In Which the Sun Sets on Addison
"Hey, Addison, uh, latte? Or… more of a cappuccino," Cooper offers as I walk into Oceanside Wellness's kitchen holding Lisa's lab results. Violet and Naomi are also here having their morning coffee.
I gladly take the coffee and sip it before speaking up, "Lisa's baby has something called placenta accreta."
"Is that bad?" Violet asks.
I answer, "The placenta abnormally attaches to the uterine wall. It makes delivering dangerous for both mom and baby… But there was something else."
"That's not enough?" Cooper jumps in.
I explain, "The baby has some genetic markers that don't match Carol, just Lisa."
"What?" Naomi asks this time, "The embryo…"
"Did not implant," I answered.
Naomi looks shocked, "This is Lisa's baby?"
"Which also means that the paternity is once again up for grabs. Good luck. I'm off to the beach."
"Wait, Addie, before you go, could you help me tell them?"
"I-the beach can wait."
Naomi calls Lisa, Carol and Rick and has them all come into the practice. They're here within the hour and we all go into the conference room to discuss the lab results. After I explain my findings, we give them the floor.
"And the baby… the, um, the baby isn't even mine?" Carol asks, clearly upset.
Her husband, Doug, tries to calm her down, "Honey, calm down."
"Calm down?" she asks.
Lisa looks at us, "You mean I can keep this baby if I want to?"
"Uh, legally, yes," Violet answers.
Rick asks, "So who's the father?"
"We won't know the paternity of the baby till after Lisa delivers," Cooper answers this time.
I interject, "More urgent at the moment is the placenta accreta. The fact is, Lisa is at risk of having a life-threatening hemorrhage and the baby could deliver pre-term."
"So you're saying they could die?" Jim asks.
"There is a risk of death, yes," I pause then I turn to Lisa, "Lisa, I know you're scared. If you do go into pre-term labor, you'll have a c-section. And they'll monitor it and control it so that they have a better chance of saving your uterus and your life."
"And you'll save us, me and the baby?" Lisa looks at me.
I'm caught off-guard for a moment, "Well, I have... I have to get back to Seattle. But I can refer you to someone local who…"
"No, I want you. You be there."
"I-uh," I don't know what to say. "I'm sure we can work something out where I can be there for you."
"Thank you, Addison. Thank you."
I nod and make my way out of the conference room and to Naomi's office. I just poke my head in and say, "Okay, now I am going to the beach."
"Wait, Addie. Your test results came back in."
"I think I'm gonna go with physicist guy," I say, making my way into her office.
She looks at me with sad eyes and I already know it's going to be bad news. I sit down anyway and hear her out. "Your F.S.H. Level is high. Well, they're high this month. We can do, uh, ovarian stimulation. And your antral follicle count is only two."
"That could be due to stress."
"Addison, I'm sorry. I did all the tests. There's no fertility potential here."
"Okay. Uh... this is good," I start. Tears fill up in my eyes but I shake them off. "This is, um... oh, this is just... perfect."
"Addison… I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this."
"It's okay," I say, standing up. "I just, um... I just didn't want to believe I was out of time, that's all."
"Addie, please stay so we can…"
"No, it's okay. I'm fine. Thank you... for telling me. Thank you. I will see you at home," I say, leaving her office and making my way towards the elevator. I need to clear my mind. Maybe a drive along the beach will do it for me?
I'm clearly losing my mind because as I step on the elevator, I hear that voice again from yesterday. "Looks like you had a bad day."
"Okay... enough," I snapped. "Okay? Not today. This is not a good day. All right? So why don't you just... shut up? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
When I notice the voice is gone, I sigh, "All right, then."
I make my way off the elevator, out the lobby and onto the street. I don't feel like getting in my car because I honestly don't know where I'd end up if I got into it. Instead, I find myself walking towards the beach. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if Meredith and I are okay. I feel myself start to panic but as my feet touch the sand, I start to relax some. I keep walking until I'm in shallow water. That's when I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. Bizzy's probably rolling over in her grave. How dare I cry in any place other than my own room?
