So sorry for such a long wait, everyone! The last month of school is always the worst - I had to study for finals and do all these crazy things because teachers think it's okay to pile shit on us at the end of the year. And I haven't had wifi cause my neighbors decided to take theirs down... so I couldn't steal it... *snaps fingers* And I just got a job at Cold Stone. BUSY! But, anyway, this one is a funny one (rare for me since I normally suck at those), so I hope you guys like it! I got the idea for it when I was at the mall with my little sister at one of those giant play things. People never watch their kids there - they think they can just sit on their phones while their kids wreak havoc and attempt to kill any other children within a ten foot radius.

Pedophobia – the fear of children.

Pedophobia

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"I fucking hate kids," Kanda muttered heatedly, glancing at the many children that ran around chaotically. Allen glanced at him in what he assumed to be horror, but really the beansprout's face was just so messed up that he couldn't even distinguish his facial expressions anymore.

"Kanda!" He scolded, hitting the older male quite roughly on the arm. "How could you say that?"

Kanda just snorted and rolled his eyes. "Because I meant it, fucktard." Allen pursed his lips and pulled Kanda closer to the playplace, and the latter couldn't help but flinch as the noise of kids screaming got louder. "Don't tell me you're taking me in there…"

"Okay, I won't tell you," Allen replied charmingly with a malicious grin that completely contradicted his tone of voice. He yanked Kanda through the entrance, but Kanda kept pulling back. And once Allen realized that he couldn't just drag him in, he came up with a better plan. "If you don't come in here with me right now, no sex for a week."

The Japanese man froze and assessed Allen skeptically. "You wouldn't dare."

"Your loss, not mine," Allen replied flippantly, inspecting his fingernails on the hand that wasn't currently holding Kanda's. So Kanda had no choice but to reluctantly follow Allen, because "no sex for a week" was something that he couldn't handle.

They were suddenly thrown into a chaotic warzone of children kicking or screaming or pushing or God knows what else. "Beansprout, if you don't get me out of here within 10 seconds, I'm going to kill all of these… things."

Allen chuckled nervously, but he held his ground (also while whispering, "no sex for a week," but Kanda decided to temporarily ignore that and cross that bridge when he got to it). "I have to show you that they really aren't that bad. I'm not lying, I promise. You're just being overdramatic."

"I really don't give a shit."

Allen's small smile did a complete 180, and he glared at Kanda before turning on his heel. The white-haired boy took to approach a little girl, who looked quite a bit like Kanda. She was constantly pushing other kids out of the way so she could slide down the large slide placed in the middle of the playground.

As he towered over her (silently cheering in the back of his mind that he was quite a bit taller than her – not that he would say anything to Kanda), he asked politely, "Excuse me, miss, but do you think you could be nicer to everyone else?"

For a moment she was silent and stared up at Allen with wide black eyes. Then, she started to cry and Allen's smile faltered as she bolted away from him. "Mommy," she sobbed, "A creepy old man is talking to me!"

Allen turned back to Kanda, who was looking fairly smug, and sighed. "That didn't count," he muttered quickly and twisted around to find another misbehaving child. He found one – another girl that was climbing up around the seats and anywhere else humanly possible. With newfound courage, Allen strode over to her and called up, "Uhm, miss? Excuse me, little girl!"

Finally she noticed he was talking to her, and she stopped and crossed her arms. "What?" she asked rudely, pursing her lips.

Allen didn't falter though, and pressed on. "Could you please get down from there?" He looked over his shoulder and was satisfied to see Kanda watching intently.

The girl looked up and appeared as if she was thinking deeply about it, and then stuck out her tongue. "Nope, fuck you."

Allen stood back, shocked that a little girl would say such a thing, let alone know what that word meant. "Excuse me?" He repeated – obviously, he had heard her wrong.

"Excuse me?" She mocked. "You heard me. I said fuck… you." She hopped off of the wall surrounding the play place and headed straight for Allen with a smile too sweet to be real. The older of the two looked over his shoulder again at Kanda, who was smirking with his eyebrows slightly raised. Allen scowled in response; leave it to Kanda to be an ass.

Just as Allen turned to look at the little girl, she was surprisingly close and before he could react, she rose a fist and promptly punched him… well, where the sun don't shine. Allen tried not to cry out as he fell to his knees, and what pissed him off was that the girl that he had thought was an innocent child walked past him and jumped on the wall on the other side of the play place.

"Bloody Hell," Allen hissed under his breath as Kanda's feet came into view. He peered up, though still crouched in an almost-fetal position, to Kanda who was practically grinning. Allen saw his shoulders shake slightly in silent laugh, and Allen swore that if he weren't currently surrounded by children that he would give Kanda the finger. But alas, he was a gentleman through and through, so he held back the urge.

"How do you feel about kids now, 'sprout?" Kanda questioned, all too smug for Allen's liking.

"Everyone just hates me today."

"So… can we have sex when we get home?" Leave it to Kanda to plow straight through the question – which was what it technically was, but whether Allen really wanted to didn't matter. Which pretty much meant that, yes, they were going to have sex.

However, Allen didn't give in very easily, because he was just a stubborn jerk sometimes, and he could be almost as bad as Kanda. He tried to ignore the glares and disgusted looks from the parents surrounding him, and he said pointedly, "Kanda… we're in the middle of a children's play area, you know."

"I didn't say I wanted to do it here. Are you deaf?"

"No… I meant that you shouldn't be saying that here in front of all these kids."

"Fuck the kids."

Allen deemed himself able to stand finally, and he refused the urge to slap a hand to his face in embarrassment. "You know what? I hope you get arrested some day."

"Fuck the police."

"You are a perfect example of a kid at their worst. Stubborn, mean, sarcastic, absolutely no filter for their words…"

Kanda snorted, but didn't look very impressed. "So, you're pretty much implying that kids suck."

Allen deadpanned. "Where did you get that from?" The Japanese man said nothing, so he continued. "I'm just saying that kids are difficult to get along with – like you – and can be pretty annoying. Like you. And stubborn and mean and everything in between… Like you. But they're also loveable and cute and cuddly." Allen paused, but looked at Kanda with a smile. "See where I'm going with this?"

The older teen's eyebrows shot upwards. "Did you just insult me and then practically call me a teddy bear?" Allen shrugged.

'This doesn't change my opinion at all, beansprout."

"You're an arse through and through, BaKanda."

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