Hello again! This weekend I was hit with a massive case of writer's block, so I hope this chapter isn't disappointing and that you find it worth the wait! Thank you all so much as always for your kind reviews, story alerts, and favorites. It's a real motivator!
Disclaimer: I do not own CM
-kbrewster
It had been one week since Hotch had contacted Morgan, and since then neither of them had spoken. Hotch had even called Morgan back two different times on two different days after they had first talked, but Morgan never returned his calls. He would have assumed they were on a case, but he knew if that were true, his calls to Morgan's office would have been directed back to the FBI Supervisor who would have informed him so. He should know, he'd spent years leading a team.
Needless to say, things were tense in Hotch's house. Emily had barely slept at all, too afraid for what could happen, too alert to allow herself to truly relax. She ate little, and spoke even less. She hardly talked to Hotch, and when she did she usually ended up in tears. She had not spoken to JJ in a couple of days now, despite the fact JJ either called or dropped by Hotch's house every day to check in. Hotch wished there was more he could do for the obviously depressed and terrified woman, but he was literally at his wits end.
Gabrielle noticed Emily's behavior, and while she never said anything about it, Hotch could tell she was getting more worried with each day that passed. The young girl never asked any questions, never prodded Emily to tell her why she was acting the way she was, and even when Emily had been snappy with Gabrielle a few times, she didn't get upset. In some ways, he was thankful for Gabby's ability to understand that even if her mother was handling things in a way none of them agreed with, that she was only doing it to keep Gabby safe. However, sometimes he wish Gabby would act out just one time, maybe it would bring Emily back in and make her want to take care of herself. Then he reminded himself, this was Emily Prentiss' child. Compartmentalizing would be part of the territory, no matter what the age.
While Jack had promised Hotch he would give Emily and Gabrielle a chance, he had rarely spoken to them or been in the same room as them for longer than a few minutes. Hotch tried to chalk it up to the teenager wanting to avoid the tense situation, but he knew Jack was probably still frustrated and upset.
To add to the situation, Hotch had called the local police department two days ago. He explained the situation in detail, making sure there was no room for confusion. After he had been on the phone for nearly two hours, speaking to at least six different people, he was no closer to getting help than he had been before he called. Despite the fact Ian Doyle had once been one of the most wanted criminals in more than one country, and that he had directly contacted Hotch via a note, he was still told there was nothing the police department could do. Every person Hotch spoke to told him that he would need to present more physical evidence that the contactor was, indeed, Ian Doyle and not someone who meant no harm other than to scare Hotch. No matter how much Hotch argued, no matter what he said, he couldn't get help. That made Hotch more angry than anything else. Here he was, literally begging for help for not only himself, but for three other people he loved more than anything in the world, and nothing could be done. Not until someone was threatened, or hurt physically. Though he had once been in law enforcement, and had seen this type of situation pop up before, it still made him sick to think about.
As Hotch glanced over to the couch from his recliner, he decided he could no longer bare the ever present sadness that Emily wore on her face. He wanted to do something to ease her pain. He watched Emily and Gabrielle, seated across the room. Gabby was insistent on watching the same animated movie she had already watched at least five times that week, and she wanted Emily and Hotch in the room as well. Hotch had been staring at the TV, but he had no idea what was happening as the brightly colored characters danced across the screen. He had been too busy thinking about the situation at hand, wishing he could save the day with some sort of miracle.
Hotch noted Emily's completely closed off gestures. Her arms and legs were crossed, and she was looking down at the ground. She'd been biting her lip for nearly an hour, not paying attention to anything at all. When Gabrielle would try to talk to her, she would give the girl a brief smile, or a one worded answer. After Gabrielle sighed and got up from the couch, making her way into the room she and Emily had been sharing without bothering to stop the movie, Hotch got an idea.
"Emily?" He said softly, not wanting to startle her.
She looked up at him. "Yeah?"
"I've got an idea," he offered, moving from the recliner over to the couch to sit next to Emily. He placed his hand on her knee, waiting for her response.