With Bizzy in mind, I will myself to stop crying and just try to enjoy the sand beneath my feet. I pull out a blanket and find somewhere comfy to lay out on the beach and finally begin reading some of the trashy novels I packed.
About an hour had passed before my phone rang. I was hoping it was Meredith but it was Naomi asking me to lunch. I'm not even in the mood for food right now but I head back towards the practice anyway. Naomi told me to meet her in the waiting room because she was finishing up with a patient. So I wait there until Naomi comes and joins me. She sits down beside me and looks at me with those sad eyes again.
I just shrug, "I just never thought about it. What I would do, you know? What the dream would be if I couldn't have my dream."
"Empty office," she says.
It sounds so tempting but I shake my head, "Okay, what are we doing? I thought we were going to lunch. Why are we still sitting here?"
"We're doing what I do when I get depressed. Just wait. What time do you have?"
"It's 5 to 1:00," I say looking at my phone. "You know what? I'm glad I can't have a child. With my luck, I'd probably have a kid with two heads. It… it's actually better. I'm grateful. I don't have to think about it. The option is… off the table."
"What time do you have?" Violet asks as she walks up and sits down beside us.
Naomi smiles, "5 to 1:00."
"You people are obsessed with time."
"Here he comes," Violet says as Dell walks by in only a pair of shorts with his surfboard.
Naomi bites her lip back as she gets a good look at him. Then she smiles, "Hi, Dell."
"Have a nice... surf," Violet says.
Dell smiles, "I'll see you guys after lunch?"
"You two should be ashamed of yourselves," I say when he gets on the elevator.
Naomi smiles at me, "Admit it. You feel better."
"And if not, there's another showing in an hour, and it's wet," Violet says, getting up and heading back towards her office.
Naomi and I go to lunch at a nearby cafe within walking distance to the practice. I could really get used to this. It's everything I love plus the beach. Maybe Naomi was onto something with that empty office… If things don't work out between Meredith and I, at least I have somewhere that I'm wanted. I have friends here and the weather is the opposite of dreary Seattle. Maybe L.A. isn't such a bad idea.
When we get back to the practice, Naomi heads to her office because she has a patient and I just hang around the office. It's when I notice Pete's in his office that I walk over, interest peaked. I let myself in and I joke, "So… you're the quack."
"Uh, I went to med school. I'm also a licensed herbalist and I spent five years in China learning alternative medicine."
"Like I said... quack."
"Come here. Unless you need to go tell someone you saw goody Johnson with the devil."
"Okay," I say, moving further into his office.
Pete motions to the table, "Lie down on the table."
"Why?"
"I wanna show you that I'm not a quack."
"I'm not taking my clothes off."
"Did I ask you to take your clothes off? Now… you carry a lot of tension in your shoulders and above your right eye," he says as I lie down on the table.
I question, "What do you mean?"
"You're blocking some serious emotion. Hang on."
"What… what are you doing?" I ask as he starts putting needles into my face. It doesn't hurt but I say ow with each needle for dramatic effect.
"Stop saying 'ow.' It doesn't hurt. Okay, I'm done," he says then he starts to leave.
I call after him, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where are you going? You can't leave me here like this."
"Lie there. Don't move. Breathe. You're going to experience a rush of emotion, a release of… psychic pain," he says then leaves, closing the door behind him.
I call out, "Hello? Hello? I don't feel anything… except stupid for… letting a cute hippie boy put needles in my face. Hello! Yeah, Pete… I… this isn't working. I don't have any… psychic pain. I... I'm great. Barren, but… fan-freakin'-tastic. You can come back now. I am not feeling any, you know, rush of emotion or anything. I don't feel... anything. I don't feel anything at all. I don't feel anything at all. I hate L.A."
I lay here for a few minutes wondering how I got myself into this situation when a wave of emotions comes over me. I'm crying but I'm stunned that he might not be a quack after all. This empty office is the closest thing to my bedroom so I just let myself cry. I think about Bizzy, Derek, Meredith, almost drowning and now this baby thing.
