"The lily means, 'I dare you to love me.'"
OOO
As it turned out, Ginny was still at Quidditch practice, for which Hermione was oddly relieved. She intended to talk to Harry, as much as Ginny bugged her to visit, because she felt bad about the fact that she hadn't really written to him, involved as she was in writing to his wife.
"Just dump all that in the trash please," Harry said when she untied a letter from a wizard post owl that had been fluffing its feathers angrily in the window for the last two minutes. He gestured at the pile of mail from previous owls on the windowsill.
Hermione leafed through the letters curiously. All had return addresses from across England and Great Britain. None of the names were familiar, and many envelopes were decorating with hearts, or stickers of Harry looking awkward and adjusting his glasses on his nose.
Hermione smirked, "Can't I keep this one?"
"Er," Harry said
"For reference. When I help you write that book about Voldemort you keep talking to Ginny about," Hermione said with a soft smile.
"You two correspond?" Harry asked, "Why not write me some letters while you're at it, huh? Or let me read Ginny's? Also, you won't find anything of use in those. Just declarations of love and rubbish like that. The good ones, stories about Voldemort, those dwindled off years ago. Don't worry, I kept them!"
"And tossing in the trash," Hermione said bringing the whole pile over to the rubbish bin, "We don't really write each other letters, I just mean from the times I've stopped by."
"Oh," Harry said as he walked into the kitchen to stir the pasta that was boiling gently on the stove.
"On that note I was wondering if I could help you write it, you know ghost write and edit," Hermione said sliding onto one of the bar stools and leaning on the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining area.
Harry glanced over at her with an awkward smile and said, "Oh, er- didn't I ask you that already? Maybe I talked to you about it my head so much I forgot to do it in real life... Or I just thought it was obvious."
Hermione grinned, then pulled herself off the barstool to go over to Harry and hug him from behind, "Oh Harry, you'll always be the same."
"Thanks, Hermione," Harry answered, then frowned at her over his shoulder, "I mean, I think."
"Sure," Hermione said, leaning around him to take a long sniff at the pasta, "So you learned all this from the Dursleys? I never knew spaghetti could smell so good."
"Yeah, it's when the noodles are cooking that you can season them," Harry said, stepping back from the stove and turning to face Hermione, "Though I hope I don't turn into a cook. Being an Auror is still more fun. It makes me wish Dueling Club had stuck around after Lockhart, only with a better professor to run it..."
"We had D.A., remember?" Hermione said with a grin, "So what are you doing now- caught any Dark Wizards yet?"
Harry shook his head, "Nope. Still only one Dark Wizard under my belt. Goodwin and I are trying to track down a guy who was making illegal potions in his basement. The Muggles reported strangely colored smoke coming from a window, and when the Ministry got wind and went to investigate, he took off. Not exactly the makings of the next Dark Lord, I don't think..."
"I think I'd better have some tea before I apparate back home," Hermione said moving into the kitchen and helping herself to a mug.
Harry nodded and sat down heavily on a chair in the dining room while Hermione set the kettle on the stove and pulled out a second mug for Harry.
"No sign of Ginny yet?" Hermione asked. Harry glanced towards the wall behind him, "Says she's still with the Harpies."
"Mm," Hermione said spooning tea grounds into both their cups then pouring the now boiling water into the mugs. She skipped on the milk and sugar and walked around to sit next to Harry placing a mug in front of him.
"Thanks," he said with a tired a smile.
"You know, you should visit Ron some time," Harry said, "I don't think it would be as bad as you both think it will be."
"Mm," Hermione said again, not wanting to commit either way.
They drank their tea quietly, both feeling rather nostalgic she surmised.
"Well, I'm off then," Hermione said standing up and moving towards the doorway. Harry nodded.
"Good night 'mione," he said as he started up the stairs. Hermione let herself out onto the porch and took in a deep breath of the night air, filled with the scent of the lilies growing in pots on the stoop, only to hear the familiar pop of apparition as Ginny appeared next to her.
"Oh!" Ginny said, "I didn't think you'd still be here..."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Hermione said with an accusing smile feeling a rush of warmth at the girl's sudden entrance.
