Peeta is doing everything he can to help me. He is much stronger than I am. He hardly ever has the thoughts of destroying me that the Capitol had instilled in his brain. Now I am the weak one. I have surely gone mad. I can't remember losing my sanity, but I must've.

Peeta hasn't given up on recovery yet. He takes me outside every day and puts his arm around me as we watch Distirict 12 turn to autumn. He sometimes looks towards the bakery with longing eyes. When I ask him if he wants to go back to working at the bakery again, he insists that he has to stay home with me.

Why is Peeta so good like this? I am hardly a good person. I don't deserve him one bit.

***
Today is sunny, so Peeta takes me out in the back yard for a picnic. We sit on a little square blanket and nibble on some of Peeta's cookies. My head is resting on his stomach. He is stroking my hair and smiling down at me.

'We haven't had fun like this in a while,' Peeta says.

'No, we haven't,' I say.

'It's nice,'

'I once Gale that I'm never having children,' it slips out of mouth before I realize how utterly random it was. I am surprised that it came out of my mouth with no control.

'What?' Peeta sits up, and my head falls to the blanket.

'Oops. I mean, this just reminded me of that day. It was sunny and warm like it is now.'

'Oh, I thought…' Peeta looks down disappointed.

'Thought what?' I say

'Well, I thought you were telling me you changed your mind.'

'Peeta!' I am angered. 'You know the idea of children terrifies me! I most certainly didn't change my mind!' I run to the door that leads to the kitchen and close it loudly behind me.

I sit on the table and cry. I cry out of fear. Out of anger. But mostly because when I told him about Gale I had sort of changed my mind. But the minute he said it aloud I was afraid again. Peeta comes in, and his face looks grim.

'Peeta, I'm sorry. For a moment I did change my mind. But then you said it and I was immediately terrified again. I'm sorry. It's not fair. I must be awfully confusing.' My speech is hardly audible through the sobs, but he must have heard most of it. He comes and takes my hand and softly kisses my cheek.

'Katniss. I can wait for kids. It's okay. I just want you to be happy.'

'No Peeta. For once, I'd like you to be happy too.'

'I am happy.'

'Peeta. I want to give you everything you deserve. Every day you give me love but I give you nothing in return.'

'I'm not giving up on having kids yet. The day will come when you change your mind. Until then, all I need from you is your kisses.' He leans over and kisses me long and hard on the lips. I can't help but smile.

'I think I can do that.' I say. I am still not sure if I ever want to have a child, but I don't tell Peeta.

After this, Peeta kisses me every chance he gets. He really meant it when he said that's what he wants. I kiss him back, because I want to keep my promise. He wants to do more than this, I can tell, but he refrains. When he puts his arm around me in bed I sit there absolutely horrified. But Peeta is a good man, so all he does is kiss me on the cheek and turns around to fall asleep.

One day, I find Annie Cresta in my living room, with her small baby boy in her arms. He must be about a year old now. Peeta is next to her, smiling and playing with the baby's toes. It makes me sad to see. It is so evident how much Peeta wants children.

'Hi Annie. He's wonderful.' I say, and Peeta and I smile at each other.

'Thanks. Looks just like Finn doesn't he?' Annie's face turns pale at the mention of Finnick, but a smile remains on her face. 'Would you like to hold him? Peeta did earlier,'

I look over at Peeta, and I can tell he wants me to see how it feels. I have a feeling that this is a part of his plan to convince me. 'Okay,'

I've only ever held one baby before and that was Gale's sister Posy. That was so long ago. Annie hands him over to me but stays close. I am ashamed, but I don't feel a thing. It gives me no longing for children. Yes, he is cute, and he is very much like Finnick, but it ends there. I feel like I am letting Peeta down.

I hand him back to Annie. 'He is so adorable. He will grow up in a better world.'

'Indeed. I would love to take him to the sea, but there's too much pain.' Annie says

'I understand.'

'Well, it was nice seeing the both of you. One day you'll have one of these as well!'

Peeta says, 'Hopefully we will.' I can only pull together a smile.

Annie heads out the door, and Peeta embraces me. All I can say is, 'Finnick shouldn't have died.'

Peeta is disappointed, I can tell. He kisses me and I kiss back.

I still do not want children at all.