After crying about it, I feel better. I lay there until Pete comes back and takes the needles out of my face. I joke that he's still a quack and make my way out of his office. I'm in the hall when I hear Dell call out, "Lisa?"
"I think something is wrong," I hear Lisa's voice next as I make my way to the front.
Jim's voice calls out next, "She's in pain."
"Lisa?" I ask, when I'm at the front.
She looks at me with fear in her eyes, "Addison, something is not right. Oh, my god. I think I just wet my pants."
"No, your water broke," I say as I usher her to sit. "She's in labor, and it's coming fast."
"I'll call an ambulance," Naomi says, then looks at Dell, "Uh, go get Cooper."
"And let the hospital know we're coming and call the chief. I don't want any problems when I try to scrub in." I say as I wait for the ambulance with Lisa and Jim.
The ambulance gets here and they take us across the street to St. Ambrose Hospital. Lisa is obviously in distress so I try to tell her to breathe. She shakes her head at me, "I need to push!"
"Don't push," I say to Lisa then I start giving out orders. "Get her into labor and delivery right away. Jim, check her in."
Before I'm able to do anything, Carol and the rest of the gang walk into the hospital asking for Lisa. They spot me and I'm immediately surrounded by them and all of their questions.
"Lisa! Is she okay? Are they okay?" Carol asks.
Keith asks, "What happened? It's too early."
"She's not due for another month," Rick says.
I shake my head, "Well, I'm guessing that the stress of you all fighting and crowding her, declaring yourselves the father didn't help. Move!"
I push my way past them and make my way to the attendings' lounge so I can change into some scrubs before making my way to Lisa's room. We're in Lisa's OR when she starts to panic.
"Why is this happening so fast?" she asks.
A nurse gets our attention, "Uh, doctors?"
"Cooper, she's crowning," I say once my attention is caught.
He looks at Lisa, "All right, just don't push, Lisa."
"Oh, push?" she asks, "Okay."
"No!" I shout, "No, don't push, Lisa. The cord's wrapped around the baby's neck."
"Oh, I'm sorry! I can't help it! God! Oh!"
"I'll hold her. You clamp and cut." Cooper says.
I nod, "Okay."
"Is she okay?" Cooper asks as I get the baby out.
I don't know what to say so I don't. I just give out orders, "Hang 20 of oxytocin. 8 French suction catheter."
"Why isn't she crying?" Lisa asks.
"Dr. Freedman's gonna be working on her. We need to focus on you right now, Lisa. Fortunately, you're not bleeding that much, so we should be able to remove the placenta by…" I stop when I notice that her vitals are off.
She questions me, "By...by what? By what?"
"Put her under, now."
"What's going on?" Cooper asks.
I shake my head, "Her uterus must have ruptured because of the placenta accreta. We have to open her up."
"No, no, no, no, no. The baby's not crying," Lisa says.
A nurse shouts, "B.P.'S 58 over 32."
"Don't put me under till the baby cries."
"We don't have time, Lisa. We have to put you under right now," I explain.
Cooper gets the baby crying then looks at me, "Go, Addison."
"Okay," Lisa nods.
I give out more orders, "Hang two units of b-positive and make sure we have plenty on standby. She's gonna exsanguinate if we don't move quickly, people. 10-blade."
It's a quick fix and I'm done in no time. When I finish and scrub out, I go check on Cooper and the baby. Once I get the okay from Cooper, I head out to the waiting room where Jim and the rest of the gang are waiting. They all stand up when they see me.
"Lisa lost a lot of blood, we had to put the baby on oxygen, but they are both stable."
"Who's the father?" Doug asks.
Jim looks taken aback, "What?"
"You said you sent off for the paternity test. Which one of us is the father?" Rick asks now.
Carol jumps in before I can say anything, "Did Lisa say anything, her decision about the baby?"