"Yeah, I'm sorry," Ginny said letting her duffel bag that had been slung over one shoulder slide to the ground as she put a hand on the doorknob, "After I've been the one pressuring YOU to come visit, I know."
Hermione put a hand on Ginny stopping her from opening the door just yet, "Hey, how are you doing?"
She examined the younger woman, the fatigue in her eyes, noting the things that didn't show up in writing. Her hair was falling out of its ponytail, she had on a light pair of grass stained practice robes with the sleeves rolled up. She was still wearing her shin guards over her boots and had somehow managed to leave on her left elbow guard while the right was nowhere to be seen. The duffel bag presumably.
"Good," Ginny said biting her lip as she met Hermione's gaze, "Just hectic, you know?"
"Don't work too hard," Hermione told her.
"Yeah," Ginny agreed.
"I have to get home, my bed is calling me," Hermione said reluctantly, "but let's do something. Sometime."
"Sometime soon," Ginny affirmed.
"Goodnight then," Hermione said taking her hand off Ginny's.
"G'night," Ginny said and leaned in to hug Hermione tightly. Hermione hugged her back and turned her head to give a quick kiss on the cheek, and somehow Ginny turned her head at just the same time for the kiss to land just at the edge of her lips.
The blood started pounding her Hermione's ears and it was all she could do to quickly step back and not plant that kiss a little more firmly on the other girl's lips.
What am I doing? Hermione wondered hoping Ginny couldn't see her blushing in the dark.
"Take care," she said trying to brush it off as the good night kiss it was supposed to be and promptly apparated back to her apartment before Ginny could slip in a word. Neither of them had mentioned the journal.
OOO
It was a weekend and Harry was woken from the sofa by the sound of the door bursting open as Ron's voice shouted, "Hey mate, no sleeping in today!"
Harry's eyes snapped open and he suddenly realized where he was sleeping- but he didn't want Ron to get the wrong idea, so he sat up quickly and swung his feet over the side of the sofa before saying, "In here! Want some coffee?"
"No thanks, had breakfast at the burrow and already had to force down a cup of dad's," Ron admitted poking his head into the living room and raising an eyebrow at Harry's disheveled look.
Harry ran a hand through his undoubtedly very messy hair, feeling off-set at being woken up so suddenly, and then the mess of not wanting Ron to find him on the sofa. It wasn't because there was anything wrong between him and Ginny. At least, he hoped there wasn't anything wrong. Harry shoved that thought away. No, Ginny had simply gotten back from practice late again, as usual, but Harry had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for her. He vaguely remembered hearing her come in, but he hadn't woken up enough to move. He wondered why she hadn't dragged him up to bed. Probably she hadn't wanted to disturb his sleep. On that note, she had been sleeping roughly the last few weeks. He wished there was something more he could do for her, wished that Gwenog Jones wouldn't push her Quidditch team so hard...
"Where's Ginny?" Ron asked setting down a crate on the kitchen counter.
"Still asleep," Harry said with a grin, standing up and yawning with a stretch. I think.
"I'll go wake her up," he added, glancing at his watch. 9 o'clock. Should be late enough to wake her up with risking the Weasley wrath. He smiled to himself.
Ginny was sprawled serenely on the bed, somehow managing to lay diagonally and take up the whole thing. It looked like she hadn't even bothered with pajamas, just stripped down to her underwear and white undershirt. Harry still wasn't sure how witches managed to get their bras off from underneath their shirts without removing the shirt itself. Eternal female mysteries.
He placed a gentle kiss on the back of her neck while he rested a hand on her shoulder, "Morning 'Gin."
"Mmm," she complained and rolled over onto her back to stretch out across the bed even more as she let herself yawn loudly. When she was done yawning, Harry leaned to to kiss her again, this time on the mouth.
"Ron's here," he told her when they were done kissing, "Want me to fix you some breakfast?"
"Oh!" Ginny sat up quickly, then frowned and pulled the tie (rather lopsided now) out of the tangle of her hair.
"Is Hermione-"
"Not here yet, she said she wouldn't make it until lunchtime," Harry assured her.
"Don't worry about breakfast, I'll grab some when I run into Diagon Alley for the rest of that Slug Potion that Mum said to use," Ginny said, "I'll let you and Ron alone for the morning."