"What?" she asked, continuing to keep herself closed off.
"What if we tell Garcia?"
"Why would we do that, Hotch? To have her hate me too?"
"Em, Morgan doesn't hate you. He needs time-"
"Well, you know what? We don't have time!" Emily cut him off, swatting his hand off her knee as she scooted farther away from him. "For all we know, Doyle's staking out your house right now. He could just be waiting for us to do one little thing wrong, so he can get to Gabby! Or maybe he's waiting for me to be in the proper position to shoot me, or you, or Jack, or anyone! JJ and Will and Henry could be in danger too! I don't know. We're not going to know unless we get some help!" She said angrily, as she stood and began pacing around the coffee table. "Where is she?" Emily asked suddenly. "She was right here, wasn't she?"
"She went up to her room because neither of us were paying attention to the movie. Jack's upstairs, too. She's fine," he told her. She glanced towards the stairs, and Hotch knew she wasn't convinced.
"Emily," he tried again. "Can you please just listen to me? I know you're scared, I know you haven't been sleeping and you haven't been eating, but if you just take time to hear me out I'm sure you'll start feeling a little better," he said, motioning for her to come sit by him again.
She rolled her eyes, but sat next to him anyway.
"I want us to tell Garcia because she still works for the Bureau. She can look up Doyle for us and tell us right away how in demand he is," he explained. "We can go from there. If he's as wanted as he was ten years ago, we might be able to get help faster if we call the right people,"
Emily sighed. "If you think telling her will actually solve anything, then go ahead I guess. But I don't want to be in the room when you call," she said quickly. "I just- I don't want to hear her if she's angry so I'm going to go up and be with Gabby, so she's not alone,"
"Okay," Hotch agreed. "I'll be up in a little while," he said, watching her stand again and make her way slowly up the stairs towards their daughter.
Hotch had taken it upon himself to find all the necessary names and numbers to get in touch with Garcia before her asked Emily, wanting to do as much as he could as quickly as possible.
"Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia speaking, how may I help you?" he heard on the other end of the line a few minutes later.
"What, no witty commentary for your former boss?" Hotch joked.
"Hotch?" Garcia asked quietly. "Hey, what brings you to the Wonderful World of PG today?" she asked, her tone much lighter than it had been before.
"I really hate to bother you at work," he started. "But this is really important. Are you busy?"
"The Great and Powerful Techno-queen knows not the meaning of such words. What can I do for you?" she asked, sounding eager to help.
"Okay, I need to explain something to you, and I need you to not freak out and scream and cry and all of that other stuff you've been known to do,"
"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.
"I'm fine, Garcia. But this is a lot to take in. Are you sitting down?"
"Yes, now out with it!"
"Okay, okay," he said. "What I need you to do, is look up Ian Doyle on the FBI, CIA, and anyone else's lists. I need to see how wanted he is,"
"D-Doyle?" she asked cautiously.
"I know it's been ten years, and I know the chances of his being on anyone's radar are slim to none, but I just-" he sighed. "Garcia, Emily's alive,"
"She's what?"
Hotch went on to explain everything that had happened in the past week, as quickly yet efficiently as he could. He explained he needed her to look Doyle up in hopes that he was still wanted, so maybe Hotch and Emily could get some help to protect them all.
Garcia went from making no noise at all, to squealing directly into Hotch's ear, despite her promise to not do that. "My little raven haired beauty is among the living after all?" she said excitedly. "And there's a little mini Prentiss-Hotchner running around? Oh I must come see you all soon! Can I come see them? Have you told anyone else? Oh everyone's going to be just thrilled!" Garcia said, resembling an overly excited child.
"Garcia," Hotch said seriously. "I need you to focus,"
"Right, sorry, do continue," she said, though Hotch knew without seeing her that the woman on the other end had a smile plastered to her face.
"Remember how I told you Doyle found them? They're in trouble. I could be in trouble. We need to stop him before he does something dangerous,"
"Already on it," Garcia said and Hotch could hear the clacking and clicking of the keyboard, and the beeping of more technology.
