I wonder if Doctor Marcus wrote anything down about those scars…I'm sure he had to…and being a military doctor, he should have seen enough torture victims to recognize the injuries…My footsteps quietly echoed down the empty hallway as I headed back to Mustang's office. Finally finding the large wooden doors, I hesitated a moment, collecting my thoughts before walking inside.
Four pairs of eyes watched me as I made my way across the office to Mustang's door. I ignored them and knocked on the open door, poking my head in.
"I'm back…" I said as I nervously thumbed the file, wondering what the doctor had written. Mustang's gaze left the window and settled on me.
"Come in." He held his hand out for the file. I made my way across the office and handed it to him. He quickly opened it and skimmed the doctor's notes, brow furrowing slightly after a minute. He glanced up at me, thinking about something then his eyes drifted back down to the paper. The silence was killing me. I guess it isn't too big a deal if Mustang finds out about my being tortured, but if he finds out why and the events after it, that could lead to problems…A moment later, there was a knock. With a brief glance, Mustang waved the person in and asked them to close the door. Hawkeye appeared next to me and handed me the uniform. I thanked her, still watching Mustang out of the corner of my eye. C'mon….what did he write, a freaking novel? After what seemed like an eternity, Mustang closed the file and looked at me.
"Horses huh?" He asked. I could tell by the tone of his voice he didn't believe it at all. "Dr. Marcus says your injuries are too extensive to be accidental…" I frowned slightly. Dammit! Why couldn't that doctor just let it go! I tried to hide my worry.
"I was breaking horses every day for years…" Mustang looked at me with an expression that made me trail off.
"You know I don't believe you." He said, watching me carefully. "What happened? The truth." I could see Hawkeye watching me out of the corner of my eye. I looked down, avoiding his gaze. Shit. I have no choice…I can't tell him the whole story though…After a long moment of silence and internal conflict; I looked back up and met his gaze evenly.
"I disobeyed direct orders, and was punished." I said my voice just as guarded as my expression. His eyes widened slightly in surprise.
"Disobeyed orders? You were in a military? What were the orders?" The curiosity in his eyes was poorly hidden.
"I was a commanding officer in the military where I was born. I was given orders to annihilate a village of rebels, but when I got there I discovered the villagers were innocent." My jaw clenched, my anger rising, "The rebels didn't exist, at all…" My fists were tightly balled at my sides, "our government just wanted to keep its people under a reign of terror by killing innocents and blaming it on rebels!" I'd steadily gotten louder and realized I was almost yelling. The anger was evident in my voice and I took a deep breath, trying to quiet down. "I told my superior that we were mistaken and that the village should be left alone…" I trailed off. Mustang stared at me, waiting for me to finish. I tried to calm myself down and sighed heavily. My voice was barely audible when I continued, "They sent in another platoon and….and slaughtered the village. We tried to stop them….but when we got there…" My voice trembled and I couldn't speak as the images of the bodies flooded my mind. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping they would go away. Mustang and Hawkeye were silent. Eventually I let out a shaky breath and opened my pained gray eyes. "My….my men and I tried to stop them….they were killed and I was arrested and tortured." When I looked back up at Mustang; his expression was one of disbelief.
"Is there anything else you haven't told me?" He was studying me intently. I tried to keep my face honest. Fletch should be arriving here soon, and then we'll keep running. All I have to do is keep these men out of it for just a little while longer…
"Nothing. That's it." I lied.
"Then why are you running?" He leaned back in his chair, his eyes boring into mine. He had me. He knows I'm hiding something. Shit. I just don't want these men killed like mine were…I sighed in defeat.
"I've worked hard to lock away the demons of my past. If you go prying, you won't like what you find and I'm not sure you'll be the only one in danger. I don't like hiding things, but the less you know the better." I met his gaze, urging him to stop asking questions. He frowned slightly.
"Fine. If you feel like sharing, do so. We're a team now. That's what we're here for." His eyes softened a bit. "Go change, and Hawkeye will give you a rundown on your job." Hawkeye studied me a moment longer before saluting to Mustang. He looked at me, waiting for me to do the same. I sighed and saluted. Hawkeye and I walked out.
