After this, I have roughly 9 or 10 chapters already typed up, so updates will be pretty quick (depending on how many reviews I get and such... ;p), but after that, the updates will be sporadic. Meaning that you'll only get an update when I get inspiration, which is pretty fucking random. Just giving everyone (? or no one... hahahaha I feel like I'm talking to myself) a heads up. Anyway...

Kanda is really hard for me to write sometimes, which is why most of these little thingies will be somewhat from his perspective. Kinda.

Summary: It always comes down to one moment, suspended in time, that we finally realize how one person can mean more than the world to us.

Rating: T+ for swearing. Lolz yeah that's it.

Ficlet #3

Lapse

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"You're just going to end it like this?"

"How else do you want it, Kanda? Do you want me to kiss you and realize that we're meant to be and just live happily ever after?" Kanda just scowled and crossed his arms.

Allen laughed lightly, obviously without humor. "I wish things worked out that way," he sighed and continued, "But I'm doing what's best for us."

"How the fuck do you know what's best for me, beansprout?" Kanda snarled, uncrossing his arms only to keep them lowered by his sides. His hands clenched into fists and his nails dug deeply into his palms. "If you 'wished things worked out that way', then make them. You have choices, you know."

Allen's sad smile faltered for a moment. "I'm taking a guess here. I'm pretty sure that if you were one for thanking people then you would do just that." He laughed again and shrugged. "I've run out of choices." Allen leaned back on the balls of his feet; he appeared calm and casual, but that was because he didn't want Kanda to see how much of a mess he really was. He was the one breaking everything off after all, and so he had to do his best to stay collected.

"Fuck you. You're an idiot and you don't know anything, so fuck you."

"What an intelligent reply. You've always had such a way with words," Allen muttered and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I swear I was secretly dating a 7 year old." He saw Kanda's eyes narrow at the obvious force behind the word 'was', and he felt guilt eating at him, slowly but surely.

There was a pause–the silence was awkward and practically unbearable, unlike the comfortable silences they were used to. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

"What the fuck, beansprout?"

"It's a quote by Alfred Tennyson."

"I know what it is, dumbass."

"What was with the question, then?"

Kanda averted his eyes to the ground, and his voice lowered to the point where Allen had to strain to hear him. "Does that mean that you no longer love me?"

Allen jolted at the uncharacteristic show of such intense emotion, and his silvery eyes widened with shock. He felt his heart tighten painfully. "Yes," he murmured.

Kanda glared at him, his own midnight-blue eyes flashing with anger. "Quit lying to me, goddamnit." Allen gave him a quizzical glance. "Do you think I don't fucking know you by now? I can tell when you're lying. Your voice gets a higher and you barely make eye contact, like a stupid girl. Why?"

Allen pursed his lips, intending on not saying anything, until he saw Kanda raising his fist. He's going to punch me? He mused, raising one eyebrow but not fully believing it. And so Kanda punched him, hard enough for Allen to fall to the ground. He spit out blood, licked at the small cut inside of his mouth, and stared up at Kanda – who was seething and breathing hard in complete rage.

"I'm dying, Kanda."

To say Kanda was shocked was an understatement. He was beyond shock, and he felt his heart stutter and crumble as he stood, speechless. "What?" He asked dumbly, staring at Allen but not really seeing him. Allen gazed into Kanda's unfocused eyes for a moment before looking away, eyes downcast. "I'm dy–"

"I heard that, dipshit."

"I wasn't finished, BaKanda," Allen said fondly with a ghost of a smile. "Technically, I'm not really dying, just… Disappearing. The Fourteenth Noah is taking over my body and corroding the person that you know now as Allen Walker. He will take over my body and it will be like I no longer exist; so, in a sense, I am dying."

Allen expected anger from Kanda. He expected that he wouldn't get away without at least a few more punches – that was Kanda's default emotion, after all, and it was the one that had always come easiest to him. And so, anger was what he got.

"Why can't you just… fight it? Him? Whatever that… thing is, it's intruding on what rightfully belongs to you," Kanda hissed vehemently, his gaze burning into Allen's. The latter sat back on his hands, staring back up at Kanda to see what else he had to say. "Why the hell are you just giving up? What happened to the confident, annoying little brat with a hero complex? If you want to save everyone, you have to save yourself too you know!" Kanda continued ranting, pacing back and forth. "Or has he already started eating away at–"

Allen imagined, that if Kanda were to be any animal, he would be a cat. He could almost picture fuzzy ears atop the Japanese man's head, pressed flat against his skull, or maybe a tail; whipping back and forth in annoyance and fury. Allen smiled and shook his head. "–and what happened to keep walking? To keep moving forward? What happened to you?"

"Enough, Kanda." Allen murmured, holding up one hand with a shake of his head. "Stop. Please," he said again. "Nothing can be done anymore. I've already come to accept what's going to happen and you're just making this a hell of a lot harder. Yes, I lied."

"About what?"

"… Not loving you. I love you. But, this is the end. There's another reason I'm stopping all of this," Allen said, looking up with another sad smile. Kanda was beginning to hate those more than he ever had, because this time they were meant for him. "I hope that, when the time comes, you'll be… over me enough to where you would be able to kill me before I turn into the Noah."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Kanda sneered, "you're lying again, aren't you?" Please tell me you're lying. Please, anything but this, was what he really wanted to say – but he was Kanda and he wasn't really sure how to form those words.

"As much as I wish I was, I'm not. If… if you don't do this, I would end up killing you. That's something that I will never, ever allow myself to do. I don't want to lose myself so much." Allen sniffled, looking quite on the verge of tears, and Kanda itched to reach out, to do something to try to comfort him. He held back. "I don't want to endanger anyone else, either, but you're what is most important to me. Please, Kanda, I'm begging you."

No, I'm begging you, Kanda thought helplessly, but somehow, he found himself nodding. "Okay. Okay, fine, I agree, whatever, just stop. Stop crying, this is making this harder." His fingers twitched uncontrollably, but he crossed his arms to hide them.

Allen smiled slowly, and suddenly his teeth appeared in a smile much brighter than Kanda had ever seen before, because this time he wasn't holding back. So, Allen nodded too.

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