"Ian Doyle is…. Oh," she said, sounding disappointed.
"What?"
"Since he's been inactive for so long he's not really… he's not on anyone's radar for any reason. A couple of lists have him declared dead. Though I don't know why, since there's no proof… and since he's contacted you. I'm sorry," Garcia said.
"Damn it," Hotch cursed. "This isn't good,"
"I can hack into some databases… make him a target," Garcia offered.
"As much as I want to say yes, and as much as I wish I could allow you to do that, I can't. You know that," Hotch said.
Garcia sighed. "I just want to help,"
"I know you do, and thank you so much. But we'll figure it out, I promise," Hotch said.
"Can I come by and see them soon? You still live in the area right?" Garcia asked, changing the subject.
"I would love for you to come, yes. I still live near you. But you need to know… she's different, Garcia. She's not the same person she was ten years ago. Plus, she hasn't been sleeping or eating properly since she got here. She's too scared for what might happen. I can't say as I blame her but I've made it my personal mission to ease some of the paranoia. You coming by might just be what she needs,"
"Okay, well, if tomorrow's not too soon, I should be able to come by then if that's alright," Garcia confirmed.
"That sounds great, Garcia. Thank you,"
"I'm sorry there's nothing more I can do… legally," she added slyly.
Hotch chuckled. "I'm sorry too,"
They hung up, and Hotch was no less frustrated than he had been previously. He just wanted someone to get Doyle and get rid of him for good, so that he, Emily, Jack, and Gabby could try being a normal family.
Knowing he couldn't put telling Emily what Garcia had said off for very long, Hotch made his way up the stairs and into Emily and Gabby's shared bedroom, for the time being. He found Gabrielle sleeping, and Emily lying wide awake next to her. When he caught Emily's eye, he motioned for her to meet him out in the hall. Quietly, Emily got up from the bed and met Hotch out in the hall, closing the door behind her.
He led her by the hand down to the living room, where they could sit on the couch comfortably.
"So?" Emily asked anxiously, using her bottom lip as a method of stress relief, biting it nervously.
"I talked to Garcia. She's not mad. She actually wants to come see you tomorrow," He watched as Emily gave him a brief smile.
"But?" she asked.
"But…since Doyle's been basically inactive for so long until now, he's nobody's top priority except ours. A couple of agencies have him listed as deceased, even. So…" he trailed off as he saw Emily's face fall.
"There's nothing nobody can do," she said flatly. "Not until someone gets hurt. Sometimes I hate the government," she muttered.
"You knew just as well as I did that this would probably be the outcome," Hotch reminded her.
"I can't just sit around here waiting for something else to happen! I don't know how to not always be looking over my shoulder, because even when Gabby and I were in Paris before we were found, I was always cautious. I don't know what it's like to not worry, especially about her," Emily said, pacing the length of the couch in front of Hotch.
"I know this is hard, Em,"
"No!" Emily said, much louder than she meant to. "No, Hotch. You don't have any idea how hard this is. You don't know what it's like to live your life every single day for nearly twenty years in absolute fear that some terrorist you had to pretend to fall in love with for your job is going to come find you, and kill you, or worse, kill the people you care about more than anything else in the world. Even after my team got him locked up, I was still scared! He's got friends and contacts everywhere. He could have found me long before he actually did find me the first time!" She said, exasperated. She picked up the coffee mug that was sitting on the table in front of her, and threw it across the room in frustration, shattering it into pieces.
"Emily, Emily, stop!" Hotch said, grabbing her arm. She jerked away quickly, not meeting his eyes. "I do know how you feel. I know what it's like to be fearful every single day. I know what it's like to not even know where my own son and his mother were living," Hotch argued back. "Don't you remember Foyet? Haley?" he asked bitterly, feeling his skin crawl at the mention of Foyet's name. "I know exactly what it feels like to feel like you feel right now, Emily. Don't shut me out and tell me that I don't,"
Emily opened her mouth to say something back, but stopped herself when she noticed another presence hurriedly making her way out of the room.