With that she was out of bed and had disappeared into the closet where the sound of hangers being thrown around could be heard.
"Shall we?" Ron asked as Harry came back downstairs, he'd peeled the lid off the crate and was digging through the magical powders and potions that were jumbled inside.
"Huh looks like no one's used these in a while, I wonder if any are still good," he muttered to himself, "George says some stuff gets stronger the older it gets..."
"Let's start under the back porch," Harry said selecting a fairly new looking bottle of Bundimun-Be-Gone!
He heard the front door open and close then the faint pop of Ginny apparating away.
"Late night for the two of you?" Ron asked as they crouched underneath the deck while little green eyes goggled at them with an expression of resentful distrust.
"Er, not me just Ginny," Harry explained, "Quidditch is kind of taking over her life, you'd think we'd be the busier ones what with cleaning up the Death Eaters..."
"Rough," Ron said, "And to think, we always wanted to be Quidditch players back when we were at Hogwarts. Look at us now, Aurors! Less hours, better pay... I think You-Know-Who set us up pretty good."
"I always feel bad killing these guys," Harry said with a sigh, imagining what Hagrid's reaction to the fungus might be.
"These guys?" Ron asked, "It's not even sentient. It just happens to have eyes." Ron squirted the edge of the mat of growth on the stonework with the Bundimun-Be-Gone!
"How does that even make sense?" Harry wondered and starting gesturing with his wand in the areas Ron squirted.
Ron shrugged, and they worked in silence for a while until...
"Bugger this!" Harry exclaimed in frustration, "I hope Ginny gets back soon with the Slug Potion and I hope it works better than this crap."
"How long did she say she'd be gone?" Ron asked.
"Didn't," Harry replied tersely, standing up and stretching to survey their handiwork.
Ron didn't comment.
"You know it sometimes crosses my mind to wonder if she's- having an affair, or something," Harry finally admitted, quickly adding, "Not seriously you know, but just what if?"
"Ginny wouldn't cheat," Ron quickly said, the obvious answer for both Ginny's brother and Harry's best friend. But the moment it came out of his mouth, he wondered.
"But quidditch practice until late, every night?" Harry pushed.
"Erm, that does sound fishy. But, uh, you know we had a lot of Quidditch practice while we were at Hogwarts. Shouldn't it be ten times harder in the real world?" Ron wondered.
Harry, oddly, felt both unsettled and reassured by this comment and he said, "Yeah, I suppose... Maybe we just need to take our Honeymoon."
"You should just talk to her, maybe something is stressing her out," Ron suggested, leaning up against the porch railing.
Ginny had been stressing over Hermione's return. Even today had been her idea of getting Ron and Hermione to maybe talk to each other, see if they could still be friends. It seemed Ginny was feeling the loss of the easy friendship that everyone had shared back in school the most.
"It's just, I know that she doesn't always come straight home, because half the time she doesn't even eat dinner when she gets back. Maybe its just socializing with the team or something..." Harry mused.
Ron grinned, "You know, I always wondered about the Holyhead Harpies... the only all female team... I mean-" he faltered, suddenly looking awkward as the tips of his ears turned red.
"I mean, come on, who hasn't fantasized about them?" Ron finally said.
Harry snorted, "Let's go start some lunch."
OOO
Hermione quickly stepped back inside the kitchen and busied herself with the rest of the decaying potions that Harry and Ron had left in the crate and on the counters, pretending not to have overheard the end of the boy's conversation.
"Oh hey, Hermione," Harry said as they came inside, a wash of hot, humid air coming in with them through the open door. She heard, or rather sensed, Ron come to a sudden halt just inside the doorway.
Hermione kept her face towards the crate torn between being furious at Harry for not telling her that Ron would be here and feeling oddly guilty for Harry's concern about DID often stay after work with and without the quidditch team. Hermione knew this because Ginny was most often using that time to write to her.
"Hey Harry," Hermione said, forcing herself to keep her voice casual, "Hello Ron." She still didn't look at them, and kept digging through the bottles even though she'd almost immediately seen that there was nothing of use in the crate for Bundimun fungus. Well, at least there clearly actually was fungus- it hadn't been a story to get her and Ron in the same building. But someone definitely needed a lecture later.