"Lisa lost a lot of blood, we had to put the baby on oxygen, but they are both stable. I say it again because it seems like you didn't hear me the first time. They almost died. Lisa almost died. And so I didn't have time, what, with, um, trying to save her life, to pause and check on the paternity test or ask her about the baby's future. What is wrong with you people?"
"Can...can we see the baby?" Carol asks.
I shake my head, "No. None of you go near Lisa or the baby until I say so. The child is not a possession that you fight over. And by the way, not that you asked, it's a girl… 6 pounds, 9 ounces."
I leave looking for an empty on-call room but the quietest place I could find is the stairwell. I don't know what came over me but I found myself in tears. It's only quiet for a moment before Pete walks into the stairwell behind me.
"There you are. I just stopped by to see how Lisa and the baby are doing. You okay?"
"Yeah. I just… I… I had a little too much surgery today," I say, wiping my eyes. "But I'm… I'm good."
"You look good. You look... beautiful. Sam told me that I had to stay away from you because you're Naomi's friend, but…"
"Stop it."
"What?"
"You're flirting."
"What's wrong with flirting?"
"What's wrong with it? What's wrong? What's wrong is that I don't have time for it. I am... out of time. I missed my chance. And now I have two eggs left. I might as well have no eggs left. I am egg-less. Naomi says that she's dried up? I'm the one who's dried up. I'm all barren and dried up. And I have clearly been wasting my time on love. I mean, I might as well take up hobbies, like needlepoint or, um, collecting those little ceramic dolls, you know? Because that's what dried up women do. They do needlepoint. They do not waste their time flirting with people who clearly just want to get laid. They do not waste their time… telling overly personal… information about their eggs to total strangers. Oh, my god. I'm sorry." I say as he leans forward, "What are you doing?"
"I'm gonna kiss you. I'm gonna kiss you with tongue. I'm gonna kiss you so you feel it. Okay?"
"Okay?" I questioned but he leaned in to kiss me anyway and I let him, "Why'd you do that?"
"To remind you… that you're not dried up. If you need me to remind you again… let me know."
"Okay," I say and he walks out of the stairwell. After a moment, I follow him out the stairwell and I run into Carol. I'm not in the mood to deal with her so I keep walking.
She stops me, "Wait. I know… I know that you think we're awful, and I think that we're awful. I just, um… I just wanted a baby so badly. I just wanted a baby. And I don't care who the father is, I don't care if the baby's mine. All that matters is the baby. Is… is she gonna be okay? Just tell me that she's gonna be okay."
"She's gonna be okay."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
I change back into my street clothes then I walk across the street to Oceanside Wellness. I think I'm falling in love with L.A. The weather is just so nice and the beach is right there. The practice is right across the street from the hospital… If Meredith and I don't work out, maybe I'll move to L.A.?
As I walk through the lobby and press 'up' on the elevator, I think about how I screamed at the voice in the elevator last time I rode it. I could just be insane but I feel like I should apologize. When the elevator dings open, I step inside and press the button for the fifth floor.
"Hello? Hello? Are you there… Elevator god? It's me, Addison."
"What?"
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Okay, look, you may be a figment of my imagination, or maybe I'm going completely insane, I don't know. Or maybe… this is payback for my crimes on some ginormous karmic level, I don't know. I just… I just want to tell you I'm sorry for yelling at you. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Well… Bye," I say as the elevator opens on my floor and I step off.
I head towards Naomi's office and when I get there, she's packed up and ready to leave for the day. She says a couple of the doctors were going to a bar when they got off and asked me to join them.
I agree to join. Sam, Naomi, Pete and I make our way out of the practice and down the street towards the bar. We're a couple of rounds in when I sit up and say, "I'm starting to think L.A. is like New York, but with a beach."
"Why do you think we moved here?" Pete says.
Sam looks at him, "Uh, Pete. Uh, isn't it time for you to get some refills?"
"Thanks," he says as Sam hands him some cash.
He smiles, "Thanks, buddy."