"Oh, God," Emily breathed.
"Go make sure she's okay," Hotch said, turning towards the shattered coffee mug to clean up the pieces, as Emily took off after Gabrielle, not stopping until she reached the bedroom Gabrielle had ran into, immediately jumping up on the bed and pulling the blankets up over her head.
"Gabby," Emily said softly, seating herself on the bed next to the girl. Gabby responded by burying herself farther into the blankets. "How long were you standing out there?" Emily asked, afraid to find out the answer, though she already knew.
"Long enough to know you guys are arguing," Gabby said, her reply muffled.
"No, we're not arguing, honey. Sometimes grown ups just don't always see eye-to-eye on things,"
To this, Gabrielle threw the blankets off, sitting up abruptly in the bed to face Emily.
"I'm not a baby anymore, you know that don't you? I can tell when something's wrong and I know for a fact there's something you're not telling me! You told me that once we got here, we would be safe. If we were, you wouldn't be acting so weird! You never eat, you look like you've hardly slept at all since we've been here, and every time I try to talk to you, you don't talk back! You just smile at me and look like you're going to start crying. And, to top it all off, you were just so angry and upset that you threw a cup across the room and broke it! How is that supposed to make me feel like everything's okay?"
Emily sat stunned for a few moments. Gabrielle had never acted out this way towards Emily before. Emily knew it was selfish, but up until this moment, she actually thought she had been successful at leading Gabrielle to believe they were okay, that there was nothing to be afraid of.
"Sweetheart," Emily started.
"See, this is exactly what I mean! You always avoid everything by calling me 'sweetheart' or 'sweetie,' or 'honey,' and then you never give me an answer!"
"Gabby, I just don't want you to worry,"
"I'm already worrying!" Gabrielle said, tears finally beginning to well up in her eyes. "Whatever you're hiding from me can't be much worse,"
"It's going to be okay," Emily said, though she wasn't so sure she believed that statement herself.
"Just stop it, Mom," Gabrielle said, retreating back into her blanket cocoon. "Leave me alone," she said. Emily could tell by the cracking of Gabrielle's voice that she was crying.
Not knowing what to say, she simply patted Gabrielle on the back and quietly walked out of the room, and shutting the door behind her. She then leaned her back against the wall, and sank down onto the floor, quiet sobs wracking her weak body.
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Hotch was growing worried about Emily and Gabrielle, as they had both left the room nearly ten minutes ago and neither of them had returned. He made his way upstairs to check on them, hoping the two of them had managed to come to a resolution. To his surprise, he found Emily sitting on the floor outside of the bedroom door, her head in her hands.
"Em?" he asked, swiftly sitting next to her, his arm around her shoulders instantly. "What are you doing?"
Without looking up, Emily replied "Do you know what she said to me when I went in there?"
"What did she say?" Hotch prodded, pulling the obviously upset woman closer to him slowly.
"She told me that I need to stop babying her. That I'm obviously not telling her something, and that she wanted me to leave her alone. She called me Mom. She's never called me that before, Aaron. She's never, ever taken that tone with me before. I thought I'd have a few more years before she started hating me,"
"She doesn't hate you," Hotch said.
"You didn't hear her! I know that tone. I invented it," she said, her sarcastic attitude shining through. "It's the only way I ever talked to my mother until I was well into my twenties, maybe even thirties,"
"She's just worried. You've been a little… on edge the past few days," Hotch said carefully.
Emily looked up to glare at Hotch. "Are you telling me you're not the least bit concerned for the safety of the people we love?"
"No, no," Hotch said gently. "That's not what I'm saying. You just need to take care of yourself. You know, sleeping and eating regularly, things like that,"
"I know, I know. I've been acting like I did before… before I had to leave," she said. "I was never worried for me, only for all of you," she added.
"It's going to be fine, Emily. We'll get him."
"Are we?" Emily said coldly. "Before or after he ruins my entire life… again?"
"Come here," Hotch said, opening his arms for Emily, to which she immediately fell into.