"Erm, hello Hermione," Ron replied as he stepped into the kitchen after Harry all the way into the kitchen behind her.
"Any luck with the fungus yet?" she asked lightly turning around and making herself meet first Harry's gaze and then Ron's. Those brown eyes, strikingly similar to Ginny's with that same sweet unassuming gaze. But how that gaze could change when a Weasley was fighting for something. She looked away, her fingers tightening on the crate behind her.
"No, not really," Harry said, his own gaze inquisitive, gauging her reaction to Ron's presence.
"You really should get some of that slug repellent to mix in," Hermione suggested, "Didn't Molly always say to use that?"
"Er yeah, Ginny's getting that," Harry told her, "We were thinking of making lunch."
"Oh, right!" Hermione said, aware that her voice was higher and more peppy that it was normally.
Ginny. She hadn't seen her since that evening when... when they almost kissed. Sort of. Not really. But it had felt- significant. Or maybe that was just Hermione reading into things. Ginny was married, for Merlin's sake! And to Harry. It was completely inappropriate for her- to what? There wasn't anything odd about a good night kiss on the cheek! Hermione shoved these thoughts away, not even letting her subconscious complete the idea.
"You don't have any rice do you?" Ron wondered poking through the cupboards, Ron seemed at ease in this kitchen as if he'd cooked here many times. He probably had, it was a strange thought. Ron spending time with Harry and Ginny while she was off on the other side of the world. She hadn't spent this much time apart from any of them ever. Even though she and Ron hadn't married they'd been living together since she'd graduated three years ago (she'd gone back to do her NEWTS while Harry and Ron joined with the Ministry's Aurors to hunt down remaining death eaters before Harry started his offical auror training) until that happened and she couldn't quite picture Ron in Harry and Ginny's kitchen without herself in the picture too.
She felt a small pain in her chest- she missed them, missed this. It made her feel jealous of Ron, oddly enough. He was still here with Harry and Ginny- but she had made the choice to leave. I'm back now, she thought ferociously to herself, willing herself not to feel guilty or sorry for herself, We can be like we used to, the three of us. Plus Ginny.
"Is burritos the plan?" Hermione asked, trying to make conversation and distract herself from uncomfortable thoughts.
"Curry," Ron answered, and she felt the tightening in her chest again. Ron had always attempted to make curry when they lived together. It never turned out well. Maybe he had improved? She refused to make judgements.
"Anything I can do to help?" Hermione asked letting herself leaning back against the bar counter that divided the kitchen from the living and dining room.
"Erm, we need to clean up some dishes first I think," Harry said, looking around the kitchen. Indeed, it was quite a mess, despite Harry's self-proclaimed housekeeping skills.
"Of course!" Hermione said and pointed her wand at the dishes and let them all sort themselves into the sink and told the soap and sponge to cooperate to get them all done. Another flick and the counters were scourgified.
"I've missed your witchcraft around the house," Ron admitted surveying the kitchen with approval. He didn't wait for her respond but continued digging through the cupboards, pulling out ingredients. Harry took the bag of rice from where Ron had plopped it onto the counter, and measured some out into a pot along with water, then prodded the stove with his wand to light the fire beneath it.
Hermione just looked at the back of Ron's head, at a loss for words. This was harder than she had anticipated. Shouldn't a year be enough time to get over someone? She frowned at herself. She supposed she and Ron had been 'together' in some fashion for almost five years, if you included time at Hogwarts. Maybe it would be five years until she could laugh comfortably with him again. She hoped not.
Hermione suddenly jumped as she heard the door open and loud footsteps on the front hall floor. Her heart leapt, which she conceded to the surprise, and she felt a twinge of guilt, remembering once again, the kiss. She and Ginny hadn't corresponded since then, and she had no idea what the other girl thought... if anything.
Ginny strolled into the kitchen a shopping bag slung over her shoulder lazily, her face fresh from the sunlight and her hair haphazardly thrown into a ponytail, Hermione doubted she'd even brushed it. She somehow managed to pull off that eternally windswept look that many quidditch players strived to maintain.
"You went out dressed like that?" Ron asked, peering over the bar-counter to surmise Ginny.