"If you go out the door, and take a left, then a right, the locker rooms are right there," She held out a key, "You have a locker now to store all your personal belongings." She was still studying me. I mumbled curt thanks and ignored inquisitive stares from the men, I'm sure they heard me yelling…
I made my way down the hallway, to the locker room. I passed a few soldiers on the way, but luckily the locker room was empty. I closed the door behind me with a sigh. I can't believe that just happened…You weren't supposed to tell them anything…My hand absentmindedly rubbed the tattoo on my left collar bone. I studied the room, trying to distract myself. It was airy, and full of lockers. There were sinks to my right and beyond that a hallway, which presumably led to showers. I walked around until I found an empty locker, out of the way of what I guessed to be the center of activity. I didn't really want to deal with people, there would be enough questions about the scars and the tattoo as it was…I sighed heavily and changed quickly, sitting on a bench to pull on my boots. I sat there a minute surveying my uniform clad knees. The last time I was in uniform….Memories of the destruction I'd caused. The screams of the innocent people that had died echoed through my head. I held my head in my trembling hands, taking several steadying breaths. The memories… I've killed so many people…I clenched my teeth and stood, throwing my clothes into the locker and striding out. You're starting a new life, just forget all of that…I walked back into Mustang's office and Hawkeye greeted me and gave me a brief rundown of the job and handed me a stack of paperwork. I turned to the desks where the other men were sitting, poorly hidden curiosity etched into their faces, and Havoc smiled softly at me,
"It's your first day and he's already drowning you in paperwork huh?" His voice was kind as he pulls out the chair at the desk next to him. Damn... how much did they hear? I set the papers down and laughed a bit as I sat and said quietly,
"Yeah it could be worse though…." I think I notice a flash of pain in his clear blue eyes but he looks away before I can be sure.
"Yeah, that's a good point…" He replies before getting back to work. I frown slightly and start on my own paperwork. The hours pass and a bell rings and the men get up and stretch. I watch, slightly confused and Havoc chuckles,
"It's lunch time, c'mon" He looks slightly amused as I stand and follow them to the cafeteria. We shuffle through a line and sit at a table. He and Breda are cracking jokes, Falman's reading a book and Feury is working on a small radio. I start eating quietly, wondering what Fletch is up to when Breda nudges Havoc and asks about a date he'd had the night before. Havoc grins and replies happily,
"She's so sweet and pretty. She's funny too…" I listen in, trying to keep my curiosity hidden as Havoc continues.
"So, any chance for a second date?" Breda asks with a sort of teasing tone. Havoc chuckles and brags that he's got a date on Friday and continues to tell Breda about this girl. I feel jealousy rear its ugly head in my chest and my hand clenches slightly around my fork. I sit there, angry at this girl I've never met when Fletcher's smiling face flashes in my head. Why does this bother me so much…I'm engaged, I shouldn't give a damn what Havoc's doing…I absentmindedly reach up and mess with the chain around my neck that holds my wedding ring, which is carefully hidden under my uniform and think about Fletcher. The bell rings, interrupting my reverie and I throw my half eaten plate away before heading back to Mustang's.
The rest of the afternoon passed quietly, the only sounds being the scratching of pens and the ticking of the clock. Eventually the bell rang and we all stood to grab our jackets and leave. They men headed in one direction, going back to that bar I guess, and they invited me to come, but I declined. I just wanted to go home and get some sleep. The wind blew through my curly dark brown, hair as I walked. Military personnel get out of work much later than most of the civilians do, so the only sound was of the leaves crunching under my boots as I walked along the all but deserted streets. I'd decided I'd only keep a spare uniform and some spare clothes in my locker in case of emergency. I didn't want to deal with that mess every day, so I was still in the light blue uniform. I sighed heavily, thoughts returning once again to Fletch as I made my way home and crashed on the bed, not even bothering to take a shower.
[A/N: Are these chapters too long? I feel like they are, but I'm afraid it'll be too many chapters if I make them shorter….Anywho, feedback is very much appreciated! This is kind of a rough draft, so excuse any mistakes, I should catch them soon and fix them :3 Thanks for reading!]