"I'm sorry I'm being so crazy," Emily mumbled into his chest.
"Don't apologize. It's okay. We all need to lose it here and there,"
He sat there just like that, with Emily crying into his shirt for a few minutes, before the tears finally stopped and she looked up at him. He brushed some of her messy hair out of her face.
"Why don't you tell me a story?"
Emily raised an eyebrow. "A story?"
"Yeah," Hotch said. "Remember how you used to get me started talking about Jack when I got too upset over Foyet's case, or losing Haley?" Hotch asked. "Why don't you tell me something about Gabby? It'll calm you down a little, then you can go back in there and talk to her. I would, but I think she needs to talk to you,"
Emily smiled weakly. "That would be… that would be great," she said honestly. "What kind of story would you like to hear? I've got plenty,"
Hotch thought for a moment. "Tell me about one of her 'firsts,' since I've missed almost all of those,"
"There's a lot of those too," Emily said guiltily.
"It's not your fault, just tell me a story about one,"
Emily thought for a moment, before remembering a perfect story to tell Hotch…
Summer 2017
Emily awoke to feeling someone shaking her shoulder violently. She sat up abruptly, noticing the small, dark haired person standing next to her bed, her hair in a messy ponytail, already dressed for the day.
"What's wrong?" Emily asked, glancing over at the clock. 7AM it read. For a Sunday, this was much earlier than Emily ever wanted to think about being awake.
"Nothing's wrong!" Gabrielle said happily. "I just want to go back to the park and learn to ride my bike!"
Emily had saved up enough money to buy Gabby a shiny, bright pink bicycle for her fifth birthday in December. Funds for such things had been limited since Emily had went into hiding. She and Gabrielle definitely weren't living in poverty by any means, but there just wasn't money to spend beyond the basic needs for survival, so when Emily made the purchase, she couldn't help but feel a deep sense of accomplishment in herself. Even though it had been nearly six months since Emily bought the bike for Gabby, the little girl had still not mastered how to ride it without the training wheels. Emily had figured out how to get them off all by herself when Gabby had mentioned wanting the training wheels gone in late April, and since then, the two had devoted their weekends to going to the park so Gabby would have room to learn to ride the bike freely.
"It's too early, ma chere," Emily said, yawning.
"The sun's coming up," Gabby noted.
"I know it is, but Mommy doesn't get up with the sun on Sundays," Emily said, laying back down on the bed, pulling a pillow up over her head.
She felt Gabrielle hop up on the bed next to her, pulling the pillow off her mother's head.
"Well," she said. "You should! Sun, Sunday, it makes sense!" Gabrielle said happily, flashing Emily a toothy grin.
Emily had to laugh at that. "I promise, today we'll go to the park, but it's too early right now,"
"But I'm already dressed and everything," Gabby said, a hint of sadness in her tone. Emily sat up, knowing there was no way she was going to win this battle.
"Okay, if you want to go now, we will," Emily gave in.
"Yay!" Gabrielle cheered, jumping up and down on the bed, laughing as she did so.
"Okay, okay, no more jumping!" Emily said, crawling out of bed and grabbing Gabrielle, holding her close even though se was trying to wriggle free. She sat the girl down on the ground, but that didn't stop Gabby from continuing her jumping spell.
"Okay, little jumping bean, give me a few minutes to get dressed, and then we'll go," Emily said.
"'Kay!" Gabrielle said, happily skipping off to her room to allow Emily to get herself ready.
Twenty minutes later, she and Gabrielle were on their way to the park, Gabby pushing her pink bike along with her. Emily couldn't believe she was up and out the door before 8AM on one of her beloved days off work, but she couldn't disappoint Gabrielle.
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Two hours and several bad falls later, Gabrielle was growing frustrated. No matter how many times she tried, she couldn't seem to keep herself from falling off the bike and onto the ground. After the last fall, Gabrielle noticed her knee was bleeding a bit, and Emily tried coaxing Gabby into take a break, but the little girl was determined.