She grinned, "Well apparently I slept in. I didn't have time to dress more appropriately."
Indeed, Ginny did appear to still be wearing her pajamas. Hermione somehow managed to both frown and smile at her at the same time as she felt a flush of pleasure at the other girl's entrance, though she tried to conceal it with a disapproving look.
"Oh, don't look so McGonagall Hermione," Ginny said, "It doesn't suit you, you're only one year older than me!"
"Who knows, maybe I'm the next in line for Headmistress of Hogwarts," Hermione retorted unable to hold back the smile this time, "I should practice my disapproving looks."
Ginny held Hermione's gaze for just another moment, then snorted and set the bag down on the counter and pulled out the slug repellant. Then she noticed Harry adjusting the fire under the pot of rice and gave the room a sniff.
"Cooking? Food?" she asked hopefully, "I haven't had breakfast!"
"Hello to you too Ginny," Ron turning from his mess of spices, "This is lunch, actually."
"You did sleep in, didn't you?" Hermione laughed.
And then just like that, it was like old times. The four of them laughing together. Granted, it only lasted a few minutes, and then things somehow became awkward again as Ron started dumping curry powder on top of some chopped chicken, and the smell reminded her of their kitchen, her and Ron's kitchen...
OOO
"Well, is it working?" Ginny wondered staring out at the view of the sky from the back porch.
"Mm," Harry said non-committedly thinking back to his and Ginny's conversation the night before about Hermione and Ron.
"I wonder if maybe now, that it's been a year they could get back together, start over again," Ginny had said to him in the conversation, "I just want Hermione to be happy, I want both of them to be happy. She seems so different now, like the sadness has made her older."
"Well it looked like we killed all of the Bundimun," Harry said with a smile aware that that hadn't been what she was asking about.
"No, not that, you know what I mean!" Ginny scolded leaning back against him
"Ok, maybe, it seemed a little forced this afternoon," Harry agreed, "I almost wish they'd never gotten together in the first place so that they couldn't break up. I dunno, I guess I thought since they'd sort of... you know it took so long for them to get together in the first place. I guess I thought, especially since they'd stayed together so long after graduation... I thought it was forever for them. So I wouldn't have to worry about this, about this ruining the three of us."
"Well, maybe it would have been forever, if not for..." Ginny murmured.
"Yeah," Harry sighed and scooted closer to Ginny, putting an arm around her shoulder.
"So maybe now its been long enough that they can forgive each other, and if they can forgive each other maybe they can start again," Ginny mused.
"Yeah, this is the plan," Harry said, "Maybe we need to try a more romantic situation than killing helpless looking fungus."
"Or maybe no one is ever really perfect for each other and there's always differences that stop things from working out the way people imagined, maybe life's not perfect," Ginny wondered a little more darkly.
"Let's not give up hope yet!" Harry said, kissing Ginny on the ear, "That was really their first interaction since she left!"
He hoped that she wasn't referring to or thinking of their own relationship with that comment. But of course she wouldn't be. They were already married.
Ginny, meanwhile, was wondering if Hermione and Ron had had a chance to talk- they'd both left at the same time.. it was possible that they had some alone time before Apparating away. She wanted to go write in the journal and ask. She kind of wished she would have a chance to actually talk to Hermione in person, just the two of them, for once. Whenever Hermione came over to visit, Ron was always there. Maybe it was time she paid a visit to Hermione, at her apartment in Hogsmeade. Come to think of it, visiting Hogsmeade would be fun anyway. She made a note to plan for this on her next day off.
Later, upstairs, she pulled out the journal from her nightstand. She hadn't written since that goodnight kiss, or whatever that had been. Did I do that on purpose? Ginny wondered, turned her head slightly to side, almost meeting the other girl's lips? She had no idea, just one little moment that went by too fast for her to stop and think about what she was doing.
She hadn't know it was coming- she was just turning to look at Hermione... probably. She didn't really remember what her thought process had been that evening. She had been too sleepy, or muddled, or something for things to be recalled clearly.
Opening the journal and flipping through their past entries she noticed Hermione had already written something.
