A/N A thousand apologies for not updating. First my computer crashed and then I was taking a summer class. The class is over now so more updates.

Facing his Demons

Mark could feel his palms sweating as he reached Dr. Wyatt's office. He knew that he was about to face his demons head on and he was scared. He didn't want to bring up his feelings of fear and pain and desperation again. It seemed as though he had no other choice and that frustrated him to no end. He wished the memories would fade and he wouldn't remember with disturbing clarity exactly what his psycho mother had done to him. She had taken away his childhood and Mark had never really gotten to enjoy it. He had enjoyed it when he was with Derek's family but he had to go home sometime.

He turned the handle on Dr. Wyatt's office door and prayed that she wasn't with anyone. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw her at her desk working on paperwork. She looked up and she was definitely surprised to see Mark standing there. They had not had ton of interaction so for her, she was surprised to see the Head of Plastics standing her office looking like he needed to talk.

"Uh, do you have some time?" Mark asked. He really was not sure how he was supposed to do this. This was the first time he'd be talking to a professional about what his mother had done to him and he was nervous. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say or how much he was supposed to say.

"Yes, why don't you sit down." Dr. Wyatt told him calmly. She could tell that the Head of Plastics was going through something. She hoped she could help him deal with whatever was going on. Mark sat down on her couch and he wiped his hands on his pants hopping to dry his hands out.

"What brings you here?" Dr Wyatt asked. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she could tell it was big and that it was really messing with his head. Mark's eyes were on the floor and he couldn't make himself say what was really going on. He wasn't ready to deal with this. Mark wondered if he would ever be ready. He needed to do this. Not only for him, but for Lexie who still didn't know. Lexie deserved to know the truth and Mark wanted her to know about the kind of hell his childhood had been.

"My mother." Mark finally started. Dr. Wyatt looked at him questioningly. She had no idea what Mark meant by that and she was waiting for further explanation.

"She…uh…used me…um as her sexual plaything." Mark finally managed to get out. God he hated talking about this. He knew it was necessary, but he was uncomfortable talking about this stuff.

"When did it start?" Dr. Wyatt inquired. She had no idea that Mark had this kind of baggage. She had a lot of work to do to help him deal with this. If she thought Meredith had Mommy issues, Mark definitely did.

"I was three when she started making me touch her." Mark explained. God he was embarrassed and he hated that his mother had done this to him. He didn't handle any sort of embarrassment well and this was certainly no exception.

"How long did it last?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"I was twelve when I finally got strong enough to push her off of me. By that time she came to see me when I was in my bedroom. She'd be naked and she'd force me to remove my clothes. Up until that point I cared what she thought of me and I wanted her love so I did whatever she told me to do." Mark explained as he shifted in his seat.

"Did she ever tell you why she was doing this?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"Does it matter? This psycho destroyed my childhood." Mark snapped.

"I know you are angry Mark and you have every right to be angry, but I need to ask these questions." Dr. Wyatt explained calmly. She had a feeling that Mark had never let himself really grieve over his lost childhood or be outwardly angry towards his mother.

"No, you need to help me deal with it." Mark argued stubbornly.

"What did she say?" Dr. Wyatt asked in a much softer voice. Mark sighed, knowing that Dr. Wyatt was just trying to help him deal with this. He knew that he would have to answer awkward and uncomfortable questions if he wanted to be able to finally put this behind him for good.

"That I could never tell my father the special way that she loved me. She said that it was my responsibility as her son to see to her needs since my father was no longer being intimate with her." Mark whispered in a very low voice. He was upset and he wanted to vomit and cry at the same time. Mark never cried. Or at least he never let anyone see him cry. The idea that his mother had taken advantage of her three year old son made Mark ill. The fact that he had been that three year old whose mother had taken advantage of him made Mark want to vomit even more. He had carried a lot of guilt for letting it go on as long as he had. Looking back he knew that he should have told more people what was going on when he was a child. He had begged Carolyn Shepherd not to say anything to any authorities because he wanted his mother to love him. Mark knew that Carolyn hated not saying anything, but Mark was grateful that she hadn't said anything to the authorities.

"Did anyone else ever know?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"Derek knew. So did his family. I told Derek when I was seven. At that time I knew what she was doing was wrong, but I wanted her to love me so I didn't complain. I told his family when I was eight." Mark explained as he drummed his fingers on the wooden armrests.

"And then I told Derek's now ex wife Addison several years after I met her." Mark explained. Addison had encouraged him to get help in dealing with it. Derek had insisted that Mark would get help when he was ready.

"You saw a shrink in New York?" Dr. Wyatt asked. Mark wondered how she had gotten that information. He knew it had been put in his personnel file, but he didn't know Dr. Wyatt read them when he wasn't even her patient until now.

"Yeah, but it was dealing mostly with parental abandonment and commitment issues." Mark explained. He was relieved that the dark gritty details of what his mother had done to him, appeared to be behind them.

"But your childhood trauma was never discussed?" Dr. Wyatt inquired. Wordlessly, Mark shook his head. He had never felt comfortable discussing it with his shrink in New York.

"Why now?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"Because…I figure I should get over it. So my mother used me as her sexual plaything. At least she didn't beat me." Mark replied. He knew it was a total cop out, but it was the way he had rationalized things as long as he could remember.

"Mark…"Dr. Wyatt warned him. She knew he was trying to rationalize his reasons for being there.

"Okay fine…I'm getting married in six months and she still doesn't know." Mark explained the real reason he was wanting to deal with this now. Okay now it was all starting to make sense to Dr. Wyatt. Mark's reason for wanting to deal with this now made more sense now that he was being more honest and upfront.

"She's your fiancée. She deserves to know." Dr. Wyatt informed Mark. Mark knew that she was right, but honestly he was afraid that Lexie would leave him once she found out about this dark secret.

"I know." Mark whispered.

"You are afraid she's going to leave you once you tell her?" Dr. Wyatt asked. He could tell that was how Mark was feeling.

"Yeah." Mark admitted, his voice remaining uncharacteristically soft.

"Write down what you want to tell her and next week bring it to me and we'll discuss it." Dr. Wyatt told him. She didn't think he should tell Lexie yet. Not until he had worked through the pain and guilt that he had. She was hoping that writing words down would be therapeutic for him,

"Okay." Mark murmured before he stood up. He shook her hand and thanked her for her help. He turned around and left her office. Mark needed to figure out what he was going to say to Lexie. And how he was going to say it. He decided to go spend the next few hours locked in his office so he could work on what he was going to say to Lexie.