As soon as Pete leaves, he turns to me, "Okay, Pete is my friend, don't get me wrong, but…"
"Why are you warning me about him? What, is he like a serial killer? Is he a felon? Is he secretly my ex-husband's best friend?"
"His wife died eight years ago."
"Now I feel shallow."
"No, it's just… He can't connect with women. He's a good man, but if you want someone who's gonna be there, then Pete's not that guy."
"Hey, ex-best friend. Hey, ex-husband," Naomi says, clearly drunk, as she walks up to us.
I laugh, "You are drunk."
"Ten more minutes, and I start dancing, and I require company," she says walking off.
Sam looks from her to me, "I don't think I've ever seen her drunk before."
"Sam… Did you cheat on her?"
"Over the years, there have been temptations, but, no… I didn't."
"Was there a lot of fighting or…"
"Hardly ever. Honestly… It was bad, what I did. I have no good reason. I woke up one day… And I couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't even a choice. I had a thought… Next thing you know… I'm burning it all down. I left her. I don't know why. I don't know why. What kind of a person does that?"
"Hell if I know. And I did it, too," I finish right as Pete walks up with the next round of drinks. I take mine gratefully and make my way towards the dance floor to join Naomi.
We dance the night away and on the way home, we stop by a fast food restaurant to get something in our stomachs before we go to bed. The next morning, I pack up the car with my things and head to the practice to say my goodbyes before I head on the road back to Seattle. It's a 19 hour drive with no stops. So I figured I should get a head start on the road before traffic starts to build up.
I walk into the practice with a small smile on my face and I'm greeted with coffee. I'm in the middle of saying goodbye when Naomi's pager goes off. She dials the number and they talk for a minute before she comes back into the kitchen.
"It's Lisa, she's asking for us."
"Us?" I ask.
She nods, "You included."
We all make our way out of the practice and across the street to the hospital. We're in Lisa's room in under ten minutes.
"She's okay, huh? I mean, after all she went through, she still looks pretty awesome," Lisa smiles.
Cooper says, "Lisa, we need to know what you want to do with the baby."
"Carol… she wants this so bad."
"This is about what you want," Naomi says, "We did find out the paternity."
"No, no. I don't wanna know. She's awesome, though."
"You don't have to decide right now," I say.
Lisa shakes her head, "No. I know what I want to do."
We finish talking to Lisa and all head out of her room. We walk past the nursery when Pete and Violet are watching the rest of the gang in there with the baby.
"Lisa gave the baby to Carol," Pete says.
Cooper nods, "On the condition they'd all be part of her life."
"So it turns out the baby will have three dads anyway," Sam says.
Naomi nods, "And two moms."
"Lisa did a good thing," Violet says, "They look happy."
"They look like a family," I say.
They all nod in agreeance and after a few moments, we all make our way back across the street to the practice where I make my rounds on saying goodbye. It was easy saying goodbye to everyone else but when I got to Naomi, she was pouting.
"You're ugly and old," she says.
I smile, "I'll miss you, too. Okay."
"There is an empty office."
"Don't tempt me."
"Think about it."
I smile, waving goodbye as I step on the elevator. It's about to close when suddenly Pete rushes onto it.
"Hold the door," he says.
I turn to him, "This is gonna sound… when no one else is around, the elevator kind of, uh… Talks to me."
"Hi, Tilly," he says, looking up.
The elevator god, who I now know name's Tilly, responds, "Hey, Pete."
"That's Tilly. She works security," he says to me then points upward, "The camera is right there."
"Oh. Hello, Tilly," I say embarrassed.
You can hear the smile in her voice, "Hey, I get my kicks wherever I can."
"You goin' home?" Pete asks.
Home. Sounds weird. "Yeah… Home."
"You get what you came for?"
"I honestly… don't know."
"Do you want me to kiss you again?"
"I think… not. I'm not interested, so…"
"Oh. You're interested," he says, getting off the elevator in front of me.
I take my time getting off after him and slowly make my way out of the lobby and to my car. L.A. was different. I liked it. I could see myself living here. I really could.