Hey, thanks for this afternoon. Inviting Ron, I was completely ready to be furious with you and Harry for not telling me, but I know I would have come up with some excuse not to show up if you had told me. You know me too well. Though don't think you're off the hook! I think it turned out relatively well, actually... well not at first anyway. It was so awkward, for me at least... I just kept... I kept being reminded of what it was like being with him. Then mixed with the pain of how we separated... it was enough, pain, I suppose, to make it hard to talk. I couldn't think of what to say, other than to just stare at him hopelessly.
But as we were leaving he apologized to me. Just stopped on the front porch and said that he was sorry. At first I didn't even know what for. So maybe, I don't know, maybe there's hope. I should have told him that I was sorry too. There is a little part of me that does mourn the loss of my first child, I let him go. I think it would be impossible for there not to be, but it's better this way, I think...
What would my life be like, if we'd had it? Would we be married now, happy as can be, the four of us going on double dates? I try not to think about it-
No, Molly would have been delighted, Ron too, but I know I wouldn't. That year I spent travelling, it was like I was proving to myself everything that I would be missing if I'd been turned into a teen mom. Maybe its not so strange in the wizarding world to have kids early, but in the muggle world having kids before 25 is usually by accident, and it's like, there's almost this stigma, you're not a progressive feminist woman, you're just a wife or something.
South Africa was so refreshing, so different from Great Britain! The people, the places... No, reminding myself of this, I can't imagine being stuck here, tied down by a squalling infant. But, but... but Ron.
Maybe this is too personal, do you even want to hear all this?
Ginny finished reading. She felt a little triumphant that the note had ended on a hopeful not for Hermione and Ron, even if the entry as a whole had suggested otherwise. But she also felt depressed, maybe because Hermione was clearly so happy with her life in the past year. Traveling, without Ron, without her and Harry. She had her own life now. Maybe this next off-season she could go traveling with Hermione, just the two of them with no boys, no households, no families to bug her to come and visit...
Suddenly she longed to see Hermione again in person, to ask her out loud about her travels and about Jaya. They had these amazing discussions all in pen, but never really got a chance to even meet one another's eyes when they were in person. There was always someone else around. It was starting to drive her crazy.
Hermione, Ginny started writing in reply, wondering if Hermione was watching as she wrote, No, I'm glad you feel like you can tell me these things. I'm sorry for throwing you and Ron together, but you were clearly avoiding each other. Anyway, we should get drinks together next Wednesday afternoon (I get off practice early), in Hogsmeade. I haven't been there in so long, and I'd love to see your apartment! Hmm, now I can't think of anything else to write. Ho hum.
"Gin?" Harry asked, coming up the stairs and Ginny slapped the book shut. She shoved it off over on her bedside table and rolled onto her back to smile at her husband as he came into their room.
"Writing?" he asked glancing at the book.
"Yeah, not even Tom Riddle could stop me from keeping a diary," Ginny told him with a faint blush. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips, and before he could pull away Ginny lifted her hand to his cheek and pulled him close again, kissing him back more deeply.
Later that night, after they made love, Ginny pulled the journal out again. The last entry was still hers. Maybe Hermione hadn't been watching her write after all. She'd just scrawled her entry and then closed it up again... Ginny glanced over at Harry, starting to fall asleep, curled up on his side, naked, in the fetal position with his head resting on her stomach. The sheets still kicked down to the end of the bed. She took her quill out again.
I feel so settled with Harry, but I'm not sure I like this feeling. Doing cute little family visits to the Burrow, hanging out with all the other married members of my family. I want to get out! Take me with you the next time you leave!
I can't believe I'm actually writing this down, it makes it sound so much more real than just thinking it in my head. But don't get the wrong idea, I love Harry! Maybe I should drag him along too traveling. No, wouldn't do that to you, don't worry.
Harry moved, and Ginny put the journal down again, her eyelids feeling heavy. She leaned over to the table and blew out the lamp, moving off her lap and curling up close to him.
There was something sweet about the picture of the four of them all paired up and happy, but something about it, somehow, seemed a bit off
A/N: Here's chapter four. This story isn't going to be very long, I think we're half-way done now. Still quite a few things to happen though! Somehow this ended up being a very slow internal monologue type story. Hope there aren't any parts that are too boring!