AN: Yeah, this is one hell of a lot of crossovers; expect them every now and then. Otherwise I'd have to do actual STORIES with all my bizarre associations.
Disclaimer: Fan fiction dot net, people. FAN FICTION. It's not rocket science.
NOTE: Since the last set of rules sent to new recruits, injury rates for all divisions outside the 11th have drastically decreased; however, the brief equilibrium has been damaged by a new threat. Kuchiki Rukia's smuggling of human media into the Gotei 13 has resulted in a string of irrational behaviors emulating the plots therein. Therefore, the following are responses specifically for the perpetrators of various behaviors.
11: Captain Kyoraku, we will consider your proposal- given that you define the term "miniskirt" and explain the benefits of said clothing in combat situations.
Unfortunately, Kyoraku's written explanation was intercepted between the 8th division and the 1st. The culprit is unknown, but Lieutenant Ise has been wearing an overly-satisfied smirk ever since the incident.
12: Lieutenant Kusajishi, beating up Captain Hitsugaya when his ban kai is engaged does not make you a "dragon slayer."
For reasons beyond the fathoming of any observer, Yachiru then began running around slapping temporary tattoos onto all passing "guild members."
13: There is no such thing as a demon, vampire, or Nosferatu. We of the Gotei 13 are fully aware of any and all worlds parallel to the human world, and we can guarantee that Gehenna, the demon world, or whatever name you call it does not exist.
Regardless of official declarations, however, half of Soul Society is still convinced that Zaraki Kenpachi is devil spawn.
14: The Hollow known as Kyuubey is to be captured immediately and interrogated for the locations of the various Arrancar he has created.
It was later learned that he had promised to bring Aizen back to Lieutenant Hinamori. All that was known at the time, though, was that the Lieutenant had utterly lost any remaining scraps of sanity and begun referring to modsouls as "puella magi."
15: The Hollow known as Kikyou should have been purified 500 years ago. The 12th division is hereby banned from Tokyo until her soul can be returned to the human Kagome.
Ishida Uryu was later observed at the girl's family shrine, swapping archery tips.
16: The 12th Division is hereby forbidden to create any organism remotely resembling any character from the list of known manga distributed by Lieutenant Kuchiki.
After several unfortunate explosions and disturbing corpses were discovered, the list was extended to include weapons, clothing, all biological material, and props.
17: The 12th Division is hereby ordered to destroy any and all weaponized items which are tangible to humans. This includes items masquerading as office supplies.
Why could Mayuri possibly need that book or those gloves, anyway?
18: Aizen, we understand that you are "standing alone in Heaven" and currently beyond our reproach or jurisdiction. However, you are blatantly mocking all of Soul Society and the Lieutenant of the 3rd division is becoming suicidal. Please recall the Arrancar known as Rem and Ryuuk immediately.
Shortly after the reported incident, Captain Hitsugaya and the Vaizard Shinji were deployed in gigais to neutralize the threat.
19: Shihoin Yoruichi, please refrain from using the "Sexy no jutsu," as you have dubbed your transformation to human form, in public.
There was a fairly large petition to repeal this order, signed in part by Captain Kyoraku, Lieutenant Hisagi, and the majority of the 11th division.
20: Kurosaki Ichigo, you are in a unique and disturbing situation and we acknowledge this. We are fully prepared to provide therapy, both mental and physical; we have several officers who have gone through a similar process to yours, if only in the unwilling-hero field. We must ask, though: was the forming of a "Semi-Human/Living Weapon/Inner Monster Support Group" really necessary?
Kurosaki's written reply was simply, "Yes it is, or they'll all get killed and make freakishly powerful Arrancar. I've got to go help our Retrieval team now, this 15-year-old delinquent just tried to punch out Satan."