AN: THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! BLOWS KISSES. SORRY I WON'T BE ABLE TO REPLY TO ALL OF THEM, JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME. BUT I HAVE READ THEM LIKE A THOUSAND TIMES, SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. PEOPLE ARE STARING. SORRY FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT I'M HAVING A STRESSFUL DAY. REVIEW AND ENJOY.

Chapter Two: In which they ride in Bruce's van, Clint has weird food kinks and Steve's secret is revealed. Tony feels the world is plotting against him.

RATING:T (WARNING FOR LIGHT ANGST)

Tony sat wedged between Clint and Steve, a heavy scowl on his face. Between Clint's beefy arms and Steve's amazing pecs, there wasn't much room for him to sit. They'd all insisted on taking Bruce's van, much to Tony's horror. Like most of Bruce's belongings, the van was a pathetic piece of rattling metal with way too many holes in the sides. It creaked ominously when Thor and Steve got on. They made a dangerous left turn and Tony lurched into Steve.

"Did you know I used to sell hotdogs in this van?" Bruce turned to smile at Natasha. "Ah, all the memories."

"Is that what the smell is? I thought someone barfed in here." Clint was leaning forward to give Tony and Steve some space. His right arm was propped on Tony's thigh, a little too close to Tony's crotch for his liking. He was playing a fart game that kept making obscene noises. Bruce chuckled.

"Actually that smell is puke. I ah puked in here three days ago."

Clint flew off his seat with a girlish shriek.

"Loki's sitting on that seat." Bruce chuckled. The trickster god's left eye twitched as he gingerly stood and seated himself delicately on Thor's lap. The blonde god grinned and Loki shot Bruce a look of pure loathing.

The avengers had come to an uneasy truce with Loki. It was after all the holiday of love and Loki hadn't done anything destructive yet so they couldn't really do anything violent yet. That was the drawback of having an ally whose brother just happened to be your enemy. Loki seemed quite content though, wrapped in Thor's embrace.

The silence lasted five whole minutes before Clint's phone suddenly belted out 'sexy eyes' and ruined it. There was an awkward moment as he fumbled in his multiple shorts pockets for the phone.

"Hello?"

"Barton, you forgot your powdered donuts." agent Coulson's flat toneless voice came floating out of the speaker.

Clint hung up.

Coulson had showed up at the avengers' mansion two hours ago with two small bags of powdered donuts. When Clint told him they were going to a theme park, he raised an eyebrow and offered the donuts. Clint rolled his eyes.

"Agent Barton, if you are compromised, you know which number to call." Coulson said seriously. There was softness in his eyes when he looked at Clint and Tony didn't really want to explore too deeply. He had a knack for putting inappropriate hunches together and he didn't really want to see them as a couple.

"Relax, phil. I'm not going to repeat that incident in France." he muttered. "Don't ask."

Tony scowled and closed his mouth. Coulson persisted with the donuts and Clint promised he would eat them on the road.

And now... Clint scowled as the cell rang again. Everyone was watching, except for Bruce. He turned back to the road when they nearly veered off the highway. Clint answered with an obnoxious "yes, honey?"

Coulson said something. Clint sighed.

"Yes, I promise I won't eat pickles with peanut butter. No Phil, they probably don't have chicken testicles at an amusement park. Fine I promise anyway."

"You have the unique taste of pregnant women." tony informed him gravely after Clint hung up for the second time.

"Aye, my friend. You should check and make sure just in case." Thor agreed seriously. Tony and Clint both choked. Thor regarded them with a regally serious expression. Tony wasn't sure if he should just drop the subject or indulge Thor and suffer gruesome pain by Clint's elbow. It was inching closer to his crotch.

"Thor buddy, you do know that men can't get pregnant right?" tony said. Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes. Tony very subtly inched toward Steve and closed his legs. Clint calmly elbowed him in the stomach. Loki ignored Tony's pained grunt and started braiding Thor's hair. The blonde god cheerfully explained in excruciatingly clear detail just how possible male pregnancies were in a loud booming voice.

