equation, in Jess' head and heart, they made love that night, at the same time as making a baby, as it turned out. That was the real kicker. Not ever being able to let that one-night lie, because the result of it was a child that would tie them together forever.

Of course, it had occurred to Jess to talk to Rory about all of this. It would be the most natural thing in the world for him to tell her the truth about his feelings, to let her see that all he wanted was to be with her and their baby, a happy family, with a little luck.

Unfortunately, life wasn't that easy and Jess knew it more than most. Anything he said to Rory about his feelings now would seem like it was all for the baby's sake, and even if he could convince her otherwise, there was nothing to say she wanted him in her life that way, that she really wanted him at all.

They were over, long over, despite that one crazy night four months ago. She was insistent, both then and now, that they should just be friends. Jess knew he had to respect that. Even if it killed him, he had to. Besides, he was well aware what pregnancy hormones did to a woman. If he could get Rory to say she felt the same about him, to want to be with him in a way that was more than parenting a child, there was nothing to say it would last.

With their track record, it probably wouldn't, and then what? Another kid from a broken home, with parents who couldn't even be in the same room with each other without ripping lumps out of each other. No, Jess couldn't do that, not to his kid, not to Rory, and not to himself either.

The last thing any of them needed was an encore of the great Rory and Jess relationship, only to have it crumble like it had the last time. Nobody needed to have to live through that kind of heartache. Jess knew he certainly didn't. He still had the scars from the last time.

Apparently, once they heard about the pregnancy, it had occurred to the townies in the Hollow that maybe Rory and Jess were getting back together. She had said as much in her first email after Thanksgiving, and again when he called her at some point or other. They had laughed about how old-fashioned and square the Stars Hollows folk were for presuming, but on Jess' side it was a forced sound. Not that he thought everybody having a kid together had to automatically get married or whatever, only that he kind of wished he and Rory were closer than they were. Not exactly a new feeling for him, truth be told.

"You doin' okay, Jess?"

He looked up fast when he heard Chris speak, seeing the concern on his buddy's face and realising he probably looked as sick as he felt. Swallowing hard, he scrambled to come up with an excuse, but never got the words out before his friend spoke again.

"Oh, man, it's not Rory and the baby, is it? They're okay, right?"

"They're fine," Jess said fast, immediately feeling bad for making anyone worry over nothing. "It's not that. I was just... this crappy manuscript is giving me a headache," he said at last, not a total lie, which was better than nothing.

Chris breathed a sigh of relief over the news about Rory, then made a face over the manuscript issue. "Yeah, I know it sucks, but you know Cooper wouldn't publish with us unless we also took that book from his cousin."

"All I can say is the man must really love his cousin" Jess shook his head. "This thing is trash. I'm embarrassed to even be reading it most of the time."

"Well, look at this way, a couple of days and, so long as all goes according to plan, we can close this place up for a week, maybe even ten days over Christmas and New Years." Chris smiled. "Lots of time to spend with the family at the homestead, right?"

He meant no real offence with the way he phrased it, Jess knew, even if he did make it sound like Stars Hollow was a lot more Hicksville than it actually was. The truth was, he had been planning to make more excuses to avoid Christmas 'back home', but all of his reasons had been selfish. It wasn't fair to avoid Rory. It really wasn't fair to avoid Luke, or even Liz, TJ, and Doula. Besides, wasn't it Jess who had vowed to be there for his kid in all the ways he wished his parents had been there for him, once upon a time? Sure, his kid wasn't born yet, but that was hardly the point. Better to start as he meant to go on, Jess knew.

"Yeah, I'll be going home for Christmas," he said to Chris then, immediately pulling his chair closer to the desk, so he could amend that drafted email for Rory and confirm the plans he had just now made in his head. "I know you probably don't get it, I mean, with the baby not even being here yet..."

"No, man, I totally understand." Chris shook his head. "It's your kid, born or not. You wanna be there, you know, for Rory too. I mean, whatever else happens, she's the mother of your child. That's big. You know, like, inescapable big."

"Right." Jess nodded once, keeping his eyes on the email.