"Come on," Emily said softly. "Why don't you come sit on the bench with me for a few minutes? We can try riding again later,"
"No!" Gabrielle said insistently, a serious look on her face. One that mirrored that of her father. "I wanna learn it today!" She said, sitting herself up on the bike once more, her feet planted on the ground. "Push me again. I won't fall this time," Gabby said, scrunching her face up into one os pure concentration.
Emily shook her head, there was no denying this child was hers and Hotch's. Her will and determination for everything she wanted to do was a carbon copy of both her parents. So, Emily did as she was asked, and pushed Gabrielle on her bike a few feet, not letting go until Gabrielle gave her the okay.
A few seconds later, she heard Gabrielle say: "Let go!"
"You sure?" Emily asked.
"I'm sure," Gabrielle said, gripping the handlebars with the frilly silver tassels tighter.
"Okay," Emily agreed. "1.…2...3!" she said, as she let go of Gabrielle and the bike, bringing her hands up to her mouth to chew on her nails as she looked onward. "Remember to watch where you're going!" she said, remembering Gabrielle's habit of looking backwards at Emily.
Emily continued watching carefully as Gabrielle made her way around the circle track of the park. She'd already made it farther than she ever had before, and Emily considered that in itself an accomplishment. Gabby lost her balance a few times, but she never fell over, and before long she had made her way all the way around the track, stopping right before she would have ran into Emily.
"You did it!" Emily said, lifting Gabrielle up and spinning her around in a circle once the girl had gotten off her bike and had kicked the kickstand into place.
"Mommy I went all the way around the track by myself! And I didn't fall this time!" she said happily.
"I saw! You did great, baby," Emily said proudly.
"Can I do it again?" Gabby asked as Emily put her back down on the ground. "Don't push me this time," she instructed.
"You got it," Emily nodded.
That's just what they did for the remainder of the morning, only stopping when Gabrielle complained of being tired and hungry. Emily's heart swelled with pride at her daughter, but she couldn't help but feel a constant dull ache. It had been six years since she had seen or heard from Aaron, yet she still wished he was here, or they were where he was. She wished he could have seen her, witnessing how she didn't let anything stop her from her goal. Emily knew that determination would only grow with Gabrielle, and she knew that someday, wherever life lead them, that Gabrielle would be something great, especially if she turned out like her father.
March 2021
"She's so much like you," Emily said after she finished the story.
"Don't sell yourself short, Em," Hotch told her. "You're just as determined to do things as I am,"
"Maybe," Emily agreed. "But that's one day I'll never, ever forget. I wanted you there so badly, maybe more than I ever wanted you to see anything else she's done. It was just… unreal," Emily gushed, leaning into Hotch further than she already was.
They sat there for a few moments, neither of them saying anything, just enjoying the other's mere touch.
"See, look how much calmer you are," Hotch noted.
"Thank you," Emily said. "I was getting a little bit crazy, I'm sorry,"
"It's okay," he said, kissing the top of her head. "But hey, this may not be the best time to bring it up, but do you want to tell Reid and Rossi? I think since everyone else knows, they should know too, but it's up to you,"
"I don't know," Emily said quietly. "I want to, but I don't. That doesn't even make sense. God I'm so indecisive!" she said.
"You don't need to decide right now," Hotch told her. "I just wanted you to think about it,"
"Okay," Emily said. "I should go check on Gabby and apologize to her,"
"I should check on Jack too," Hotch replied.
Emily sat up, trying to stand up from the floor she and Hotch had been sitting on for the past few minutes. When she finally succeeded, only stumbling just a bit, she smoothed her hair and said:
"Wow, we're getting too old for this sitting in the floor nonsense,"
"Possibly…" Hotch said, struggling to get up as well. Emily laughed, reaching out a hand to help Hotch stand.
"And to think you used to chase serial killers around for a living," she joked, quickly backing away as Hotch tried to smack her arm lightly.
"Hey Em?" he said instead.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up," he said, laughing as he walked the opposite way into Jack's room, thankful his attempt at calming Emily down had seemed to work.