With the use of cartoons and several anti-growth injections, Dagless and Sanchez were once again able to save the day for everyone. The day old infant was nearly five foot and his formula had to be supplemented with some ground up shepard's pie but he was no longer growing.

The mother had been so full of gratitude, she'd gazed up at Dagless promising her eternal gratitude and offering to 'repay' him in anyway possible. Dagless did not take her up on her offer, he felt too sorry for her poor, inadequate husband who had only been able to stand and watch his wife throw himself at another guy. Dagless had never been treated so disrespectfully by a woman but he instinctively knew the crushing agony that would come from such emasculating behavior. A wife (or girlfriend) throwing herself at another man while her husband (or long term boyfriend) watched was reprehensible and Dagless wanted nothing to do with a woman with so little virtue and tact. Clearly, she was a bit of a bitch*.

It was just another day (and night) at Darkplace Hospital. Insanity with a side of unexpectedness and terror for afters.

Author's notes

* The author would like to make it clear that this story is a piece of fiction and not based on any particular person and if someone thinks the story is about her, well, she probably has a guilty conscience and is projecting her well-earned self-loathing on a fictional character.

xxx

The Padre's dreams were rarely troubled. He was a man of the cloth, and he lived a nearly blameless life. He used bad language on occasion and had gotten involved in some unholy deal with a missing link that nearly ended humanity but - overall - he was a Padre and slept the sleep of the pure at heart.

This was not a night like all the others. It never was at Darkplace.

The Padre tossed and turned as he dreamt of rats.

At first, he thought they were mice but as the dream continued, he noticed the 'mice' had creepy pink tails and - when they were stood next to something - the scale ratio made it clear that they were, in fact, big and horrible rats rather than cute little mice.

He saw a rat wearing his vestments and giving communion to a congregation of rats. He saw rats, piled one on top of another, driving his jeep around the Darkplace grounds.

He saw a rat taking confession.

Confused in his dream state, the Padre crept up on the rats. He crawled on his hands and knees and pressed his ear to the door of the confessional but he could not hear what the rats were saying. The Padre rat looked as concerned as a rat could look. The rat on the other side of the screen looked at once charismatic and dangerous.

What danger could come of an overgrown mouse? Sure, rats could chew through wires and lower the property values of a neighborhood but otherwise, they were too small and fuzzy to be of any real threat.

A man of God had no reason to be afraid of a little vermin. What harm could come from a rat that looked downright... snuggly?

The Padre woke from his dream, more like a nightmare, with a start. His bedclothes were soaked with sweat.

The Padre took a relaxing shower and contemplated his dream before deciding it was silly. How could anything be frightening when you had God and Dagless on your side?

xxx

Dagless had patients to see and diseases to cure but he had someone he needed to speak to first.

Little Johnny's daddy was never going to leave the hospital. When he did leave, it would probably be either in a body bag or a coffin. Dagless wasn't sure of the procedure for getting rid of the corpses at Darkplace. Dagless had been the cause of many deaths at Darkplace (as he fought evil, not because he was a bad doctor) but he took no interest in the mortuary. The people down there were either dead or dead creepy.

Little Johnny's daddy had an incurable disease and was surely going to die soon. That was why it was so important that Dagless always makes time to spend with Johnny. Soon enough, Johnny would have no father figure and he was going to need Dagless more than ever.

Dagless couldn't be the father figure for every fatherless child in the world, or even just the kiddies in England. He could only be a father figure to twenty, maybe thirty kids at a time. Tops. Right now, he only had eighteen on his roster. He had a little extra time for Little Johnny this week.

Soon enough, it would be flu season and the hospital would be full of children needing someone to look up to. Mostly boys because you don't really want to hang around little girls. People might think you're some kind of weirdo and girls always want to play stupid, overly socially complicated games with dollies.

"Dr. Dagless, how do you find time to take care of all the patients at Darkplace and to come cheer me up all while maintaining an active social life? Have you the ability to bi-locate?" Johnny asked with wisdom beyond his years.

"No, Johnny, I don't have the ability to bi-locate, i.e., be in two places at once. I am just one man, an ordinary man. Well, not completely ordinary. I am rather extraordinary in many ways," Dagless explained, humbly.

"Oh, Dr. Dagless, you are so much more than one doctor. The standards you set and the example you offer touch the hearts of every doctor here. In a way, you are every doctor."

"I hadn't thought of it that way, Johnny. Sometimes it takes a small and ignorant child to point out the truth. From the mouths of babes. That's from the Bible."

"Dr. Dagless, you're so wise. So very wise and strong. You're the perfect father figure and anyone who tells you otherwise is jealous of your skill and possibly fostering a secret attraction to you that they continue to deny but why else would she spend so much time thinking about you?"

"Hey there, Sport! I don't need you worrying about my problems," Dagless teased, "You just worry about you and I'll worry about everyone else, including myself because, if I don't take care of myself - I can't take care of everyone else."

"That does make a lot of sense, Dr. Dagless," agreed Little Johnny.

"Being a good communicator of words is just one of the many skills that make me a damn good doctor," explained Dagless. He felt comfortable using the occasional swear word around the little nippers because he was a young soul and remembered what it was like to be young. He was also very authentic and did not care for pretense.

xxx

"Rats!"

Sanchez jumped at the word. He turned to see Liz had dropped her lunch tray.

Rats were very much on Sanchez's mind. Diabetic rats. Damned diabetic rats.

Sanchez was growing more frustrated by the day. He wasn't used to not getting his way. He was a typical, hot-blooded Latin and quick to anger. He was also a very intelligent man who had done very well at school. He wasn't at the top of his class like Dagless, but he did well.

Sanchez picked at his Salisbury steak and wondered why his brilliant medication wasn't working. By the time Liz joined him, with a new tray, Sanchez was in a proper snit.

"Look at the face on you, Sanchez," observed Liz, "If I hadn't just seen Dagless in the hallway, I would think your best friend had died."

"Don't even joke about Dagless being dead. Where would we be without him?"

They both shuddered at the idea. What would they do without Dagless?

They hoped to never find out.

"You're right, Dr. Sanchez," Liz apologized, "I was very thoughtless to say that. What I meant to say was, you look terribly unhappy. It seems you haven't shaved in a week."

It had only been a day since Sanchez shaved but ever since having devolved into a great ape and evolving back again, his hair grew faster than ever. He needed to shave twice a day. Sanchez didn't know it but Liz was having a similar problem.

"I shaved this morning. My hair just grows incredibly fast since the time I devolved into a great ape," Lucien explained, "I'm upset because my drug Diabetegone doesn't work! Damn those rats and their inability to regulate their blood sugar levels. I'm going to have to start from scratch, by gum, and I'm bloody angry about it."

Liz trembled at Sanchez's outburst. She still wasn't used to her colleague's Latin temper.

"You must calm yourself, Dr. Sanchez! I know your work to be impeccable so it seems unlikely you made an error. Nonetheless, I could take a look at your research. I'm very good at proof-reading. I used to proof read my boyfriend's medical school papers when I was in school. I read so many papers, I finally decided I might as well get my degree. Lucky thing I did or I would have never ended up at Darkplace and I wouldn't be able to help you now."

"Whatever happened to that boyfriend of yours?" asked Sanchez.

"He left me because I turned out to be smarter than him and he couldn't bear it. He was a terrible egotist. I'll never date another egomaniac again, that's for sure," explained Liz, "Now let me have a look at your work."