I spotted Victoria, but I didn't want to ruin her moment. She was leaning casually against the old stove flirting with Plato, who appeared to have gone pink in the face. I really envy her, she could make any tom blush... well not Tugger, but apparently he is incapable of it. Jemima and Electra were on the other side of the clearing, chatting with Cassandra and Exotica about something. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations or tasks at hand. So I decided that now was a great chance for me to find that thing that I over heard Mungojerrie talking about.

I skirted the edge of the yard to where I found the stack of old tractor tires - the ones with giant tread patterns in thick, awful smelling black rubber. It was getting dark now, and the street lamps over the other side of the near fence were flickering on one after another. I had to be fast, or else one of the patrolling toms might spot me and ask what I was doing... that would completely ruin my chance. I scaled the side of the tire pile, rather swiftly I thought. I sat at the top and looked down the center. Sure enough, the dirt had been dug up, just how he described it. I jumped down inside the stack, and pulled out a spoon from my step mother's den - one of the ones she lets her platoon of cockroaches use as a pretend rifle or whatever.

I stabbed it into the ground where the dirt was tender and soft from recent activity of the burying sort, and heard the muted 'clink' of metal hitting metal. Gee, they didn't hide it too far down did they? I kept removing the soil from the spot to reveal the object of my pursuit. It was bigger than I expected, but not too heavy for me to wield - thankfully. The long sharp edge had a bit of rust near the end too, a bonus! I smiled, examining the fine weapon in my hands... This is going to be so much fun.

I climbed back up the tires, swung my legs over the top and jumped off, carefully managing to keep the giant blade from slicing my foot off in the process. Bast! I quickly ducked behind an upturned chest of drawers and peered out. Alonzo was making his way along the top of the fence in my direction, but he didn't look as though he'd seen me. Good. He stopped, sniffed the air, and frowned. Crap. He can smell the freshly turned dirt, my knees were covered in it and I left the spoon where I was digging... And now he had jumped off the fence and was approaching.

My eyes darted, looking for a way out to avoid being noticed. I really wish my fur was a darker grey. I could feel my heart pounding against my ribs as I grew desperate. I looked behind me and saw a tiny gap. I launched myself at it, squeezing through just in the nick of time, prize possession in tow. Unfortunately my relief didn't last too long. My tail had clipped a precariously stacked line of cooking pots, which wobbled and soon toppled over, making such a loud racket that my ears started ringing. I heard a loud yowl of pain come from the other side of the wall of junk, and decided to make a dash for it.

Once I'd secured a safe place inside my room for the 'thing' to dwell until use, I quickly went outside to dust myself off. I didn't realize how much dirt was caked on me until now... I'd never get rid of the stink! I looked around on the ground and spotted a relatively large puddle of mud. Unfortunately, it was in view of all the cats that were occupying the clearing. I shrugged. It would end up a good enough excuse, I supposed.

I ran out and pretended to slip, and fell dramatically in the puddle, eliciting a large splash of brown to crash over the surrounding earth. I popped my head up from my muddy face plant and spat some of it out. Honestly, the things I do...

"Jeepers creepers!" I exclaimed. I looked around and saw Jemima laughing. Mum was coming over to me, horrified.

"Etcetera!" She gave me that appalled expression that she usually gives me. "That is disgraceful!"

"Sorry mum... I didn't see it" I lied.

"Next time watch where you're going. Now get inside and get start running the bath!" She pointed to our den. I groaned.

"But-"

"The bath. Now" she ordered. I slowly stood up, and meandered inside hanging my head. Again - the things I do...

At least I'd managed to avoid the suspicion so far.