Inescapable. He knew that word really well, especially when it came to Rory. His feelings for her, his love for her, it never did die and probably never would, so there was no better descriptor than inescapable. Now they were having a baby together, it was bound to make things harder rather than easier, but Jess was just going to have to learn to deal. This whole thing was so not about him right now, it wasn't even entirely about Rory. He was going to be a good parent to this kid, no matter what. That was non-negotiable.

Rory stood in front of the mirror, turning left then right as she tugged at her shirt. There was absolutely no hiding she was pregnant anymore, not that she had really had a reason to try since word got out around town, but still. It was strange to be changing shape, expanding, seeing real proof positive that she wasn't only one person now, but more like one-and-a-third.

"Or one-and-a-half, I guess," she considered, given she was just now coming up on the four-month mark. "Time's flying by," she muttered, hand running down over her bump one more time.

She had a lot to do before the baby came. Ideally, she wanted to finish writing Gilmore Girls, though there had been issues with her emotional state when it came to that. Recalling events from her past, both happy and sad, seemed to bring on the tears some days, without any warning at all, but she planned to persevere. Of course, perhaps even more important than her writing was making some regular money and even looking to get a place of her own.

Rory put out a lot of feelers when it came to work, emailing all her contacts, trying to get freelance stuff wherever she could, but also, looking into something more permanent too. Writing was such that she could pretty much work from wherever, and her plan, in the short-term at least, was to stay in the Hollow, writing articles or whatever, and sending them in via email or shared docs. She saw no reason why it couldn't work, if only somebody would actually employ her to do it.

In the meantime, she had a little money to see her through and had even managed to convince Andrew to let her fill in at the bookstore for him sometimes, since his latest assistant left. Rory almost felt a little guilty, knowing he let her take the job without even considering other applicants, almost entirely because she was pregnant, as well as the former town princess, as Jess would phrase it. Still, she doubted anyone was better qualified than her to deal with books, so there was that.

Thinking of Jess made Rory sigh out loud. Dumb as she felt for it, she missed him. Sure, they emailed, talked on the phone once or twice, but he was busy a lot lately, and far, far away in Philadelphia, living his own life. He told her he would come visit soon, but never exactly when. She had pitched the idea of a family Christmas, but he hadn't gotten back to her yet. After Thanksgiving, she wasn't sure she could blame him.

"Rory?" Lorelai called then, tapping twice on the door before peeking inside. "Hey, babe. So, I'm headed back to the inn and Luke is over at the diner. If you need anything, you can call our cells, or Babette is right next door."

"Mom, I'm pregnant, I'm not sick," she reminded her with a smile. "Also, only four months pregnant, not due to pop any second. What would I need?"

"Hey, Mommy worries," said Lorelai, with a serious look that did not at all work with her playful tone. "Seriously, sweets, I just want you to always have somebody on hand. You've been through a lot lately, you know stress and everything, and now a baby on the way? I just need to know you're okay."

"I promise, I am," Rory swore, reaching out to hug her mom. "But thank you for caring so much."

"Aww, any time," Lorelai promised, patting her back and kissing her cheek. "No matter how old you are, or how many babies of your own you have, you are always going to be my baby first, okay?"

"I know." Rory nodded and smiled. "Now, I think you said you had to get back to the inn. So, go. I swear, I'll be fine. I have writing I want to do anyway which, no offence, is always easier when I'm alone with the peace and the quiet."

Though she pretended to be offended - as if Rory had just called her the loudest, most obnoxious person in the world - Lorelai soon left, waving bye-bye and wishing Rory good luck with her latest chapter. Then Rory felt bad because, quite honestly, she wasn't sure she had a new chapter in her today after all.

Just as she thought as much, her inbox chimed with an incoming email, and she quickly sat down at the desk to see what it was. A genuine grin took over her face when she saw it was a message from Jess and she started to read with real enthusiasm.

"He's coming home for Christmas," she realised aloud, almost laughing with the overwhelming joy of it, and then, unsurprisingly for the last couple of weeks, she cried some more too.

To Be Continued...