Thirteen minutes later, the van rumbled to a stop. The avengers stumbled out, looking just a tad green around the gills. Tony was muttering about brain bleach. Clint said he was never having sex without condoms ever again and everyone paused to stare at the man. Steve's blush looked permanently painted on. Natasha was incinerating every one of them with her death glare. Bruce was smiling mildly, completely different from the morning version. Loki was dusting off imaginary dirt from his tight shirt. Tony had some trouble tearing his eyes away from those mile-long legs and the pert ass. Thor was...well Thor was sporting a head of tightly braided blonde locks; sunglasses and a flaming red shirt that had OMFG splashed on in bold white letters. He flashed them a blinding smile.

"You truly look otherworldly." tony deadpanned. Steve elbowed him and mouthed 'be nice, tony'.

Their tickets were prepaid and Clint took great pleasure in sticking his tongue out obnoxiously at all the people standing in line. They separated into two groups, Natasha and Bruce in one and the rest of them in the other. She turned to them and smirked.

"Ok boys, time to show your valentines or suffer my wrath."

Bruce blushed and shuffled his feet. Steve pointedly looked away, his eyes glancing at everything except for tony. Thor pulled Loki to his side and kissed his cheek soundly. Then turning to Natasha, he awaited her approval. Loki scowled and crossed his arms but Tony saw the look of affection that briefly flickered over the trickster's face.

"I don't need to have a valentine. I'm cupid." Clint mimed shooting Natasha with finger guns, a shit-eating grin on his face. She was not impressed. Loki snapped his fingers and Clint was suddenly showered with a handful of red glitter, a pair of fluffy wings springing from his black shirt. A hideous pink bow adorned with hearts had appeared in his hands. Nearly everyone turned when Clint let out a high-pitched panicked scream.

A little girl pointed and said, "Mommy can I touch the boy fairy?" the mother hurried her daughter off with a disturbed look, muttering 'perverts'. Tony snorted and Clint flipped everyone off.

Steve was still shuffling his feet and avoiding everyone's eyes. Tony felt a sinking feeling in his gut. He wasn't stupid. It was obvious that Steve didn't bring anyone. It just hurt a little that Steve would rather lie about it than go anywhere with Tony while he wasn't in the Iron man suit. Tony bit his lip. Ok, so maybe he was a dick sometimes but he couldn't help it. It was his nature to wrap himself in a tough shell to protect the fragile boy that still secretly longed for his father's approval. If Steve viewed him as nothing more than a jerk, then maybe Tony should really just give up and bury these traitorous feelings.

"Tony? Captain?" Both men stared down at their shoes. The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Everyone was glancing between them, except for Thor who was staring intensely at a man in a bear costume taking pictures with some kids. He said something to Loki in a foreign language and flexed his muscles. Loki ignored him in favor of staring at Tony.

Sensing the awkward moment, the other avengers stopped bickering and Clint shuffled closer to Tony. Fishing out a lint covered lemon drop from his side pocket, he pressed it into Tony's palm.

"Need a valentine? Five bucks an hour." he said with a lopsided smile. Tony smiled back and wrapped his fingers around the hard candy. Clint probably didn't know what was wrong but he was always the one to break the ice and Tony appreciated that. Even if Steve hated Tony, he still had the other avengers. He wasn't alone anymore and that was something he had never even dared to hope for. He had friends. He had a fucking god. And he had Clint. Tony grinned and smacked Clint's shoulder in thanks. He purposefully ignored Steve's panicky form and Natasha's quizzical frown.

Wrapping an arm around Thor's thick shoulders (quite a difficult feat, by the way), Tony smiled.

"Go get em' boys. My treat." he said. Thor let out a great war cry and finally charged at the suspicious looking man in a bear costume standing at the entrance. There was a short cry of pain and the bear was no more than a twisting cottony mass of limbs under Thor's dead weight. Tony and the other avengers brushed past. The man's bear head had rolled off and Tony bent down to stare critically at the struggling pimply sweaty teenager.

"Don't worry; he'll let you up eventually. And no, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just your lucky day. I'll pay for the damage." With that said, he stood, dusted off his neat shirt and walked on.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Sneak peek:

Chapter Three: In which Thor rides the Merry-go-round. Clint eats anything he can get his hands on. Natasha and Bruce go off on their own. Steve loiters around, looking guilty. Tony just wants to sulk in a private corner. It that fucking too much to ask?